words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is getting ready for a fishing trip and Phoebe is asking him about the fishing lures. Ross is playing with the rod, and Monica is pretty much just watching the on goings.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Monica: Hey, Joey, I dont think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean its only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?
Chandler: (opening the bathroom door and kicking out the chick and duck) Would you give me one minute!! Please.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is in his sweats flinging playing cards into a pot.]
Chandler: Yknow, I cant believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on Im never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Joey: (goes over to Chandler) Hey buddy! Hows it going?
(Chandler imitates retching and gets out of the chair.)
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Monica: No, Chandlers still in Phase One, and Joeys that thing you smell.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next morning, Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom.)
Chandler: Thats right! Where are the guys? Im ready to get drunk and see some strippers.
Chandler: They got a breakfast buffet.
Chandler: Ooh, let me talk to him!
Chandler: Well, can I just
Monica: (to Chandler) Shh!! (On phone) Wait, what?
Chandler: Shes shhing me! Its my phone and shes shhing me!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, scene continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Theyre in Vermont!! How could this happen?! (She waves her arms franticly and hits Chandler.)
Chandler: Ow!
Rachel: Howhow did end up in Vermont with that awful witch?! (She hits Chandler again.)
Chandler: Maybe, she doesnt hit him all the time.
[cut back to Chandler and Joeys.]
Rachel: I dont get this! She was horrible! (She hits Chandler, yet again.)
Chandler: Okay, Im going to go stand over there. (Points and moves into the living room.)
Chandler: So yknow, uh, whens he getting back?
Chandler: Yknow, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)
Monica: What are you doing?! Chandler! You cant just go back a phase!
Chandler: Yes you can. Youre thinking about time, you cant go back in time.
Chandler: (laughs) No you cant.
Chandler: You dont want to be guys, youd be all hairy and wouldnt live as long. (Starts to go to his bedroom)
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to cry)
[Scene: A strip club, the girls are there with Chandler, who isnt enjoying himself.]
Monica: (coming back to the stage and sitting next to Chandler) Okay, Ive got some Ones, you wanna put them in her panties?
Chandler: No thanks, Mom!
Chandler: Ahh, come on! Yknow whatyknow what, I think Im just gonna go home and call Kathy.
Chandler: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours Im gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, Im gonna get so drunk, Im gonna wanna call Janice
Chandler: Ohhh!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are returning from the strip club.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!
Chandler: All right, well Im gonna put my sweats back on.
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Stripping!
Chandler: Okay, look, Im gonna have to ask you all to leave.
Monica: Come on! Chandler!
Chandler: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldnt picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)
Monica: Yknow, I think if I were going to be with a woman. (Chandler is intrigued.) Itd, itd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.
Chandler: (jumping up) Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three!
Chandler: I am totally picturing you with all those women!
Chandler: Well, Im there too!
Chandler: Stop it! Youre killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
Chandler: Where I dont want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Chandler: Come on, let me see that smile.
Chandler: Please?
Chandler: I know, I know, but youre gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is there and is getting ready to direct a bunch of strippers, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on what to do in the upcoming orgy of lesbian lust. Yes, its a dream sequence, this isnt cable.]
Chandler: All right ladies, heres what were gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandlers the king! Chandlers the king!"
Chandler: Oh, thats fine! Go with your instincts, go with your instincts.
Chandler: Come on! Would you please pay attention, I could wake up at any moment!
Chandler: What do you want from me, Ive never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, Im sorry you cant stay, (Rachel is upset about leaving the orgy with the cigarette guy.) but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. (The cigarette guy starts rubbing Chandlers back.) What are you doing? (The guy just nods) All right, listen, Ive got to wake up!
Chandler: Hey, yknow what? I was wrong.
(Chandler glares at him. At first Joey doesnt know why, it takes him a little bit to figure it out.)
Chandler: (entering, with Joey) All right! Lets do it!
Phoebe: Oh, hey, Chandler I wanna hug you too!
Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebes book as Rachel comes in from her room.)
(And with that everyone starts playing tonsil hockey. Chandler with Monica, Ross with Phoebe, and Joey with Rachel.)
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no more offers. You cant offer anything to us!
Chandler: I am, Im ignoring you.
Chandler: Oh, what the hell is that?
Chandler: Okay, if you see a little version of me in there? Kill it!
