words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross their bills.]
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Chandler: Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldnt you be at work?
Chandler: Im so sorry youre sick.
Chandler: Im gonna grab you some tissue.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Chandler: Yes?
Chandler: Oh my God, introduce us!
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister! (Rachel glares at him.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still very sick and is entering the living room from the bathroom wearing a robe. Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Chandler: I know, lets rest and drink lots of fluids. (Holds up a glass of orange juice.)
Chandler: That would be impossible to resist if you werent all drippy here. (Points to his nose.)
Chandler: Yeah, I dont you should say that even when youre healthy.
Chandler: Dont take this personally okay? Its just that I just cant have sex with a sick person.
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Chandler: Thats the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has fallen asleep reading a book. Monica calls from the bedroom and wakes him up.]
Monica: (still sick) Chandler!
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Chandler: Oh Jeez honey, I thought, I thought you were asleep.
Chandler: I was asleep. (She takes off her robe and starts to shiver) Oh no! No-no honey! Yknow whats sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.
Chandler: Would you please get some rest!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still sick and is hobbling out into the living room for some help from Chandler whos on the couch reading.]
Monica: (entering) Chandler, I think Im sick.
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no, you are not getting me this way.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no!
Chandler: Okay.
(To start this task, she lowers the top of her robe to reveal that she is naked from the waist up, well at least her back is, and starts to rub on the gunk. Chandler notices this, and has something start happening. Ill let you fill in the blank here.)
Chandler: So youre just, kinda rubbing it on yourself?
Chandler: Its nice.
Chandler: Yes! (Hangs his head in shame.)
Chandler: Its all very, very good. (She covers up and sits down.) So you wanna go uh, mix it up?
Chandler: Oh come on you big faker!
Chandler: Well that was before all the vaporizing action.
Chandler: Okay! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Chandler: (calling from the bathroom) What are you doing here?
Chandler: We got some Vap-O-Rub in some places.
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Chandler: Hes taking off her coat!
Chandler: Ho-oh, hes gonna get some! (Rachel looks at him.) Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Yknow so umm, hes closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. (Pause) Well, Im off to bed! (Goes to bed.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
Chandler: Why not?!
Chandler: What is the thing?
Chandler: Well she, she wouldnt do that, shes with, shes with me.
Chandler: Yeah, well, youre wrong! Okay, youre wrong.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.
Chandler: All right!
Chandler: Ah, I dont know, you tell me. Anything you ah, wanna tell me, because, if you ah, you should, if you, you would, tell me.
Chandler: No! In his office! How many kisses were there?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is sitting at the bar, Chandler serves up two mugs of hot water.]
Chandler: You tell me! Maybe, its because I was just fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that was you!!
Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: I dont know, y'know. What, what, would you do?
Chandler: I talked to Janice.
Chandler: Come on, tell me.
Chandler: Nine times! Okay, I had to put on lotion! But, its gonna be okay, because as of tomorrow Im conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is confronting his boss about the butt smacking thing. His boss is writing on a white board.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the whole gang is there, except for Ross and Rachel. Joey is trying to eat Chinese with chopsticks and fails miserably. Theres a knock on the door, and Chandler answers it to reveal Rachel]
Chandler: Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is f-far!!
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I dont wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know Youre the reason, you are the reason why their not together. and I hated that guy. And it didnt matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]
Chandler: Yeah, well. Its the right thing to do.
Chandler: Then dont leave me!
Chandler: No. No! No! No!
Chandler: Ohhh. Dont go.
Chandler: Forget what I said, I was babbling! Pick me!
Chandler: No you dont! No, no, no, I say you have to give your divorce another chance.
Chandler: I dont care! (turns around and to the people watching them) I dont care!!
Chandler: No.
Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with one shoe)
Janice: No, I-I-I gotta go. (she starts to walk away, but Chandler doesnt let her go.)
Chandler: (high pitched) No you know I dont mind.
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: Ive found.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yes! You mean the world the world to me. Oh...
Chandler: No, no, no, I dont, I dont really wanna play.
Joey: Great, you can cover Chandler.
Chandler: Yeah, all right, Ill play.
Chandler: No, no, no, you say that proudly.
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
CHANDLER: I'm hangin in. . . and a little out.
Chandler: Yes, yes, its just that we ah, we kinda all ready, made plans with Ross.
Ross: Sweetie, dont worry youll get picked. Chandler.
Rachel, Chandler, and Joey: What?
Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
Chandler: (from the shotgun) Hike!
Chandler: No, no, no, actually losers rhyme.
Chandler: Sorry. Im sorry. Y'know what, were just gonna throw it.
Chandler: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no!
(Chandler throws her the ball, which she drops.)
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Ross are seated. Rachel is walking over with coffee and a piece of pie.]
Margha: Hello, Chandler.
Chandler: Mar-haaaan.
[cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.]
Chandler: Well, that went well.
Chandler: Math!! Youre giving me math! All right, look y'know what, forget about it, you go for the girl, well see who gets her.
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
Chandler: Yeah, hes really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.
Chandler: Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math.
Chandler: Before!!
Chandler: Okay, good.
CHANDLER: That was in the fourth grade. How could you still be upset about that?
Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?
Ross: Chandler! Chandler!
Chandler: (to Margha) Hi.
(Joey throws the ball to Chandler)
Chandler: Is this because of the burrito thing?
Chandler: Oh, yeah, I dont know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house.
Monica: All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running will you be able to focus?
Chandler: Fine with me.
Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?
Chandler: Yes!!
Margha: Well, if I had to chose right now, which by the way I find really weird, I would have to say, Chandler.
Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?
Chandler: Wh-what?
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesnt matter, cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Chandler: Were not gonna lose to girls.
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally(opens envelope)not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.
Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving dinner.]
Chandler: Well, you dont you have Captain Hook explain it to her.
[Scene: Monicas, Chandler and Monica are still hugging each other.]
Chandler: (reading the comics) Eh..., I dont, I dont know.
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
Chandler: (thinks about it) Yeah?
Chandler: So ah, whatcha watching?
Rachel: (to Chandler) Eh, do you believe that?
Ross: Just admit it Chandler, you have no backhand.
Chandler: Look out kids, hes coming! (Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.)
Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths Come on!) (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.