words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Chandler: That's right.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
Chandler: Cookie?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
Chandler: I have no idea.
Chandler: All finished!
Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.
Chandler: Oh, God.
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Chandler: That is amazing.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...
Chandler: ...And what did you bring?
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...
Chandler: Janice?
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice.
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
Chandler: (shrinks back) Right. You know what? Actually I just get off the plane, so I�m feeling kinda gross. Maybe I should just take a shower.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Chandler: That's OK.
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Chandler: Tell me it's "you and me" we.
Chandler: And we're also gonna buy you tiny, bird hearing-aids.
(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)
(Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows him.)
Chandler: So...
Chandler: You're okay there?
Chandler: I hope she throws up on you.
Chandler: Oh, what a crappy night!
Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me.
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) How many of those have you had?
Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.
Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns around, it's a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?
Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.
Monica: Oh, Chandler, sorry.
Chandler: Oh, good, Joey's home now.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.]
Chandler: No... no! And yet it did. Good-bye, Janice.
Chandler: Ok, well, this was very special.
Monica: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice.
Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.
Chandler: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!
Chandler: Hi, Just Janice.
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)
Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will.
Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqu� pose, at least for primetime TV.)
Chandler: (surprised) It is?
Chandler: Oh, no I don't.
Chandler: I did, but...
Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... (grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking.
Chandler: Call me!
Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Oh no, you see, actually it is.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Chandler is sitting on the table.]
Joey: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
Chandler: Hello Rachel.
Monica: That's weird. I've had the same number of beers as you and I don't feel anything at all. (Chandler approaches)
Woman: Chandler.
Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
(Chandler comes in.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.]
Chandler: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.
Monica: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years.
Chandler: So.... I quit.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know! (turns to Chandler) So, what do you think?
Chandler: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.
Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
(Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him)
Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream.
Chandler: Oh, dont worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody.
Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!
Chandler: Who are you going out with?
(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandler and all over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Monica, who sees Phoebe is double covered, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We see flying through the air, and then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again, then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at it in shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Rice (no offense to Jerry Rice), Rachel catches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Phoebe and Monica erupt in celebration.)
Chandler: And he's not speaking metaphorically.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.]
Chandler: Again?
Chandler: (smiling)....with??
Chandler: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.
Joey: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again.
Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again.
Chandler: Well?
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
Chandler: She gets crazy! This scar (points to his forehead) is from Pictionary!
Chandler: (walks away from window) OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.
Chandler: Last time I do that, I promise.
Chandler: This is great! (he presses a button on his intercom) Helen, could you come in here for a moment?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.]
(Chandler puts his face in his hands as Joey and Phoebe start to examine the trash.)
Chandler: Well, you know Phoebs. I don't know if it's your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a large portion of the day.
Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there except Chandler.]
Rachel: Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?
[ Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. Chandler, Monica and Emma are sitting on the floor, and Emma's stuffed animals are lined up in front of them.]
Chandler: Uh, no, I got to see Donald Trump waiting for an elevator.
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Chandler: This is unbelievable. Its been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, youd be looking like a ham right about now.
Chandler: Its Phoebe! Hi!
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?
Chandler: Look at this! (he opens the curtain to a view of New York City)
Chandler: Can we start over?