words in movies
Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr.Peanut than Mr.Salty.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (The girls make disgusted noises.) It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? (To the guys) I'm right, right?
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
Chandler: (bluffing) And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.
Chandler: Hey Rach!
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.)
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: I have my reasons.
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing!
Chandler: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters clutching his phone.]
Chandler: Can I use your phone?
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.)
Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?
Chandler: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.
Chandler: She answered.
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Chandler: If it helps, I could slide over.
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Chandler: Hello? Hello?
Chandler: So how's Mindy?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning. Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone. Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler.]
(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.)
Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you.
Chandler: ...And boogie!
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...
Chandler: 'S'why I'm dancing...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Chandler: Ring dammit, ring!
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!
Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler glares at her.) ... Just pointing out the irony.
Chandler: Nngghhh!!!!!!!
Danielle: (entering) Chandler?
Chandler: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Danielle, everybody.
Chandler: What are you doing here?
Chandler: ...I'm, I'm okay.
Chandler: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, whatever...
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: ...I dunno.
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: But honey you don't have to.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler enters. Rachel and monica are seated at the table.]
Chandler: They...do that?
Chandler: God why why would you want to do that to yourself!?
Chandler: (sedated) What?
Chandler: your ass?!?!?
Chandler: Honey I... I love your breasts the way they are!
Monica, Rachel, Chandler: It's over/Joe!
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Monica is getting Chandler ready for his half of the plan.]
Rachel: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
(Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are carrying a couch through the door)
Monica: Well you know it's just like living with a girl. Only they don't steal your makeup. Unless they're playing "This is what my sister would look like" (Looks at Chandler)
Chandler: Hey! Ready to go?
Chandler: What are you doin'?
[Scene: Ross' apartment , Chandler and Joey enter]
Chandler: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?
Chandler: Bet she'd sleep with you now...
Chandler: Well maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it. Single white male, divorced three times,two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself....
Chandler: Great, a faster way to tell people that I'm unemployed and childless .
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
Chandler: Oh, I'm so sorry!
Chandler: So, ah... Any plans for the summer?
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Joey: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!
Chandler: Hey Rach! Ah........ Perfection. (kisses monica) Wouldn't change a thing. Not a thing.
Chandler: You're not gonna need my help?
Chandler: Who cares? Nobody reads those things
Ross: (yelling at Chandler) I have sex with dinosaurs??
Chandler: I don't have a page.
Chandler: I believe I read that somewhere!
Chandler: Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
Chandler: Oh, you'll see my friend.
Chandler: It kills over one americans every year.
Chandler: Well, how you died was funny.
[Time lapse, still Chandler and Monica's, but only Chandler is there. Enter Ross]
Chandler: Aaaaand....... hernia.
Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?
[Scene: Ross's Apartment: Ross is doing something on his laptop when Chandler walks in]
Chandler: Hey, Ross, I just wanted to apologize... (looks at laptop screen)..don't tell me you actually made those gay pictures of me?
Chandler: No, come on, you know that's not true.
Ross: uhu uhu, check this out. (Chandler sits down and looks at laptop screen)
Chandler: Ross, don't press send, don't press se... !
Chandler: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.
Chandler: I respectfully disagree.
Chandler: Ross, what're you... what're you... what are you doing? (looks at laptop screen)You're having a memorial service for yourself!?
Chandler: Is that gal pal spelled L-O-S-E-R?
Chandler: It was awful. To get out of going to dinner with Doug I told him that you and I split up. So then he took me to all these strip clubs and sleazy bars, and then when I wouldnt give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a bird!
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas bathroom. Both are sitting on opposite ends of the bathtub.]
Chandler: Oh yes, yes... let me... take your coat.
Chandler: There you go! Someone came!
Chandler: (in a mournful voice) Please, come in.
Chandler: At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps (he goes in the bedroom)
(Chandler and Monica go open the door)
Chandler: Some guy, Tom Gordon.
Chandler: (entering, very upset) Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!! (he shoves him out the door)
Chandler: Ok! (shuts the door behind Tom)
Chandler: Please, one ridiculous problem at a time!
(someone knocks on the door) Oh, great. More party boys for Chandler!
Chandler: I didn't know Ross and you were so close.
Chandler: Don't listen to him, he's in a really bad mood! (lets her in)
Chandler: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide. (Ross hides in the bedroom again)
Chandler: You know, I flew a long way t see my loving wife? Is she here by the way?
Chandler: Wow! You look amazing!
Chandler: Chandler, Chandler Bing. I'm not gay, I'm not gay at all.
Chandler: Well! We er..climbed up four flights of stairs, manueveored a narrow hallway, dodged a rabid pitbul... but these last three feet are where it gets really tricky.
Monica: Yeah with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars.
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window.)
Chandler: You wanna talk about people's feelings? You should have heard how hurt professor Stern was yesterday when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him to Key West!
Chandler: Yeah, because if I was at my old job we'd say 300 million? No thank you!
Chandler: Still on Amelia Earhart?
Chandler: Kinda like Joey.
Chandler: When you go lunching with hunky moustache men and don't tell me about it!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
Chandler: Pie eating contest?
Chandler: (into receiver)Hello? Hey Charlie, what do you know?
Chandler: Kori? Kori Weston?
Chandler: (hysterical)Don't touch the phone! I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!! (picks up the phone)
Chandler: Yeah I know.
(phone starts ringing and Chandler comes running out of the bathroom)
Chandler: (still on the phone)Damnit. Alright call me when you know more.
Chandler: Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.
[Scene change back an forth: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica's on the other end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler.]
Rachel, Chandler and Monica: Please, just do it!
Chandler: Well you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.
[Flashback to 702 - TOW Rachel's Book] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Chandler: You're right, it has been you dream for over 15 seconds.
Chandler: Ok, so now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?
Chandler: You know, I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go.
Chandler: One of the slots got filled.
Chandler: (looks around) I'll take this one too (to Ross) Uh ... Mommy?
(Phone rings, Chandler picks up)
Chandler: He's the boss's son.
Chandler: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye. (hangs up)
Monica: Chandler, sense the tone!!
Chandler: Yes there are, I just saw them a few minutes ago.
Rachel: Chandler, would you just tell her what she did was wrong?