words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are there. They have lots of brochures about adoption in front of them.]
Chandler: There's a hair in my coffee.
Chandler: You know, it's funny. Every time you say "triplets," I immediately think of three hot blonde 19-year olds.
(Chandler looks like he did the time he swallowed the toy in 605 TOW Joey's Porsche. It's the hair in his coffee.)
(Little Chandler is pulling Chandler's sweater, while Leslie is throwing bagels at him.)
Frank Jr.: Oh, that's Frank Jr. Jr. pulling the tampons out of the lady's purse. And that's Chandler climbing on Chandler, and that's Leslie throwing bagels at him.
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh?
Chandler: I mean, you have a lovely home.
Monica: Thank you. (To Chandler.) I think I just had a tiny orgasm.
Chandler: That's great. (To Monica.) Can I see the book?
Chandler: You want me to wash my hands first, don't you?
(Chandler leaves.)
(Cut to the hall. Owen is wearing his scout-uniform and is looking through a box when Chandler walks up to him.)
Chandler: Hey, you must be Owen.
Chandler: I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the scouts too.
Chandler: Yeah, in fact my father was a den-mother.
Chandler: You know how to use a compass?
Chandler: You do? That's fantastic!
Chandler: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talking to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you.
Chandler: What?
(Chandler tries to come up with a good answer.)
Chandler: I got nothing.
Phoebe: Alright, so that leaves Chandler.
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor..
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler comes running into the living room. Monica is the only one there.]
Chandler: Where are Bill and Colleen?
Chandler: We have to leave!!
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Chandler: But kids are so intuitive. Don't you think on some level he already knows?
Chandler: See? Intuitive!
Chandler: Which technically now you should give back!
Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."
Chandler (to Monica): We have to get out of here, baby!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.]
Chandler: Owen didn't know he was adopted, and Monica told him.
Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?
Chandler: I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident. (Runs off.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is still watching the porn as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Oh. Oh, did-did-did I wake you?
Monica: Chandler, thats like your fourth cup of coffee!
Chandler: Gunther, can I get another cup of coffee, please? (Gunther starts to pour him another cup.) So uh, what do you do when youre not working here?
Chandler: Are you kidding me?! Joey. Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting another cup of coffee.]
Chandler: See that is the problem with invisible dentists.
Chandler: They dont have those.
Joey: I put it on to scare Chandler!
Chandler: Next time you snore, Im rolling ya over!
Chandler: Hey, all right!
Ross: (To Chandler) You made out with Missy Goldberg. How could you do that, after you promised me?
Chandler: Yknow, whipped! Wah-pah!
Chandler: Well, Chandler will be there for you too. I mean, well, he might be a little late, but-but, hell be there. And hell bring you some cold soda, if want you need him for is that youre really hot.
Chandler: Its not something to be proud of, okay? You have to go to a sleep clinic!
Chandler: Those were like the best seats ever.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
Chandler: Its 6:00.
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Nothing.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Yeah, well, I dont dance at weddings.
Joey and Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters carrying a drum.]
(They move to kiss, but realise that Chandler is staring at them. Chandler urges them on.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark?
Chandler: (answering for him) Yes he did.
Chandler: So uh, what are you in for?
Rachel: (sitting down next to Chandler) Im training to be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.
Chandler: You mind if I
(Chandler wakes him up, again.)
Chandler: Hi.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm kinda wishing everyone wasn't here right now.
Chandler: What a coincidence, I listen in my sleep.
Chandler: (entering) Hello! Little ones.
Chandler: Well shes, shes the kinda girlJoey was unconscious.
Chandler: Because Im cooler.
Chandler: Plus, you look cool.
Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldnt have, but it did. I mean I like her, I dont want to stop seeing her, but every so often its like Hey, y'know what, wheres your leg? I mean Im the smallest person in the world arent I? Im the smallest person in the world.
(Chandler throws the ball to kick-off.)
Rachel: Im not gonna marry Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the couch between Russ and Ross, doing a crossword puzzle.]
[Cut to Chandler and Joeys, Joey and Phoebe are watching TV. The TV is turning off and on, and each time Phoebe is blinking her eyes like the Genie did. The switch obviously controls the outlet which the TV is plugged into.]
Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that its Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
Chandler: Phoebe is, making people.
Chandler: No-no, not something stupid, something huge.
Chandler: Why not?! I mean its just, its just climbing! Its just, its just steep!
Chandler: Yknow what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has happened.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are sitting and talking.]
Chandler: (dejected) Yeah, well
Chandler: Yeah baby!
Chandler: Yeeeeahhhh.
Chandler: (dejected) Oh, well
Chandler: Okay, then you gotta back away, all right? You dont need that kindve hurt. Take it from a guy whos never had a long term relationship......
Chandler: Okay, no problem, just remember to wake us up before you go-go.
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Chandler: Look, you have to help me! Okay? I mean, I know what to do with a woman, yknow, I know where everything goes, its always nice. But I need to know what makes it go from nice to, "My God! Somebodys killing her in there!"
Chandler: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we have to do something. Okay? Something huge!
Janice: Well, I gotta buy a vowel. Because, oh my Gawd! Who, would've thought that someday, Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer.
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Chandler: She was not good. Not good.
CHANDLER: Yeah, well sure, when he did it, it was funny. When I did it to my boss's hat. . . all of the sudden I have this big attitude problem.
Chandler and Joey: Yeah! Why dont you stick around. You can sit right there.
Chandler: (entering) Hello!
Chandler: I didnt know that.
Chandler: (sarcastic) Noo.
Chandler: See, maybe thats the one we shouldve actually hidden.
CHANDLER: Ya know I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black boots, and the patent leather belt, sneakin around downstairs. He didn't want anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.
Ross: Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing. I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
Phoebe: (singing) Happy, happy Chanukah, Chandler and Monica. Very merry
Chandler: I'm over here big guy.
Chandler and Joey: Ohhh.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has just broken up with Julie and is about to get with Rachel.]
Chandler: Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do.
CHANDLER: We have to assign heads to something.
Chandler: I KNEW IT!!!!
Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's... it's... y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into showbusiness.
Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
Chandler: (laughing) You did look like an idiot.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's Rachel birthday party and Chandler is about to spill the beans.]
Chandler: If we do that, we gotta get Die Hard.
Chandler: Well, You could, but... probably just the one time.
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: All right, heres the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans on giving Emily)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are there as Ross enters.]
(Monica, Joey, and Chandler all shake their heads.)
Chandler: Oh, its awkward. Its awkward. Its awkward.
Chandler: (shocked) Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!
Ross: I sortve already asked Chandler.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, youyeah, of course you get to be my best man.
Chandler: Im not even Im not even
Joey: Yes! (to Chandler) Shame about you man.
Chandler: Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.
Chandler: (entering) Hey guys, what are you doing?
Chandler: He just said, "No strippers."