words in movies
Rachel: WellReally? I thought Chandler was your best friend.
Ross: Well, Chandlers my oldest friend, but Joeys myNo! Ah! (points at Rachel)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler are waiting for Ross and Rachel to come home and Monica is looking at the sign Phoebe bought that says, "Its a Boy!"]
Monica: (looking at Chandler sleeping with a balloon in his mouth) So sexy. (Waking him up.) Honey.
Chandler: Yea yea. (Pulls the balloon out of his mouth)
Chandler: No, no, Ross and Rachel will be back soon and then I gotta go to the office (Pulls another balloon out of his mouth) Am I producing them?
Chandler: Couldnt sleep last night you know, then I started worrying about this big divisional meeting that I have later today, the more I worried about it the more I couldnt sleep. Yknow? I was like, if I fall asleep now Ill get six hours sleep, but if I fall asleep now Ill get five hours sleep. Not matter what I did I couldnt fall asleep.
Joey: See this is what I was afraid of, I didnt think I should be here either but somebody (Looks at Chandler) said hed be over it by now.
Chandler: Hey, what do I know? I wanted to get a bigger gorilla.
[Scene: A Boardroom, Chandler keeps drifting off to sleep at his meeting.]
(Chandler drifts off and his arm slips off the table and he wakes back up.)
(Chandler leans over to fall asleep on the mans shoulder next to him, only the man catches his attempt.)
Chandler: Walter (nods).
[Scene: A Boardroom, Chandlers meeting continues.]
Ms. McKenna: Ok if everyones on board, its settled, Chandler, (Walter puts his hand on Chandlers hand, Chandler sleeping puts his hand on top of his, he then wakes up and pulls his hand away) Chandler?
Chandler: Yep.
Chandler: (not knowing what hes saying yes to) Yes.
Ms. McKenna: Then, problem solved. Chandler will be running our office in Tulsa. Youre gonna love Oklahoma.
(Chandler smiles and nods then realizes what hes agreed to.)
Chandler: (enters) Hey.
Chandler: Monica can I talk to you outside for a minute?
Chandler: Actually Pheebs its more of a husband and wife kinda thing
Phoebe: I knew I should have married Chandler.
(Phoebe and Rachel go to the back room and Emma continues to cry in the background while Chandler and Monica talk.)
Chandler: Umm, you know how we always said that it would be fun to move to Paris for a year? You know, you could study French cooking and I could write and we could take a picnic along the Seine and go wine tasting in Bordeaux?
Chandler: Okay, you know how that people say that Tulsa is the Paris of Oklahoma?
Chandler: People whove never ever been to Paris.
Chandler: Were moving to Tulsa! (Makes a excited expression on his face)
Chandler: Okay, Ms. McKenna, she kind of works above my boss, she asked me to move to Tulsa and be the president of our office there, and I was sleeping and apparently, said yes.
Chandler: The Sooner State, whatever that is.
Monica: Chandler, I dont even wanna see the musical Oklahoma!
Chandler: Really? Oh What A Beautiful Morning! Surrey With A Fringe On Top.
Chandler: No, no, but they are going to lease us a Ford Focus. (Monicas not impressed.) Ill get out of it.
Chandler: (hears Emma crying) What is wrong with Emma?
[Scene: Ms. McKennas Office, Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Umm maam, do you have a minute? (She points for him to come in) I kind of have some bad news. I dont think I can move to Tulsa.
Chandler: Its a funny story, actually. (coughs) I kind of fell asleep in the meeting this morning so when I said Id move to Tulsa, I didnt really know what I was saying.
Chandler: But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting, aint that funny? Irony? Not a fan, alright (he sits down). See, heres the thing. I went home and told my wife about Tulsa and she wont go. See, me, I love Tulsa! Tulsa is heaven! Tulsa is ItalyPlease dont make me go there!
Ms. McKenna: Chandler, I
Chandler: No no no! Look, Carol, can I call you Carol? (Pause) Wh-why would I when your name is Elaine? Oh what a great picture of your son, strapping! (She glares at him.) Thats a picture of your daughter, isnt it, well shes lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw. Ill call you from Tulsa. (Exits.)
Chandler: (entering, loudly) Hey!
Chandler: Oh so there cant be any yelling.
Chandler: Were moving to Tulsa
Chandler: Shhhh! Shhhhh! Shhhhh! Shhhhh! (Walks backwards towards the door) I cant, I cant hear you. (He runs out)
Chandler: (enters) Hey, what you guys talking about?
