words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Chandler: Okay. (He picks the 9 of Spades)
Chandler: Oh yes.
Chandler: (pause) Yes.
(Joey laughs then realizes the trick didn't work when Chandler hands him his card back.)
Chandler: Hi there!
Chandler: That.
Chandler: Hey Rach, now that you're working at Ralph Lauren, can you bring me back some of those polo shirts?
Chandler: Unwilling to steal from work, interesting.
Chandler: Dude! That's my girlfriend!
Chandler: Weirder than watching his two moms make out? (Monica nods in agreement.)
(As they walk out he motions to Chandler that he is still Ben's godfather.)
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is telling Chandler and Monica about her day.]
Chandler: Yeah, it is the best.
Chandler: Yeah, or you can do the easy thing and smoke.
Chandler: Yeah, I wanna go to babe.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are talking.]
Ross and Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: Ah sure. What's in 'em?
Chandler: Oh good, because uh we got Rachel 800 gallons of water.
Chandler: Y'know I rued the day once didn't get a whole lot else done.
Joey: What? Chandler! Tell 'em!
Chandler: (shocked) Well I mean, let me get the door first. (Goes and opens the door.) Oh, hi! No one. (Exits.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are there as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: Okay, there's something different though--Oh my God! You smoked!
Chandler: Yes you did! You look happy and sick; you smoked!
Chandler: I wish I had smoked for my career
Chandler: Okay, but you gotta push past this because it is about to get so good!
Monica: Chandler! I have to tell you, you smell so smokey I have to get up. I'm not kidding. (She's not; she stands and walks away. Chandler moves closer.)
Chandler: I think you smell great! (He sniffs her shoulder.)
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Check it out! Cup hat! (Points to her hat.) Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! (Holds up one.)
Chandler: Great job with the cups, Pheebs!
(Chandler starts to follow her into the kitchen.)
Chandler: Awesome!
Monica: Chandler! Everyone--no one's eating my Tuscan finger food 'cause they're all filling up on Phoebe's snow cones!
Chandler: There are snow cones! (Monica glares at him.) Snow cones! Yuck!
Chandler: Thank you! Thank you! (Runs to the snow cone machine.)
(Everyone stops and looks at Chandler, who's nodding.)
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Kim and Nancy are out smoking as Chandler sticks his head out the door.]
Chandler: (to Kim and Nancy) Oh, hi! Excuse me, is uh Rachel Green here? I was supposed to meet her for lunch.
Chandler: Okay, great.
(Kim exhales and Chandler stares at it longingly.)
Kim: (to Nancy) So we talked about the (Chandler sneaks closer to her cigarette) whole presentation yesterday at lunch (Closer) and he wondered if one person would be enough (Closer) to get a take on the trip (Still closer) and I said, "Yeah, absolutely!" (She's interrupted by Chandler who has reached his goal and takes a drag from her cancer stick.)
Chandler: I'll catch you guys later. (Exits.)
Chandler: (a little hurt) Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging bicepsShe knows!
[Chandler throws his coat on the couch]
Monica: (on phone) Okay, great! Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess whos coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
Chandler: Oh! Thats great, they havent seen the place since I moved in!
Monica: (not amused by Chandlers joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
Chandler: (shocked at the news) Why cant I tell them that we live together?
Chandler: Why havent you told them?!
Chandler: Why havent you told them?! Wouldnt they be happy?!
Chandler: Hey! (Sees Ross is there) Oh, good, Ross! Youre parents like me, right?
Chandler: Is this why they dont like me or why you dont like me?
Joey: (entering) Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table...they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell's going on over here?!?!? (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
Chandler: Why wouldnt they be happy?
Chandler: Theyre in my bag over there. (Points.)
Chandler: What? What? Why?!
Chandler: Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. (Looks into the bag.) Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?
Chandler: Well Monica just told me that they dont.
Monica: (hugging Chandler) I dont think youll ever get my parents that drunk!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: She is gonna recognize that I did a nice thing and-and, appreciate it.
Chandler: [mocks that last comment].
Janine [to Chandler]: Hey.
[Chandler exits]
Chandler: This is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for.
Chandler: (annoyed) Do you know why?
