words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, theres a big selling calendar, eh?
Chandler: A hot girls at stake and all of the sudden hes Rain Man.
Chandler: Oh, is that against the rules?
Chandler: I see.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are eating breakfast as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey Chandler! Yknow that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
Chandler: Oh yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my Movement class.
Monica: Its Chandlers way of pretending he didnt take mime.
Chandler: Oh, I dont know man. I havent talked to her in like ten years.
Joey: No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you so much!
Chandler: You do owe me so much. You owe me three thousand, four hundred
Chandler: Oh okay, Ill-Ill try.
Chandler: Yeah so, Tuesday?
Chandler: (sarcastically) Thank you.
Chandler: You just thought of that in there?
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Chandler: What are you smiling about? What is so funny?
Monica: Joey! Hes working! (To Chandler) You would look good in that.
Chandler: Hows your room Rach?
Chandler: Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
Chandler: God, its great to catch up! I cant believe how long its been!
Joey: Chandler, is that (Mimes someone using a movie camera and Chandler nods yes.)
Chandler: (on phone) Oh thats great! Good for you.
Joey: Hey-hey listen (Chandler waves him away.)
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Chandler: (on phone) Hi! Im back. (Goes to hang up the phone.) Yeah, that sounds great. (Listens) Okay. Well, well do it then. (Listens) Okay, bye-bye. (He hangs up the phone and turns around to see Joey standing close to him and screams.)
Chandler: Hi.
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I havent talked to her in ten years! You cant just call up somebody you havent talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, yknow? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
Chandler: No, we only went out once.
Chandler: Not once!
Joey: Hey, you wanna do Joey a favor, maybe you go out with Joey. (He turns around to see Chandler glaring at him.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is having coffee with Dana.]
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
Chandler: (giggles) My friends name is Joey.
Chandler: Yeah, Ive always hated that Howie.
Chandler: The nerve huh?
Chandler: Refill?
Chandler: (entering) Hey.
Chandler: I couldnt do it.
Chandler: Hey, relax I just need more time. Were going to dinner tonight.
Chandler: Uh, Dana Keystone from college.
Chandler: No, that was Dana Caplin.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler is having dinner with Dana.]
Chandler: Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no! Stay! Stay! Because you-you should you-you-you should stay!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, thats notNo-no-no!
Dana: Im sorry Chandler, yknow you are such a sweet guy and I, I dont want to hurt you. Oh, I wish there was something I can do to make you feel better.
Chandler: No-noReally?!
Chandler: (breaking up) Well, it just hurts so bad. I uh
Chandler: Well maybe there is one thing you can do.
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
Chandler: Well, the heart wants what it wants. Ill see you later. (He runs off and leaves her with the bill, which the waiter promptly delivers.)
Chandler: (entering, sees Rachels throw) Ni-hi-ice!
Chandler: (To Joey) So, you busy Thursday?
Joey: Oh, very funny. I dont know if you remember, but my audition was supposed to be Thursday. (Chandler doesnt say anything until Joey figures it out.) You got me the audition?! Lets hug it up! (They hug.)
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (Joey puts him down.) What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?
Phoebe: Okay. Oh umm, Chandler, Monica is looking for you.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: No! No! No! I was so careful! (Runs out.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is eating pizza as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: So?!
Chandler: Its Thursday! How was the audition?!
Joey: Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs(He gasps in horror.) Oh! (Runs out and Chandler just shakes his head. After a second Joey runs back in to grab a piece of pizza and runs back out.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Who was it?
Chandler: Sure!
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Chandler: So, thats it?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming from across the hall.]
Chandler: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.
Chandler: Oh yeah. First off all, chasing the Churo guy isn't jogging.
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Chandler: Yeah. O-okay.
Ross: Youre never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler are moving in again. Thats great news rightI mean for them. Right?
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Oh, whats the matter?
Chandler: Just out of curiosity did she tell you how youre gonna go?
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.)
Chandler: Oh hi!
Chandler: Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not talking about Chuckles University?!
Chandler: See Joe, not that thats not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Yknow, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Thats the way I did it til I was 19.
Chandler: Why dont you open with a joke?
Chandler: All right.
Monica: Its beautiful! Its like the first bathroom floor there ever was. (Chandler tries to go to the bathroom) Whoa! Are you going in there for?
Chandler: Whos number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.)
Chandler: Don't ask me, I was in there canoodling you!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Thats great, but shouldnt you be on the toilet right now?
Chandler: Whats wrong with you?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Chandler: Thats a hernia.
Chandler: This sounds like a hernia. You have toyou-you go to the doctor!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
Chandler: Okay, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street.
Chandler: Like an eclipse.
Chandler: Wow that was my scariest voice! Youre very brave.
Chandler: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?
Chandler: Listen, Im really glad you got the part.
Chandler: Now, is that never talking about it again?!
(Chandler steps away quickly.)
Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Chandler: So is your apron. Youre wearing it like a cape.
(Chandler decides to help out.)
Chandler: See Joe, we want you to tell stories but yknow, romantic stories. Nice stories.
Chandler: What are you doing?
Chandler: Yeah umm, they're called wallets.
Chandler: Oh, all right.
Chandler: Technically we could have sex again. What do you think, bossy and domineering?!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: You left a shoe here?!
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa! What?
Chandler: Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, Ill be sure to give him your shoe.
Chandler: (not enthused) Yeah, all right.
Chandler: Oh, come on! You've been acting strange all day!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now Im not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
Chandler: Joe?
Monica: Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, its going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.
Chandler: See thats where I think that youre wrong. Weve been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey man, you feeling any better? (Chandler answers him with some guttural sounds that only he can make and that no human can transcribe.)
Chandler: Shocking! Since you still have the keys.
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Chandler: And?
Chandler: There you are.
Chandler: You dont even have a car!
Chandler: Okay, Im a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.
Monica: Have a seat. (They sit at the table.) Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.
Ross: Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily) Hi!
Monica: Chandler, what are you doing? That thing can put someones eye out!
Chandler: He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe!
Chandler: Isnt that what happened with you and the brides maid?
CHANDLER: I can't believe we're doing this.
Chandler: Ross, just for my own piece of mind, youre not married to anymore of us are ya?
Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.
Chandler: That is true.
Chandler: But you found the keys to his clothes?
Chandler: Ahh, I think it just moved. Its really poking me.
Chandler: Okay, listen this really hurts. Lets go.
Chandler: I think thats gum.
Chandler: I know. Can you believe it? One year ago today I was just your annoying friend Chandler.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna pass. Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies.
Phoebe: (to her) Hey! Dont you give me any of yourHey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Was the setting of Phoebes triumph.
Chandler: (pause) Phoebe, would you take a look at this mess!!!!
Chandler: Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts. (No one laughs.) Y'know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.
Chandler: And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight.
Chandler: Okay, but there is a big difference. You are a lot hotter than I am.
Chandler: First of the month.
Chandler: No, just the months you actually want to live here.
Chandler: (watches Joey for a moment) Okay! (Joey quickly moves the hockey stick so that hes scratching his back with it.) Listen, Im gonna be moving out so you will be in charge of paying the rent.
Chandler: Its not charity, Joe
Chandler: Uh, yeah.
Chandler: So, well do the rest of the bills later then?
Chandler: But then later that night