words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters carrying a drum.]
Chandler: Hey! Wow, it is true what they say, pregnant bellies look like a drum.
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: Wouldnt that be Frank the III?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Hey! Do we have a baby name yet?
Chandler: Well, it certainly worked for that Valdez kid.
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
Chandler: Well, Chandler will be there for you too. I mean, well, he might be a little late, but-but, hell be there. And hell bring you some cold soda, if want you need him for is that youre really hot.
Phoebe: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I dontmaybe Ill just name him The Hulk.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: And now youre giving me the message!
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
Chandler: Hi! Hi! Youre crazy! Okay? This is Emily. Emily is straight.
Phoebe: So, I decided Im definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
Joey: Oh! Oh-oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named Chandler.
Chandler: Raymond Chandler.
Chandler: Okay, there are no famous Joeys. Except for, huh, Joey Buttafucco.
Chandler: Okay, look, Joey! Come on, think about it, first of all, hell never be President. Theres never gonna be a President Joey.
Joey: All right look man, I didnt want to bring this up, but Chandler, is the stupidest name I ever heard in my life! Its not even a name; its barely even a word. Okay? Its kinda like chandelier, but its not! All right? Its a stupid, stupid non-name!
Chandler: Wow, youre, youre right. I have a horrible, horrible name.
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with Joshua.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is looking for a new name in Phoebes book of names.]
Chandler: No, no, youre right, it is a ridiculous name!
Chandler: Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.
Chandler: I have no name.
Chandler: Okay uh, for now, temporarily, you can call me, Clint.
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Chandler: Its Clint. Its Clint! (He heads for his bedroom.)
Chandler: Its Clint! Clint!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is showing off more of her drum skills to Joey by rubbing one of the sticks back and forth across the drum.]
Chandler: (entering) Okay. Okay. All right. Help! Am I a Mark, or a John?
Chandler: All right look, am I serious, okay? Tomorrow at 3:30 I am going down to the courthouse.
Chandler: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, its probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women So, as of 4 oclock tomorrow, Im either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.
Phoebe: You got problems because of you! Not your name! All right, this has got to stop! Chandler is a great name! In factyes, (To Joey) Im, Im sorry. I know you really wanted me to name the baby Joey, but eh, so, Im-Im, Im gonna, Im gonna name the baby Chandler.
Chandler: (pleased) Really?!
Chandler: Okay. Thanks.
Chandler: You wanna hug it out?
Chandler: Yay!
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Bye, Pheebs!
(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and )
Chandler: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Joey: Ohh! (Realises it was all a trick to get Phoebe to name the baby Chandler.)
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Why are you wearing my apron?
Chandler: WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, BERT. EVERYTHNG'S FINE!!
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Chandler: Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? (she's not amused) No? Divorce?
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler and Monica are looking through some papers.]
Monica: I can't believe they called, and we're actually getting a baby. (she kisses Chandler)
Chandler: I'm so sorry...
Monica: (entering with Erica and Chandler) Hey you guys.
Chandler: Why would you say that?
Chandler: Monica. Calm, self.
Chandler: Ahh, do you have any coconut flavoured deities?
Chandler: Are you asking permission to break the pact?
Chandler: We are NOT signing those papers.
Chandler: The sheer volume, it was like flying with the Riddler!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters. Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns around, shocked.]
Chandler: You are going downer!
Monica: Oh, I'm glad. Listen, I want to apologize about Chandler, though. I just did not see this coming.
Chandler: That's great.
Chandler: Yeah, I've been to these places before, but I've never really seen them, you know.
Chandler: Oh, uhm, okay, uhm, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father?
Erica: Well, if there is anything else you wanna know... (Monica and Chandler look at each other)
Erica: Yeah... it's almost definitely him. (Monica and Chandler look confused now)
Erica: No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler)
Chandler: So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?
Chandler: I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.
(Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now)
Chandler: I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is.
Chandler: I dunno, aren't there tests for these things, right?
