words in movies
Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr.Peanut than Mr.Salty.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (The girls make disgusted noises.) It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? (To the guys) I'm right, right?
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
Chandler: (bluffing) And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.
Chandler: Hey Rach!
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.)
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: I have my reasons.
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing!
Chandler: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters clutching his phone.]
Chandler: Can I use your phone?
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.)
Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?
Chandler: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.
Chandler: She answered.
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Chandler: If it helps, I could slide over.
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Chandler: Hello? Hello?
Chandler: So how's Mindy?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning. Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone. Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler.]
(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.)
Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you.
Chandler: ...And boogie!
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...
Chandler: 'S'why I'm dancing...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Chandler: Ring dammit, ring!
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!
Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler glares at her.) ... Just pointing out the irony.
Chandler: Nngghhh!!!!!!!
Danielle: (entering) Chandler?
Chandler: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Danielle, everybody.
Chandler: What are you doing here?
Chandler: ...I'm, I'm okay.
Chandler: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, whatever...
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: ...I dunno.
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
Chandler: (swallowing hard) Well that would be nice. I'll go get the lotion.
Chandler: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad.
Chandler: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like a dad yet?
Chandler and Ross: Hey.
Chandler: Could you want her more?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica has finally given up on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off aimlessly.]
(Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table.)
Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, alright...
Chandler: We're notwe're not saying anything.
Chandler: And then he did.
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
Chandler: OK Phoebs, how many do you want?
Chandler: ...little playthings with yarn?
Chandler: (changing subject) OK, so at this point, the dealer...
Chandler: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle.
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Chandler and Joey are there. Ross enters with a pizza.]
Chandler: Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing?
Chandler: With Roger? (Monica shyly looks away.) Not just with Roger?! (Monica shrugs.) Oh my God!
Chandler: Y'know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so
Chandler: Oh yes, yes, we could play some other game... like, uh, I don't know... Pictionary?
Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.
Phoebe: Chandler?
Chandler: Couldn't be more out. (throws in cards)
Chandler: Y'know, I've had dates like this.
Phoebe: Monica and Chandler said that you were having so much fun here. And apparently no amount of drums or tarantulas is gonna change that.
Chandler: Call.
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnt look exactly like her sister.
Chandler: (to Ross): What do you need, what do you need?
Chandler: Good luck.
Chandler: Alright, here's ten. (gives it to him)
Chandler: (to Ross): I thought we had them!
Chandler: Go.
(To start this task, she lowers the top of her robe to reveal that she is naked from the waist up, well at least her back is, and starts to rub on the gunk. Chandler notices this, and has something start happening. Ill let you fill in the blank here.)
Chandler: Toootal chick-flick.
Chandler: They're still just friends, right?
Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already?
Chandler: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used.
Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Chandler: Rachel lost Marcel.
Chandler: I did not say fat! I said, "Fa-aa-aw-ow "
(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad!)
Chandler: Marcel?
Chandler: Marcel?
Chandler: Yes have you seen any?
Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for something...
Chandler: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.
Chandler: Marcel?!
Chandler: No, it can mean anything. Like uh, all of the sudden you're jealous because I've become the apartment stud.
(Phoebe and Chandler enter)
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]
Phoebe: Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica) Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so....
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Chandler: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. (Joey and Ross wonder what he means) Me.
Chandler: You know, it haunts me? Up til now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. (She tries to whistle and blows little chunks of cheesecake out of her mouth.) How can you eat the cheesecake without me?!
Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the boom, boom, (Chandler flails his hand out and hits Janice in the eye)... boom.
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides it under the table.)
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds.]
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
Chandler: They do me?
Chandler: I don't sound like that.
Ross: Oh, oh Chandler...
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled). Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair)?
Chandler: You look great. I'm so glad we're having this rehearsal dinner, you know, I so rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.
Chandler: Oh, is she related to Ralph Lauren?
Ross: Oh! And it gets worse! (Turns his side to Chandler and Monica and pulls up his shirt. There's a distinct line across his body, where his belly is very tanned and his back is very pale.)
Chandler: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true.
Chandler: Im sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why dont you uh, lift up your shirt? (He does.) Take a look at this kiddo. (Alex finally starts crying.) We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!
MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.
Chandler: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up!
(Joey and Chandler laughs)
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door)
Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey...
Chandler: Will power? I�ve watch home movies of you eating ding-dongs (?) without taking the tin foil off.
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Chandler: Might wanna try Joseph.
Chandler: Joe...Joe...Joe...Stalin?
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
Chandler and Joey: Hey.
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya.
Chandler: So what does this mean?
RACHEL: Chandler, you have just described virtually every man that we have ever gone out with.
Chandler: Umm, you know how we always said that it would be fun to move to Paris for a year? You know, you could study French cooking and I could write and we could take a picnic along the Seine and go wine tasting in Bordeaux?
Chandler: Let me get this straight. I called yesterday trying to cancel my reservation and I was told it was not refundable, then we drove six hours all the way up here and now you tell me that we don't have a reservation?
Chandler: Dont worry about it. Im taking care of it tonight. (Chandler opens the fridge and grabs something to drink.)