words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Chandler: That's right.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
Chandler: Cookie?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
Chandler: I have no idea.
Chandler: All finished!
Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.
Chandler: Oh, God.
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Chandler: That is amazing.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
(Chandler and Ross both laugh)
Chandler: Wow! Why do you want to get rid of her so badly?
Chandler: Op, y'know what though, its kindve a girlie briefcase.
Chandler: Oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear and then in Rosss ear.)
Chandler: Thanks.
Chandler: Well maybe you should put some ice on it.
Chandler: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!
Chandler: Monica got ice in her eye, and it hurts.
Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life.
Chandler: Fancy.
CHANDLER: No, Stephen Hurs was the kid who would eat anything for money, David Stein was the guy who had no elbows.
Chandler: When was the last time you saw her wear it?
Chandler: Fancy guest.
Chandler: Like?
Chandler: Big dog?
Joey: Back when you and Rachel were together, if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?
Ross: Im gonna get you to talk to Chandler.
Joey: (entering) Hey Gunther, have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
Gunther: I thought you were Chandler. But umm, one of who is over there.
Chandler: Hey Joe.
Chandler: What?!
CHANDLER: Is it--?
Chandler: Hey, look, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that Ill stop seeing her?
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
CHANDLER: Uhh, yes, absdolutely, um. Why again?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: (He is now in the box, in their living room.) Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: How do ya do.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, you dont want to do that, then youre gonna get stuck with Rachel and she exchanges every gift she ever gets.
Chandler: What happened? What happened?!
Monica: And Rachel. (Chandler clears his voice loudly) And thats Chandler.
Chandler: Gotcha! (laughs)
Chandler: Okay, okay, you got it!
Chandler: Sorry!
Chandler: Oh yknow what, I was already trying to trade for ah, well, you.
Chandler: Im a little bit uncomfortable with the that way you express yourself.
Chandler: Absolutely!
Kathy: (going over to the box) Chandler?
Chandler: Man, this is
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: So?
(Chandler is talking to Monica and notices a beautiful woman.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, the gang is all there watching Chandler.]
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
Chandler: Hey! Im sorry! That(sees that Joey is about to leave) where are you going?
Chandler: Thanks man.
Ross: (He puts his hand over the hole on the box.) (to Chandler) Now, well see.
Chandler: No-no, I dont think you heard me. Are you ready to party?!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?
Chandler: Okay. (He opens it and its a baby chick) Its a chicken.
Chandler: This is gonna be soo cool, dude, we never party anymore!
Chandler: Kathys with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandolf dude!
Chandler: Im gonna call and get off work tomorrow!
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is getting ready to party.]
Chandler and Ross: Woooo!!!
Chandler: Oh man! I am so excitedI may vomit!
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.
Chandler: (answering it) Hello. (listens) (to Ross) Its Gandolf!!! (on phone) So, are you in town? (listens) (disappointed) Oh, well, well maybe next time then. (Hangs up)
Chandler: Hes not gonna make it, hes stuck in Chicago.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, its beautiful country up there.
Chandler and Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Chandler: No, it's... fancier than a pimple. Look Ross, why don't you just go see a
Chandler: Its not gonna be exactly like last time.
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Chandler: Air hole! Air hole!! (Ross retracts his hand quickly.)
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (Theres no response from Chandler.) Okay.
Chandler: Well, yknow Im 29. I mean who needs a savings account.
Chandler: Okay, but don't touch it, because you fingers have destructive oils.
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
Chandler: Hey, come on, give me a break, I'm out on a limb here.
Ross: (to Chandler) Hey-hey-hey, when uh, when were we on a boat?
Chandler: Oh-no, yknow with Gandolf wed be out all night!
Chandler: All right!!
Chandler: Remember that really cold morning, you woke up and those dogs were licking your face?
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Chandler: Y'know I had a big meal on Monday, y'know. So that's just gonna get me straight through the week.
Chandler: Yeah, all right.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: (enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome!
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Actually, me too.
Chandler: All right look, I think its time for you to settle down. Y'know? Make a choice, pick a lane.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah!
Chandler: Stupid, useless Canadian money!
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?
Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)
Chandler and Joey: YEAH!!! YES!!!
Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe: Hey!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Yknow who also has great hair is Joey!
Chandler: Oh, yeah! How did you meet her?
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.
CHANDLER: We came over as soon as we saw.