words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are counting the invitations as Chandler exits from the bathroom.]
Monica: Chandler, we still havent gotten an RSVP from your dad.
Chandler: Oh! Right. Umm, maybe thats because I didnt send him an invitation.
Monica: Chandler! Hes your father; he should be at the wedding.
Chandler: I dont even know the man. Okay? Were not the close. I havent seen him in years.
Chandler: Well he doesnt have to know! Its not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys, and he stars in a drag show in Vegas.
Chandler: Trust me, you dont want him there either. Okay? Nobody is gonna be staring at the bride when the father of the groom is wearing a back-less dress.
Chandler: Whats this?
Chandler: Are you serious?! I mean like eloping?! No more stupid wedding stuff?! No more these flowers or these flowers or these flowersThink of the money well save!! (Monica just looks at him.) Were not eloping. I love the flowers. Can our wedding be bigger please?
Chandler: Yknow we already went over this and I won!
Chandler: Look forget it okay? I dont want to go. I dont want to see him. I dont wanna.
Monica: Chandler, look I-I know that your dad embarrassed you. I know
Chandler: No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, youd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Yknow its hard enough to be fourteen. Youre skinny. Youre wearing speedoesThat your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and theres your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack!
Chandler: He had sex with Mr. Girabaldi!
Chandler: Does it matter?!
Monica: Chandler, youre not fourteen anymore. Okay? Maybe its time that you let that stuff go. If your fathers not at your wedding youre gonna regret it for the rest of your life.
Chandler: Yeah o-okay, but Im just doing this for you.
Chandler: So I really never get to win anymore?
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas and the strip before we arrive at 4 Queens bar, where Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table waiting for the show to start.
A Waiter in Drag: (to Chandler and Monica) Has someone taken your order yet?
Monica: Uh oh yeah, she did. Uh, he did. (To Chandler) She? (To the waiter) Im-Im sorry Im new. I dont
Waiter in Drag: (To Chandler) Hm-mmm?
Chandler: Yeah, I just ordered a beer! (Pounds the table.)
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Chandler: I dont know if Ive told you this, but hes kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years
Chandler: Yeah, hes made phone calls, written letters, he even came to New York, but I always said I was too busy to see him. Yknow its all very Cats in the CradleI dont want to get into it. (The show starts.) Here we go.
Chandler: And theres daddy!
Chandler: Believe me, Ive been saying that for years. Oh my God!
Chandler: Thats Mr. Girabaldi playing the piano.
Chandler: Hes coming into the audience. Hes coming into the audience.
Monica: Relax! Youll be fine. (Chandler exhales and turns off the table light.) Oh much better. Youre invisible now.
Chandler: It cant happen like this. Okay? Ill meet you back at the hotel.
Helena: (to Chandlers back) Oh look, a standing ovation already! So early in the show. Oh turn around honey; let me see your pretty face. (He slowly turns around. Helena recognizes him.)
Chandler: (resigning himself to his fate) Chandler. (He quickly sits down.)
Helena: Chandler? What an unusual name! You mustve had terribly fascinating parents.
Chandler: Oh, theyre a hoot.
Chandler: Actually Monica and I are engaged.
Monica: (looks at Chandler) In in two weeks.
Chandler: Wait! Wait! Wed really love it if you could be there.
Chandler: I know it would make me happy, maam.
Monica: (To Chandler) You okay?
Chandler: Yeah. Thanks for making me do this.
Chandler: (To Monica) When I was growing up I played the one on the far left.
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Chandler: Bye!
Chandler: Have fun at church-camp!
[Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I know! You ready to trade?
Chandler: We could trade later.
Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.
(The nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler smile at each other.)
Joey: Im sending back all this stuff that Chandler bought out of guilt.
Chandler: Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
Chandler: Hey.
(Chandler enters carrying his daughter.)
Chandler: Yeah. It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.
Chandler: Her name is Erica.
(Joey stares at Chandler and Monica and finally puts two and two together. He gasps.)
Chandler: I love you.
Chandler: I have no idea what's going on, but I am excited!
(Monica and Chandler look shocked as Ross goes to leave.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler and Joey are there, packing the last boxes.]
(Monica and Chandler enter.)
Chandler: Really? You got us a chick and a duck?
(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)
Chandler: Oh, don't worry, we'll find them.
Chandler: We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand you were doing this.
Chandler: It's okay, it's just an egg roll.
Chandler: Alright.
Chandler: Well, that can't be good!
