words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, theres a big selling calendar, eh?
Chandler: A hot girls at stake and all of the sudden hes Rain Man.
Chandler: Oh, is that against the rules?
Chandler: I see.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are eating breakfast as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey Chandler! Yknow that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
Chandler: Oh yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my Movement class.
Monica: Its Chandlers way of pretending he didnt take mime.
Chandler: Oh, I dont know man. I havent talked to her in like ten years.
Joey: No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you so much!
Chandler: You do owe me so much. You owe me three thousand, four hundred
Chandler: Oh okay, Ill-Ill try.
Chandler: Yeah so, Tuesday?
Chandler: (sarcastically) Thank you.
Chandler: You just thought of that in there?
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Chandler: What are you smiling about? What is so funny?
Monica: Joey! Hes working! (To Chandler) You would look good in that.
Chandler: Hows your room Rach?
Chandler: Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
Chandler: God, its great to catch up! I cant believe how long its been!
Joey: Chandler, is that (Mimes someone using a movie camera and Chandler nods yes.)
Chandler: (on phone) Oh thats great! Good for you.
Joey: Hey-hey listen (Chandler waves him away.)
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Chandler: (on phone) Hi! Im back. (Goes to hang up the phone.) Yeah, that sounds great. (Listens) Okay. Well, well do it then. (Listens) Okay, bye-bye. (He hangs up the phone and turns around to see Joey standing close to him and screams.)
Chandler: Hi.
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I havent talked to her in ten years! You cant just call up somebody you havent talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, yknow? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
Chandler: No, we only went out once.
Chandler: Not once!
Joey: Hey, you wanna do Joey a favor, maybe you go out with Joey. (He turns around to see Chandler glaring at him.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is having coffee with Dana.]
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
Chandler: (giggles) My friends name is Joey.
Chandler: Yeah, Ive always hated that Howie.
Chandler: The nerve huh?
Chandler: Refill?
Chandler: (entering) Hey.
Chandler: I couldnt do it.
Chandler: Hey, relax I just need more time. Were going to dinner tonight.
Chandler: Uh, Dana Keystone from college.
Chandler: No, that was Dana Caplin.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler is having dinner with Dana.]
Chandler: Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no! Stay! Stay! Because you-you should you-you-you should stay!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, thats notNo-no-no!
Dana: Im sorry Chandler, yknow you are such a sweet guy and I, I dont want to hurt you. Oh, I wish there was something I can do to make you feel better.
Chandler: No-noReally?!
Chandler: (breaking up) Well, it just hurts so bad. I uh
Chandler: Well maybe there is one thing you can do.
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
Chandler: Well, the heart wants what it wants. Ill see you later. (He runs off and leaves her with the bill, which the waiter promptly delivers.)
Chandler: (entering, sees Rachels throw) Ni-hi-ice!
Chandler: (To Joey) So, you busy Thursday?
Joey: Oh, very funny. I dont know if you remember, but my audition was supposed to be Thursday. (Chandler doesnt say anything until Joey figures it out.) You got me the audition?! Lets hug it up! (They hug.)
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (Joey puts him down.) What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?
Phoebe: Okay. Oh umm, Chandler, Monica is looking for you.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: No! No! No! I was so careful! (Runs out.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is eating pizza as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: So?!
Chandler: Its Thursday! How was the audition?!
Joey: Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs(He gasps in horror.) Oh! (Runs out and Chandler just shakes his head. After a second Joey runs back in to grab a piece of pizza and runs back out.)
Chandler: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kids pretzel at them.
Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.
Joey: Chandler!
Chandler: Yeah, Jell-o just like Mom used to make.
Ross: Wait a minute, one box! Come on, Im trying to send a little girl to Spacecamp, Im putting you down for five boxes. Chandler, what about you?
Chandler: Hi Joeys sisters!
Chandler: (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?
(Cut to Chandler)
Sister 1: (to Chandler) What cha doing?
Chandler: Okay! You dont think I thought of that?
Chandler: Hey! Well, Ive been preparing for that my entire life! Or something about you thats mean!
Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Dont tell me men are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!!
Chandler: I cant remember which sister.
Joey: Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him)
Joey: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they wanna put more people on it. (Chandler pours some juice in a glass.) You should see this guy, Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day.
Chandler: Why cant we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.
Chandler: Yep, Im in a tree.
Chandler: Its gotta be the first one.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]
Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!
