words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
CHANDLER: Waaa-aaah.
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
CHANDLER: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
CHANDLER: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
CHANDLER: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Well then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Fine with me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
CHANDLER: Lick away my man.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: No-no, I mean what, what's this about your new place?
CHANDLER: Well I didn't think that was serious. [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was just a fight.
CHANDLER: Well, there you go.
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
CHANDLER: Stop talkin' to your men. [Joey scores]
CHANDLER: Congratulations. [Chandler leaves]
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
CHANDLER: [quietly] Yeah, I remember.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
CHANDLER: Thanks.
CHANDLER: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Wha-
Joey and Chandler: What is it?
(Joey and Chandler run in)
Joey and Chandler: We already knew that! (they hug)
Chandler: (to Joey) One more game?
Chandler: Yeah, get out!
Chandler: I'm sorry!
Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds?
Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Chandler: Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth.
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is inside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.]
Chandler: Huh.
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Chandler: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing through?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are still playing catch.]
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) What?
Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.
Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here.
Chandler: Tell me what?
Chandler: Maybe she didn't move on, you know...maybe that kiss was just an impulsive one-time birthday thing
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Uh, let's see, who do I hate?
Chandler: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
Chandler: Now, there is a dress laid out on your bed. (Monica stumbles on the steps.) Okay, (catches her) youre doing great. Youre doing great. Youre doing fine.
Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering with a peace offering of a Joey Special, two pizzas.]
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
Chandler: (running up) Hey Joey, do you wanna play football or you wanna.. (sees Marhan) Hi, Im Chandler.
Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Chandler: Well, you're gonna.
Chandler: Yeah. I really do.
Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)
Chandler: Get off!
Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.
Joey: All right Ill talk in code. (to Ross and Chandler) Remember when the kid sees those two blanks in the hallway?
(Chandler laughs)
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!
Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.
Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What?
Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Chandler: Does anyone else think David Copperfield is cute?
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Chandler: Wow!
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Chandler: More importantly, was I any good?
Chandler: (To Rachel) Eldad is much more cooperative! And he can dance! (To Eldad) You dance for Rachel!
Phoebe: (to Chandler at the phone) Okay, we-we'll talk to you later. Okay, bye.
Chandler: Any contact?
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? (Joey makes an `I don't know' face, and looks to Chandler and Rachel, who're also stumped) Okay, no they don't.
Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.
Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...
Chandler: ...And what did you bring?
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...
Chandler: Janice?
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice.
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
Chandler: (shrinks back) Right. You know what? Actually I just get off the plane, so I�m feeling kinda gross. Maybe I should just take a shower.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Chandler: That's OK.
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Chandler: Tell me it's "you and me" we.
Chandler: And we're also gonna buy you tiny, bird hearing-aids.
(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)
(Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows him.)
Chandler: So...
Chandler: You're okay there?
Chandler: I hope she throws up on you.
Chandler: Oh, what a crappy night!
Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me.
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) How many of those have you had?
Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.
Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns around, it's a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?
Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.
Monica: Oh, Chandler, sorry.
Chandler: Oh, good, Joey's home now.