words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
CHANDLER: Hey. Hold on a second. [shoots a goal] Huh?
JOEY: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.
CHANDLER: What's this?
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
CHANDLER: Well, thanks man. Now I can get my pony.
JOEY: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, always bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box]
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
CHANDLER: I don't know. It's a bracelet.
CHANDLER: [reads] To my best bud. [puts it back in the case] Thanks best bud.
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]
JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets the bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go. [puts the bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.
CHANDLER: I so am.
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
CHANDLER: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
CHANDLER: Hey, you feelin' better?
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
CHANDLER: That thing, it's a uhh. . . yeah it's, it's a little flashy.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
CHANDLER: No, I'm alright, thanks.
CHANDLER: [walks over to the woman] I know what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
CHANDLER: What? [realizes it was the bracelet] Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the Liberace house of crap.
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
PHOEBE: Chandler, Chandler.
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually good.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is there. Joey enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe enter.]
CHANDLER: I can't believe it.
CHANDLER: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
CHANDLER: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks in behind him]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Well this one's for you.
CHANDLER: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading bracelet] best buds.
CHANDLER: That's what they'll call us.
PHOEBE: [Standing in living room with Chandler and Joey. She pulls a huge bathing suit out of a box] Hey, Mon, what is this?
CHANDLER: Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained.
CHANDLER: OK, I was wrong, that's what they used to cover Connecticut.
CHANDLER: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
CHANDLER: Work on your music?
Chandler: Ohhh!!
(Chandler goes into the apartment, while Joey checks his ticket and is embarrassed by his stupid mistake.)
(Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are returning from the strip club.]
Chandler: Yeah?
Phoebe: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, well get us some Mai Thais, (To Chandler) maybe no more for you though.
Chandler: All right, well Im gonna put my sweats back on.
Monica: Come on! Chandler!
Chandler: Okay, look, Im gonna have to ask you all to leave.
(Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)
Chandler: Well, Im there too!
Chandler: Stop it! Youre killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Chandler: Please?
Chandler: Come on, let me see that smile.
Chandler: Where I dont want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!
Monica: (looking at Chandler sleeping with a balloon in his mouth) So sexy. (Waking him up.) Honey.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but yknow I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? Cause weve had our first fight, and now we can move on. Yknow, I know for me(Notices a pair of mens pants on the chair.) Nicks pants?
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Chandler: Im the ruptured spleen. (Laughs.)
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.]
Chandler: And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her. And you get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place....
Rachel: Chandler, theres a guy right over there. (Points to the counter)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing darts, as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Hey, you know who used to have nails like that?
Chandler: (entering, with Janice in tow) Hello!
Chandler: Isnt this amazing?
Chandler: Bye.
Chandler: Bye.
Chandler: Okay. Bye.
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Janice: I just came up to say, "Hi!" Hi! (to Chandler) And you, sweetie, Ill see you tonight.
Chandler: (laughs) Okay, we have to talk. Im just getting out of a very serious relationship
Chandler: Because, I-I shouldve called! Yknow if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never wouldve gone out with Nick, and they wouldve ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!
Chandler: All right, we havent had sex yet. Okay, whats the big deal? Yknow? This is special, and I want our love to grow until we move on to the next level.
Chandler: Look, Im not saying that you should magically forgive me! But youre not perfect! Youve made some errors in judgment too!
Chandler: No! No! Not, Paris.
Chandler: I dont know exactly.
Chandler: But I do know that its some time tomorrow.
CHANDLER: Alright, I hope you realize you're not getting these underpants back.
Chandler: Yknow uh, you didnt really have to help me pack.
Chandler: No, actually Lauries a boy.
(Chandler does so.)
Chandler: Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did not!
Chandler: (to Janice) Okay. (to Joey) Joey, trade lives with me!
Chandler: Oh, Im packing. Yknow Im-Im packing cause Im moving to Yemen tomorrow.
Janice: Okay, Chandler, come on!
Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros.
Chandler: (from his bedroom) Thanks!
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! Its not like hes Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica is going over some plans as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: Well, were really not that close. (Pause) Okay, so I guess this is uh, good-bye then.
Chandler: Hey, by any chance did either of pick uh Rachel for your secret Santa, cause I wanna trade for her.
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess its just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
Chandler: Yknow you, really didnt have to take me to the airport.
Chandler: What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Monica: Yknow, I think if I were going to be with a woman. (Chandler is intrigued.) Itd, itd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.
Chandler: Hey, you know what, here's a thought. Why don't you stay home from work today and just hang out with me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Ross, and Chandler are making a pit stop on their party tour.]
[Scene: Kathys play, Ross and Chandler are waiting for her in the lobby after the play.]
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Look, you dont have to draw an actual wowhoa! Shes hot!
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Chandler: Okay, good-bye. Good-bye.
Chandler: Well, I-I guess I gotta go.
Chandler: No!
Janice: Chandler?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next morning, Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Janice: Chandler!
Chandler: Are you aware that you're still talking?
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
Chandler: Just a little bit of sugar.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.]
Chandler: Without me?!
CHANDLER: Janice, you're--
Chandler: Hi guys!
Chandler: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?
Chandler: Yes, but in Rosss case, they both know in two weeks thats it.
Chandler: Maybe thats because soy-burgers suck!
Chandler: Well, I then guess Im going to Yemen! Im going to Yemen! (To this old woman also going to Yemen.) When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?
Rachel: Go-go-go-go, come on! (Ross goes over to the counte) (to Chandler) So uh, what did you find out?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are watching a movie as Chandler comes in from his bedroom.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Chandler and Joey: Surprise!!
Chandler: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to the living room.)
Chandler: I said, "Like what?"
[Cut to later, the party is in full swing. Rachel is in the kitchen and Chandler goes over to talk to her.]
Chandler: Like what?
Chandler: Okay. (She grabs a tin of freshly baked cookies) Oh yes. (He reaches for one.)
Chandler: Does for me.
Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)