words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
CHANDLER: Waaa-aaah.
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
CHANDLER: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
CHANDLER: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
CHANDLER: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Well then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Fine with me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
CHANDLER: Lick away my man.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: No-no, I mean what, what's this about your new place?
CHANDLER: Well I didn't think that was serious. [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was just a fight.
CHANDLER: Well, there you go.
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
CHANDLER: Stop talkin' to your men. [Joey scores]
CHANDLER: Congratulations. [Chandler leaves]
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
CHANDLER: [quietly] Yeah, I remember.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
CHANDLER: Thanks.
CHANDLER: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
Rachel: (thinks then gasps) Chandler M. Bing?
Chandler: Why am I hearing cheering?
[Scene: Chandlers Office, Bob is ransacking Chandlers office.]
Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars.
Bob: I just found out this is Chandlers office! Come on Toby, give me a hand!
Chandler: (entering) Bob. Bob! Bob!!! (He turns around) What the hell are you doing?!
Chandler: Youre an actor!
Chandler: Football? Just football?
Chandler: I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke! Joke! Joke!
Chandler: How is that me?
Chandler: When have I ever done that?!
Joey: Yes I did! Im Chandler. (Looks at Chandler) Dude, what happened?
Phoebe: (To Chandler) That is so you!
Chandler: Wow! I dont have the worst costume anymore!
Chandler: Maybe, isnt she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud?
Chandler: You know me sir. Oh ah, I do have a question for ya. Do you know how I get around the office computer network so I can access the really good Internet porn?
Monica: Oh really? Okay? Well what would you say if I told you that, yknow, Ross or Chandler could beat you up?
Chandler: Oh! Hi!
Chandler: (To Ross) Marry her.
Chandler: What question?
[Cut to Mona and Ross walking past Chandler.]
Chandler: Oh really?! You think youre stronger? Why dont you prove it? (He pushes Ross who starts to fall backwards until Mona catches him.)
Chandler: (To Monica) You picked Ross?!
Chandler: Theres no question.
Chandler: I cannot believe you didnt pick me.
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Chandler: (To Ross) Youre going down.
Chandler: Well, you know what they say, elephants never forget. (Monica is not amused by that statement.) Seriously, good luck marrying me.
Chandler: That means nothing to me. (To Ross) Come on!
Ross: (To Chandler) So, you gettin tired?
Chandler: God, Im exhausted.
Chandler: And dignity.
Chandler: Nope! I can do this all day.
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
Chandler: Youre Spudnik.
Chandler: Fine. (He lets Ross win.) Oh no!
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandlers, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
Chandler: No, I let him winRoss!
Chandler: Would you tell her I let you win please?
Chandler: I am strong! Ill show you! (He sits down at the table.)
Chandler: Listen, Ive got a secret for ya. I let him win.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
Monica: Chandler please!
Chandler: Hey.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is sitting in the living room as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Oh whats the matter? Are you scared?
Chandler: I got a maid. Yay!
Chandler: No, it wasnt you.
Chandler: Yknow uh, I didnt actually do this.
Chandler: Uh honey, I know you dont like to relinquish control
Chandler: Whats the matter?
Chandler: Yes, I distinctly remember cause I thought it was a joke. Now just give her a chance, okay?
Chandler: You like the Purple Rain display! (A guy walks up.) Hey Bob.
Chandler: Because if I go home, were gonna become the Bings! I cant be the Bings!
Monica: (To Chandler) I love her.
Chandler: Honey, isnt it possible that the company that sold the jeans made more than just the one pair?
Chandler: See? I told you.
Chandler: (pause) What?
Chandler: Were on a semi-first name basis.
Chandler: She mustve been planning this for years!
Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!
(They start to fight with Ross pulling on Chandlers ears and Chandler hitting Ross over the head with his carrot.)
Joey: (laughs) No. But I got Knicks tickets for you, me, and Chandler.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is running up the stairs and towards his apartment, but Joey is taking out the garbage at the same time and stops him in the hall.]
Richard: Oh, Im sorry. (Introduces them.) Lisa, (nodding at each) Monica, Chandler. We used to date.
Chandler: How come?
Chandler: To see her pants?
Chandler: (entering) Hi!
Chandler: Are you sure? Did you see the stain?
Chandler: Oh dear God!
Chandler: Heres another plan No!
Chandler: And yet you dont recognize that youre crazy.
Chandler: Why?
Chandler: You see that?
Chandler: You need new clothes.
Joey: Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.
Chandler: Look, shes really nice. Okay? And she mentioned that she adored the way that you arranged the sponges.
Chandler: You do?
Chandler: Im leaning. This is where I lean.
Chandler: Her what?!!
Chandler: You had a bachelorette party?!
Chandler: You went home with the waitress.
Chandler: What the fu(beep)ck are you doing?!
Chandler: I don't know. I can't--I just, I can't get her out of my head. Y'know? I mean, I'm a very bad person. I'm a very, very bad person. I'm a horrible person. (he waits for a reaction, when he doesn't get one) No you're not Chandler! We still love you Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting with Mona.]
Chandler: Sleeping with somebody new, anxiety, panic, and Im afraid even more sweating.
Chandler: Well, you have to honest with her! Otherwise you may think that youre going down the same path, but youre really going down different ones.
Chandler: My God! You must be good in bed!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Honey! Thats crazy! I dont want you to get me a stripper
Chandler: Shes okay with Rachel and the baby?
Chandler: All right fine! But Im only doing this for you!
Chandler: And Joey.
[This starts a series of flashbacks beginning with Monica and Chandler in the waiting room in The One With the Birth.]
Chandler: What are you doing?
Chandler: Youre right, this is more fun.
Chandler: Okay. I cant believe tomorrows the big day.
Chandler: That was weird.
Chandler: Thats me.
Chandler: Yeah, yeah right over there.