words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Chandler: That's right.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
Chandler: Cookie?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
Chandler: I have no idea.
Chandler: All finished!
Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.
Chandler: Oh, God.
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Chandler: That is amazing.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
Chandler: Love what you've done with the place.
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Yknow what its my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.
Chandler: Oh yeah!
Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: (To Chandler) You're fake laughing too, right?
Chandler: Oh, the tears are real.
Chandler: I hate this thing!
[Scene: A park in London, Joey and Chandler walk up to a souvenir stand.]
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to head for where the foosball table usually is.)
Chandler: Yeah! You graduated Magma Ku Laude, right?
Chandler: You mean this. (Does the maneuver perfectly.)
Chandler: (entering) Hello children!
Chandler: (gasps) All right look, y'know, this maybe tough but come on, this is Ross! I survived college with him!
Chandler: Are you looking at naked tribe's women?
Chandler: No-no-no-no!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Bye-bye little puppet Joey hand?
Chandler: Okay, so he's out of here.
Chandler: Not even on page 7?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are there. Chandler and Joey are looking through the paper.]
Chandler: Let's go quicker.
Chandler: There we go!
Chandler: Yes, it is.
(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
Ross: (To Chandler) How about you?
Chandler: Yeah, you don't want to be stuck with us for the next five weeks.
Chandler: We are bad people.
(She runs off leaving a stunned Chandler behind.)
Chandler: What are we gonna do?
Chandler: About Ross!
Chandler: Yes that was a nice place!
Chandler: Ohhhhh!
JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets the bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go. [puts the bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.
Chandler: Actually, its Miss Chinandolor Bong.
Chandler: (trying on the jacket) Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! (Finds something in the pocket) Whats this?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Ross is working on his computer and Joey is making a lot of noise.]
Chandler: What about that circled one?
Rachel: Yeah? Okay! Good, good, because he's coming. He's coming. (To Chandler) Hey, what's up? (She leaves and closes the door behind her.)
Chandler: Life-sized Imperial Storm Troopers from Sharper Image?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: And people say you dont pay attention. No, this is a much better job. Its vice-president of a company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies.
Chandler: Are you all right?
Richard: No I dont have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause) And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, dont let her go. Trust me.
CHANDLER: Alright look Ross I'll give you 50 dollars for your underpants.
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler has been rushed to the emergency room.]
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Without my toe?! I need my toe!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is reacting to the story.]
Monica: Chandler! (Follows him out.)
Monica: Chandler, I said I was sorry.
Chandler: (entering) Check it out! Check it out! When the babies wake up, they can meet Krog! (He holds up this Xena-like warrior action figure.)
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are there.]
Chandler: I can't believe this.
Chandler: This is not going to work.
Chandler: Look, Monica
Chandler: Nice try.
Chandler: Couldnt sleep last night you know, then I started worrying about this big divisional meeting that I have later today, the more I worried about it the more I couldnt sleep. Yknow? I was like, if I fall asleep now Ill get six hours sleep, but if I fall asleep now Ill get five hours sleep. Not matter what I did I couldnt fall asleep.
Monica: Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do? Anything?
Chandler: You are so great! I love you!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Chandler: Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year.
Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!
Chandler: See? They're Joey's! J-J-J-J-J-Joey's!
Chandler: Yeah!
(She throws them into the kitchen and Rachel picks them up with the handle of a large spoon. Chandler and Monica have horrified looks on their faces.)
Chandler: Well, they're Joey's! They gotta be Joey's!
Joey: (reluctantly taking them) Chandler? A word.
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say. (Joey nods his agreement.)
Chandler: Help!
Chandler: Well, yeah actually.
Chandler: (interrupting him) All this lying has been hard on us too.
Chandler: Hi, Pheebs!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler about Emily's ultimatum.]
Chandler: I didn't know you were taking a class. That is so cool.
Chandler: Ross, it's just a sandwich!
Chandler: Well, what did the police say?
Chandler: You cant leave! I have your shoe!
(Shows the note to Chandler who reads it aloud.)
Chandler: I hear ya. (Pause) But! Unfortunately, my company is transferring me overseas!
Chandler: That's why I lost my toe?! Because I called you fat?!
Chandler: What is going on here?
Chandler: Yeah.
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!"
Rachel: Joey, is what she just said ummOh my God. (Looks around the room.) You were actually gonna (Chandler picks this moment to return to the living room.) (Rachel stares in shock.)
Chandler: OhI don't know.
Joey: Hey! (To Chandler) Dude, some guy just called for you.
Chandler: Hey.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch as Monica joins him.]
Chandler: Ross?
Chandler: (gasps) You're naked in this picture!
Chandler: And you're okay with that?
Chandler: Which I may say, right now, is out of control.
Chandler: Ehh, you're just liquored up.
Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
Chandler: Yeah, I'm not so worried.
Monica: All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball, Ill take care of the rest.