Chandler: How?
Chandler: Okay, let's find these birds.
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe.
Chandler: I know! It's.. It's the foosball table.
Chandler: No... It's all glued together.
Chandler: Joey, wait! The ball!
Phoebe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! (they all stop fighting, Chandler continues to dance.) Look what youre doing to Chandler!! (Chandler finally stops) (to Ross and Rachel) Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? (Ross starts to leave) You dont, all right you dont have to love each other, okay? You dont, you dont even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.
Chandler: Did that movie ever get made?
Chandler: Yeah, it's almost if Air Barbados doesn't care about your social life.
Chandler: What's the matter?
Chandler: I don't know. Except that, for one last time... (he touches the players as he says the following) Good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game.
Chandler: I understand.
Chandler: Well, I can't do it either.
Chandler: We have to bust it open, but neither of us can do it!
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
Chandler: That was... Impressive.
Chandler: Sorry about the table, man.
Chandler: Hey, you know what? Maybe we should keep them here with you.
Chandler: Well, at least we got these little guys out.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean we've got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd have their own room.
Chandler: I think there may be another reason. So, awkward hug or lame cool guy handshake?
Chandler: Well, at least the perfume is not mine, be thankful for that!
Chandler: Wow, this is weird.
(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)
Chandler: Oh, okay.
Chandler: Oh, it's gonna be okay.
(Chandler hugs her. Monica hugs Ross and Rachel as Chandler gets the stroller with the twins.)
Chandler: Sure. Where?
Phoebe: Ugh! I dont know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janices ex-husband, thats like betraying Chandler.
Chandler: If she asks, I protested a little, but ok!
Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebes secret?
Erica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D.
Chandler: Oh, you're definately not. I haven't cried like that in years.
[Scene: Monica's apartment continued... Phoebe, Chandler, Monica and Joey are sitting down and Ross is pacing up and down.]
Chandler: I know. See, yes. Thats Yasmine Bleeth, shes a completely different kind of chick. I love you both. But in very different ways.
Chandler: Hey! Monica can be cool and fun at organized indoor projects!
Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat noisily)...hi.
Chandler: And Milton Berle has a
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
Chandler: Would you get that please? People have been calling to congratulate me all day.
Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.
Monica and Chandler: OH GOD NO! Nope, no, no, no. No! No, no. Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO! (finally Monica concludes) No!
All: (subdued) Yay! (He motions for them to keep quiet, including Chandler who is still holding the lamp Ross handed him, before he goes off to talk to Emily in private.)
Chandler: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves!
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
[Scene: Guest room. Joey has his head wrapped in bubbled wrap and Chandler is punching him. Ross enters the room.]
Chandler: Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking. (Winks in a spy-type manner.)
Chandler: Will we love it so much with her next door? And she's gonna be louder out here too. Just the crickets and (apes Janice's voice) "Oh My God"!
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
CHANDLER: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.
(Chandler steps off the altar to greet his bride-to-be.)
Joey: Yeah. Well, so far yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this built up flirting energy and I don't know how to get rid of it. (Gives Chandler the "Joey-love," look.) How you doin?
Chandler: Shhhh! Shhhhh! Shhhhh! Shhhhh! (Walks backwards towards the door) I cant, I cant hear you. (He runs out)
Phoebe: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it wont work out.
Chandler: Well, its just the reason that Im asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable toI mean I really wanted too, but I couldnt . There huhhmm, there-there was an incident.
Chandler: Y'know what, hes right. Theres something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, a post-coital Monica and Chandler are recovering on the couch.]
Joey: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I dont know anything about technology! I cant even use Chandlers computer except to find porn! And-and thats only cause its right there when you turn it on!
Monica: Oh, well, I bought Chandler a five hundred dollar watch and he wrote me a rap song.
Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.
Chandler: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybodys allowed one mistake, right?
Phoebe: Thats right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know Ive had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And Im sure youve had them for us.
Chandler: Or facing a bitch of a commute.
Chandler: Tomorrow night is good. Tomorrow night is good, but uh, yknow what? Why put off something till tomorrow that you can do right now? (Laughs) Eldad come here! (He stands up from the next table.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]
Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. Im buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
Chandler: (Getting up and raising his fist in victory) Y-Y-YEEESSS! Make "groom" for Chandler.
Chandler: Jeez, man did you fall..(sees its a beautiful woman coming out of the mens room) Hi! So ah, did ya, did-did-did ya fall high?