words in movies
Chandler: Oh yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as your wearing that towel dress.
Ross: (to Chandler) It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to start with her!
Chandler: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday?
Chandler: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist.
Chandler: Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie?
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It must take you forever to find your keys.
Chandler: (to Ross) Hey, so can you make it on Friday?
Chandler: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
Chandler: Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! (pause) Don't cry outloud.
Chandler: I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer.
Chandler: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.
Chandler: The abridgment.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading Joey's resume.]
Chandler: ....three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!
Chandler: Oh no, no, no, no.
Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello? (listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? (listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
Chandler: Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier.
Chandler: To yourself. (finishing) Hey-hey-hey, y'know what that's pretty good.
Chandler: Bye-bye.
Chandler: What, what, what?!
Chandler: You really think that is what he meant?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey are there.]
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Chandler: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.
Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'
Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, yeah! Look what I got, look what I got. (holds up a pen) See, she's fully dressed, right?
Chandler: And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's naked. And then, and then you click it again and she's dressed. She's a business woman, she's walking down the street, she's window shopping, and (clicks pen) whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked! (Rachel just stares at him.)
Chandler: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.
Ross: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.
Chandler: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
Chandler: Man, I gotta get a kid. (looks at the pen and starts laughing)
Rachel: (to Chandler) Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, y'know.
Chandler: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.
CHANDLER: You bitch.
ROSS: [to Chandler] So what's it shaped like?
CHANDLER: If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me.
CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie.
CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . .
Chandler: Joey... Switzerland?
Chandler: (standing up too) M-Me-me-me!
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
[Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross and Julie don't notice.]
CHANDLER: Uh, Julie.
Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ben is playing in his crib while Chandler and Ross are leaning against the rim and are completely asleep.]
CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. After dinner. Chandler enters.]
CHANDLER: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
CHANDLER: OK, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
CHANDLER: Nice work my friend.
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
CHANDLER: I got the time to get to know Julie.
chandler: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.
CHANDLER: I'm goin' home.
[Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica exit]
Chandler: Y'know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off. Y'know? So I guess I'm lucky. I mean not as lucky as people who were born with two nipples.
[Scene: The Atlantis Resort, Chandler and Monica are arriving to check in, but are behind the couple from before again.]
CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. (phone rings)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters clutching his phone.]
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: I'm back.
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to?
CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort Chandler. Joey is absent.]
CHANDLER: Look guys, I know it's a little steep.
CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
CHANDLER: But it's Ross.
CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just.
CHANDLER: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do a thing.
Chandler: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.
RACHEL: Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?
Chandler: Alright, you did it! Do we have any fruit?
MONICA: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice.
CHANDLER: We don't know Bob, ok? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy.
CHANDLER: Hi.
CHANDLER: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to confess something.
CHANDLER: All right.
CHANDLER: No, you keep the pack. I'm all cried out today.
CHANDLER: Whoever stood you up is a jerk.
Chandler: (to nurse) Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?
CHANDLER: I don't know. I just had this weird sense. You know, but that's me. I'm weird and sensitive. Tissue?
CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. (to Ross) I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
CHANDLER: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
Chandler: We are. Hes meeting us here.
CHANDLER: You can tell us.
CHANDLER: We can talk about that.
CHANDLER: Well, listen, this has been great but I'm officially wiped.
Chandler: Yuh-huh.
CHANDLER: So um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?
CHANDLER: Together.
CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?
MONICA: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.
Chandler: Well, come on, Ive been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party.
ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?
CHANDLER: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in the hall.
CHANDLER: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel.
CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said that?
ROSS: Chandler!
CHANDLER: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Fine.
CHANDLER: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had sex today.
CHANDLER: So, uh, how was he?
CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good.
CHANDLER: Eh?
CHANDLER: So, let's go.
CHANDLER: So, uh, you met someone, huh?
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it.
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.
CHANDLER: Chandler.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.
CHANDLER: Yeah, we really missed you guys.
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
CHANDLER: Yes.
CHANDLER: No.
JOEY: Let me get that. (to Chandler) You got five bucks?
CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
CHANDLER: We'll watch him.
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
CHANDLER: You understood that?
CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
CHANDLER: No, I got him.
CHANDLER: Oh, seriously you want him?
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
CHANDLER: Well, we are great guys.
CHANDLER: Your boyfriend is so cool.