Joey: Hey OK great, what would you do if I did this? (Swings to punch Chandler, he moves and he ends up punching Ross, knocking him off the stool. Ross then gets up and just stares at Joey.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler and Ross are there. Monica enters]
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Oh well you're the best. You come here to me.
Chandler: Do you want me to be afraid of you?
Monica: It's okay. Chandler, are you afraid of me or something?
Chandler: That's perfect! That's brilliant! (Starts going through the photo album)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Janine and Chandler are there]
Chandler: So, is Janine around?
Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.
Chandler: Thank you Helen, that'll be all.
Chandler: Can I check out what she did to my room?
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
Chandler: (Picking up a pillow.) Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?
Chandler: Yes talk to her. Be a man.
Chandler: Ohh, yeah.
Chandler: Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is reading a magazine as Ross hands him a beer.]
Chandler: Yeah lets head off to work.
Chandler: Thats weird. I dont think my boss likes me either.
Chandler: B-bye!
Chandler: What are you supporting?
Chandler: Yep!
Chandler: Count of three?
Chandler and Monica: Hey.
[Scene; Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch. Ross walks in.]
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Chandler knocks on the front door. Joey answers the door.]
Chandler: You know Oh My God.
Chandler: Yeah. (Rachel walks in.)
Chandler: (Sarcastically) Really.
Chandler: Two!
Chandler: What???
Monica: My God! Chandler, we said be 'aloof' not 'a doof'.
Chandler: I am proud of all my friends today.
Monica: My God, Rachel, I cant believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, Im so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rosss bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.]
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issacs sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebes friends with Rachel. And thats the trail, I did it!
Monica: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. (Pointing to a picture of Ralph on a magazine,.)
Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. Were knitting pot holders.
Monica: When girls hang out, we dont have pillow fights in our underwear. (Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) Im sorry. We do. We do. I dont know why I said that.
Chandler: You know when guys hang out they dont just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?
Chandler: No thanks, Josephine.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are knitting at the kitchen counter.]
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.]
Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if Oh my God!! Where are all the men???
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: Eh!
Chandler: (clearly lying and hating the dessert) Yeah, this is so good, that Im gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
Joey: Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.)
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Chandler: What is the matter with you ?!?
Chandler: Now Ive upset you? What did I say?
Chandler: Ok, I don't care what you guys say, something's bothering her.
Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
Chandler: Ye-e-es!!
Ross: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?
Chandler: No! No! No!
Chandler: (a little hurt) Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging bicepsShe knows!
[Chandler throws his coat on the couch]
Monica: (on phone) Okay, great! Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess whos coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
Chandler: Oh! Thats great, they havent seen the place since I moved in!
Monica: (not amused by Chandlers joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
Chandler: (shocked at the news) Why cant I tell them that we live together?
Chandler: Why havent you told them?!
Chandler: Why havent you told them?! Wouldnt they be happy?!
Chandler: Hey! (Sees Ross is there) Oh, good, Ross! Youre parents like me, right?
Chandler: Is this why they dont like me or why you dont like me?
Joey: (entering) Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table...they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell's going on over here?!?!? (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
Chandler: Why wouldnt they be happy?
Chandler: Theyre in my bag over there. (Points.)
Chandler: What? What? Why?!
Chandler: Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. (Looks into the bag.) Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?
Chandler: Well Monica just told me that they dont.
Monica: (hugging Chandler) I dont think youll ever get my parents that drunk!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: She is gonna recognize that I did a nice thing and-and, appreciate it.
Chandler: [mocks that last comment].
Janine [to Chandler]: Hey.
[Chandler exits]
Chandler: This is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for.
Chandler: (annoyed) Do you know why?
Janine: Are you guys going to Chandlers for Thanksgiving?
[Chandler starts to leave as Janine enters]
Chandler: Maybe I could give thanks by taking my Playstation over to my new apartment.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Gary and Chandler and Monica are all there.]
Monica: Dad [kisses Jack], Mom [kisses Judy]. Look! Look who it is its Chandler!
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Mrs. Geller: (less than pleased) Oh yes of course, hello Chandler.
Chandler: Uh, could you leave me one?
Chandler: Whoa, snowing out there?
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats!
[Monica rushes over to Chandlers side.]
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Youre the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel at counter, Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun Bobby at the couch.]
Monica: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
Chandler: (coming all the way in) Listen, I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon and the whole massage thing. Y'know? I-I really like 'em.
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]