words in movies
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
(Chandler opens the door, finally.)
Chandler: You!
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
Chandler: Oh, I can uh, check that for ya.
Chandler: I can check that for ya.
Monica: I justI cant believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel better than we know you.
Chandler: Well we-we do. You can only eat Tic Tacks in even numbers.
Chandler: (to Rachel) And you Ross, I believe, if you check Rachels bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
Chandler: Okay, ten bucks says that we can name every item in that bag.
Chandler: (to Ross) Stop that now!
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: Diet soda.
Chandler: Orange juice.
Chandler: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear.)
Chandler: I got it! Scotch tape. (Theyre right.)
Chandler: Well, we used theres up last night making scary faces.
Chandler: All right! Ten buck! Fork it over! Cough it up! Pay the piper! Gimme it.
Chandler: Fears and Pet Peeves.
Ross: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?
Joey: (to Chandler) The Irish gig guy?!
Chandler: His legs flail about as if independent of his body!
Joey: (to Chandler) Nana?
Chandler: She has a real name.
Chandler: Althea?! What are you doing?!
Chandler: You're shooting with Althea?!
Chandler: Nice shooting!
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Rachel: Chandler gets it! Its Chandler Bing!
Chandler: Actually, its Miss Chinandolor Bong.
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Chandler: Unfortunately that is correct.
Chandler: I majored in lightning rounds. All right, were gonna destroy you.
Chandler: Well, Im so confused as to what weve been doing so far
Chandler: Say 200?
Monica: We wont. (to Chandler) 300?
Chandler: (interrupting) All right, hold on! If you win, we give up the birds.
Joey: (shocked) Dah!! (Chandler motions for him to calm down.)
Chandler: But if we win, we get your apartment.
Chandler: Okay. (Starts jumping around.)
Ross: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round beginsstop it (Chandler stops jumping)now. What was Monicas nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Chandler: Dangerous Liaisons.
Chandler: Oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear and then in Rosss ear.)
Chandler: Fancy.
Chandler: Fancy guest.
Ross: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girls breast?
Chandler: Thanks man.
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
Chandler and Joey: YEAH!!! YES!!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are carrying in the foosball table.]
Chandler: You cant just call Monicas room.
(Chandler grunts and turns around, sees that hes in sight of the room, and mouths damn!)
Monica: Yeah. (to Chandler) I bet you cant guess what color my tonsils are? Ill bet the apartment!
Chandler: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. Its too nice.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Yeah, but I bet it works.
Rachel: (entering from Chandlers bedroom, I guess, and sees the foosball table.) Oh my God! I cant believe you guys are actually think youre moving in here!
Chandler: Well believe it baby!
Chandler: I knew it!
Chandler: Cool, girl roommate.
[Cut too later, the moving process is progressing steadily. Monica is trying to lift a heavy box, as Rachel comes in from Chandlers bedroom.]
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Chandler: Would you all stop yelling in our apartment! You are ruining moving day for us!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are busy unpacking.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, theyre both unpacked. The big ceramic dog has found a new home in front of the window. Joey screams and runs into the living room.]
Chandler: What?! What-what is it?!
Chandler: I cant believe we live here!
Chandler and Joey: Awwwww!! (They lean back all the way.) Awwwwwww!!!
Chandler: I'm sure that would mean a lot to him. And if heaven has a door, I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it and listening intently.
Chandler: Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it could be a game room, yknow? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones!
Chandler: Hey, you cry every time somebody talks about Titanic!
CHANDLER: Becasue it reminded you of the way our forefathers used to bitch at each other?
Rachel: Theyre in Vermont!! How could this happen?! (She waves her arms franticly and hits Chandler.)
Chandler: Oh, thats fine! Go with your instincts, go with your instincts.
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas and the strip before we arrive at 4 Queens bar, where Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table waiting for the show to start.
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)
(She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the security camera and starts talking to it.)
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Chandler: (momentarily terrified) Maybe well have to listen and see!
Chandler: Where's your passport?
Chandler: (Reading) "Happy Birthday Peehe."
Chandler: Honey, there are like 20 tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler: Yeah, thats like the most ugliest dress Ive ever seen. Wh-why do you to return it?
Chandler: If you said, "Big lima bean, bubbling up." Would she understand the difference?
Joey and Chandler: Oh no-no-no! (Monica mutes the TV and they tentatively look behind them)
Chandler: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone.
Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The receptionist glares at him.)
Chandler: (at Janice's punching) Don't, don't! (looks disgusted)
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, yeah! I want you... I need you... I must have you Janice Litman Goralnik Neihosenstein.
Ross: Oh. Yeah. (Sarcastically) Uh Chandler let me win. No, Chandlers really strong. Oh my arm is so sore. Oh nurse! (Waddles over to Mona.)
Chandler: Guys are signing over their 401-Ks to me?
Chandler: Would you all stop yelling in our apartment! You are ruining moving day for us!
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]
Ross: (hands Chandler his pad and walks in) I want my turkey now!
Chandler: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)
Chandler: It is the softest hair! Touch it! (Both he and Monica do so.)
Chandler: Okay. (pause) And get ready to taste my very special cranberries. Or should I say... chanberries!
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers just after Monica has finished telling Chandler what happened.]
