words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Chapel, continued from last season. Chandler and Monica are about to get married.]
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
(Chandler and Monica are stunned again.)
Chandler: Oh my God!! Is everybody getting married?!!
Phoebe: (to her) Hey! Dont you give me any of yourHey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Yes! Well that-yes.
Chandler: We actually missed it.
Chandler: What?!
(Chandler and Monica enter.)
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet?
Chandler: Its a buffet man.
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)
Chandler: Listen, I gotta talk to you.
Joey: Sure! Whats up? (He grabs a plate and proceeds to load it with a huge pile of scrambled eggs. Chandler just stares at him and Joey reluctantly gives him a spoonful.)
Chandler: Monica and I almost got married last night.
Chandler: Look, I just dont think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Yknow? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Yknow? And, how do I tell her without crushing her?
Chandler: What?!
Monica: How do I tell Chandler that its too soon. Its gonna break his heart, hes not gonna think that I dont love him anymore.
Chandler: (returning with Joey) Hi.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Are we gonna talk about what you guys did last night? Or
Chandler: (not quite sure) You did.
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this ones free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third ones free.
[Scene: The casino floor, Chandler and Monica are walking through it.]
Chandler: I dont know. But I-I-I know I love you!
Chandler: So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you.
Chandler: Yes, we dont get married unless theres a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight (motions to the craps table) then theres a definite sign that we should get married.
Chandler: Sounds great.
Chandler: Ready!
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, yes eight.
Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, lets get married! I guess.
Chandler: Thats right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit!
Chandler: Yeah. (They go pack.) Were doing the right thing, right?
Monica: Ohh, of course we are! (They walk up to the elevators.) We left it up to fate. (Pushes the elevator button.) If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. (The elevator door opens to a priest reading from a bible with Chandler and Monica standing side-by-side holding each others hands.)
[Scene: The hallway, Chandler is helping Monica to the door.]
Chandler: Well you did pull his hair.
Chandler: Im not getting into this again!
Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.)
Chandler: No!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there and Rachel is arranging a bouquet of flowers, pricks her finger on a thorn, throws the bouquet over her head, and those you who are quicker than some already know that Monica is the one who catches it.]
Rachel: All right. Okay Chandler, enjoy your handful. (Exits.)
Chandler: All right, should we just, should we just get married? Yknow? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it.
Chandler: Me too!
Chandler: No!
Chandler: Jeez, relax! Its not like were mar-ah-ah!! (Runs out.)
Chandler: (entering, slowly) Yknow I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what Im saying?
Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.
Chandler: Okay!!!!!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Oh thanks.
Chandler: The door hasnt been locked in five years, but okay! (Runs out.) Ready?!
Chandler: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I cant get in!
Chandler: This is not a sign!
Chandler: Its an old key!
Chandler: I love you!
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now.
Chandler: Yeah-yeah, me neither.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is coming up the stairs and sees Chandler trying to open the lock.]
Chandler: The keys stuck in the lock.
Chandler: (trying the handle) It still doesnt work.
Chandler: Oh.
Chandler: Nice job Joe! Youre quite the craftsmen.
Monica: David, can you help me?! I'm trying to explain to Chandler how a plane stays in the air.
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Chandler: (upset) She does?
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
David: (to Chandler) Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?
Chandler: Seriously, we're gonna do this?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Well, you're welcome! Glad I could help.
Chandler: David, I'm pretending to read here!!
Chandler: I didn't mean now...
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Chandler: All right, I will help you out but you have to promise me you will not tell anyone what I am about to tell you.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
[Scene: Back in New York, Monica and Chandler in Central Perk on the couch]
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe.
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler: I did! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
(Monica and Chandler reach the group)
Joey: Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in (Joey, Chandler and David leave)
Chandler: Man, that's some bad advice!
(Rachel turns around and sees Chandler and Monica arriving)
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Chandler: That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross!
Rachel: Not Joey, no, I was just lusting after Chandler.
