words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Ill give up my ticket.
Chandler: And I think Ross is generous too.
Joey: Oh man! (Hits Chandler)
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey Ross listen Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend!
Chandler: Ross.
Phoebe: Yeah, but theres a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. Thats four years. Chandlers not gonna wait that long. Hes gonna find somebody else, yknow? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list. (Rachel agrees.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
Chandler: (on phone) This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! (Listens) Yes, the groomNo! Not the groom!!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table staring at the phone as Monica enters.]
Chandler: (gets up) See you later. (Starts to leave.)
Chandler: (angrily) Well next time ask! Or at least wait for me to ask! (He storms out.)
Chandler: (on machine) This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! (The machine beeps off.)
Monica: Have you seen Chandler?!
Monica: The woman from the museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding and Chandler heard! (Phoebe gasps.) I know! How bad is this?!
Phoebe: Well for the regular guy, its bad, but Chandler, Oh dear God!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is pacing, waiting for Chandler to return. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Im not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday. (Does one of those Chandler noises.)
Chandler: Right here! (Clucks like a chicken for some reason.)
Monica: Chandler, please dont think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel
Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Yes, if it really doesnt mean anything, because you know that Im just not ready
Chandler: Okay. (They hug.)
Chandler: Totally.
Chandler: Yeah, its beautiful.
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: Ohhh!!
(Chandler goes into the apartment, while Joey checks his ticket and is embarrassed by his stupid mistake.)
(Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are returning from the strip club.]
Chandler: Yeah?
Phoebe: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, well get us some Mai Thais, (To Chandler) maybe no more for you though.
Chandler: All right, well Im gonna put my sweats back on.
Monica: Come on! Chandler!
Chandler: Okay, look, Im gonna have to ask you all to leave.
(Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)
Chandler: Well, Im there too!
Chandler: Stop it! Youre killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Chandler: Please?
Chandler: Come on, let me see that smile.
Chandler: Where I dont want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!
Monica: (looking at Chandler sleeping with a balloon in his mouth) So sexy. (Waking him up.) Honey.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but yknow I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? Cause weve had our first fight, and now we can move on. Yknow, I know for me(Notices a pair of mens pants on the chair.) Nicks pants?
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Chandler: Im the ruptured spleen. (Laughs.)
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.]
Chandler: And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her. And you get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place....
Rachel: Chandler, theres a guy right over there. (Points to the counter)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing darts, as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Hey, you know who used to have nails like that?
Chandler: (entering, with Janice in tow) Hello!
Chandler: Isnt this amazing?
Chandler: Bye.
Chandler: Bye.
Chandler: Okay. Bye.
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Janice: I just came up to say, "Hi!" Hi! (to Chandler) And you, sweetie, Ill see you tonight.
Chandler: (laughs) Okay, we have to talk. Im just getting out of a very serious relationship
Chandler: Because, I-I shouldve called! Yknow if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never wouldve gone out with Nick, and they wouldve ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!
Chandler: All right, we havent had sex yet. Okay, whats the big deal? Yknow? This is special, and I want our love to grow until we move on to the next level.
Chandler: Look, Im not saying that you should magically forgive me! But youre not perfect! Youve made some errors in judgment too!
Chandler: No! No! Not, Paris.
Chandler: I dont know exactly.
Chandler: But I do know that its some time tomorrow.
CHANDLER: Alright, I hope you realize you're not getting these underpants back.
Chandler: Yknow uh, you didnt really have to help me pack.
Chandler: No, actually Lauries a boy.
(Chandler does so.)
Chandler: Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did not!
Chandler: (to Janice) Okay. (to Joey) Joey, trade lives with me!
Chandler: Oh, Im packing. Yknow Im-Im packing cause Im moving to Yemen tomorrow.
Janice: Okay, Chandler, come on!
Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros.
Chandler: (from his bedroom) Thanks!
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! Its not like hes Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica is going over some plans as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: Well, were really not that close. (Pause) Okay, so I guess this is uh, good-bye then.
Chandler: Hey, by any chance did either of pick uh Rachel for your secret Santa, cause I wanna trade for her.
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess its just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
Chandler: Yknow you, really didnt have to take me to the airport.
Chandler: What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Monica: Yknow, I think if I were going to be with a woman. (Chandler is intrigued.) Itd, itd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.
Chandler: Hey, you know what, here's a thought. Why don't you stay home from work today and just hang out with me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Ross, and Chandler are making a pit stop on their party tour.]
[Scene: Kathys play, Ross and Chandler are waiting for her in the lobby after the play.]
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Look, you dont have to draw an actual wowhoa! Shes hot!
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Chandler: Okay, good-bye. Good-bye.
Chandler: Well, I-I guess I gotta go.
Chandler: No!
Janice: Chandler?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next morning, Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Janice: Chandler!
Chandler: Are you aware that you're still talking?
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
Chandler: Just a little bit of sugar.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.]
Chandler: Without me?!
CHANDLER: Janice, you're--
Chandler: Hi guys!
Chandler: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?
Chandler: Yes, but in Rosss case, they both know in two weeks thats it.
Chandler: Maybe thats because soy-burgers suck!
Chandler: Well, I then guess Im going to Yemen! Im going to Yemen! (To this old woman also going to Yemen.) When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?
Rachel: Go-go-go-go, come on! (Ross goes over to the counte) (to Chandler) So uh, what did you find out?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are watching a movie as Chandler comes in from his bedroom.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Chandler and Joey: Surprise!!
Chandler: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to the living room.)
Chandler: I said, "Like what?"
[Cut to later, the party is in full swing. Rachel is in the kitchen and Chandler goes over to talk to her.]
Chandler: Like what?
Chandler: Okay. (She grabs a tin of freshly baked cookies) Oh yes. (He reaches for one.)
Chandler: Does for me.
Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)