words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Chapel, continued from last season. Chandler and Monica are about to get married.]
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
(Chandler and Monica are stunned again.)
Chandler: Oh my God!! Is everybody getting married?!!
Phoebe: (to her) Hey! Dont you give me any of yourHey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Yes! Well that-yes.
Chandler: We actually missed it.
Chandler: What?!
(Chandler and Monica enter.)
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet?
Chandler: Its a buffet man.
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)
Chandler: Listen, I gotta talk to you.
Joey: Sure! Whats up? (He grabs a plate and proceeds to load it with a huge pile of scrambled eggs. Chandler just stares at him and Joey reluctantly gives him a spoonful.)
Chandler: Monica and I almost got married last night.
Chandler: Look, I just dont think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Yknow? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Yknow? And, how do I tell her without crushing her?
Chandler: What?!
Monica: How do I tell Chandler that its too soon. Its gonna break his heart, hes not gonna think that I dont love him anymore.
Chandler: (returning with Joey) Hi.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Are we gonna talk about what you guys did last night? Or
Chandler: (not quite sure) You did.
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this ones free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third ones free.
[Scene: The casino floor, Chandler and Monica are walking through it.]
Chandler: I dont know. But I-I-I know I love you!
Chandler: So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you.
Chandler: Yes, we dont get married unless theres a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight (motions to the craps table) then theres a definite sign that we should get married.
Chandler: Sounds great.
Chandler: Ready!
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, yes eight.
Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, lets get married! I guess.
Chandler: Thats right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit!
Chandler: Yeah. (They go pack.) Were doing the right thing, right?
Monica: Ohh, of course we are! (They walk up to the elevators.) We left it up to fate. (Pushes the elevator button.) If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. (The elevator door opens to a priest reading from a bible with Chandler and Monica standing side-by-side holding each others hands.)
[Scene: The hallway, Chandler is helping Monica to the door.]
Chandler: Well you did pull his hair.
Chandler: Im not getting into this again!
Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.)
Chandler: No!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there and Rachel is arranging a bouquet of flowers, pricks her finger on a thorn, throws the bouquet over her head, and those you who are quicker than some already know that Monica is the one who catches it.]
Rachel: All right. Okay Chandler, enjoy your handful. (Exits.)
Chandler: All right, should we just, should we just get married? Yknow? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it.
Chandler: Me too!
Chandler: No!
Chandler: Jeez, relax! Its not like were mar-ah-ah!! (Runs out.)
Chandler: (entering, slowly) Yknow I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what Im saying?
Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.
Chandler: Okay!!!!!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Oh thanks.
Chandler: The door hasnt been locked in five years, but okay! (Runs out.) Ready?!
Chandler: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I cant get in!
Chandler: This is not a sign!
Chandler: Its an old key!
Chandler: I love you!
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now.
Chandler: Yeah-yeah, me neither.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is coming up the stairs and sees Chandler trying to open the lock.]
Chandler: The keys stuck in the lock.
Chandler: (trying the handle) It still doesnt work.
Chandler: Oh.
Chandler: Nice job Joe! Youre quite the craftsmen.
Chandler: Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.
Rachel: Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon.
Chandler: This is ridiculous, hes not gonna hold his breath (Ross cuts him off by taking a deep breath and holding it.)
Chandler: Oh my God, introduce us!
Chandler: Because he was looking at her differently.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Im so sorry.
Chandler: I have a job interview I have to get ready for.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is cooking as Chandler looks on.
Chandler: Thats what I do now.
Chandler: (gloatingly and holding his piece) Ohhh!
Joey: Sure, I can hang out til I have to meet ya. (To Chandler) What uhHow come youre not going?
Chandler: The front page? You really do live in your own little world, dont ya?
<Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back>
Chandler: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?
Chandler: (entering) Hey Phoebe! (To Rachel) Fatty!
Phoebe: Hey Chandler, why so fancy?
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: What about it?
Chandler: What is it that I do?
Chandler: (shocked) What?!
Chandler: Me! I do that. So Seriously, do I look okay? Im little nervous.
Chandler: Are you serious?!
