words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
CHANDLER: Waaa-aaah.
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
CHANDLER: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
CHANDLER: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
CHANDLER: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Well then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Fine with me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
CHANDLER: Lick away my man.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: No-no, I mean what, what's this about your new place?
CHANDLER: Well I didn't think that was serious. [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was just a fight.
CHANDLER: Well, there you go.
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
CHANDLER: Stop talkin' to your men. [Joey scores]
CHANDLER: Congratulations. [Chandler leaves]
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
CHANDLER: [quietly] Yeah, I remember.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
CHANDLER: Thanks.
CHANDLER: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
Chandler: Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors.
Joey: I dont know, Chandler is supposed to be passin em around...
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
Phoebe: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. (Thinks) Or-or Rachel!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: (who has just entered) Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!
Chandler: Oh! Oh! That's so hard. (Starts to juggle the ball, but loses control and almost drops it and hands it to Monica.)
Chandler: Here you go. (Hands her the money.) Now stop bringing us pizzas you.
Chandler: That's a good idea. I wonder where I could (Pause) get a basket of porn
Chandler: Awesome!
Chandler: Huh-huh! You can't give her that.
Chandler: Oh, thats cool. Then Ill just bring them both over.
Phoebe: (to Joey) Ooh, do you want to talk to Chandler?
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Is that Joey?! (She nods yes) Let me talk to him!
Chandler: (To Joey) Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah! (She hands the phone to Chandler.)
Joey: Well, I'm totally over it Chandler. Friends forever! Don't come out here!
[Cut to Chandler]
[Cut to Chandler]
Chandler: Uh, what was that?
Chandler: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight.
[Cut to Chandler]
Chandler: I'm not a dropper!
Chandler: Okay, I get it. So, I get nothing! Nothing here is mine! Everything here is yours! Ill get up in the morning put on your clothes, and head off to work!
Monica: (in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
Monica: Okay, you can not tell Chandler. Okay? That I ran into Richard.
Chandler: I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your head. And your like 'Mom, get outta here!' You know, but of course, like, after that you can't possibly think of anything else, and you can't, you know, stop what your doing. So it's kinda like, you're, you know. You know...(Ross just stares at him). You don't know!
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Ooh! So now why can't we tell Chandler?
Chandler: Wow!
Chandler: Huh.
Chandler: Okay.
CHANDLER: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.
Chandler: Oh, but it's not 'til tomorrow!
Chandler: Yeah, I think we should see other people.
Chandler: Do we have to?
Chandler: Yes.
Phoebe: Awww! Now you're just my annoying friend Chandler.
Ross: Well you shouldnt be. Believe me I wouldnt want to be the guy whos up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!
Chandler: (after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!!
Chandler: It's a great idea. (They kiss)
Chandler: Y'know Pheebs, it's kinda our (His and Monica's) anniversary.
Chandler: I don't know, I'm very tired.
Chandler: I said art lover.
Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (Theyre stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
Chandler: (To Monica) Happy plane-aversary.
Chandler: So it's pretty much the same Pheebs.
Chandler: Yeah, I guess it's a little better now.
Chandler: Can I give you a present now?
Chandler: What-what Richard thing?
Chandler: Ohh that's the worse thing that can happen on an anniversary ever!
Chandler: What Richard thing?
Chandler: How do you feel about the, "I really did forgot the present, please forgive me" not fake out?
Chandler: (talking out of the side of his mouth) I'm not mad.
Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah, so you-you bumped into Richard! You grabbed a bite! It's no big deal. (He still ain't happy.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is pacing as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Y'know, he won't even talk to me. How am I going to apologize to him if he won't even talk to me?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; continued from earlier. Joey is closing the door after Rachel leaves and is about to confront Chandler and Monica.]
Chandler: Love your condoms my man.
Chandler: Oh my God.
Chandler: Why?! What happened?!
Joey: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. (To Chandler) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: So you can balloon up or you can shrink down and I will still love you.
Chandler: Thanks. (They hug.)
Chandler: No! Her boyfriend Richard!
Chandler: Fine with me!
Chandler: What are you talking
Chandler: That's so funny, because I think I just did!
Chandler: In the game room!
[Scene: Guru Sajs office: Joey and Chandler have taken the duck to see the guru.]
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: And you're gonna make them all disappear.
Chandler: Whoa!
Chandler: I see.
Chandler: Good luck!
Joey: Chandler! I don't need luck. I have thought this through!
(Joey exits as Chandler shakes his head.)
Chandler: Anyway, I should go, one of the lifeguards was just about to dismantle a nuclear device.
Monica: Y'know what? You're right Phoebe. You're right. Thank you! (Gets up to find Chandler.)
Phoebe: So go fix it! Go find Chandler! He's probably up in your room! Tell him that you're sorry and that you love him.
Chandler: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi!
Chandler: (totally confused) What?
Joey: Chandler! You are not gonna believe this! I have found my identical hand twin!
Chandler: What's an identical hand twin?
[Cut to Chandler's room, Joey is relaying to Chandler his amazing discovery.]
Chandler: (totally confused) How?
Chandler: How can he do that? Didn't you sign a lease?
Chandler: Again I must go back to, how?
Chandler: Are you sure you weren't (pause) looking at your hands in a mirror?
Chandler: That was Joey!
Chandler: No!
Chandler: Yeah, well, she's probably talking to Richard.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Hey Rach, now that you're working at Ralph Lauren, can you bring me back some of those polo shirts?
Chandler: Okay. (He gets up and goes to find her.)
Joey: (to Chandler) The Irish gig guy?!