Rachel: Hey. (they all walk away from Chandler)
Chandler: Well, thats the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually Ill be in Cuba.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is reading a letter that Chandler wrote.]
Chandler: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often does that happen?
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and its a horrible shade of green.)
Chandler: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?
Chandler: Wheres Mary-Angela?
Joeys Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
Rachel: Chandler! Youre smoking? What are you doing?!
Chandler: Im here to see Mary-Angela.
Chandler: Hey, shut up!! Youre not my real Mom!!
Chandler: Eh, yeah, well ah, waitress at a coffee shop and cheer squad co-captain only took up so much room.
(Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of Joeys sisters, all wearing red.)
[Scene: Rosss, the gang, minus Rachel of course, is there. Chandler is forced to smoke by an open window.]
Chandler: So um, Mary-Angela, whats your second favorite?
Chandler: Will you excuse me I have to um..... (walks to the hall)
Chandler: This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?
Chandler: So will I.
Chandler: Would you just please....give me the receipt cause this is great. Its top notch.
Chandler: (startled) Hey!
[Cut to the hall, Joeys sister runs up and grabs Chandlers butt.]
Chandler: No Joey! No Joey! Dont Joey! Joey!
Chandler: Oh, this is soo bad. (doesnt see Mary-Angela)
Mary-Angela: (standing behind Chandler) I am!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to pry more information about Chandler and Monica from Joey who's sitting on the couch and busy downing a pizza.]
Chandler: Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him.
Chandler: Youve got it. (he starts to look at his sisters, but he still doesnt know which one is Mary-Angela.)
Chandler: (To Ross) Okay, you get her in here. (To Joey) You bolt the door. Ill be in the closet.
Joey: No! No! No! No, Im not going to punch Chandler.
Chandler: Okay, absolutely!
Chandler: What?! (Cookie punches him)
Joey: (obviously cold) Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!
Chandler: Dont worry.
Ross: Ah, well all go. (motions to Chandler) Come on. (the guys leave)
Ross: (to Chandler) It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to start with her!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It must take you forever to find your keys.
Phoebe: Oh good, oh Joey and Chandler are back.
Chandler: (to Ross) Hey, so can you make it on Friday?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
Chandler: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.
Chandler: I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer.
MONICA: Wait a minute, who told you? [turns to Chandler who's looking sheepish] You are dead meat.
Chandler: Can somebody else hug him? I have to stay by the window.
Chandler: Oh no, no, no, no.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading Joey's resume.]
CHANDLER: No freakshow, she's fictional.
CHANDLER: Well she totally called me on it, okay. She said, 'cut it out, get real', and I did.
Chandler: What, what, what?!
Chandler: To yourself. (finishing) Hey-hey-hey, y'know what that's pretty good.
Chandler: Bye-bye.
Chandler: You really think that is what he meant?
Chandler: This is so bad. If-if youre not Mary-Angela, then-then who is?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey are there.]
Chandler: Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! (pause) Don't cry outloud.
Chandler: Well, lets just say its ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.
ROSS: Over my dead body! (Joey looks at Chandler)
Monica: Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I cant wait! This is going to be the best Valentines Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I cant believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!
Joey: (still with his door wedged in the door gap, now opens his eyes wide and stares at Monica and Chandler as he did with Ross earlier in the hall) Hey listen guys, we feel really terrible.
Janice: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. (laughs)
Chandler: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
Phoebe: Well, we were um, sorta invited to go skiing, y'know Rachels sisters cabin. (Chandler goes back to the window to smoke again.)
Chandler: Princess Leia in the gold bikini.
Rachel: (to Chandler) Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, y'know.
Chandler: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.
Chandler: Veronica. Look, its got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
Chandler: (pats him on the shoulder) Youre it! Now run and hide!
Chandler: Yeah, baby!
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. Do you want some?
Chandler: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
Phoebe: Um, Chandler, Ross, this is Robert.
Chandler: Oh, hey.
Chandler: (standing up) Im up! Im up, Ive gotten up now! Anybody ah, want anything?
Chandler: Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flames.
Chandler: Okay Ross, why dont you come with me?
Chandler: No. He.....hes coming out of his shorts.
Chandler: The man is showing brain.
Chandler: What do we do? What do we do?
Chandler: Roberts coming out.
Ross: Are you sure? (Chandler nods: Yes!) Hold on. (walks over behind the couch) Im sorry you guys, that was a coffee and a....