words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Chandler: That's right.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
Chandler: Cookie?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
Chandler: I have no idea.
Chandler: All finished!
Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.
Chandler: Oh, God.
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Chandler: That is amazing.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
Chandler: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.
Chandler: Thank you, sir.
(Chandler and Joey enter with charcoal.)
Chandler: Run! Run you crazy, rich freak!
Chandler: Oh yeah, that�s what she says. But maybe you�re not ovulating at all, maybe it�s just a clever ruse to get me into bed.
Chandler: Oh suddenly, flowers are feminine? < Phoebe comes in>
Joey: All right, youre probably not gonna want to hear this but ah, if it was me, and this is just me, (Chandler gets ready to throw another dart) I would ah, I would bow out.
Chandler: Yeah. Yeah, but it was a really, really long time ago! Does she still feel bad?
Chandler: Hey now besides, if worst comes to worst, Ill be your boyfriend.
Chandler: Why is that so funny?
Chandler: Youre not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook.
Monica: Well, no. Youre Chandler. Y'know, Chandler! (hits him on the arm)
Chandler, Monica, and Joey: Hey!!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Oh its Bing, sir. Im sorry , I was just ah...
Monica: Yeah. (to Chandler) I bet you cant guess what color my tonsils are? Ill bet the apartment!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Bored and bored!
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: Buy it for ya, or win it for ya?
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts to spin) Ooh, y'know we could just do this. (She stops at Chandler)
Chandler: Okay, umm, we all have to play strip poker.
Chandler: Big bullies!!
Chandler: Well this is great. Yknow, those cameras were the only thing that was gonna cheer Monica up today, shes really depressed.
Chandler: I dont know.
Chandler: I saw you checking me out during the game last night.
Chandler: Yeah, well, lucky for you.
Bonnie: Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
Chandler: Where ya going?
Joey and Chandler: Gnight.
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Chandler: There is not one hair on that head.
Chandler: Ahhhh! (Steps away from her.)
Chandler: Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M.
Chandler: (to the duck) Okay, now when you come back I hope you remember that, that chick is not a toy! (He goes back into the apartment)
Chandler: (in a fake voice) Hi there.
Chandler: (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Let me try it again, youre gonna wanna date this next guy, I swear!
Chandler: (to Monica) (in a funny voice) Hi there. (Monica turns her head away in disgust)
[cut to Monica opening the door of the beach house, with Chandler trying to pick her up for a date.]
Joey: Y'know what, hold on, let me go get Chandler. (gets up and leaves.)
Chandler: Its possible. You are very loveable, Id miss you if I broke up with you. (Ross glares at him) I was just trying to be supportive.
Chandler: (jumping up) Oh, Ill go out and get you some.
Chandler: Excellent hole, Joe.
Chandler: Well, can we help?! You want us to take you back to the house?!
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
Joey: (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!
Chandler: Weve got to do something!
Chandler: Me too!!
Chandler: Oh my God! If you say that one more time, Im gonna break up with you!
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is just finishing up a meeting with his boss and the rest of his team.]
(Ross laughs and has a Come on... look on his face as he looks and Chandler who nods his head in agreement with Joey. Ross is stunned.)
Rachel: See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby.
Chandler: Fears and Pet Peeves.
Chandler: (jumping up) Hey! Phoebe! We can talk to Phoebe!!
Chandler, Monica, and Joey: NO!!!
Chandler: Oh, I'm glad you guys are past that little awkward phase.
Chandler: Ill give you a thousand dollars to talk to us.
Chandler: (running over and joining Monica) Theyll never understand!
Chandler: I see, I see, y-y-you're trying to freak me out.
Chandler: Well, those were seals, man.
Chandler: And then Joey remembered something.
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
Chandler: (entering with Joey) (to Monica) Coffee house?
Chandler: Tell it again. (pause, we see Rachel is not amused.) Seriously.
Chandler: I KNEW IT!!!!
Chandler: Okay. All right.
Doug: Of course, you did. Forgot something else too ya bastard! (smacks him on the butt) (to Chandler) Well, what about you? Youre not feeling left out or anything are ya?
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Chandler: We were playing Gin? Y'know if we were a couple, we could play this game naked.
Chandler: Wow! That ripped! That ripped real nice!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are playing cards at the dinner table.]
Chandler: All right, how about we, how bout we sell it.
Chandler: You want it?
Chandler: Look, Ross, you have what you want, youre back with Rachel. If you bring this up now youre gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.
Chandler: Uh-huh, first you tell us where you got the prettiest lace in all the land.
Chandler: (looks at him) Nooo.
Chandler: (interrupting) Let it go!!
Chandler: (quietly) ...spender.
[cut to Chandler and Joeys apartment, Tommy is using the phone]
CHANDLER: I can't believe you got us into trouble. [slaps Joey on the arm. Joey takes exception and slaps him back]
Chandler: Youll have to pardon my roommate, he wanted to marry this.
Joey: (to Chandler) Nana?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Ross are there.]
Chandler: Y'know, I, I really dont think we need a canoe.
Chandler: Y'know what, I think this might be one of the times hes wrong.
Chandler: She has a real name.
(The apartment manager hung up on him and he hangs up the phone and throws in on the chair. Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it." Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in one of the black chairs, and turns to face the other one.]
Chandler: Im coming already!!
(Rachel and Chandler slide into position.)
Chandler: Nice shooting!
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. The table is set, and there's food on the tables again. They're all there, toasting.]
Chandler: OH MY GOD!!!
Chandler: Are you all right?!
Chandler: (lets him out) What happened?!!
Chandler: BEND OVER?!!!
Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!