words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Ill give up my ticket.
Chandler: And I think Ross is generous too.
Joey: Oh man! (Hits Chandler)
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey Ross listen Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend!
Chandler: Ross.
Phoebe: Yeah, but theres a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. Thats four years. Chandlers not gonna wait that long. Hes gonna find somebody else, yknow? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list. (Rachel agrees.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
Chandler: (on phone) This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! (Listens) Yes, the groomNo! Not the groom!!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table staring at the phone as Monica enters.]
Chandler: (gets up) See you later. (Starts to leave.)
Chandler: (angrily) Well next time ask! Or at least wait for me to ask! (He storms out.)
Chandler: (on machine) This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! (The machine beeps off.)
Monica: Have you seen Chandler?!
Monica: The woman from the museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding and Chandler heard! (Phoebe gasps.) I know! How bad is this?!
Phoebe: Well for the regular guy, its bad, but Chandler, Oh dear God!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is pacing, waiting for Chandler to return. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Im not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday. (Does one of those Chandler noises.)
Chandler: Right here! (Clucks like a chicken for some reason.)
Monica: Chandler, please dont think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel
Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Yes, if it really doesnt mean anything, because you know that Im just not ready
Chandler: Okay. (They hug.)
Chandler: Totally.
Chandler: Yeah, its beautiful.
Chandler: I know.
(Chandler lights a cigarette.)
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair!
Chandler: Out of curiosity, what is your secret ingredient?
Chandler: And this- is my reward!
[Time lapse, they have set up a little assembly line for diaper changes. Phoebe wipes, Chandler adds the powder, begrudgingly, and Monica puts the diaper on.]
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Chandler: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out. (He drops it in Phoebe's coffee.)
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?
Chandler: (deadpan) Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.
Chandler: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball..
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!
Chandler: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
Chandler: (returns) Yeah, alright.
Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about you?
Chandler: You got waaaay too much free time.
(Chandler and Joey enter. Joey is counting his steps.)
Chandler: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty."
Chandler: Happy birthday, pal!
Chandler: (trying to stop Ross leaving) C'mon, Ross! You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, (Pretending to punch him in the stomach.) Huh? Huh? Huh?
Chandler: You got it.
Chandler: (stops) I have no idea.
(Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.)
Chandler: (looking) Oh, this is not that bad.
Chandler: Alright, now try taking a puff.
Chandler: Yes, Bunny?
Chandler: Forgive me? You haven't been taking my calls in a week!
Photographer: Why dont we have Monica step away and well get Chandler and the bridemaids.
Chandler: Sur-surprise him? We're not, we're not gonna make anybody mad are we?
Chandler: He's open!
Chandler: You're kidding.
(The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face. Chandler looks concered until he notices...)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there talking about Chandler and Monica.]
Chandler: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing!
Receptionist: (on phone) Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill these out, sit over there. (Tosses him some forms.)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in.]
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Chandler: Y'know, you'd think I would've.
Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.
Chandler: Then what?
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one(He gets a look too)oh.
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
Chandler: Yknow those big-big uh, road signs that say "Merge?"
Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic...
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters off camera)
Chandler: Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty traditional...
Chandler: You gotta do it, man.
Ross: (to the kid) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever(to Chandler)can't do it. (to the kid) Listen, uh- gimme back my puck.
Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves)
Chandler: Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel.
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.)
Chandler: I dont see any uh, cabs. Maybe we should just walk?
Chandler: Not a one.
Chandler: Oh, right, right, shut up.
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that.
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it.
Chandler: Oh, yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!
Chandler: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
Chandler: �Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine, never understood a single word he said, but I helped himdrink his wine.� So you just touch yourself for anything?
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.]
Chandler: There you go.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has fallen asleep reading a book. Monica calls from the bedroom and wakes him up.]
Chandler: Where are they? Where are they?
Chandler: Here we go.
Chandler: Hey, Janice.
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: That's great.
Chandler: (covering) What... did you get me there?
Chandler: Well y'know, Monica and I were friends before we started dating. So maybe-maybe that's it?
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can I get you another latte?
Chandler: That's it?
Chandler: Yes, but I feel like Ive really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think were two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.
Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
Chandler: Actually, no. No, it felt right. You know, it felt like uhm... I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time.
CHANDLER: Stay back, I've got kiwi. Run, Joey, Run!
Chandler: Oh come on, by age seven kids have already seen orgies. (They both look at him.) Was it just me?!
(Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.)
Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore. Janice.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm cool. Casual.
Chandler: I'm fine.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.
Chandler: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?
Chandler: Oh, I don't know, a million?
Chandler: How do you do that?
Chandler: I'm not fine. Here she comes.
Chandler: We should always always break up together.
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
Chandler: Im sorry man, theres never a good time to (pauses) stop catching on fire.
Chandler: I'm free! I'm free!
Rachel: Where's Chandler?
Chandler: ...He's in.
(Chandler runs by the window outside, joyous.)
Chandler: (arm-in-arm with Monica) Hey Pheebs!
Chandler: No, ten o'clock.