words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters carrying a drum.]
Chandler: Hey! Wow, it is true what they say, pregnant bellies look like a drum.
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: Wouldnt that be Frank the III?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Hey! Do we have a baby name yet?
Chandler: Well, it certainly worked for that Valdez kid.
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
Chandler: Well, Chandler will be there for you too. I mean, well, he might be a little late, but-but, hell be there. And hell bring you some cold soda, if want you need him for is that youre really hot.
Phoebe: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I dontmaybe Ill just name him The Hulk.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: And now youre giving me the message!
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
Chandler: Hi! Hi! Youre crazy! Okay? This is Emily. Emily is straight.
Phoebe: So, I decided Im definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
Joey: Oh! Oh-oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named Chandler.
Chandler: Raymond Chandler.
Chandler: Okay, there are no famous Joeys. Except for, huh, Joey Buttafucco.
Chandler: Okay, look, Joey! Come on, think about it, first of all, hell never be President. Theres never gonna be a President Joey.
Joey: All right look man, I didnt want to bring this up, but Chandler, is the stupidest name I ever heard in my life! Its not even a name; its barely even a word. Okay? Its kinda like chandelier, but its not! All right? Its a stupid, stupid non-name!
Chandler: Wow, youre, youre right. I have a horrible, horrible name.
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with Joshua.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is looking for a new name in Phoebes book of names.]
Chandler: No, no, youre right, it is a ridiculous name!
Chandler: Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.
Chandler: I have no name.
Chandler: Okay uh, for now, temporarily, you can call me, Clint.
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Chandler: Its Clint. Its Clint! (He heads for his bedroom.)
Chandler: Its Clint! Clint!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is showing off more of her drum skills to Joey by rubbing one of the sticks back and forth across the drum.]
Chandler: (entering) Okay. Okay. All right. Help! Am I a Mark, or a John?
Chandler: All right look, am I serious, okay? Tomorrow at 3:30 I am going down to the courthouse.
Chandler: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, its probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women So, as of 4 oclock tomorrow, Im either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.
Phoebe: You got problems because of you! Not your name! All right, this has got to stop! Chandler is a great name! In factyes, (To Joey) Im, Im sorry. I know you really wanted me to name the baby Joey, but eh, so, Im-Im, Im gonna, Im gonna name the baby Chandler.
Chandler: (pleased) Really?!
Chandler: Okay. Thanks.
Chandler: You wanna hug it out?
Chandler: Yay!
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Bye, Pheebs!
(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and )
Chandler: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Joey: Ohh! (Realises it was all a trick to get Phoebe to name the baby Chandler.)
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Wha-
Joey and Chandler: What is it?
(Joey and Chandler run in)
Joey and Chandler: We already knew that! (they hug)
Chandler: (to Joey) One more game?
Chandler: Yeah, get out!
Chandler: I'm sorry!
Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds?
Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Chandler: Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth.
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is inside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.]
Chandler: Huh.
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Chandler: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing through?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are still playing catch.]
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) What?
Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.
Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here.
Chandler: Tell me what?
Chandler: Maybe she didn't move on, you know...maybe that kiss was just an impulsive one-time birthday thing
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Uh, let's see, who do I hate?
Chandler: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
Chandler: Now, there is a dress laid out on your bed. (Monica stumbles on the steps.) Okay, (catches her) youre doing great. Youre doing great. Youre doing fine.
Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering with a peace offering of a Joey Special, two pizzas.]
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
Chandler: (running up) Hey Joey, do you wanna play football or you wanna.. (sees Marhan) Hi, Im Chandler.
Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Chandler: Well, you're gonna.
Chandler: Yeah. I really do.
Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)
Chandler: Get off!
Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.
Joey: All right Ill talk in code. (to Ross and Chandler) Remember when the kid sees those two blanks in the hallway?
(Chandler laughs)
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!
Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.
Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What?
Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Chandler: Does anyone else think David Copperfield is cute?
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Chandler: Wow!
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Chandler: More importantly, was I any good?
Chandler: (To Rachel) Eldad is much more cooperative! And he can dance! (To Eldad) You dance for Rachel!
Phoebe: (to Chandler at the phone) Okay, we-we'll talk to you later. Okay, bye.
Chandler: Any contact?
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? (Joey makes an `I don't know' face, and looks to Chandler and Rachel, who're also stumped) Okay, no they don't.
Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.
Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...
Chandler: ...And what did you bring?
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...
Chandler: Janice?
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice.
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
Chandler: (shrinks back) Right. You know what? Actually I just get off the plane, so I�m feeling kinda gross. Maybe I should just take a shower.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Chandler: That's OK.
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Chandler: Tell me it's "you and me" we.
Chandler: And we're also gonna buy you tiny, bird hearing-aids.
(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)
(Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows him.)
Chandler: So...
Chandler: You're okay there?
Chandler: I hope she throws up on you.
Chandler: Oh, what a crappy night!
Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me.
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) How many of those have you had?
Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.
Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns around, it's a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?
Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.
Monica: Oh, Chandler, sorry.
Chandler: Oh, good, Joey's home now.