Chandler: (To Rachel) Did you like me when we first met?
Chandler: Youd think that would embarrass me, but you see Im maxed out.
Chandler: Phoebe!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Phoebe are entering.]
Chandler: An hour.
Chandler: I cant even believe this! I really come off that badly?
Chandler: (incredulous) I dont know what thats like?! Up until I was 25 I thought the only response to, "I love you," was, "Oh crap!"
Chandler: Well you should meet my uncle, Bada. (Pause) Ill let myself out.
Chandler: Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Oh good. Good, because Im sure this interview is gonna last a couple of weeks.
Chandler: Oh! (Stands up.)
Chandler: Hardest thing Ive ever done in my life.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Well, I may be drunk, but I know what she said! Then I went over to Beefsteak Julies
Chandler: That I did. That I did.
Chandler: also I was the point person on my companys transition from the KL-5 to GR-6 system.
[Scene: An Office Building, Chandler is on his interview.]
Chandler: (trying not to laugh) I see.
Chandler: (really try not to laugh) Good to know.
Chandler: (relieved) Really?!
Chandler: No dont I beg of you!
Chandler: Oh my God this doesnt count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! Theres a crazy guy out in the hall!
Chandler: Ill look forward to your call. (Walks away.)
Chandler: Well its very unsettling.
Rachel: Thats right, still no baby! (To Monica, Joey, and Chandler on the couch) Come on people! Please make some room!
Chandler (Stands up and walks to Joey): Listen...this is really nice. Do you... (sees his chequebook) Did you write a cheque to Monica for two thousand dollars? Did Monica borrow money from you?
Chandler: Hey! Did you have the baby yet?
Chandler: Lets. (Everyone gets up and leaves Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are there as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, opens his desk drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, sprays around some air freshener, and takes some breath spray. He types for a little while, opens the drawer again, and takes another drag of the cigarette. While not paying attention, he sprays the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.]
Joey: Nope-op! I insist! (He hugs Chandler again and whispers to him.) You get the wine right?
Chandler: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.
Chandler: Hes not snoozing, hes teaching a class.
Joey: (to Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe) Did you hear that? I only get one extra ticket to my premiere. So some how I have to pick between you three and Ross.
Chandler: I havent seen this dress.
Joey: Well uh I think I want to take Chandler.
Chandler: You really want to take me?
Chandler: Which is why Asteroids is perfect! Its the oldest game!
Chandler: So youre never actually going to pay me back?
Chandler: I always knew you were gonna make it. Im so proud of you.
Chandler: This is so exciting! Its so glamorous! People taking our picture. How do I look?
Chandler: Its just so glamorous.
Chandler: I confronted her, and she didnt deny it! (Pause) I dont live here! (Goes back into his apartment and they all follow him.)
Chandler: What?
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay, this is it. Its my big fight scene coming up. (He looks over and Chandler and notices that hes asleep.)
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho, yeah!
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
Chandler: Good job Joe! Well done! Top notch!
Chandler: The whole thing! Can we go?
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Chandler: I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Monica: (voice on answering machine) Hi! If youre calling before Saturday, youve reached Monica and Chandler. But if youre calling after Saturday, youve reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is there as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Im so sorry.
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: You dont owe me anything, I dont want you money
Chandler: Where have you been?! I tried to call you! I want to talk to you! I still feel so bad!
Chandler: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
Chandler: I dont know, five hundred dollars?
Chandler: Yes, money well spent!
Chandler: Well uh, there was acting classes, stage combat classes, tap classes
Chandler: Hey Gar!
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Monica: How did you know that?! (Runs to yell at Joeys apartment.) Joey! Chandler!! Its time!
Chandler: (suppressing a smile) What I do do is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: Man, if only youd gotten here sooner. (Ross turns and glares at him.)
Rachel: We cant find Chandler (Phoebe sticks her head and motions that they found Chandler)s vest. We cant find Chandlers vest.
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Umm, this is going to be fun. Watch me freak out Chandler. Honey?
Chandler: Okay. Ive been thinking about it too, and I, I think were ready.