words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Chapel, continued from last season. Chandler and Monica are about to get married.]
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
(Chandler and Monica are stunned again.)
Chandler: Oh my God!! Is everybody getting married?!!
Phoebe: (to her) Hey! Dont you give me any of yourHey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Yes! Well that-yes.
Chandler: We actually missed it.
Chandler: What?!
(Chandler and Monica enter.)
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet?
Chandler: Its a buffet man.
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)
Chandler: Listen, I gotta talk to you.
Joey: Sure! Whats up? (He grabs a plate and proceeds to load it with a huge pile of scrambled eggs. Chandler just stares at him and Joey reluctantly gives him a spoonful.)
Chandler: Monica and I almost got married last night.
Chandler: Look, I just dont think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Yknow? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Yknow? And, how do I tell her without crushing her?
Chandler: What?!
Monica: How do I tell Chandler that its too soon. Its gonna break his heart, hes not gonna think that I dont love him anymore.
Chandler: (returning with Joey) Hi.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Are we gonna talk about what you guys did last night? Or
Chandler: (not quite sure) You did.
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this ones free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third ones free.
[Scene: The casino floor, Chandler and Monica are walking through it.]
Chandler: I dont know. But I-I-I know I love you!
Chandler: So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you.
Chandler: Yes, we dont get married unless theres a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight (motions to the craps table) then theres a definite sign that we should get married.
Chandler: Sounds great.
Chandler: Ready!
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, yes eight.
Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, lets get married! I guess.
Chandler: Thats right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit!
Chandler: Yeah. (They go pack.) Were doing the right thing, right?
Monica: Ohh, of course we are! (They walk up to the elevators.) We left it up to fate. (Pushes the elevator button.) If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. (The elevator door opens to a priest reading from a bible with Chandler and Monica standing side-by-side holding each others hands.)
[Scene: The hallway, Chandler is helping Monica to the door.]
Chandler: Well you did pull his hair.
Chandler: Im not getting into this again!
Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.)
Chandler: No!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there and Rachel is arranging a bouquet of flowers, pricks her finger on a thorn, throws the bouquet over her head, and those you who are quicker than some already know that Monica is the one who catches it.]
Rachel: All right. Okay Chandler, enjoy your handful. (Exits.)
Chandler: All right, should we just, should we just get married? Yknow? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it.
Chandler: Me too!
Chandler: No!
Chandler: Jeez, relax! Its not like were mar-ah-ah!! (Runs out.)
Chandler: (entering, slowly) Yknow I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what Im saying?
Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.
Chandler: Okay!!!!!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Oh thanks.
Chandler: The door hasnt been locked in five years, but okay! (Runs out.) Ready?!
Chandler: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I cant get in!
Chandler: This is not a sign!
Chandler: Its an old key!
Chandler: I love you!
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now.
Chandler: Yeah-yeah, me neither.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is coming up the stairs and sees Chandler trying to open the lock.]
Chandler: The keys stuck in the lock.
Chandler: (trying the handle) It still doesnt work.
Chandler: Oh.
Chandler: Nice job Joe! Youre quite the craftsmen.
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay, this is it. Its my big fight scene coming up. (He looks over and Chandler and notices that hes asleep.)
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho, yeah!
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
Chandler: Good job Joe! Well done! Top notch!
Chandler: The whole thing! Can we go?
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Chandler: I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Monica: (voice on answering machine) Hi! If youre calling before Saturday, youve reached Monica and Chandler. But if youre calling after Saturday, youve reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is there as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Im so sorry.
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: You dont owe me anything, I dont want you money
Chandler: Where have you been?! I tried to call you! I want to talk to you! I still feel so bad!
Chandler: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
Chandler: I dont know, five hundred dollars?
Chandler: Yes, money well spent!
Chandler: Well uh, there was acting classes, stage combat classes, tap classes
Chandler: Hey Gar!
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Monica: How did you know that?! (Runs to yell at Joeys apartment.) Joey! Chandler!! Its time!