Ross: (to Chandler) Wait-wait, so, you get to be my best man twice and I never get to be yours at all?
Chandler: Maybe we shouldnt pay our phone billfree phone sex.
Chandler: I think its great. Its great. Yknow, theyre thinking of changing the name of this place.
Joey: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey Ive ever seen. Hey! (Pushes Chandler in front of the camera.) Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that shes-shes smart, and funny, and gets you.
Chandler: To Put the Camera Away!!!
Chandler: Well, I am drinking lots of cups of coffee because Im exhausted! Because Joey started snoring!
Chandler: Oh really? Then how come no one here is wearing them?
Chandler: How can I answer that when Im pretending I dont know you?
Chandler: Okay. Listen-listen, were not gonna have to walk this way the entire time are we?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is whining to Chandler about the tickets.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the middle of the night, there is someone knocking on the door and Monica and Chandler get up to answer it.]
Chandler: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a hundred percent cotton?
Chandler: (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all turn there backs on her.)
Chandler: No-no-no, yknow what? I really shouldnt have said that you were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasnt cool. And if it makes you feel any better, Ive had a really lousy day.
Chandler: Hey. (He nods at the hat.)
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Hey uh, Rach, funny story. I ah, bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday.
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys hotel room. Chandler is watching TV as Joey returns, still wearing his hat.]
Joey: (on tape) Oh, Chandler.
Chandler: Thats Thats was
Chandler: How did you? How? How?
Fergie: Hi Chandler! (Waves)
Chandler: Im gonna go to the bathroom.
Chandler: That was pretty intense huh?
Ross: Come on. (They leave and Chandler sticks his head out.)
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Chandler: (glares at him) I hope he did!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are reading a book about things to do whilst in London.]
Ross: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!
Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us?
Chandler: (seeing her) Okay.
Chandler: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it?
Mrs. Geller: I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry.
Chandler: (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didnt think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monicas shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.)
Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight. (He walks back to the others but she calls him back.)
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)Thats not food...No, I dont, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I cant even remember what Phoebe looks like.
Chandler: Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who Im not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone Chandler Bing, he said Whoa-whoa, short message.
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Fat Monica: Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
Chandler: Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in.
Chandler: All right, look, youre not really gonna buy that are you? Dont you think youve embarrassed me enough for one day?
Chandler: So how are you doing?
Chandler: Out loud?
Chandler: I wouldn't brag too much about that thing, big guy.
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Rachel: Man in the black dress (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! Im Rachel! Im a friend of Monica and Chandlers!
(Chandlers trying to console Monica.)
Chandler: The guy was hammered, okay? Theres no way, you look like Rosss mother.
Chandler: Ahh, you know what? That is....Who wouldnt want you?
Chandler: Okay uh, for now, temporarily, you can call me, Clint.
Chandler: Yeah you are!!
Chandler: Well Ive-Ive never done that with you before.
Chandler: I dont want to look.
Chandler: Okay, look, Joey! Come on, think about it, first of all, hell never be President. Theres never gonna be a President Joey.
Chandler: So, ahh, how are ya? How ya...How ya... You okay?
Chandler: Yes...Yes..Uh-huh, You?(Looking over at her. She looks back.) We did you.
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you (Points at all of them) with me. (They all look at her.) Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. (She opens the door to the cop from before.) Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!
Chandler: Oh yea yea, absolutely.
(Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and goes over to talk to her. Rachel is checking out her nose in her compact mirror.)
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Oh my god!
Chandler: Oh yea, your right. Its the second one.
Chandler: I just wan't to...
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the guys are now trying to figure out what next to do, since their plan with the stripper backfired on them.]
(He turns and looks at her. The woman whispers something to Gunther; who comes back and takes the mug away from Chandler.)
Chandler: If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.
Chandler: Im coming over tonight though, right?
Chandler: What we did last night was....
Chandler: Totally crazy stupid. (He nods his head at the people seated.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's carrying the laundry hamper to their coffee table.]
Chandler: It couldve been worse, he couldve shot her.
Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I dont even like Chandler.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Seven times!
Chandler: Well, I dont see that we have a choice. But, when were back home, we dont do it.
CHANDLER: Hey! How come I'm stuck dicing, when he gets to ball the melon.
(Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.)
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: All right look, am I serious, okay? Tomorrow at 3:30 I am going down to the courthouse.
Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country
Chandler: Forget it, thats off.
(Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.)
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)