words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has told Chandler and Joey his terrible act.]
Chandler: Oh my God! Oh my God!
Chandler: Well, before we answer that, I think we should address the more important question. How dumb are you?
Chandler: Hes right. Nobodys gonna benefit, and youre just gonna hurt her.
Chandler: All right look, if you absolutely have to tell her, at least wait until the timings right. And thats what deathbeds are for.
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issacs sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebes friends with Rachel. And thats the trail, I did it!
(Hearing the screaming Chandler and Joey rush in. Joey has a pan, Chandler has a tea kettle.)
Chandler: Off?!!
Chandler: Yeah, well I dont think you can make that statement, unless youve been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely.
Chandler: Oh, thats mature.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler slowly closes the door, and we hear Rachel from the living room.]
Chandler: Nothing, nothing.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk....
Monica: Oh!! (hits Chandler and Joey in the head) You guys knew about this and you didnt tell us?!
Chandler: (to Joey) He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Chandler: She was not good. Not good.
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Chandler: Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.
Joey: Why not?! (to Chandler) Im hungry.
Chandler: Y'know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about.
Ross: Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
Chandler: (handing Monica the wax) Wax the door shut, were never leaving, ever.
Chandler: Oh great, food with hair on it.
Chandler: Because that would be crazy?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, theyre all eating the wax, Chandler and Phoebe, dont like it. Joey tries some and makes a face like: Hey, thats not so bad.]
Chandler: Yeah, come on, its Ross and Rachel, theyve got too.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?
Joey: Whoa-ho-ho! (He looks at Chandler, who gives him a come on look.) Yeah, okay.
Chandler: Lets go.
Chandler: (to Joey) Is that your new walk?
Chandler: (swallowing hard) Well that would be nice. I'll go get the lotion.
Chandler: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad.
Chandler: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like a dad yet?
Chandler and Ross: Hey.
Chandler: Could you want her more?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica has finally given up on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off aimlessly.]
(Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table.)
Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, alright...
Chandler: We're notwe're not saying anything.
Chandler: And then he did.
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
Chandler: OK Phoebs, how many do you want?
Chandler: ...little playthings with yarn?
Chandler: (changing subject) OK, so at this point, the dealer...
Chandler: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle.
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Chandler and Joey are there. Ross enters with a pizza.]
Chandler: Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing?
Chandler: With Roger? (Monica shyly looks away.) Not just with Roger?! (Monica shrugs.) Oh my God!
Chandler: Y'know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so
Chandler: Oh yes, yes, we could play some other game... like, uh, I don't know... Pictionary?
Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.
Phoebe: Chandler?
Chandler: Couldn't be more out. (throws in cards)
Chandler: Y'know, I've had dates like this.
Phoebe: Monica and Chandler said that you were having so much fun here. And apparently no amount of drums or tarantulas is gonna change that.
Chandler: Call.
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnt look exactly like her sister.
Chandler: (to Ross): What do you need, what do you need?
Chandler: Good luck.
Chandler: Alright, here's ten. (gives it to him)
Chandler: (to Ross): I thought we had them!
Chandler: Go.
(To start this task, she lowers the top of her robe to reveal that she is naked from the waist up, well at least her back is, and starts to rub on the gunk. Chandler notices this, and has something start happening. Ill let you fill in the blank here.)
Chandler: Toootal chick-flick.
Chandler: They're still just friends, right?
Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already?
Chandler: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used.
Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Chandler: Rachel lost Marcel.
Chandler: I did not say fat! I said, "Fa-aa-aw-ow "
(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad!)
Chandler: Marcel?
Chandler: Marcel?
Chandler: Yes have you seen any?
Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for something...
Chandler: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.
Chandler: Marcel?!
Chandler: No, it can mean anything. Like uh, all of the sudden you're jealous because I've become the apartment stud.
(Phoebe and Chandler enter)
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]
Phoebe: Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica) Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so....
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Chandler: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. (Joey and Ross wonder what he means) Me.
Chandler: You know, it haunts me? Up til now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. (She tries to whistle and blows little chunks of cheesecake out of her mouth.) How can you eat the cheesecake without me?!
Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
Chandler: Hey Rach!
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the boom, boom, (Chandler flails his hand out and hits Janice in the eye)... boom.
Chandler: I have my reasons.
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (The girls make disgusted noises.) It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? (To the guys) I'm right, right?
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides it under the table.)
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
Chandler: Can I use your phone?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds.]
Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?
Chandler: She answered.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
Chandler: If it helps, I could slide over.
Chandler: Hello? Hello?
Chandler: So how's Mindy?
Chandler: They do me?
Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you.
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Chandler: I don't sound like that.
Ross: Oh, oh Chandler...
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled). Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair)?
Chandler: Ring dammit, ring!
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
Chandler: What?!
Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler glares at her.) ... Just pointing out the irony.
Chandler: You look great. I'm so glad we're having this rehearsal dinner, you know, I so rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.
Chandler: Oh, is she related to Ralph Lauren?
Ross: Oh! And it gets worse! (Turns his side to Chandler and Monica and pulls up his shirt. There's a distinct line across his body, where his belly is very tanned and his back is very pale.)
Chandler: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true.
Chandler: Im sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why dont you uh, lift up your shirt? (He does.) Take a look at this kiddo. (Alex finally starts crying.) We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!