words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is getting ready for a fishing trip and Phoebe is asking him about the fishing lures. Ross is playing with the rod, and Monica is pretty much just watching the on goings.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Monica: Hey, Joey, I dont think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean its only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?
Chandler: (opening the bathroom door and kicking out the chick and duck) Would you give me one minute!! Please.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is in his sweats flinging playing cards into a pot.]
Chandler: Yknow, I cant believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on Im never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Joey: (goes over to Chandler) Hey buddy! Hows it going?
(Chandler imitates retching and gets out of the chair.)
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Monica: No, Chandlers still in Phase One, and Joeys that thing you smell.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next morning, Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom.)
Chandler: Thats right! Where are the guys? Im ready to get drunk and see some strippers.
Chandler: They got a breakfast buffet.
Chandler: Ooh, let me talk to him!
Chandler: Well, can I just
Monica: (to Chandler) Shh!! (On phone) Wait, what?
Chandler: Shes shhing me! Its my phone and shes shhing me!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, scene continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Theyre in Vermont!! How could this happen?! (She waves her arms franticly and hits Chandler.)
Chandler: Ow!
Rachel: Howhow did end up in Vermont with that awful witch?! (She hits Chandler again.)
Chandler: Maybe, she doesnt hit him all the time.
[cut back to Chandler and Joeys.]
Rachel: I dont get this! She was horrible! (She hits Chandler, yet again.)
Chandler: Okay, Im going to go stand over there. (Points and moves into the living room.)
Chandler: So yknow, uh, whens he getting back?
Chandler: Yknow, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)
Monica: What are you doing?! Chandler! You cant just go back a phase!
Chandler: Yes you can. Youre thinking about time, you cant go back in time.
Chandler: (laughs) No you cant.
Chandler: You dont want to be guys, youd be all hairy and wouldnt live as long. (Starts to go to his bedroom)
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to cry)
[Scene: A strip club, the girls are there with Chandler, who isnt enjoying himself.]
Monica: (coming back to the stage and sitting next to Chandler) Okay, Ive got some Ones, you wanna put them in her panties?
Chandler: No thanks, Mom!
Chandler: Ahh, come on! Yknow whatyknow what, I think Im just gonna go home and call Kathy.
Chandler: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours Im gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, Im gonna get so drunk, Im gonna wanna call Janice
Chandler: Ohhh!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are returning from the strip club.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!
Chandler: All right, well Im gonna put my sweats back on.
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Stripping!
Chandler: Okay, look, Im gonna have to ask you all to leave.
Monica: Come on! Chandler!
Chandler: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldnt picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)
Monica: Yknow, I think if I were going to be with a woman. (Chandler is intrigued.) Itd, itd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.
Chandler: (jumping up) Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three!
Chandler: I am totally picturing you with all those women!
Chandler: Well, Im there too!
Chandler: Stop it! Youre killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
Chandler: Where I dont want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Chandler: Come on, let me see that smile.
Chandler: Please?
Chandler: I know, I know, but youre gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is there and is getting ready to direct a bunch of strippers, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on what to do in the upcoming orgy of lesbian lust. Yes, its a dream sequence, this isnt cable.]
Chandler: All right ladies, heres what were gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandlers the king! Chandlers the king!"
Chandler: Oh, thats fine! Go with your instincts, go with your instincts.
Chandler: Come on! Would you please pay attention, I could wake up at any moment!
Chandler: What do you want from me, Ive never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, Im sorry you cant stay, (Rachel is upset about leaving the orgy with the cigarette guy.) but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. (The cigarette guy starts rubbing Chandlers back.) What are you doing? (The guy just nods) All right, listen, Ive got to wake up!
Chandler: I gotta check out this hot girl! (He heads to the window but realizes something, stops, turns and points at Monica.) There she is! (He dances over to her and kisses her.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Chandler: What's going on?
Chandler: (deadpan) Oh, hurry up. I want to sign that.
Chandler: That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?!
Chandler: Uh, HELLO!!
Chandler: (returning) Oh my God! (Storms out.)
Chandler: Who jumps at loud noises!
Chandler: Oh, I just went for a walk, around the living room. Whatever
Chandler: I do not hate Ross!
Chandler: What picture?
Chandler: You dove in front of Ross! Ross!
Chandler: Much sense?!
Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is (Goes and picks up the sandwich) the greatest sandwich in the world!
Chandler: Really?!
Chandler: I thought you were showing me how much you mean to me.
