words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has told Chandler and Joey his terrible act.]
Chandler: Oh my God! Oh my God!
Chandler: Well, before we answer that, I think we should address the more important question. How dumb are you?
Chandler: Hes right. Nobodys gonna benefit, and youre just gonna hurt her.
Chandler: All right look, if you absolutely have to tell her, at least wait until the timings right. And thats what deathbeds are for.
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issacs sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebes friends with Rachel. And thats the trail, I did it!
(Hearing the screaming Chandler and Joey rush in. Joey has a pan, Chandler has a tea kettle.)
Chandler: Off?!!
Chandler: Yeah, well I dont think you can make that statement, unless youve been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely.
Chandler: Oh, thats mature.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler slowly closes the door, and we hear Rachel from the living room.]
Chandler: Nothing, nothing.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk....
Monica: Oh!! (hits Chandler and Joey in the head) You guys knew about this and you didnt tell us?!
Chandler: (to Joey) He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Chandler: She was not good. Not good.
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Chandler: Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.
Joey: Why not?! (to Chandler) Im hungry.
Chandler: Y'know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about.
Ross: Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
Chandler: (handing Monica the wax) Wax the door shut, were never leaving, ever.
Chandler: Oh great, food with hair on it.
Chandler: Because that would be crazy?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, theyre all eating the wax, Chandler and Phoebe, dont like it. Joey tries some and makes a face like: Hey, thats not so bad.]
Chandler: Yeah, come on, its Ross and Rachel, theyve got too.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?
Joey: Whoa-ho-ho! (He looks at Chandler, who gives him a come on look.) Yeah, okay.
Chandler: Lets go.
Chandler: (to Joey) Is that your new walk?
Chandler: Ohhh!!
(Chandler goes into the apartment, while Joey checks his ticket and is embarrassed by his stupid mistake.)
(Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are returning from the strip club.]
Chandler: Yeah?
Phoebe: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, well get us some Mai Thais, (To Chandler) maybe no more for you though.
Chandler: All right, well Im gonna put my sweats back on.
Monica: Come on! Chandler!
Chandler: Okay, look, Im gonna have to ask you all to leave.
(Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)
Chandler: Well, Im there too!
Chandler: Stop it! Youre killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Chandler: Please?
Chandler: Come on, let me see that smile.
Chandler: Where I dont want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!
Monica: (looking at Chandler sleeping with a balloon in his mouth) So sexy. (Waking him up.) Honey.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but yknow I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? Cause weve had our first fight, and now we can move on. Yknow, I know for me(Notices a pair of mens pants on the chair.) Nicks pants?
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Chandler: Im the ruptured spleen. (Laughs.)
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.]
Chandler: And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her. And you get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place....
Rachel: Chandler, theres a guy right over there. (Points to the counter)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing darts, as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Hey, you know who used to have nails like that?
Chandler: (entering, with Janice in tow) Hello!
Chandler: Isnt this amazing?
Chandler: Bye.
Chandler: Bye.
Chandler: Okay. Bye.
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Janice: I just came up to say, "Hi!" Hi! (to Chandler) And you, sweetie, Ill see you tonight.
Chandler: (laughs) Okay, we have to talk. Im just getting out of a very serious relationship
Chandler: Because, I-I shouldve called! Yknow if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never wouldve gone out with Nick, and they wouldve ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!
Chandler: All right, we havent had sex yet. Okay, whats the big deal? Yknow? This is special, and I want our love to grow until we move on to the next level.
Chandler: Look, Im not saying that you should magically forgive me! But youre not perfect! Youve made some errors in judgment too!
Chandler: No! No! Not, Paris.
Chandler: I dont know exactly.
Chandler: But I do know that its some time tomorrow.
CHANDLER: Alright, I hope you realize you're not getting these underpants back.
Chandler: Yknow uh, you didnt really have to help me pack.
Chandler: No, actually Lauries a boy.
(Chandler does so.)
Chandler: Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did not!
Chandler: (to Janice) Okay. (to Joey) Joey, trade lives with me!
Chandler: Oh, Im packing. Yknow Im-Im packing cause Im moving to Yemen tomorrow.
Janice: Okay, Chandler, come on!
Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros.
Chandler: (from his bedroom) Thanks!
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! Its not like hes Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica is going over some plans as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: Well, were really not that close. (Pause) Okay, so I guess this is uh, good-bye then.
Chandler: Hey, by any chance did either of pick uh Rachel for your secret Santa, cause I wanna trade for her.
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess its just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
Chandler: Yknow you, really didnt have to take me to the airport.
Chandler: What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Monica: Yknow, I think if I were going to be with a woman. (Chandler is intrigued.) Itd, itd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.
Chandler: Hey, you know what, here's a thought. Why don't you stay home from work today and just hang out with me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Ross, and Chandler are making a pit stop on their party tour.]
[Scene: Kathys play, Ross and Chandler are waiting for her in the lobby after the play.]
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Look, you dont have to draw an actual wowhoa! Shes hot!
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Chandler: Okay, good-bye. Good-bye.
Chandler: Well, I-I guess I gotta go.
Chandler: No!
Janice: Chandler?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next morning, Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Janice: Chandler!
Chandler: Are you aware that you're still talking?
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
Chandler: Just a little bit of sugar.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.]
Chandler: Without me?!
CHANDLER: Janice, you're--
Chandler: Hi guys!
Chandler: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?
Chandler: Yes, but in Rosss case, they both know in two weeks thats it.
Chandler: Maybe thats because soy-burgers suck!
Chandler: Well, I then guess Im going to Yemen! Im going to Yemen! (To this old woman also going to Yemen.) When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?
Rachel: Go-go-go-go, come on! (Ross goes over to the counte) (to Chandler) So uh, what did you find out?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are watching a movie as Chandler comes in from his bedroom.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Chandler and Joey: Surprise!!
Chandler: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to the living room.)
Chandler: I said, "Like what?"
[Cut to later, the party is in full swing. Rachel is in the kitchen and Chandler goes over to talk to her.]
Chandler: Like what?
Chandler: Okay. (She grabs a tin of freshly baked cookies) Oh yes. (He reaches for one.)
Chandler: Does for me.
Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)