words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
CHANDLER: Hey. Hold on a second. [shoots a goal] Huh?
JOEY: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.
CHANDLER: What's this?
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
CHANDLER: Well, thanks man. Now I can get my pony.
JOEY: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, always bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box]
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
CHANDLER: I don't know. It's a bracelet.
CHANDLER: [reads] To my best bud. [puts it back in the case] Thanks best bud.
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]
JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets the bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go. [puts the bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.
CHANDLER: I so am.
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
CHANDLER: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
CHANDLER: Hey, you feelin' better?
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
CHANDLER: That thing, it's a uhh. . . yeah it's, it's a little flashy.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
CHANDLER: No, I'm alright, thanks.
CHANDLER: [walks over to the woman] I know what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
CHANDLER: What? [realizes it was the bracelet] Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the Liberace house of crap.
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
PHOEBE: Chandler, Chandler.
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually good.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is there. Joey enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe enter.]
CHANDLER: I can't believe it.
CHANDLER: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
CHANDLER: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks in behind him]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Well this one's for you.
CHANDLER: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading bracelet] best buds.
CHANDLER: That's what they'll call us.
PHOEBE: [Standing in living room with Chandler and Joey. She pulls a huge bathing suit out of a box] Hey, Mon, what is this?
CHANDLER: Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained.
CHANDLER: OK, I was wrong, that's what they used to cover Connecticut.
CHANDLER: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
CHANDLER: Work on your music?
Monica: All right, let me see. (She grabs the 8 ball.) Will Chandler have sex tonight? (Reads the answer.) Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.
Rachel: Well yknow what they say, the 23rd times the charm. (Chandler enters.) Aww, look at you all handsome!
Ross: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down).
Chandler: Well, I can't say "hump" or "screw" in front of the B-A-B-Y.
Chandler: There just don't happen to be any women in our games.
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
Chandler: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we cant leave in the small apartment after weve lived here! Didnt you ever read Flowers for Algernon?
Chandler: (resigning himself to his fate) Chandler. (He quickly sits down.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross their bills.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
Chandler: Arent you just a tinsy bit curious?
Chandler: The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white!
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
[Scene: Gary's cop car, Ross is in the front seat with Gary of course. Chandler is in the back seat.]
Chandler: so then the farmer says, "Thats not a cow and youre not milking it." (Everyone laughs.)
Chandler: Oh-oh, yeah, and did he also say that ah, some of the dialogue was corny and that he actually found it was funny and not sexy?
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]
Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I wont. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didnt want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Ross are both pouting and sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?
Joey: Thats right I stepped up! Shes my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, Id pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldnt. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.
Chandler: Wow! Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Chandler: See ya. (Ross exits, and Chandler moves over next to Joey, laughing.) Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party.
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
Chandler: Yeah, I can be a hero, I could do that. I could, I could do... I, w-w-what if, what if it attacks me?
Joey: Wait-wait-wait-wait! (To Chandler) Come on! Come on, lets trade! The timings perfect, I just clogged the toilet!
Chandler: Hi. (Joey blows on a noisemaker.)
Joey: I dont get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didnt take it, and I didnt take it; and you (Chandler) didnt take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! Were trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesnt get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
Chandler: But other than that... wholesome, wholesome building.
Chandler: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Chandler: So--You got in voluntarily?!
Chandler: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.)
Chandler: Why? Okay? Why? Wh-wh-why did that have to happen?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
[Rachel and Chandler re-emerge from the balcony.]
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, yknow? Because youve been waiting a very long time and I wouldnt want to disappoint you.
Chandler: (to his children) Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter. But more important, because of rent control, it was a friggin' steal!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are discussing what to do about the now naked hooker in the guestroom.]
Chandler: (embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
Chandler: Youre not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?
Chandler: Id like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.
Chandler: Score! Where are the disposable cameras?
Phoebe: Uh-huh, (To Chandler) and you?
Chandler: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.
Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesnt matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go.
Chandler: Because hes crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
Chandler: What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? (Monica laughs) See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and i was somebody else's subconscious.
Chandler: One of life's great, unanswerable questions. I mean, who knows? Maybe there's something even more painful than those things? Like this.
(Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his knees.)
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul.
Chandler: We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la (mumbles something).
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.
Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor?
CHANDLER: (hushed) No, no, no, no, no.� Joey can't know that I'm here.
Chandler: Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just think theyre a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.) But Lilies are the clear choice.
Woman: Excuse me, I-I couldnt help overhearing, youre marrying Chandler Bing?
Chandler: How... exactly are you pursuing that? Y'know other than sending out resumes like what, two years ago?
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is returning from Monica and Rachel's with his bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
Monica: (To Chandler) We're not really gonna buy these people steak dinners are we?
Chandler: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria?
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
Chandler: (disgusted) What? What can't you do?
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Chandler: Y'know I rued the day once didn't get a whole lot else done.
Chandler: Thats a mailman! Thats our mailman! (Waves to the mailman) (Sarcastic) Hi. How are ya?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is reading a 'Busty Ladies' magazine when Chandler enters.]
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work.
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.
[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily.]
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Chandler: Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.
Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means were unhappy forever. Sound good?
Chandler: Uh then there was that dialect coach who helped you with that play where you needed a southern accent. Which after twenty hours of lessons still came out Jamaican.
Chandler: No! I just happened t�do a lot trivias about smoking in different states. For example, in Hawaii cigarettes are called Leyhallalookoos.
(Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering, dragging Chandler, to mediate the argument between Chandler and Monica.]
Chandler: Oh yeah! He has a caretaker. His older brother... Ernie.
Chandler: What happened to 'you can't live without me four days a week'?
Monica: (points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
Joey: Sure, its hard to forget! But that doesnt mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, (to Chandler) ever talk about.
Chandler: God! She is not stealing from us! Okay, will you let this go?
Chandler: Its a hand. Its a thing you use as a Jack and Coke holder.
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now.
Chandler: Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!
Rachel: And Chandler, youre gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel cant be late.
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
Chandler: Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier.
Chandler: Oh, and Sheena Easton. But we probably couldn't get her anyway.
Chandler: Excuse me little one, I have a very solid backhand.
Chandler: All right, so that's Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates and Molly Ringwald, who neither of us can go out with.
Chandler: You're right, by saying "nice" I'm virtually licking her.
CHANDLER: I like this girl, okay, I seriously like this girl, you now how sometimes I tend get a little defended and quipy...
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.