words in movies
Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr.Peanut than Mr.Salty.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (The girls make disgusted noises.) It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? (To the guys) I'm right, right?
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
Chandler: (bluffing) And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.
Chandler: Hey Rach!
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.)
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: I have my reasons.
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing!
Chandler: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters clutching his phone.]
Chandler: Can I use your phone?
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.)
Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?
Chandler: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.
Chandler: She answered.
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Chandler: If it helps, I could slide over.
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Chandler: Hello? Hello?
Chandler: So how's Mindy?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning. Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone. Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler.]
(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.)
Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you.
Chandler: ...And boogie!
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...
Chandler: 'S'why I'm dancing...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Chandler: Ring dammit, ring!
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!
Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler glares at her.) ... Just pointing out the irony.
Chandler: Nngghhh!!!!!!!
Danielle: (entering) Chandler?
Chandler: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Danielle, everybody.
Chandler: What are you doing here?
Chandler: ...I'm, I'm okay.
Chandler: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, whatever...
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: ...I dunno.
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
Chandler: And here we go
Chandler: Honey, its 2:00 on a Wednesday and Im watching Road Rules, how stressed do you think I am?
Chandler: No not (imitating) Candy Lady.
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Chandler: So, hows the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?
Chandler: There has got to be a way!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still working on the door.]
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
Chandler: Thats a good idea.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler have gone through the phone book and found Greg and Jennys number which Monica has just dialed.]
Chandler: Okay. (They switch places and Chandler gets out a credit card.) So uh, Ross is kinda bummed huh?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is writing a letter by the bay window as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: Yeah. (Checks his hair.) Oh no wait, Im not an nine-year-old girl.
Chandler: (laughs) Youre messy.
Chandler: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule at it! They should change the name of it to Ms. Chandler. (Pause) Although I-I hope they dont.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: No, honey youre not sick! Look, I dont love you because youre organized, I love you in spite of that.
Chandler: Good morning everyone, it�s nice to see our team together for the first time. Now, before we get started, are there any questions? (colleague raises hand) Yes, Ken is it?
Chandler: Yes! And look, now that I know if I got some extra stuff lying around can we, can we share the closet.
Chandler: Are you okay?
Chandler: So Rachels all moved out huh? How are you taking it?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Chandler are sitting on the couch and chair as Phoebe is getting coffee.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Phoebe and Ross are sitting in the living room talking.]
Chandler: Happy Valentines!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler enters with a bouquet of roses.]
Chandler: Woah, woah, thats not pretty!
(The woman groans, moans, grunts, and screams. Chandlers eyes get huge!)
Chandler: Worst porn ever! Worst porn ever! (Chandler starts to press buttons on the remote control, frantically.)
Chandler: I am trying!
Chandler: I dont think weve actually done this before!
Chandler: I thought maybe you got me porn for Valentines Day.
Chandler: Do I smell essential oils?
Chandler: (pointing at the video) Why did you get me this?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
Chandler: Well, Im not really in a sexy mood right now.
(Chandler glances up at Monica with his mouth still wide open and his eyes still huge)
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
Chandler: You dont know. You didnt see it.
Chandler: Well, remember the first time we saw Jaws?
Chandler: Nice job Joe! Youre quite the craftsmen.
Chandler: See, honey, theres(puts his hand on her leg)
Monica: Chandler, we cant let this tape wreck Valentines Day!
Chandler: How long it took to go back in the water?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
[Scene: The Airport Ticket Counter, Monica and Chandler are standing in line behind another couple kissing who are next in line to be served.]
Chandler: Okay Ross has the cameras, has he checked out yet?
Chandler: (hoarsely) Water! Water! Water!
Chandler: I thought we werent gonna have bachelor/bachelorette parties! Yknow, we agreed that it was a silly tradition.
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
Chandler: 90 seconds.
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Chandler: I can do that.
(Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they cant do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.)
Chandler: Okay. Now all weve got to do is get rid of this chair.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch still staring at the screen.]
Chandler: Poor Ross.
Chandler: Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes!
(Chandler takes the tape and sticks it under the chair cushion)
Chandler: Oh, I know!
(Monica and Chandler both look at each other and run over to the window to watch the action in Ross apartment)
Chandler: Oh, and we should warn you, before you watch it: dont watch it.
Chandler: Why have I seen this thing three times?!
Chandler: Goin out, huh? Wow! Wow! (Does a little celebration dance) So things didnt work out with Kathy, huh? Bummer.
Chandler: Wait, you guys, look!
Chandler: And look how happy the mom is now!
Chandler: No, the babys out! Look, look!
Chandler: (singing) Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Chandler: Oh hey!
Chandler: Oh! (Pulls his hand away.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Chandler are on the couch.]
Chandler: Oh! (Puts his hand on her belly.) Shes growing inside you.
Chandler: I think thats the youngest girl ever to reject me.
Chandler: Why?
Chandler: Come on, dont be crazy. (To Rachel) You dont think theres someone out there better suited for Monica than me, do ya? (Rachel looks at him.)
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Yeah o-okay, but Im just doing this for you.
Chandler: No. I mean I believe that uh, certain people are more suited for each other and I believe in falling in love, but soul mates, I dont think they exist.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch as Phoebe enters with Monicas soul mate.]
Phoebe: Umm, Chandler, Monica, this is Don.
Chandler: (mouths to Phoebe) What?
Phoebe: (mouths to Chandler) Soul mate.
Don: Oh, hello. (Shakes Chandlers hand.) Hello. (Shakes Monicas hand.)
Chandler: What are you doing?!
(They go over to the counter and Chandler moves closer to Phoebe.)
Monica: Yeah! Oh hes great, I love him. (Walks away and Chandler glares at Phoebe.)
<Chandler is startled and nearly drops the plates.> Sorry.
Monica: Careful. <hands Chandler a china plate> Careful. CAREFUL!
Chandler: Cheese you say? Thats some pretty smelly work, huh Don?
Chandler: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise. <looks at china> hey wait a minute this isn't the china we picked out..
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Chandler are watching Monica and Don talk.]
Chandler: Cheese, its smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too.
Don: And youre still married to him? (They both laugh, and Chandler tries to but fails.)
Chandler: (disgusted) Oh come on! (To Phoebe) Are you listening to this?
Chandler: What do we do?
Chandler: Is it made of cheese?
Chandler: Phoebe thinks you and Don are soul mates, and I dont believe in that kind of stuff. But then you two totally get along. So look, I wont stand in your way if you want to run off with Don and live in a house of cheese.
Chandler: Im sorry, did you say cheese?
Chandler: Yeah, fine. Fine. Not perfect!! But good enough.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are entering.]