words in movies
(Chandler, annoyed with Ross's fawning, makes a 'pfft' noise.)
Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
(Chandler and Joey enter with charcoal.)
Chandler: (in a deep voice) Men are here.
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.
Chandler: Crazy bitch.
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore.... no.
Chandler: Forget about her.
Chandler: Course there, they just call it food.
Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don'tI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel)
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at Joey's stupidity)
Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here is from me.
(Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another gift.)
Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.
Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
Chandler: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane? (pats his Travel Scrabble game)
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Chandler: (panicked) ahem... um... Crystal duck.
Chandler: (stuttering incoherently) F-hah.... flennin....
Chandler: (rubbing his temples) Oh, no-no-no-no-no....
Joey: (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.
Chandler: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee.
Chandler: OK, is there a mute button on this woman?
Chandler: (quickly) H-He's in China!
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Chandler: Yes! (Rachel walks towards door) You're never gonna make it!
Chandler: Well then maybe you shouldn't go.
Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she leaves)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is eating breakfast, Joey quietly opens his bedroom door.]
Chandler: Hey, big...
Chandler: (quietly) ...spender.
Chandler: So how'd it go?
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.
Chandler: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.
Chandler: I didn't know you had another level.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Chandler: Alright, you did it! Do we have any fruit?
Chandler: Really? So, you're gonna stick with this 'it's all for her' thing?
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: But honey you don't have to.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler enters. Rachel and monica are seated at the table.]
Chandler: They...do that?
Chandler: God why why would you want to do that to yourself!?
Chandler: (sedated) What?
Chandler: your ass?!?!?
Chandler: Honey I... I love your breasts the way they are!
Monica, Rachel, Chandler: It's over/Joe!
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Monica is getting Chandler ready for his half of the plan.]
Rachel: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
(Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are carrying a couch through the door)
Monica: Well you know it's just like living with a girl. Only they don't steal your makeup. Unless they're playing "This is what my sister would look like" (Looks at Chandler)
Chandler: Hey! Ready to go?
Chandler: What are you doin'?
[Scene: Ross' apartment , Chandler and Joey enter]
Chandler: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?
Chandler: Bet she'd sleep with you now...
Chandler: Well maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it. Single white male, divorced three times,two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself....
Chandler: Great, a faster way to tell people that I'm unemployed and childless .
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
Chandler: Oh, I'm so sorry!
Chandler: So, ah... Any plans for the summer?
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Joey: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!
Chandler: Hey Rach! Ah........ Perfection. (kisses monica) Wouldn't change a thing. Not a thing.
Chandler: You're not gonna need my help?
Chandler: Who cares? Nobody reads those things
Ross: (yelling at Chandler) I have sex with dinosaurs??
Chandler: I don't have a page.
Chandler: I believe I read that somewhere!
Chandler: Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
Chandler: Oh, you'll see my friend.
Chandler: It kills over one americans every year.
Chandler: Well, how you died was funny.
[Time lapse, still Chandler and Monica's, but only Chandler is there. Enter Ross]
Chandler: Aaaaand....... hernia.
Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?
[Scene: Ross's Apartment: Ross is doing something on his laptop when Chandler walks in]
Chandler: Hey, Ross, I just wanted to apologize... (looks at laptop screen)..don't tell me you actually made those gay pictures of me?
Chandler: No, come on, you know that's not true.
Ross: uhu uhu, check this out. (Chandler sits down and looks at laptop screen)
Chandler: Ross, don't press send, don't press se... !
Chandler: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.
Chandler: I respectfully disagree.
Chandler: Ross, what're you... what're you... what are you doing? (looks at laptop screen)You're having a memorial service for yourself!?
Chandler: Is that gal pal spelled L-O-S-E-R?
Chandler: It was awful. To get out of going to dinner with Doug I told him that you and I split up. So then he took me to all these strip clubs and sleazy bars, and then when I wouldnt give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a bird!
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas bathroom. Both are sitting on opposite ends of the bathtub.]
Chandler: Oh yes, yes... let me... take your coat.
Chandler: There you go! Someone came!
Chandler: (in a mournful voice) Please, come in.
Chandler: At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps (he goes in the bedroom)
(Chandler and Monica go open the door)
Chandler: Some guy, Tom Gordon.
Chandler: (entering, very upset) Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!! (he shoves him out the door)
Chandler: Ok! (shuts the door behind Tom)
Chandler: Please, one ridiculous problem at a time!
(someone knocks on the door) Oh, great. More party boys for Chandler!
Chandler: I didn't know Ross and you were so close.
Chandler: Don't listen to him, he's in a really bad mood! (lets her in)
Chandler: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide. (Ross hides in the bedroom again)
Chandler: You know, I flew a long way t see my loving wife? Is she here by the way?
Chandler: Wow! You look amazing!
Chandler: Chandler, Chandler Bing. I'm not gay, I'm not gay at all.
Chandler: Well! We er..climbed up four flights of stairs, manueveored a narrow hallway, dodged a rabid pitbul... but these last three feet are where it gets really tricky.
Monica: Yeah with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars.
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window.)
Chandler: You wanna talk about people's feelings? You should have heard how hurt professor Stern was yesterday when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him to Key West!
Chandler: Yeah, because if I was at my old job we'd say 300 million? No thank you!
Chandler: Still on Amelia Earhart?
Chandler: Kinda like Joey.
Chandler: When you go lunching with hunky moustache men and don't tell me about it!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
Chandler: Pie eating contest?
Chandler: (into receiver)Hello? Hey Charlie, what do you know?
Chandler: Kori? Kori Weston?
Chandler: (hysterical)Don't touch the phone! I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!! (picks up the phone)
Chandler: Yeah I know.
(phone starts ringing and Chandler comes running out of the bathroom)
Chandler: (still on the phone)Damnit. Alright call me when you know more.
Chandler: Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.
[Scene change back an forth: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica's on the other end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler.]
Rachel, Chandler and Monica: Please, just do it!
Chandler: Well you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.
[Flashback to 702 - TOW Rachel's Book] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Chandler: You're right, it has been you dream for over 15 seconds.
Chandler: Ok, so now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?
Chandler: You know, I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go.
Chandler: One of the slots got filled.
Chandler: (looks around) I'll take this one too (to Ross) Uh ... Mommy?
(Phone rings, Chandler picks up)
Chandler: He's the boss's son.
Chandler: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye. (hangs up)
Monica: Chandler, sense the tone!!
Chandler: Yes there are, I just saw them a few minutes ago.
Rachel: Chandler, would you just tell her what she did was wrong?