words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are there. They have lots of brochures about adoption in front of them.]
Chandler: There's a hair in my coffee.
Chandler: You know, it's funny. Every time you say "triplets," I immediately think of three hot blonde 19-year olds.
(Chandler looks like he did the time he swallowed the toy in 605 TOW Joey's Porsche. It's the hair in his coffee.)
(Little Chandler is pulling Chandler's sweater, while Leslie is throwing bagels at him.)
Frank Jr.: Oh, that's Frank Jr. Jr. pulling the tampons out of the lady's purse. And that's Chandler climbing on Chandler, and that's Leslie throwing bagels at him.
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh?
Chandler: I mean, you have a lovely home.
Monica: Thank you. (To Chandler.) I think I just had a tiny orgasm.
Chandler: That's great. (To Monica.) Can I see the book?
Chandler: You want me to wash my hands first, don't you?
(Chandler leaves.)
(Cut to the hall. Owen is wearing his scout-uniform and is looking through a box when Chandler walks up to him.)
Chandler: Hey, you must be Owen.
Chandler: I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the scouts too.
Chandler: Yeah, in fact my father was a den-mother.
Chandler: You know how to use a compass?
Chandler: You do? That's fantastic!
Chandler: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talking to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you.
Chandler: What?
(Chandler tries to come up with a good answer.)
Chandler: I got nothing.
Phoebe: Alright, so that leaves Chandler.
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor..
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler comes running into the living room. Monica is the only one there.]
Chandler: Where are Bill and Colleen?
Chandler: We have to leave!!
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Chandler: But kids are so intuitive. Don't you think on some level he already knows?
Chandler: See? Intuitive!
Chandler: Which technically now you should give back!
Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."
Chandler (to Monica): We have to get out of here, baby!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.]
Chandler: Owen didn't know he was adopted, and Monica told him.
Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?
Chandler: I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident. (Runs off.)
Chandler: You didnt bring me here to do that, did you?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there having breakfast and Joey enters carrying a loaf of bread.]
Chandler: Did she freak out?
Chandler: Right.
Chandler: You said no right?!
Chandler: (laughs) You said no right?
Chandler: No! That was a lie! See how easy that was?
Chandler: Yes!!
Chandler: Yes!!!
Chandler: Yknow what? Its gonna be okay. Yknow what? Shes probably not gonna even want to come.
Chandler: Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best friends.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, if we let her stay, she will stay forever!
Chandler: (To Monica) Did she see us yet? Did she see us?
Janice: Chandler?
Monica: (To Chandler) Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice arent they?
Chandler: Is that what youre thinking about right now?
(Chandler does the same nasal sound to Chandler.)
Chandler: Feelings, such strong feelings.
Chandler: Janice, Im sorry but umm, you cant stay here tonight.
Chandler: Say again?
Monica: Because Chandler still has feelings for you!
Chandler: You wanna tell secrets?! Okay! Okay! In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers!
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Rachel are on their knees with forks trying to salvage what they can of the cheesecake off of the floor.]
[Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the ball, Phoebe flashes him, he stops and stares dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up and takes the ball away.]
Chandler: No, no, no. No-no-no.
Chandler: I just wanted to show Monica your book. (Ross just glares at him.)
Chandler: Yeahhh. Im tellin ya something, that ah, first smoke after nap time....
Chandler: No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the kitchen, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the table writing one notepads while Chandler is looking over their shoulders.]
Chandler: No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off them. (He runs over to where his pants are hanging) Hello sweet pants!
Chandler: Oh, okay, time's up!
Rachel: (comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt!
Chandler: Oh that's not bad, Pheebs?
Chandler: What equity investments?
Chandler: I am only one man! (Monica heads out) Okay Ross, time is up!
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? Whats going on?
Chandler: Okay, but if you can't no dinner!
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Monica: Chandler? Can you give me a hand? (Grabs her jacket)
[Chandler and Monica head out with some stuff. Phoebe comes out of her room with a bag.]
Chandler: Which smells delicious!
Chandler: What?
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Chandler enter.]
Chandler: Well, in spite of the yummy bagels and palpable tension, I've got pants that need to be altered.
Chandler: Huh! Where is the dog?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are being lectured by Phoebe.]
Chandler: What is it doing here?
[Time lapse, Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: Well, it still has to go, right?
Chandler: Extremely allergic, okay? If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes, my throat will just close up!
Chandler: (gasping) Really?
Chandler: Okay, it's um
Chandler: (to Joey) I have to! Okay? It's time! (Joey shrugs as if to say, "Do what you have to do") Okay, I hate dogs.
Monica: Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog?
Monica: Oooh, I wish she could stay here, but Chandler is allergic!
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
Chandler: So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you.
Chandler: Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable.
Chandler: (scared) Is there a puppy here?
Chandler: (to Tag) Okay, you are new!
Monica: They cant all be bad. (To Chandler) Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Ohh, there it is.
Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!
Chandler: No-no, hes not back yet, but hell be here any minute. So uh, come on in. Have a seat. Bow or stern?
Chandler: I dont know, but dont worry, dont worry, because I know how to take a picture now. (They get ready) Okay, see? Look down (Looks down), look down, look down (He falls asleep.)
Phoebe: Where's Chandler?
Phoebe: You know if you want, we can sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know.
Phoebe: (interrupts him) No, no, we don't really have time for this right now. Okay, we have to keep Chandler away from my bedroom.
Chandler: How did you know? (Heads back into the bathroom)
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Here I am.
Phoebe: I've had that dog there for three days and Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart.
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: Well, I, I should go in there.
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Where's Monica?
Chandler: This is ridiculous. (He heads for Phoebe's bedroom)
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
Chandler: And that doesn't scare you? (He walks out)
Chandler: Monica's all upset, because I sent Clunkers away.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are watching ET.]
Chandler: No, no he went for a walk.
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
[The door opens and Chandler comes in. Rachel covers the door with a blanket]
Chandler: Please, please, please, don't be mad at me.
Chandler: Clunkers?! Oh my god!
Chandler: (to Clunkers) It is so good to see you!
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.
Chandler: It's up to you.
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. (Chandler starts to leave) This team is about hard work, but its also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing! (smacks him on the butt, and Chandler leaves shocked.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are finishing watching Die Hard on video.]
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: Yeah. (Throws the pad on the table and heads for the bedroom)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, later that night, there is someone knocking on the door and Chandler stumbles out into the living room, turns on the light, looks through the peephole, and opens the door.]
Chandler: Okay. Okay.
Chandler: Okay, let me just straighten out your helmet there. (Does so.)
Ben: (To Chandler) Thanks daddy.
Chandler: That sounds like my first bike. (They all turn and look at him.) My dad gave me his old one.
Chandler: Im sorry, who?
Chandler: Hey! What are you guys doing?
Chandler: But we dont know the neighbors.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is cooking, Joey is eating, and Chandler is entering from the bedroom.]