words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Chapel, continued from last season. Chandler and Monica are about to get married.]
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
(Chandler and Monica are stunned again.)
Chandler: Oh my God!! Is everybody getting married?!!
Phoebe: (to her) Hey! Dont you give me any of yourHey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Yes! Well that-yes.
Chandler: We actually missed it.
Chandler: What?!
(Chandler and Monica enter.)
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet?
Chandler: Its a buffet man.
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)
Chandler: Listen, I gotta talk to you.
Joey: Sure! Whats up? (He grabs a plate and proceeds to load it with a huge pile of scrambled eggs. Chandler just stares at him and Joey reluctantly gives him a spoonful.)
Chandler: Monica and I almost got married last night.
Chandler: Look, I just dont think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Yknow? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Yknow? And, how do I tell her without crushing her?
Chandler: What?!
Monica: How do I tell Chandler that its too soon. Its gonna break his heart, hes not gonna think that I dont love him anymore.
Chandler: (returning with Joey) Hi.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Are we gonna talk about what you guys did last night? Or
Chandler: (not quite sure) You did.
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this ones free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third ones free.
[Scene: The casino floor, Chandler and Monica are walking through it.]
Chandler: I dont know. But I-I-I know I love you!
Chandler: So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you.
Chandler: Yes, we dont get married unless theres a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight (motions to the craps table) then theres a definite sign that we should get married.
Chandler: Sounds great.
Chandler: Ready!
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, yes eight.
Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, lets get married! I guess.
Chandler: Thats right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit!
Chandler: Yeah. (They go pack.) Were doing the right thing, right?
Monica: Ohh, of course we are! (They walk up to the elevators.) We left it up to fate. (Pushes the elevator button.) If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. (The elevator door opens to a priest reading from a bible with Chandler and Monica standing side-by-side holding each others hands.)
[Scene: The hallway, Chandler is helping Monica to the door.]
Chandler: Well you did pull his hair.
Chandler: Im not getting into this again!
Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.)
Chandler: No!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there and Rachel is arranging a bouquet of flowers, pricks her finger on a thorn, throws the bouquet over her head, and those you who are quicker than some already know that Monica is the one who catches it.]
Rachel: All right. Okay Chandler, enjoy your handful. (Exits.)
Chandler: All right, should we just, should we just get married? Yknow? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it.
Chandler: Me too!
Chandler: No!
Chandler: Jeez, relax! Its not like were mar-ah-ah!! (Runs out.)
Chandler: (entering, slowly) Yknow I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what Im saying?
Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.
Chandler: Okay!!!!!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Oh thanks.
Chandler: The door hasnt been locked in five years, but okay! (Runs out.) Ready?!
Chandler: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I cant get in!
Chandler: This is not a sign!
Chandler: Its an old key!
Chandler: I love you!
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now.
Chandler: Yeah-yeah, me neither.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is coming up the stairs and sees Chandler trying to open the lock.]
Chandler: The keys stuck in the lock.
Chandler: (trying the handle) It still doesnt work.
Chandler: Oh.
Chandler: Nice job Joe! Youre quite the craftsmen.
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Joey: I don’t get it, Chandler loved it!
(The elevator doors opens, Bob boards the elevator, Chandler walks away, and Mr. Franklin steps out of the elevator.)
Chandler: Hello? Is someone on the line?
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler comes running into the living room. Monica is the only one there.]
Chandler: Hang on, she’s right here. (he enters the living room and hands the phone to Monica) Someone's on the phone, for ya.
Chandler: (to Amanda) I get pedicures!
Chandler: Was that place... The Sun?
Chandler: Hold on! There is something different.
Chandler: I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didnt ask me to go do it with her in the vault.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Chandler: How was your date with Joey?
Chandler: You didn't like that?
Chandler: (flattered) No,... no... (realizing) NO! (He quickly gets several steps away from her.) Look, I'm, I'm married!
Joey: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second (points to the hall).
(Chandler starts looking at her bra)
Monica: (sees what he is doing) Chandler, stop! It is not going to pop open!
Chandler: (without taking his eyes off the bra) You don't know! (Monica just smiles)
(Chandler resumes staring at Monica's bra)
Monica: (pause) (to Phoebe) Chandler gets pedicures!
Monica: (beaming) Yeah! Yeah! His name is Chandler and...
Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar wearing huge dog-slippers]
Chandler: Oh no thats okay, you're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings and I want you to know that when I die, you don't get Joey.
(Chandler enters the apartment)
Chandler: Kinda... you know, sneaking around, having to hide from you guys...
Chandler: That fake British woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance... Hey!
(Rachel and Joey are still looking at Chandler, slowly letting his words get to them)
Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?
Chandler: Dude, it's Chandler. Let me in.
Chandler: Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. (pause) But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?
Rachel: I wonder how Monica and Chandler could do it?
Chandler: I see you later!
Chandler: No, I just had to get a picture of this.
Ross, Rachel and Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!
(Chandler holds up a camera and takes Ross's picture.)
Monica: Okay, heres your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)
Chandler: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...
CHANDLER: Game's tomorrow night Joe.
Chandler: Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.
Chandler: Hey hey! Where's the birthday girl?
(Monica and Chandler enter)
(Chandler wakes up and looks a bit confused when he finds that he has a pacifier in his mouth.)
Chandler: Horrifying? Scarring? Something people go to jail for?
Chandler: I know, what are we gonna do?
Chandler: I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica!
Chandler: Howdy doody.
Chandler (nearly weeping): I was not ready for this today!
[Scene: Chandlers Office Building, Chandler is walking by the elevators and sees Bob standing there.]
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Chandler: To be fair this one does have nuts.
(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)
Ross: You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff...
Chandler: Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?
Chandler: Was that Emma? Is she up?
Chandler: I don't know! You'll tell us on Monday!
Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?
Monica: No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us (Points at herself and Chandler) We've been complaining the longest!
Chandler: (Yelling) What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! (Phoebe and Joey come out looking shocked)
Chandler: You do know, I can just turn them the other way around, right?
Chandler: Hey! Remember when I had corneas?
Chandler: I'm begging you stop.
Chandler: (Also very excited) That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!
Chandler: Thats a bear.
Chandler: Ok, on your mark... Get set... GO!!!
Chandler: I bought you. How did I forget that that's all you do?
Chandler: They left.
(Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)
Chandler: Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?
Chandler: Me too...
Chandler: Ooh! That's my girl!
Chandler: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?
Chandler: Emma, you even know it's your birthday today? You're one! One-year-old, that's little.
(There's a couple of seconds of silence. Then Chandler looks around...)
Chandler: No, not yet.
Chandler: I was kidding.
Chandler: Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.
Chandler: Let's do it, come on!
Monica: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!
Chandler: Thanks!
(Chandler starts paging through the album.)
Chandler: So excited about your letter!
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
Chandler: That's where people make number two!!
Monica: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom!
Chandler: So you must be going to somewhere fancy to celebrate?
Chandler: Now, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases... fourteen (looks over to Monica).
Chandler: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
Chandler: On every word?
Chandler: Hey Rach! There she is...My perfectly proportioned wife.
Chandler: (reading) I don’t... uh... understand.
Chandler: You know what? You don’t need a thesaurus, just write from here, (points at his own heart) your full sized aortic pump.
Chandler: Well, aren't you a treat.
Chandler: Word!
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
Chandler: Oh, I don't think it was desperate, I think it was amazing!
Monica: I proposed to Chandler! (Phoebe stops herself from laughing) Alright, moving on...