words in movies
(Chandler, annoyed with Ross's fawning, makes a 'pfft' noise.)
Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
(Chandler and Joey enter with charcoal.)
Chandler: (in a deep voice) Men are here.
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.
Chandler: Crazy bitch.
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore.... no.
Chandler: Forget about her.
Chandler: Course there, they just call it food.
Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don'tI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel)
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at Joey's stupidity)
Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here is from me.
(Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another gift.)
Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.
Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
Chandler: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane? (pats his Travel Scrabble game)
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Chandler: (panicked) ahem... um... Crystal duck.
Chandler: (stuttering incoherently) F-hah.... flennin....
Chandler: (rubbing his temples) Oh, no-no-no-no-no....
Joey: (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.
Chandler: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee.
Chandler: OK, is there a mute button on this woman?
Chandler: (quickly) H-He's in China!
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Chandler: Yes! (Rachel walks towards door) You're never gonna make it!
Chandler: Well then maybe you shouldn't go.
Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she leaves)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is eating breakfast, Joey quietly opens his bedroom door.]
Chandler: Hey, big...
Chandler: (quietly) ...spender.
Chandler: So how'd it go?
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.
Chandler: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.
Chandler: I didn't know you had another level.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Chandler: Alright, you did it! Do we have any fruit?
Chandler: Really? So, you're gonna stick with this 'it's all for her' thing?
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Monica: Uh, Chandler did! What does he want you to give up? Phoebe: A bunch of stuff. And the worst one... he wants me to get rid of Gladys.
Chandler: Joe, I told you, you're just not right for the part.
Chandler: Hey you guys.
Chandler: Joe...
Chandler: Fine!
Chandler: Work, Joe!
Chandler: Hey, I'm sorry, I should have given you guys my black book when I got married! Although it wasn't so much a book as a... napkin. With Janice's phone number on it.
Chandler (to Rachel): What am I gonna do now?
Chandler: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
[Scene: Chandler walks into Joey's apartment]
Chandler: (looks surprised) What!? Of course I did!
Chandler: I'm not lying to you, I watched it!
Chandler: (now yelling) (pretending to look shocked) I did!
Chandler: I watched it!
Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: (following him) I'm telling you, I watched the tape. (Reaches Joey's room and Joey slams the door in his face)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Rachel are talking.]
Chandler: What did I just say?
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
Rachel: Well, this is going well. (Chandler looks worried)
Chandler: Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?
Chandler: Yes, and I have to say, I am not just hurt. I am insulted. When I tell somebody I did something...
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
Chandler: He really is a chameleon.
Chandler: Look, I'm sorry I didn't give them your tape. And I promise, next time to submit you whether I think you are right for the part or not.
Chandler: Lying is wrong!
Chandler: I know. You're right. What's it gonna take for you to forgive me?
Joey: That's not the point Chandler. The point is that you lied.
Chandler: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall!
(we see Joey and Chandler standing there, and Chandler is wearing the blue Ichiban lipstick!)
Chandler: I'm a pretty little girl.
Chandler: Yeah, I miss that too. I tell you what; from now on well make time to hang out with each other.
Chandler: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression.
Chandler: That's funny, we were doing the same thing!
Chandler: Yeah it is really pricey. I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways!
(Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.)
Chandler: (to Ross) Maybe you do that next time you get married!
[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]
Chandler: (pointing at himself) Little people?
Chandler: What...? NO!
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.
Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.
Chandler: If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would have brought more pizza. (they all burst out in a thundering laugh)
Chandler: Ok, ok, here we go.
(Chandler hangs up and calls Monica who is reading a book on their sofa as the phone rings.)
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh-no-no-no! Dont! Dont! See-see, youre getting me confused, Im starting to urn.
Chandler: I don’t think you can do that!
Joey: Hey, finished my recommendation. (he hands it over to Chandler) Here. And I think you’ll be very, very happy. It’s the longest I ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
Chandler: But you already gave all your money to charity!
Chandler: (To Monica) Now all you have to do is just get through a little bit more, okay? Then we can put you in bed, okay? Just smile and dont talk to anyone.
Monica: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in.
Chandler: What?
[Chandler and Joey enter]
Chandler: Of course it was!
Chandler: RAT BASTARD!
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again)
Chandler: (nervous smile) You can't make this stuff up!
Chandler: What the hell are you doing?
Chandler: Well, we're not.
Monica: (To Chandler) What room should we see next?
Chandler: We don't have a code word.
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
Chandler: Ok!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch! (laughs nervously)
Chandler:(In a sarcastic "of course not"!-tone) No!
Laura: (embarrassed towards Chandler and Monica) Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
Joey: (to Chandler) Bert! Bert! Bert! Bert!
Chandler: I can explain... Joey...
(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)
Monica: Okay, weve been out here for two hours and we havent seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandlers getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.)
Chandler: Oh, that's really ok.
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
Joey: (to Chandler) Dude, Phoebes mom has got a huge peni...
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Chandler: Hey Joe! How's the second draft of the letter coming?
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
Chandler: Wrong number?
Chandler: That's great!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]
Chandler: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat?
Chandler: No, no! We made this decision together.
Chandler: Yeah. We don't feel like we can host Thanksgiving this year.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Don't let yourself get manipulated this way!
Monica: Hey, stay out of this, Chandler! This is between me... and ME!
Chandler: We are supposed to make these decisions together! Did you not watch the Doctor Phil I taped for you?
Chandler: (he stands up and he feels very offended) I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation!
Chandler: Somebody is gonna pick us.
Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
Chandler: Why come all the way from Kansas to do that?