words in movies
Chandler: Oh yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as your wearing that towel dress.
Ross: (to Chandler) It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to start with her!
Chandler: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday?
Chandler: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist.
Chandler: Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie?
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It must take you forever to find your keys.
Chandler: (to Ross) Hey, so can you make it on Friday?
Chandler: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
Chandler: Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! (pause) Don't cry outloud.
Chandler: I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer.
Chandler: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.
Chandler: The abridgment.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading Joey's resume.]
Chandler: ....three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!
Chandler: Oh no, no, no, no.
Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello? (listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? (listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
Chandler: Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier.
Chandler: To yourself. (finishing) Hey-hey-hey, y'know what that's pretty good.
Chandler: Bye-bye.
Chandler: What, what, what?!
Chandler: You really think that is what he meant?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey are there.]
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Chandler: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.
Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'
Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, yeah! Look what I got, look what I got. (holds up a pen) See, she's fully dressed, right?
Chandler: And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's naked. And then, and then you click it again and she's dressed. She's a business woman, she's walking down the street, she's window shopping, and (clicks pen) whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked! (Rachel just stares at him.)
Chandler: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.
Ross: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.
Chandler: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
Chandler: Man, I gotta get a kid. (looks at the pen and starts laughing)
Rachel: (to Chandler) Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, y'know.
Chandler: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.
Steve: Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
(Chandler looks like he did the time he swallowed the toy in 605 TOW Joey's Porsche. It's the hair in his coffee.)
Chandler: There's a hair in my coffee.
(Little Chandler is pulling Chandler's sweater, while Leslie is throwing bagels at him.)
Chandler: (To the nurse at the nurses' station) My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! (walks towards the common area and sees Janice is still there) Janice! You're not... gone?
Monica: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa . (Chandler emerges, without flushing by the way.) And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Yknow, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.
Chandler: You want me to wash my hands first, don't you?
Chandler: I mean, you have a lovely home.
Monica: Thank you. (To Chandler.) I think I just had a tiny orgasm.
(Chandler leaves.)
Chandler: You do? That's fantastic!
Chandler: I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the scouts too.
Chandler: You know how to use a compass?
Chandler: That's great. (To Monica.) Can I see the book?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: I got nothing.
Chandler: Hey, you must be Owen.
(Chandler tries to come up with a good answer.)
Chandler: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talking to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you.
Chandler: (smiling again) oh, oh, yeah, ok, thanks. I can't believe I didn't even think of that. I guess I was just so worried about having to... come here and do... 'that'...
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor..
Phoebe: Alright, so that leaves Chandler.
Chandler: Maybe the problem was you were pronouncing it kara-tay.
Chandler: What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.
Chandler: Where are Bill and Colleen?
Chandler: We have to leave!!
Chandler: See? Intuitive!
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
Chandler: Which technically now you should give back!
Chandler (to Monica): We have to get out of here, baby!
Chandler: Yes! Two thousand dollars exactly! How do you know that! (Joey begins writing a cheque)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.]
Chandler: Owen didn't know he was adopted, and Monica told him.
Chandler: Wow! So tonight may be the night! You're nervous?
Chandler: So, you and Rachel tonight, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?
Chandler: I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident. (Runs off.)
Chandler: Really?
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey sweetie! (they kiss)
Monica: We're just making conversation. (Chandler makes an agreeing-sound)
Chandler: Oh, I see what you mean, that's quite nice. (They look at each other, both embarassed)
Chandler: How can you be so confident?
Chandler: ...and beer!!
Chandler: She went on one of those spray-on tan places.
Chandler: (To Monica) Why...why?
Monica: Chandler gets pedicures!
[Scene:Central Perk. Ross and Chandler are on the couch]
Ross and Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Sure, then you should get a mini skirt so you can really show it off.
Chandler: Hey Pheebs!
Chandler: Really? Like you have a routine?
Chandler: Who's Amanda?
Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, whos the silver fox?
Chandler: Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect?
Chandler: Are you trying to do a British accent?
Chandler: No, had it done to me though. Feels good !
Monica: Oh, I guess we could try that, but... it seems so harsh! (to Chandler) Have you ever done that?
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Joey: I don’t get it, Chandler loved it!
(The elevator doors opens, Bob boards the elevator, Chandler walks away, and Mr. Franklin steps out of the elevator.)
Chandler: Hello? Is someone on the line?
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler comes running into the living room. Monica is the only one there.]
Chandler: Hang on, she’s right here. (he enters the living room and hands the phone to Monica) Someone's on the phone, for ya.
Chandler: (to Amanda) I get pedicures!
Chandler: Was that place... The Sun?
Chandler: Hold on! There is something different.
Chandler: I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didnt ask me to go do it with her in the vault.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Chandler: How was your date with Joey?
Chandler: You didn't like that?
Chandler: (flattered) No,... no... (realizing) NO! (He quickly gets several steps away from her.) Look, I'm, I'm married!
Joey: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second (points to the hall).
(Chandler starts looking at her bra)
Monica: (sees what he is doing) Chandler, stop! It is not going to pop open!
Chandler: (without taking his eyes off the bra) You don't know! (Monica just smiles)
(Chandler resumes staring at Monica's bra)
Monica: (pause) (to Phoebe) Chandler gets pedicures!
Monica: (beaming) Yeah! Yeah! His name is Chandler and...
Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar wearing huge dog-slippers]
Chandler: Oh no thats okay, you're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings and I want you to know that when I die, you don't get Joey.
(Chandler enters the apartment)
Chandler: Kinda... you know, sneaking around, having to hide from you guys...
Chandler: That fake British woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance... Hey!
(Rachel and Joey are still looking at Chandler, slowly letting his words get to them)
Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?
Chandler: Dude, it's Chandler. Let me in.
Chandler: Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. (pause) But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?
Rachel: I wonder how Monica and Chandler could do it?
Chandler: I see you later!
Chandler: No, I just had to get a picture of this.
Ross, Rachel and Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!
(Chandler holds up a camera and takes Ross's picture.)
Monica: Okay, heres your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)
Chandler: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...
CHANDLER: Game's tomorrow night Joe.
Chandler: Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.