words in movies
Chandler: Oh yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as your wearing that towel dress.
Ross: (to Chandler) It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to start with her!
Chandler: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday?
Chandler: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist.
Chandler: Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie?
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It must take you forever to find your keys.
Chandler: (to Ross) Hey, so can you make it on Friday?
Chandler: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
Chandler: Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! (pause) Don't cry outloud.
Chandler: I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer.
Chandler: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.
Chandler: The abridgment.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading Joey's resume.]
Chandler: ....three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!
Chandler: Oh no, no, no, no.
Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello? (listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? (listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
Chandler: Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier.
Chandler: To yourself. (finishing) Hey-hey-hey, y'know what that's pretty good.
Chandler: Bye-bye.
Chandler: What, what, what?!
Chandler: You really think that is what he meant?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey are there.]
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Chandler: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.
Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'
Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, yeah! Look what I got, look what I got. (holds up a pen) See, she's fully dressed, right?
Chandler: And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's naked. And then, and then you click it again and she's dressed. She's a business woman, she's walking down the street, she's window shopping, and (clicks pen) whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked! (Rachel just stares at him.)
Chandler: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.
Ross: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.
Chandler: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
Chandler: Man, I gotta get a kid. (looks at the pen and starts laughing)
Rachel: (to Chandler) Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, y'know.
Chandler: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.
Chandler: Yeah, in fact my father was a den-mother.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same day. Joey and Chandler are eating pizza, and Phoebe is trying to knit something.]
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
Monica: Chandler, this actually bothers you?
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch nervously.]
CHANDLER: You burn your mouth?
CHANDLER: Would you come on! Come on! [waitress brings their coffee] Thank you.
CHANDLER: Bullies, big bullies.
Chandler: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.
CHANDLER: Ah, there we go.
CHANDLER: Alright, let's do this.
Chandler: Im sorry. Im-Im-Im sorry that I said I was going to when Im not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isnt Rachels fault. Its me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And Im really sorry, its just that this is not, this isnt going to work out.
CHANDLER: Ok. [reaches in his pocket]
CHANDLER: Ok.
CHANDLER: Yes, we're standing out ground...apparently.
CHANDLER: Well, it's sharp, it's metal, I think I can do some, you know, serious damage with it.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I wouldn't know having missed everything.
CHANDLER: Hey, hey, those guys are takin our stuff! [some guy runs off with the hat]
CHANDLER: Hi Monica.
CHANDLER: Ok so, can I have my hat back?
CHANDLER: Guys guys, check this out.
CHANDLER: Wow, it's, it's like porno for clowns.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, and Julie are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Room.
CHANDLER: Excuse me?
CHANDLER: This isn't your first surprise party, is it sir?
CHANDLER: NO! No, I'll take that for ya.
[Scene: Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica comforting Joey at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
CHANDLER: So, basically just a Chinese guy.
CHANDLER: Yes because uh, you look so young.
MONICA: Chandler could you at least send some women to my party? [buzzer goes off] Alright that's Ross.
CHANDLER: Yeah, this more than anything else, is the staging area.
CHANDLER: Ok, they're coming, shhh. [Runs into Monica's apartment and grabs one last girl to take to his apartment]
[Ad break. Time lapse. Still at party at Chandler and Joey's. Rachel is talking to Chandler and Ross.]
[Time lapse. Chandler runs out of the bathroom.]
CHANDLER: Well, we could count again.
CHANDLER: Look, are you gonna be ok?
CHANDLER: Volleyball.
CHANDLER: Ok, that's me. [runs back]
CHANDLER: Joey, a woman just stuck her tounge down my throat, I'm not even listening to you.
[Back in Chandler and Joey's party]
[Back at Chandler and Joey's party]
Joey: Why not?! (to Chandler) Im hungry.
[Chandler and Joey stop dancing and laugh at her]
CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
[Chandler and Joey's party]
Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. Im going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast Im just gonna propose.
[Chandler and Joey's party]
Chandler: Okay. And its not just chicks y'know? Its all kinds of other animals!
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
CHANDLER: Well, uh, Dr. Greene, where are you going?
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are there.]
CHANDLER: No.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
CHANDLER: Alright, hang on a second there Custer.
[Chandler is visibly upset]
CHANDLER: Yeah, but I'm, I'm so much faster...
CHANDLER: That was there when I got here. [Takes a bite of his muffin.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, Joey is drilling a hole in the wall and the drill comes out the other side really close to Chandlers head. Chandler then rushes out to talk to Joey.]
Chandler: Why not, just because his great-grandmother was obese, our kids are gonna get that from you anyway!
CHANDLER: Had it.
Chandler: Y'know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about.
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?
Ross: Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions.
Chandler: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
CHANDLER: Weird world. Your kids?
CHANDLER: Well there you go.
CHANDLER: Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there.
Chandler: (handing Monica the wax) Wax the door shut, were never leaving, ever.
Ross: Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
CHANDLER: Joey, Joey. Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, 'I want you Dennis,' and stuck her tounge down my throat. I love this party.
Joey: Ah. (Joey walks to Chandlers bag by getting as far away from Chandlers bed as possible.)
CHANDLER: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
CHANDLER: Hey thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbianni. Joey is a uh, fellow processor.
CHANDLER: Kick save and... denied.
CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas.
RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
CHANDLER: Look Eddie, aren't you forgetting anything?
CHANDLER: Uh, if you say so sir.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm going to kill you.
CHANDLER: Why?
CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'?
CHANDLER: That's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales.
CHANDLER: Wha- wh- why, why, why does he suspect that?
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
CHANDLER: Thank you.
Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are setting up for the party.]
(Chandler starts to leave ashamed of himself, but Rachel stops him in the hallway.)
Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up) Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
CHANDLER: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.
Chandler: Oh yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my Movement class.
CHANDLER: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?
Chandler: Thats not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Dont say that I dont have goals!