Chandler: So you didn't uh, choose Ross before me.
Chandler: (examining the hat) And the bunny got away. (Turns and starts looking for the bunny as Joey puts the hat on.)
Chandler: Thanks. (He grabs the sandwich.)
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Check it out! Cup hat! (Points to her hat.) Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! (Holds up one.)
(They all turn and look away. Suddenly a loud bang sounds out and in slow motion Joey slowly throws his body over Ross. Gary is shocked at what he sees while Chandler is obviously hurt.)
(Chandler takes a bite.)
Chandler: Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. (She starts to take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.
Joey: Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, (He unwraps the sandwich and holds it out for Chandler) here.
Chandler: Hiya doin' pumpkin?
Chandler: Okay.
(Monica leaves and Chandler moves to talk to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Nope. (Chandler nods in agreement.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Gary, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there.]
Chandler: (terrified) Right, because it's fast. Because, it's so fast. It's fast!
Chandler: So, what are you gonna do?
Chandler: I'll try, but I'm not sure what good it would do, y'know? Because I'm a lot less afraid of commitment than I used to be.
Chandler: Me?! Why me?
Chandler: (starts to laugh, but then gets serious) So umm, you-you flirt with guys all the time?
Chandler: (pouting) It was a car backfire!
[Scene: the 5th Precinct, Gary's precinct, Chandler has come to talk to him about commitment. And as he's walking through the door he notices a couple of "Ladies of the night" sitting there. (If you know what I mean.)]
Chandler: Gary, I'm here to report a crime.
Gary: Hey Chandler, what are you doing here?
Chandler: Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)
Chandler: You mean scared.
Chandler: Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?
Chandler: Scared? Happy?
Gary: Chandler, what-what are you doing?
Chandler: Yeah, I think I do! Y'know what? You move in with her! You move in with her right now! Maybe I should in with Monica!
Chandler: (pause) Yeah, you're right about that.
Chandler: Were you're parents happy, or something?
Chandler: Wow, y'know when you say it, it doesn't sound so scary.
Chandler: I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!
Chandler: (entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!
Chandler: Yes I did, and I think you should do it.
Chandler: Im sorry. (Pause) If you ask me, I'd move in with him.
Chandler: Hi!
Gary: Hey Chandler.
Chandler: He's a great guy, y'know? And he loves you a lot, you are a very lucky lady.
Phoebe: Ohh!! God! (Gary enters and she sees him) Ooh! (To Chandler) Get out of here, good for nothing.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Four hours? You guys have been doing this for four hours?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]
Chandler: Hi.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen as Chandler enters.]
Monica: Chandler! Everyone--no one's eating my Tuscan finger food 'cause they're all filling up on Phoebe's snow cones!
Chandler: You're shooting with Althea?!
(As she walks away, Chandler mouths a scream to Monica. How motions and mouths, "It's okay, it's okay.")
Chandler: Not fun anymore?
Chandler: Oh that is over!
Chandler: You guys wanna eat here?
Chandler: Yeah, you almost overreacted to something.
Rachel: No, I meant with the dropper over here. (Points at Chandler.)
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Okay, so Richard, Richard!
Chandler: Ohh.
Chandler: Oh, Richard. That's all I ever hear, Richard, Richard, Richard!
Chandler: What?
Rachel: Chandler!
Chandler: You okay there man?
Chandler: How much did I love The King and I? (Oh, you get the point by now.)
Chandler: Well we-we do. You can only eat Tic Tacks in even numbers.
Chandler: Uh, no Pheebs. What's it look like?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Chandler: Yeah, I know that means buddy!
Chandler: Well, uh, we can talk about that too Pheebs.
Chandler: Thank you.
Chandler: Thats a great idea! We can easily think of a way for us both to enjoy the room.
Chandler: All right, great, road trip baby! (To Monica) This okay with you?
Chandler: We dont have to come up with this now.
Chandler: Hey, yknow what? Why dont we think about changes we can make in the living room?
Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.
Chandler: It's throwing and catching!
Chandler: All right, let me in. (He jumps off of the counter to join in the game.)
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?
Chandler: Yeah, I mean were gonna have to move around some furniture to make room for my chair. (Kisses her and heads into the living room.)
Chandler: Okay!
Monica: Chandler! You don't have to ask for my permission. (Quietly) You can go.
(Joey nods to Chandler, no way!)
Chandler: Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out!
Chandler: Oh, he's in the back. The duck pissed him off, said that eggs came first.
Chandler: All right, bye-bye now!