words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross their bills.]
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Chandler: Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldnt you be at work?
Chandler: Im so sorry youre sick.
Chandler: Im gonna grab you some tissue.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Chandler: Yes?
Chandler: Oh my God, introduce us!
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister! (Rachel glares at him.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still very sick and is entering the living room from the bathroom wearing a robe. Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Chandler: I know, lets rest and drink lots of fluids. (Holds up a glass of orange juice.)
Chandler: That would be impossible to resist if you werent all drippy here. (Points to his nose.)
Chandler: Yeah, I dont you should say that even when youre healthy.
Chandler: Dont take this personally okay? Its just that I just cant have sex with a sick person.
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Chandler: Thats the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has fallen asleep reading a book. Monica calls from the bedroom and wakes him up.]
Monica: (still sick) Chandler!
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Chandler: Oh Jeez honey, I thought, I thought you were asleep.
Chandler: I was asleep. (She takes off her robe and starts to shiver) Oh no! No-no honey! Yknow whats sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.
Chandler: Would you please get some rest!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still sick and is hobbling out into the living room for some help from Chandler whos on the couch reading.]
Monica: (entering) Chandler, I think Im sick.
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no, you are not getting me this way.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no!
Chandler: Okay.
(To start this task, she lowers the top of her robe to reveal that she is naked from the waist up, well at least her back is, and starts to rub on the gunk. Chandler notices this, and has something start happening. Ill let you fill in the blank here.)
Chandler: So youre just, kinda rubbing it on yourself?
Chandler: Its nice.
Chandler: Yes! (Hangs his head in shame.)
Chandler: Its all very, very good. (She covers up and sits down.) So you wanna go uh, mix it up?
Chandler: Oh come on you big faker!
Chandler: Well that was before all the vaporizing action.
Chandler: Okay! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Chandler: (calling from the bathroom) What are you doing here?
Chandler: We got some Vap-O-Rub in some places.
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Chandler: Hes taking off her coat!
Chandler: Ho-oh, hes gonna get some! (Rachel looks at him.) Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Yknow so umm, hes closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. (Pause) Well, Im off to bed! (Goes to bed.)
Chandler: Okay. (He opens it and its a baby chick) Its a chicken.
Chandler: This is gonna be soo cool, dude, we never party anymore!
Chandler: Kathys with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandolf dude!
Chandler: Im gonna call and get off work tomorrow!
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is getting ready to party.]
Chandler and Ross: Woooo!!!
Chandler: Oh man! I am so excitedI may vomit!
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.
Chandler: (answering it) Hello. (listens) (to Ross) Its Gandolf!!! (on phone) So, are you in town? (listens) (disappointed) Oh, well, well maybe next time then. (Hangs up)
Chandler: Hes not gonna make it, hes stuck in Chicago.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, its beautiful country up there.
Chandler and Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Chandler: No, it's... fancier than a pimple. Look Ross, why don't you just go see a
Chandler: Its not gonna be exactly like last time.
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Chandler: Air hole! Air hole!! (Ross retracts his hand quickly.)
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (Theres no response from Chandler.) Okay.
Chandler: Well, yknow Im 29. I mean who needs a savings account.
Chandler: Okay, but don't touch it, because you fingers have destructive oils.
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
Chandler: Hey, come on, give me a break, I'm out on a limb here.
Ross: (to Chandler) Hey-hey-hey, when uh, when were we on a boat?
Chandler: Oh-no, yknow with Gandolf wed be out all night!
Chandler: All right!!
Chandler: Remember that really cold morning, you woke up and those dogs were licking your face?
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Chandler: Y'know I had a big meal on Monday, y'know. So that's just gonna get me straight through the week.
Chandler: Yeah, all right.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: (enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome!
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Actually, me too.
Chandler: All right look, I think its time for you to settle down. Y'know? Make a choice, pick a lane.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah!
Chandler: Stupid, useless Canadian money!
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?
Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)
Chandler and Joey: YEAH!!! YES!!!
Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe: Hey!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Yknow who also has great hair is Joey!
Chandler: Oh, yeah! How did you meet her?
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.
CHANDLER: We came over as soon as we saw.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are carrying in the foosball table.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]
Chandler: (in a British accent) Hello, Janice.
Chandler: Hey, look at this! (Holding a newspaper) Theyre lighting the big Christmas tree tonight.
Chandler: Really?! I didnt think girls ever just wanted a fling.
Joey: How come you have two? Chandler: Well this one's for you. Joey: Get out. Chandler: No, I can't. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, (Puts bracelet on Joey) it's about you and me and the fact that we're (Reading bracelet) best buds. Joey: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies. Chandler: That's what they'll call us. [The next one is from Episode 618: The One Where Ross Dates A Student.]
Chandler: You cant just call Monicas room.
CHANDLER: Oh, uh, he's not here right now, uh, I'm Chandler, can I take a message, or, or a fishtank?
Chandler: Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile.
Chandler: (he glares at him for a while) Yes.
Joey: All right! Ill try! But if I cant, you can stay with Chandler and I until you get settled.
Chandler: Yknow what? Theres some nice guys at my office, do you want me to set you up?
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is trying to find Rachel a date.]
Chandler: (to Drew) Oh, by the way, that is her full name.
Chandler: Oh, yknow what, that might be okay even if it was just kind of a fling, that might be all right with Rachel.
Mike: Hey, Chandler, why dont we talk this over at the Ranger game tomorrow?
Chandler: Well, I dont really know what that is, but lets!!
Chandler: Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing themselves at me! Theyre buying me drinks! Theyre giving me stuff! (to Joey) Knicks tonight?
(Chandler grunts and turns around, sees that hes in sight of the room, and mouths damn!)
Chandler: (entering) Hello, children!
Chandler: (to Rachel) Have I got the 50 guys for you!
Rachel: Chandler!
Chandler: Wherever! Ive got like 20!
Chandler: Its a big company, I dontif youI
Chandler: (pause) Yes. (to Rachel) Okay, theres this one guy, Patrick, I think youre gonna like him, hes really nice, hes funny, hes a swimmer.
Chandler: Yknow what, Im gonna uh, play the field just a little more.
Chandler: Oh and Ross was like what? A lion tamer?
Chandler: Oh yeah! With who?
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Hey, man!
Chandler: Well, like father, like son.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is there.]
Rachel: (entering) Chandler!! You have the best taste in men!
Chandler: Ummmmmmmm, no.
Chandler: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. Its too nice.
Chandler: Why not?! Id be thrilled if I heard that some hot girl was just looking to getoh I see.
Chandler: I thought I broke Joeys chair! Thats why I replaced it with mine!
Chandler: All right, who keeps leaving old newspapers in the trash?! I really wanted to take Kathy to this, I cant believe I missed it.
Chandler: I fear a jury will see it the same way!
Joey: (On the phone with Chandler) Double promise? Call me when you land.
Chandler: Im not Jewish, so
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh, yknow, yknow what Pheebs?
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Oh yeah, then uh, what was Phoebes song about?
(Joey jumps up in excitement and without turning around Chandler holds out his hand stopping him, and ushering him back into his seat. Joey sits down, dejected.)
Chandler: I did! I absolutely did!
Credits [Scene: Central Perk. Russ enters. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Oh, man. Im sorry, Im so-so sorry.
(Chandler smiles and nods then realizes what hes agreed to.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Rachel are there, as Phoebe enters with her date.]
Chandler: You know what? You know what? I think we're making too big a deal out of this. ok? So we pay our bills a little late this month and maybe next month we cut back on a few things. And maybe we start eating out of Joey's refrigerator for a change. You're chef... what can you make out of backing soda and beer?