words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are counting the invitations as Chandler exits from the bathroom.]
Monica: Chandler, we still havent gotten an RSVP from your dad.
Chandler: Oh! Right. Umm, maybe thats because I didnt send him an invitation.
Monica: Chandler! Hes your father; he should be at the wedding.
Chandler: I dont even know the man. Okay? Were not the close. I havent seen him in years.
Chandler: Well he doesnt have to know! Its not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys, and he stars in a drag show in Vegas.
Chandler: Trust me, you dont want him there either. Okay? Nobody is gonna be staring at the bride when the father of the groom is wearing a back-less dress.
Chandler: Whats this?
Chandler: Are you serious?! I mean like eloping?! No more stupid wedding stuff?! No more these flowers or these flowers or these flowersThink of the money well save!! (Monica just looks at him.) Were not eloping. I love the flowers. Can our wedding be bigger please?
Chandler: Yknow we already went over this and I won!
Chandler: Look forget it okay? I dont want to go. I dont want to see him. I dont wanna.
Monica: Chandler, look I-I know that your dad embarrassed you. I know
Chandler: No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, youd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Yknow its hard enough to be fourteen. Youre skinny. Youre wearing speedoesThat your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and theres your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack!
Chandler: He had sex with Mr. Girabaldi!
Chandler: Does it matter?!
Monica: Chandler, youre not fourteen anymore. Okay? Maybe its time that you let that stuff go. If your fathers not at your wedding youre gonna regret it for the rest of your life.
Chandler: Yeah o-okay, but Im just doing this for you.
Chandler: So I really never get to win anymore?
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas and the strip before we arrive at 4 Queens bar, where Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table waiting for the show to start.
A Waiter in Drag: (to Chandler and Monica) Has someone taken your order yet?
Monica: Uh oh yeah, she did. Uh, he did. (To Chandler) She? (To the waiter) Im-Im sorry Im new. I dont
Waiter in Drag: (To Chandler) Hm-mmm?
Chandler: Yeah, I just ordered a beer! (Pounds the table.)
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Chandler: I dont know if Ive told you this, but hes kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years
Chandler: Yeah, hes made phone calls, written letters, he even came to New York, but I always said I was too busy to see him. Yknow its all very Cats in the CradleI dont want to get into it. (The show starts.) Here we go.
Chandler: And theres daddy!
Chandler: Believe me, Ive been saying that for years. Oh my God!
Chandler: Thats Mr. Girabaldi playing the piano.
Chandler: Hes coming into the audience. Hes coming into the audience.
Monica: Relax! Youll be fine. (Chandler exhales and turns off the table light.) Oh much better. Youre invisible now.
Chandler: It cant happen like this. Okay? Ill meet you back at the hotel.
Helena: (to Chandlers back) Oh look, a standing ovation already! So early in the show. Oh turn around honey; let me see your pretty face. (He slowly turns around. Helena recognizes him.)
Chandler: (resigning himself to his fate) Chandler. (He quickly sits down.)
Helena: Chandler? What an unusual name! You mustve had terribly fascinating parents.
Chandler: Oh, theyre a hoot.
Chandler: Actually Monica and I are engaged.
Monica: (looks at Chandler) In in two weeks.
Chandler: Wait! Wait! Wed really love it if you could be there.
Chandler: I know it would make me happy, maam.
Monica: (To Chandler) You okay?
Chandler: Yeah. Thanks for making me do this.
Chandler: (To Monica) When I was growing up I played the one on the far left.
Chandler: (To Monica) You told her?!
Chandler: Oh, its so hard to care when youre this relaxed.
Chandler: You like Rachel?!
Chandler: Ill Ill get you later!
Chandler: (thinking) All right, this isnt so bad. I like the flower smell! Which is okay, because Ive got my boat.
Chandler: (sarcastically) Yes were all in here and we would love for you to join us!
Chandler: Well you proved them wrong.
Chandler: Youre not?
Chandler: Yeah. And what youre doing feels so good.
(They all hug and then turn and look at Chandler)
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe walks up to and knocks on Chandler and Monicas door.]
Chandler: Hey Pheebs, whats up?
Phoebe: Oh are you and Chandler
Chandler: Buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning Dont let Phoebe in.
Monica: (laughs) No. (Closes the door as Chandler walks up.)
Phoebe: OkayOop! Too late! Im leaving! Come on Chandler lets go! (She storms out.)
Chandler: Well, Phoebe I thought Id(Off Phoebes look)Yeah, what the hell. (Exits with Phoebe.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I found this great place called "Invisible things for Kathy." (Motions to an imaginary pile of presents next to him.) Can you give me a hand with all this stuff?
