words in movies
Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr.Peanut than Mr.Salty.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (The girls make disgusted noises.) It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? (To the guys) I'm right, right?
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
Chandler: (bluffing) And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.
Chandler: Hey Rach!
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.)
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: I have my reasons.
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing!
Chandler: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters clutching his phone.]
Chandler: Can I use your phone?
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.)
Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?
Chandler: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.
Chandler: She answered.
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Chandler: If it helps, I could slide over.
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Chandler: Hello? Hello?
Chandler: So how's Mindy?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning. Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone. Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler.]
(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.)
Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you.
Chandler: ...And boogie!
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...
Chandler: 'S'why I'm dancing...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Chandler: Ring dammit, ring!
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!
Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler glares at her.) ... Just pointing out the irony.
Chandler: Nngghhh!!!!!!!
Danielle: (entering) Chandler?
Chandler: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Danielle, everybody.
Chandler: What are you doing here?
Chandler: ...I'm, I'm okay.
Chandler: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, whatever...
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: ...I dunno.
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Chandler: He is?
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Chandler: (faking sympathy) And so young.
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.
Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.
(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and silently hands back the cushion.)
Chandler: I thought it was $98.50.
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?
CHANDLER: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.
Chandler: All right, I'm nine years old.
Chandler: I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head.
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Chandler: Oh, you must stop shooping.
Joey: Chandler, will you just come in already?
(Chandler leaves.)
Chandler: (with a quivering voice) No, Im not!
(Chandler enters, running.)
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Chandler: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away.
Chandler: (nervous) My duties? (Trying not to crack a joke) All right.
Chandler: Do either of you have the keys?
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.
Chandler: (sarcastic) For an emergency just like this.
Chandler: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go.
Chandler: Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
Chandler: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese?
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Chandler: Here, here!
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandlers bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.]
Chandler: Hey, look, I know what it is to be a friend, I just-I just screwed up!
Chandler: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!
Chandler: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is pounding out the hinge pins on the closet door to get it open.]
Chandler: Too many jokes... must mock Joey!
Chandler: Aah, y'killing me!
Chandler: Tonight, on a very special Blossom.
Chandler: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you.
Chandler: Could you not narrate?
Chandler: I love you too. (Monica and Chandler kiss. He turns to Joey.) And... I like you as a friend. (They hug and pat each other on the back.)
ROSS: Because it's a special hat. [Chandler looks at Ross funny] See he bought it 'cause he was feeling really down one day so he got the hat to cheer himself up, ya know. Now Chandler...
Chandler: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?
Chandler: But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.
Rachel: Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her place on the mat.) (On phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. (Listens) Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really.
Chandler: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.
Chandler: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Monica: Chandlers making his sex face.
Chandler: You remember Janice.
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
Chandler: (pours more and slides the refill to Joey) All right, say you do that. You know sooner or later somebody's gonna come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where're you gonna run?
Chandler: I dont have anything against the beautiful guest room, especially since everybody we know lives about 30 seconds away!
Chandler: Kill me. Kill me now.
Chandler: (Imitating) But you found me!
Chandler: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
Janice: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. (She runs off)
Chandler: Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera)
Chandler: And the moment of joy is upon us.
Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. (holds up two cards) Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. (Joey is unamused) Alright babe, deal the cards.
Chandler: I happen to know a Fun Bob.
Chandler: Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight! Somebody kiss me!
Chandler: I'm sorry you misunderstood...
Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.
Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler)
Phoebe: Rachel, come here. (Rachel walks over to Phoebe. Chandler sits down on the lounge-chair.) Okay, I was just starting to take my Thanksgiving nap, and I had another dream about Jack.
[Ross and Judy enter the living room. Judy and Ross sit down on the couch beside Jack. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the coffee table.]
Chandler: You can say that because she's not your mom.
Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.
Chandler: Now why would she say that's embarrassing?
Chandler: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!
Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride.
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
(The gang turn to look at Chandler)
Chandler: ...And then he burst into flames.
Chandler: I know I am.
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.]
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.
Monica: No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff!
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here?
(Chandler opens the door and startles them. He picks up the paper)
Chandler: What are you guys doing out here?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gownit's Ross.]
Chandler: Oh my God.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!