Chandler: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
Chandler: I'd love to, but it's 2300 hours and I'm about to have the most organized sex anyone's ever had.
Chandler: Oh, I loved the play. You were great, and Nick ditto. Clearly youre having sex with him.
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Chandler: I doubt that! Tell her about us last year.
CHANDLER: Hey, don't worry. I figure it'll be 2 hours to Phoebe's dad's house, they'll meet, they'll chat, they'll swap life stories, we'll still have plenty of time.
Chandler: First of all. Bravo. Uh, but I really don't think you're right for this. The part calls for a stuffy college professor.
Chandler: Shh! (To the guy behind the counter) Nice to see you again. (They tries to walk past him.)
Chandler: (reading the ad) Stunning entertainment center. Fine, (pause) fine Italian craftsmanship. (Joey is very proud of himself)
Joey: Hey Chandler! Yknow that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
Monica: (pleasantly surprised) Ping pong? (to Chandler) Honey, they have ping pong! Let's play!
Chandler: Oh, I wish Id know you were going to do that, I ordered Chinese.
Chandler: Nono, just you.
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Chandler: My chair. Now, if anybody asks, your name is Rosita! (He runs out the door, grabs the back of Rosita, and we can hear Joey and Rachel talking as they are coming up the stairs. Neither of them have reached the landing yet.)
(They both rejoice; Chandler is totally confused.)
Chandler: That’s sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption Lady.
Chandler: (pause) No, were still together. Yeah we went out for two summers, and then I broke up with her.
Rachel: (Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) "Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you."
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, umm when-when Monica and Chandler got engaged I started putting some stuff together, yknow just in case
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
Chandler: Ahh, Gepeto, $5,000 dollars? Are you insane?
Ross: Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!
Chandler: Unwilling to steal from work, interesting.
Phoebe: Okay, dont sweat it. (Looking around her.) Chandler is nowhere around so go ahead get it out of your system. That guys cute. (Points to a guy sitting behind Monica.)
(They go into the hallway and see Mr. Treeger watching one of New Yorks bravest breakdown Monica and Chandlers door with an ax.]
Chandler: (incredulous) Already?!
Chandler: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing.
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Chandler: I don’t know what you mean, giant talking cigarette! Oh, by the way, Phoebe called just as I was getting into Nancy’s car, so if she asks you, I was at work all day.
CHANDLER: See, this is the brilliance of the show. I say always keep them running. All the time, running. Run. Run Yasmine, run like the wind.
Chandler: Okay, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost it's feed! (He grabs their bags and sprints out.)
Chandler: Alright look, let's think about this, ok, do you really think that people are gonna stir up your family at this tragic time? That people are gonna post condolences on a website? This is not about people not caring that you're dead .This is about people not having a decent outlet for their grief.
Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
Chandler: Come on! I was there! (He's propped up with his hand on a statute of a naked guy. He winces and pulls his hand away.) I know he's the love of your life.
Chandler: Oh uh-uh, no-no-no-no-uh-uh. (He starts laughing, causing everyone else to laugh.)
Chandler: L-leaving my troubles behind?
Chandler: Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'!
Chandler: Well, of course I do! My good friend Joey over here. (Pats Joeys arm, Joey pats Chandlers shoulder, and Chandler motions for Joey to say the same about him.)
Chandler: [nodding, with mixed feelings] Aahhuuhhh....
Chandler: Y'know what I think it is? It's the fishnet stockings. Y'know? Whenever I see a girl in fishnet stockings it reminds me of my father in fishnet stockings.
Chandler: Where's Ross?
Chandler: (to Ross) Na ha ha... (to Chappy) Ne he he... (Ross moves Chappy to Chandler, who quickly backs away) Ah ah...
Chandler: So Ross, how was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with the flush of every toilet?
Monica: Oh no, it is okay, I mean as long as you know that Chandler and I are also very hot and fiery, just as hot as you! I mean our flame, whew, is on fire!
Chandler: (on the phone) Hello, this is Chandler Bing. Somebody just dropped off a handwritten recommendation letter, and.. (listens) Uh-huh... Uh-huh... okay... thank you. Good-bye. (hangs up looking very confused).
Chandler: Honey, I dont like baths! Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony?
Chandler: Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think youre chances are pretty good. (Eric offers to shake hands) All right. (Chandler hugs him.)
Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who everdid something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!!
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe it's because it smells a little weird. It's like old pumpkins or something.
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
Chandler: Well, thanks a lot for hookin me up Rach. I want you to know that I want you to attend our wedding as my guest.
Chandler: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! (To Phoebe) Theres no Anderson.
Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
Chandler: (joining them) Hey! Which ones my turkey burger?
Chandler: Monica and I are celebrating our ten-month anniversary, we've got reservations at Ja George.
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
(Chandler kneels down with his arms spread waiting for his hug.
Ross: Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.
Chandler: Damn! (stands up) The tailpipes not hot enough to light this!
Chandler: (coughing) Art lover!
Monica: (To Chandler) Shhhh!!!
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running.]
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
Chandler: Well, I did and it hurt. (they walk towards the bar) That's when I wrote the song: "Betrayal In The Common Room".
Chandler: The Hitlers will be so disappointed.
Chandler: Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentines Day gifts?
Joey: And while were down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! (Chandlers excited.) Oh, yknow what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order.