Chandler: (slaps him on the shoulder) Nice! (goes to Monica)
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe tonight!
Chandler: That would be advice!!
Chandler: (offended) What? (pause) May I?
Chandler: I dont know. (He picks the chick up and turns it over, trying to determine the sex of the chick, and blows on it.) I cant tell, what ever it was went back in too quickly.
Chandler: Oh, is it on the computer, cuz I'd love to give it a read...?
Chandler: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Chandler: Your computer, I don't know wha... everything's gone!
Chandler: (at the laptop) Oh, no, no, no dear God, no!
Chandler: It must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
Ross: What... what am I gonna do? My speech is gone, Chandler!
Chandler: Well, you must be pretty mad at yourself right now...!
Chandler: I just feel awful.
Ross: Get out! (Chandler runs out)
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) And make sure our room isn't next to theirs (points to Phoebe).
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Chandler: (pretending not to sense the tone) Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
Chandler: Yeah. I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey.
(Chandler walks in)
Chandler: Phoebe is going to say "yes"? That's, that's great!
Chandler: And there's not chance that will work?
Chandler: This vacation sucks!!
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Ross: If you want to check your email, just ask! (Chandler tries to look offended)
Chandler: So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!
Chandler: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? (doing David) "Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh..." Spit it out, David!
Chandler: That's fast math! We could use you in Tulsa.
Chandler: You know, it's very hard to take you seriously when you look like that.
Chandler: Yes but there's six of us so we'd only have to get struck by lightning 7 times.
Chandler: What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I cant have children!!
Chandler: What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the...(Tries to rest his feet on the coffee table but they won't reach) OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table.
Chandler: Oh, ain't this nice? It's so quiet, I could just lie here all day.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's room. Monica and Chandler are in bed.]
Chandler: Ladies? Ross's speech is in 45 minutes.
(the paleontologist glares at Chandler)
Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
Chandler: (to the one sitting next to him) Really?
Chandler: How can she be great if shes from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke wouldve killed in Albany.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartement. Chandler and the guest are in the living room, Monica in the kitchen]
Chandler: (To Phoebe, behind Monica's back) Still terrified, I'll take care of it. No problem. (When Monica turns back he smiles and kisses her, when she turns away he nods that he'll do it to Phoebe.)
Chandler: You hear that! That is her chose, mister Ill let you have her! I win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.)
[Scene: the hotel lobby. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in from the outside.]
Chandler: Oh, yeah? What happened when we played last time?
Chandler: And...?
Chandler: I don't think so!
(Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk away, sipping their drinks)
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
Chandler: Because you know how competitive you get and well, I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying!
Chandler: I'm not playing with you.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Did you know this about him?
Chandler: (interrupting her) OK!
Chandler: Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him!
Chandler: (nearly whispering) Oh dear God, there's two of them!
Monica: (going through her pockets) No... (to Chandler and Phoebe) Either of you girls got a quarter?
Chandler: Ye.... (stops because he realises what Joey just said, and stares at him. At this moment Monica enters)
Chandler: Yeah Ross, I mean... we're excited to hear the speech but the rest of the time we're gonna wanna do, you know, "island's stuff".
Chandler: So what do you think? I want that guys genes for my kid! Those eyes, those cheeckbones!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Do you really find this attractive on him?
Chandler: I think this is the first time in our marriage that I've felt like the more attractive one.
Chandler: Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?
Chandler: Okay-dokay, you've each won a game and I've lost what's felt like a year of my life. So everybody goes home a winner.
Chandler: (exhausted) Ok, look! Enough is enough!
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
(Chandler and Phoebe look bored to death. Monica scores and laughs)
Chandler: But...
Chandler: No, you didn't.
Chandler: You ok?
Chandler: Because I'm gonna play for ya.
Chandler: What about the obsessive cleaning?
Monica: (to Chandler) Honey, you don't have to do this.
Chandler: (Still in a loving voice) You're welcome, sweetheart.
Chandler: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
Chandler: I don't know.
(Chandler scores and wins the match)