RACH: And ya know what, now I've got closure. [Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.] ROSS: Try the bottom one. [She opens the door and they kiss.] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler answers the door to find Monica.] CLOSING CREDITS CHAN: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not working out, it's over. MNCA: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone we're groovin'. CHAN: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret. MNCA: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? What? CHAN: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have. MNCA: Well, thanks. CHAN: I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work. MNCA: Well, you know. CHAN: You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed. MNCA: [sad] Uh-huh. CHAN: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on. MNCA: Well no, but um. CHAN: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all. MNCA: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . . CHAN: So, you feel like goin' for a run? MNCA: Alright. CHAN: Because, you know, you don't have to. If you want, you could just take a nap right here. MNCA: OK. Just for a little while. CHAN: OK. [Puts an afghan over her and dances into his room]
Chandler: Hey babe.
Chandler: How about to the street say from the balcony?
Chandler: Who says you cant get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks? Maybe we can take it back?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica has opened another wedding present as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Okay. How about in that cabinet?
Phoebe: (entering) Hello Chandler, lovely day huh? (To Monica) You!
Chandler: Fine.
Chandler: Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo hoo! TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives .
Chandler: Dont try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!
Chandler: (walking casually away) Love you.
Chandler: Oh yknow, Ive been living here a while and Ive never seen whats inside that closet. What is, what is in there?
Chandler: I wasnt trying to open your closet! I wasnt trying to open your closet! I swear! (Running into the kitchen and sees its Joey.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is behind the counter as Ross enters looking for Chandler.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has a box of keys and is trying them on the secret closet when someone enters.]
Chandler: And here we go
Chandler: Honey, its 2:00 on a Wednesday and Im watching Road Rules, how stressed do you think I am?
Chandler: No not (imitating) Candy Lady.
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Chandler: So, hows the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?
Chandler: There has got to be a way!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still working on the door.]
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
Chandler: Thats a good idea.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler have gone through the phone book and found Greg and Jennys number which Monica has just dialed.]
Chandler: Okay. (They switch places and Chandler gets out a credit card.) So uh, Ross is kinda bummed huh?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is writing a letter by the bay window as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: Yeah. (Checks his hair.) Oh no wait, Im not an nine-year-old girl.
Chandler: (laughs) Youre messy.
Chandler: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule at it! They should change the name of it to Ms. Chandler. (Pause) Although I-I hope they dont.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: No, honey youre not sick! Look, I dont love you because youre organized, I love you in spite of that.
Chandler: Good morning everyone, it�s nice to see our team together for the first time. Now, before we get started, are there any questions? (colleague raises hand) Yes, Ken is it?
Chandler: Yes! And look, now that I know if I got some extra stuff lying around can we, can we share the closet.
Chandler: Are you okay?
Chandler: So Rachels all moved out huh? How are you taking it?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Chandler are sitting on the couch and chair as Phoebe is getting coffee.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Phoebe and Ross are sitting in the living room talking.]
Chandler: Happy Valentines!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler enters with a bouquet of roses.]
Chandler: Woah, woah, thats not pretty!
(The woman groans, moans, grunts, and screams. Chandlers eyes get huge!)
Chandler: Worst porn ever! Worst porn ever! (Chandler starts to press buttons on the remote control, frantically.)
Chandler: I am trying!
Chandler: I dont think weve actually done this before!
Chandler: I thought maybe you got me porn for Valentines Day.
Chandler: Do I smell essential oils?
Chandler: (pointing at the video) Why did you get me this?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
Chandler: Well, Im not really in a sexy mood right now.
(Chandler glances up at Monica with his mouth still wide open and his eyes still huge)
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
Chandler: You dont know. You didnt see it.
Chandler: Well, remember the first time we saw Jaws?
Chandler: Nice job Joe! Youre quite the craftsmen.
Chandler: See, honey, theres(puts his hand on her leg)
Monica: Chandler, we cant let this tape wreck Valentines Day!
Chandler: How long it took to go back in the water?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
[Scene: The Airport Ticket Counter, Monica and Chandler are standing in line behind another couple kissing who are next in line to be served.]
Chandler: Okay Ross has the cameras, has he checked out yet?
Chandler: (hoarsely) Water! Water! Water!
Chandler: I thought we werent gonna have bachelor/bachelorette parties! Yknow, we agreed that it was a silly tradition.
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
Chandler: 90 seconds.
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Chandler: I can do that.
(Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they cant do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.)
Chandler: Okay. Now all weve got to do is get rid of this chair.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch still staring at the screen.]
Chandler: Poor Ross.
Chandler: Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes!
(Chandler takes the tape and sticks it under the chair cushion)
Chandler: Oh, I know!
(Monica and Chandler both look at each other and run over to the window to watch the action in Ross apartment)
Chandler: Oh, and we should warn you, before you watch it: dont watch it.
Chandler: Why have I seen this thing three times?!
Chandler: Goin out, huh? Wow! Wow! (Does a little celebration dance) So things didnt work out with Kathy, huh? Bummer.
Chandler: Wait, you guys, look!
Chandler: And look how happy the mom is now!
Chandler: No, the babys out! Look, look!