Chandler: (suppressing a smile) What I do do is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: Man, if only youd gotten here sooner. (Ross turns and glares at him.)
Rachel: We cant find Chandler (Phoebe sticks her head and motions that they found Chandler)s vest. We cant find Chandlers vest.
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Umm, this is going to be fun. Watch me freak out Chandler. Honey?
Chandler: Okay. Ive been thinking about it too, and I, I think were ready.
Chandler: But you said you were ready too.
Chandler: Yes, but havent you wanted a kid like forever?
Chandler: Yeah. Do we have any Fruit Roll-Ups?
Chandler: Look, weve always talked about having babies someday. Im not saying it has to be right now, but Im starting to think that we can handle it. Were good. Were really good.
Chandler: Im not crazy about babies. Im crazy about us.
Chandler: Im kidding. This is going to be fun.
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Chandler is looking at the babies as Monica walks up.]
Chandler: But nothing has to happen until your ready.
Chandler: What?! Its not right! Were not ready to have a kid now!!
Chandler: Period math?
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Right here?
Chandler: Were trying to get pregnant. (They start kissing, but Chandler stops it.) Yknow Im not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.
Chandler: Okay. (They start kissing.)
[Scene: An Empty Hospital Room, Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: Yes, 98.6. Youre gonna be fine.
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebes knowledge.]
Chandler: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.
Chandler: Should we tell Rachel theres an empty private room right next door to hers?
Chandler: Well let me think about that, while I remove my pants!
Chandler: If its not, then theres two of them. And that would mean its the end of the world!
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Chandler: I think it's winning.
Chandler: Do you want a calculator?
Chandler: Hi.
Janice: Chandler Bing!
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Chandler: Thats funny. Does it-does it hurt? Does the labor hurt?
Chandler: What?!
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Chandler: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell of it.
Chandler: No, that was Dana Caplin.
Chandler: (sees another rack) Well, whats the deal with these? These-these look nice.
Chandler: So, do you know what youre gonna call her yet?
Chandler: So then I guess Ferdinad is out.
Chandler: You do?
Chandler: Oh no, its gonna be named after some snack or baked good isnt it?
Chandler: And if not, we got to do it on a bucket.
Chandler: That was amazing.
[Scene: The Portrait Studio, Monica is waiting for Chandler to make another attempt at taking a good picture.]
Chandler: You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two.. that you two.... <starts to cry>
CHANDLER: [to the woman who just rejected him] All right look. Penis schmenis. We're all people. [She walks away again.]
Chandler: Okay, here is the thing. We have thrown a very formal surprise party for you in there! All of your friends are in there and your parents!
Chandler: He pulled a quarter out of my ear!
Chandler: Okay. Wow.
Chandler: That was you?! I thought it was Jack!
Chandler: Sure.
Chandler: What?! Why does she think that?
Chandler: Again, what?!
Joey: (taking Chandler aside) Hey Chandler, can I talk to you for a second?
Chandler: Ross had a ring?! And he was gonna propose?
Chandler: Does Ross know?
Chandler: If you clear things up with Rachel then Ross never needs to find out, but you have to do it now before he hears about it and kicks your ass!
Chandler: Well, what did she say?
Chandler: Well maybe you dont have to tell him anything.
Chandler: And you did it first?! This is gonna kill him! You know how much he loves to propose!
Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day.
Amy: <points to Chandler> This guy? Seriously?
Joey: (laughs) Now lets not get carried away. (He walks away as Monica comes over and hugs Chandler from behind.)
Chandler: Batman has the Batmobile!
Chandler: Honey, weve been over this. I need to be facing the other way.
Chandler: Hello sir, you know Monica.
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Chandler: Look, we cant stay in here forever.
[Scene: The Janitors Closet, Chandler and Monica are trying to figure out what to do now.]
Chandler: This is okay. Were all adults here; theres nothing to be ashamed of. Now, lets put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door. (They do so and find Mr. Geller leaning against a wall stunned.)
Chandler: I was asleep. (She takes off her robe and starts to shiver) Oh no! No-no honey! Yknow whats sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.