words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters carrying a drum.]
Chandler: Hey! Wow, it is true what they say, pregnant bellies look like a drum.
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: Wouldnt that be Frank the III?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Hey! Do we have a baby name yet?
Chandler: Well, it certainly worked for that Valdez kid.
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
Chandler: Well, Chandler will be there for you too. I mean, well, he might be a little late, but-but, hell be there. And hell bring you some cold soda, if want you need him for is that youre really hot.
Phoebe: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I dontmaybe Ill just name him The Hulk.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: And now youre giving me the message!
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
Chandler: Hi! Hi! Youre crazy! Okay? This is Emily. Emily is straight.
Phoebe: So, I decided Im definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
Joey: Oh! Oh-oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named Chandler.
Chandler: Raymond Chandler.
Chandler: Okay, there are no famous Joeys. Except for, huh, Joey Buttafucco.
Chandler: Okay, look, Joey! Come on, think about it, first of all, hell never be President. Theres never gonna be a President Joey.
Joey: All right look man, I didnt want to bring this up, but Chandler, is the stupidest name I ever heard in my life! Its not even a name; its barely even a word. Okay? Its kinda like chandelier, but its not! All right? Its a stupid, stupid non-name!
Chandler: Wow, youre, youre right. I have a horrible, horrible name.
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with Joshua.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is looking for a new name in Phoebes book of names.]
Chandler: No, no, youre right, it is a ridiculous name!
Chandler: Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.
Chandler: I have no name.
Chandler: Okay uh, for now, temporarily, you can call me, Clint.
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Chandler: Its Clint. Its Clint! (He heads for his bedroom.)
Chandler: Its Clint! Clint!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is showing off more of her drum skills to Joey by rubbing one of the sticks back and forth across the drum.]
Chandler: (entering) Okay. Okay. All right. Help! Am I a Mark, or a John?
Chandler: All right look, am I serious, okay? Tomorrow at 3:30 I am going down to the courthouse.
Chandler: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, its probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women So, as of 4 oclock tomorrow, Im either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.
Phoebe: You got problems because of you! Not your name! All right, this has got to stop! Chandler is a great name! In factyes, (To Joey) Im, Im sorry. I know you really wanted me to name the baby Joey, but eh, so, Im-Im, Im gonna, Im gonna name the baby Chandler.
Chandler: (pleased) Really?!
Chandler: Okay. Thanks.
Chandler: You wanna hug it out?
Chandler: Yay!
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Bye, Pheebs!
(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and )
Chandler: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Joey: Ohh! (Realises it was all a trick to get Phoebe to name the baby Chandler.)
Monica: David, can you help me?! I'm trying to explain to Chandler how a plane stays in the air.
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Chandler: (upset) She does?
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
David: (to Chandler) Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?
Chandler: Seriously, we're gonna do this?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Well, you're welcome! Glad I could help.
Chandler: David, I'm pretending to read here!!
Chandler: I didn't mean now...
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Chandler: All right, I will help you out but you have to promise me you will not tell anyone what I am about to tell you.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
[Scene: Back in New York, Monica and Chandler in Central Perk on the couch]
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe.
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler: I did! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
(Monica and Chandler reach the group)
Joey: Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in (Joey, Chandler and David leave)
Chandler: Man, that's some bad advice!
(Rachel turns around and sees Chandler and Monica arriving)
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Chandler: That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross!
Rachel: Not Joey, no, I was just lusting after Chandler.
Chandler: (slaps him on the shoulder) Nice! (goes to Monica)
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe tonight!
Chandler: That would be advice!!
Chandler: (offended) What? (pause) May I?
Chandler: I dont know. (He picks the chick up and turns it over, trying to determine the sex of the chick, and blows on it.) I cant tell, what ever it was went back in too quickly.
Chandler: Oh, is it on the computer, cuz I'd love to give it a read...?
Chandler: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Chandler: Your computer, I don't know wha... everything's gone!
Chandler: (at the laptop) Oh, no, no, no dear God, no!
Chandler: It must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
Ross: What... what am I gonna do? My speech is gone, Chandler!
Chandler: Well, you must be pretty mad at yourself right now...!
Chandler: I just feel awful.
Ross: Get out! (Chandler runs out)
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) And make sure our room isn't next to theirs (points to Phoebe).
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Chandler: (pretending not to sense the tone) Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
Chandler: Yeah. I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey.
(Chandler walks in)
Chandler: Phoebe is going to say "yes"? That's, that's great!
Chandler: And there's not chance that will work?
Chandler: This vacation sucks!!
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Ross: If you want to check your email, just ask! (Chandler tries to look offended)
Chandler: So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!
Chandler: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? (doing David) "Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh..." Spit it out, David!
Chandler: That's fast math! We could use you in Tulsa.
Chandler: You know, it's very hard to take you seriously when you look like that.
Chandler: Yes but there's six of us so we'd only have to get struck by lightning 7 times.
Chandler: What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I cant have children!!
Chandler: What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the...(Tries to rest his feet on the coffee table but they won't reach) OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table.
Chandler: Oh, ain't this nice? It's so quiet, I could just lie here all day.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's room. Monica and Chandler are in bed.]
Chandler: Ladies? Ross's speech is in 45 minutes.
(the paleontologist glares at Chandler)
Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
Chandler: (to the one sitting next to him) Really?
Chandler: How can she be great if shes from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke wouldve killed in Albany.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartement. Chandler and the guest are in the living room, Monica in the kitchen]
Chandler: (To Phoebe, behind Monica's back) Still terrified, I'll take care of it. No problem. (When Monica turns back he smiles and kisses her, when she turns away he nods that he'll do it to Phoebe.)
Chandler: You hear that! That is her chose, mister Ill let you have her! I win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.)
[Scene: the hotel lobby. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in from the outside.]
Chandler: Oh, yeah? What happened when we played last time?
Chandler: And...?
Chandler: I don't think so!
(Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk away, sipping their drinks)
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
Chandler: Because you know how competitive you get and well, I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying!
Chandler: I'm not playing with you.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Did you know this about him?
Chandler: (interrupting her) OK!
Chandler: Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him!
Chandler: (nearly whispering) Oh dear God, there's two of them!
Monica: (going through her pockets) No... (to Chandler and Phoebe) Either of you girls got a quarter?
Chandler: Ye.... (stops because he realises what Joey just said, and stares at him. At this moment Monica enters)
Chandler: Yeah Ross, I mean... we're excited to hear the speech but the rest of the time we're gonna wanna do, you know, "island's stuff".
Chandler: So what do you think? I want that guys genes for my kid! Those eyes, those cheeckbones!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Do you really find this attractive on him?
Chandler: I think this is the first time in our marriage that I've felt like the more attractive one.
Chandler: Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?
Chandler: Okay-dokay, you've each won a game and I've lost what's felt like a year of my life. So everybody goes home a winner.
Chandler: (exhausted) Ok, look! Enough is enough!
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
(Chandler and Phoebe look bored to death. Monica scores and laughs)
Chandler: But...
Chandler: No, you didn't.
Chandler: You ok?
Chandler: Because I'm gonna play for ya.
Chandler: What about the obsessive cleaning?
Monica: (to Chandler) Honey, you don't have to do this.
Chandler: (Still in a loving voice) You're welcome, sweetheart.
Chandler: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
Chandler: I don't know.
(Chandler scores and wins the match)