Chandler: Of course I'm awake. Assume from now on that I'm always awake! (He turns the light on)
Rachel: Oh-oh, Pottery Barn! (Grabs the aforementioned catalog and holds the rest back out to Chandler.) You can throw the rest away.
Chandler: Pff, easy for you to say, he's a father killer. He probably loves him mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says "mom" on his shovel-wielding arm!
Chandler: Hey! How was lunch?
Chandler: (struggling) Oh, really?
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
Chandler: Oh God! What was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?
Chandler: How do you know?
Chandler: Oh God. It's shovely-Joe, isn't it?
Chandler: O-okay. (steps closer to Monica and speaks softly) So, is she gonna take the test?
Chandler: All right, but you cant use that again for a whole year. Im in.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.]
CHANDLER: Very informative!
Chandler: You mean that Portuguese couple? Yeah, like you wouldn't have done it. (she shrugs)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are having a diner party with Phoebe and Mike.]
Chandler: A dinosaur died a million years ago?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler on their couch.]
Chandler: YOU NEVER DID IT!
Monica: No, no. It felt nice to acknowledge this. (pats Chandler on his leg)
Chandler: Hey! I will have you know that... aah, who am I kidding. Let's call the kid Geller and let Bing die with me.
Chandler: Damn it.
Chandler: Yeah, come with us. You'll see how close it is to the city.
Chandler: And the wiggle wharms and the zip zorps? (pause) What were the things you said?
Chandler: Oh-oh-hey!
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Monica are there when Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: That's what we were gonna name the baby.
Chandler: Hey, how'd the interview go?
Chandler: That is a bad interview.
Chandler: ...and a street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice-cream truck can go by.
Chandler: You know, I always feel that way after an interview. I'll bet it went better than you think.
Chandler: I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work stuff and/or are sick.
Chandler: To Ross!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's future house. They enter the living room with the realtor and Joey.]
Chandler: What?
Joey: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark. (starts feeling around him like he's in a completely dark room, touching Chandler, who backs out and hits him)
Chandler: Oh, thats Parents Day, first grade. Thats me with the janitor Martin.
Chandler: When your head was hanging out the window, it didn't hit a mailbox, did it?
Chandler: BE-LOW me!
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Chandler: Okay, but be careful okay, because I wanna get our security deposit back.
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Rachel: Ew, was Chandler naked? Sort of like a, like a ring toss kind of situation?
Chandler: Our balcony? Seriously? That's so funny because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony. And she said"No, no. It's too cold, nobody will go out there." And I said "Maybe if we put some light out there they will"
Chandler: Oh yeah, yeah! Look what I got, look what I got. (holds up a pen) See, she's fully dressed, right?
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Really? What changed your mind?
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's new house. Sitting near the window, they look at the neighborhood.]
Chandler: Man, those two dogs are going at it!
Chandler and Monica: No!
Chandler: Ha! I'm just messing with you.
Chandler: No, I saw a picture of you covered in blueberries.
Chandler: It's seven years ago. (he looks surprised) My time machine works!
Chandler: Excuse me?
Chandler: For your information, I was staring at her baby. We're about to be parents.
Chandler: That's great!
Chandler: How did the job stuff go?
Chandler: I said it first, bro.
Chandler: How did the job stuff go?
Chandler: (peeping) Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game!
[Flashback scene from last week, Monica and Chandler's kitchen, Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there.]
Joey: What? No, no, no! No, no... no... no, no... No, too much is changing, okay? First, Phoebe getting married (to Phoebe) Congratulations! (pointing to Monica and Chandler)... and then these two move into a stupid house in the stupid suburbs...
Chandler: My boss said I might be getting a new lamp in my cubicle. (Monica looks at him and can't really place what he just said)
Chandler: I see.
Chandler: Is this the best way to use one of your three magic wishes?
Chandler: Well, it makes me feel sad, but...
Chandler: What do you think Pheebs?
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: You're kidding!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's reading a newspaper. Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Monica: Hey Phoebe. Hey, tell me what you think. All right. The house next door to the one that we're buying in Westchester? Just went on the market. I wanna take a look at it, but Chandler doesn't.
Chandler: Oh yeah?