Janine: Are you guys going to Chandlers for Thanksgiving?
[Chandler starts to leave as Janine enters]
Chandler: Maybe I could give thanks by taking my Playstation over to my new apartment.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Gary and Chandler and Monica are all there.]
Monica: Dad [kisses Jack], Mom [kisses Judy]. Look! Look who it is its Chandler!
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Mrs. Geller: (less than pleased) Oh yes of course, hello Chandler.
Chandler: Uh, could you leave me one?
Chandler: Whoa, snowing out there?
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats!
[Monica rushes over to Chandlers side.]
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Youre the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel at counter, Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun Bobby at the couch.]
Monica: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
Chandler: (coming all the way in) Listen, I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon and the whole massage thing. Y'know? I-I really like 'em.
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'
Chandler: No I-I-Im fine.
Chandler: Ba dum bumb cheshhh!
Monica: Yknow dad, Chandler is one of Rosss very best friends!
[Chandler and Monica exchange worried looks.]
Chandler: Defend yourself.
Joey: Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that its better if were on the same team.
Chandler: Well, I like danger.
Joey: (turning to Chandler in a scolding tone) Chandler!
Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.
Monica: Mom, uh, Chandler was just saying how beautiful your sweater is.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, thank you Chandler! I just bought it.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
[Ross and Chandler get up and go into Rachels old room.]
Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
Chandler: How could it not matter?!
Chandler: (entering, sees Rachels throw) Ni-hi-ice!
Chandler: What?! Why did you do that?
Chandler: You do? Why?
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Doug: (entering) Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. Y'know, I feel sorry for it if it ever got in a fight, it's not strong enough to defend itself. (Chandler does not laugh.) Did you hear what I said Bing?
Ross: Okay, okay, Ill tell em it wasnt Chandler who got high. Now who should I say it was?
Chandler: The reason we havent told them were together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this?
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Everybody down! Everybody down! (Rachel turns off the lights and everyone crouches. As everyone crouches, a ripping noise erupts from the assemblage.)
Monica: Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is showing off the entertainment center.]
[Monica and Chandler make What was that? gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachels old room.]
Chandler: I'm sor... Just go. Just go. I can't, I can't.
Chandler: Yeah, Im not gonna pay for those acting classes anymore.
Ross: Look Chandler, Monica is really weird about this kind stuff all right. Believe me, I lived with her for 16 years. She is going to freak out. Oh my God, she's going to sit on you.
Phoebe: No Chandler, they can swallow one of those little parts! And also, look at his smooth area, thats just gonna mess them up.
Chandler: Janices birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling Chandler and Monica how she fought crime in her own way with the badge she found.]
Chandler: Uhh, yeah. She uh, she uh, she uh might've mentioned him.
Joey: Oh (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadnt left you that last one? You two mightve never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! Its like it was in the stars!
[Chandler exits to the balcony.]
Chandler: No problem roomie. (She turns around and hugs him.)
Ross: Wha? No no! Ah! (Ross scarfs all of his trifle down in about a second. He looks like hes going to throw up.) (Lying) All gone! So good! Maybe Chandler has some left.
[Chandler makes a fake "I know I couldnt believe it either" gesture.]
Chandler: All right, just, just take the entertainment center, and then when you get home, throw the canoe away!
[Inside Monica and Chandlers. Joey is almost done explaining the situation to everyone.]
Chandler: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me!
Ross: Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. Im sorry.
Chandler: Ye-ye-yeah, yes I do!
Mr. and Mrs. Geller: Yes. (They look at Chandler angrily.)
Ross: Monica and Chandler are living together!
[Chandler is mega shocked!]
Chandler: Thank you!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Everyone is helping clean the table.]
Mr. Geller: No! Thank you! (Hugs Chandler) Monica, and Ross! I dont know what Im gonna do about the two of you!
Chandler: See now it feels like Christmas!
Chandler: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist.
Chandler: I dunno what it is, it just doesnt quite feel like Christmas to me.
Chandler: Hey Joe whats up?
Chandler: I can see why thats hard to resist.
Chandler: Ah, youre still just a little fat girl inside arent you? (He kisses her on the cheek)