words in movies
Chandler: Do you think that theres a town in Missouri or some place called Sample? And ah, as youre driving into town theres-theres like a sign, and it says Youre in Sample. (He says it like urine sample.)
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
Chandler: Yeah, its two guys in a ring, and the rules are: Theyre are no rules.
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is just finishing a meeting with his boss.]
Chandler: Yes, but theres two in martini, soo everybody back to my office.
Doug: (to Chandler) You! Chuckles! Whats your name?
Chandler: Oh its Bing, sir. Im sorry , I was just ah...
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. (Chandler starts to leave) This team is about hard work, but its also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing! (smacks him on the butt, and Chandler leaves shocked.)
Chandler: All right buddy, way to go! (smacks him on the butt)
Chandler: Thank you! Today, my boss keep slapping my butt and he was acting like it was no big deal.
Chandler: Well, I didnt do anything. I didnt want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, for a really great stew you just y'know, stick your head in between em.
Monica: (to Chandler) Anything but stew.
Ross: All right so, Chandler, from now on, dont give your boss a chance to get you. Y'know just ah, dont turn your back to him.
Chandler: (to Ross and Monica) What if Joey were president?
(Monica, Ross, Chandler, and Joey exit.)
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is bent over getting some water as his boss approaches.]
Doug: Bing! (Chandler stands bolt upright and turns around to face him.) Read your Computech proposal, a real homerun. (He goes to slap his butt, but Chandler slides over making him miss.) Ooh. Barely got ya that time, get over here. Come on. (Chandler goes over) Wham! (slaps him on the butt) Good one. That was a good one. (to a couple of Chandlers co-workers) Keep at it team. (goes into his office)
Chandler: (to his co-workers) What is with him?
Chandler: Well, thats not true, he-he smacked you once.
Chandler: No sir.
Chandler: (joining them) Hey! Which ones my turkey burger?
Ross: Okay, well be right in. (to Chandler) So ah, did your boss try to slap you again today?
Chandler: Nine times! Okay, I had to put on lotion! But, its gonna be okay, because as of tomorrow Im conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.
(Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe all stop dead in their tracks at the news.)
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is confronting his boss about the butt smacking thing. His boss is writing on a white board.]
Chandler: Excuse me, Doug? (no reaction) Hey there sports fan!!
Chandler: No, I ah, I didnt do them.
Chandler: No, no I just ah, didnt do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly dont deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
Chandler: Doug!!
Chandler: Im a little bit uncomfortable with the that way you express yourself.
Chandler: No, no. It-its not about the swearing, its more about ah, the way, that you ah, occasionally, concentrate, your enthusiasm on my buttock.
Chandler: Oh, and dont get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment. Its just that I, I have a rather, sensitive posterior, and ah, besides, its making all the other guys jealous.
Chandler: Okay. (he starts to leave)
Doug: Ha! (goes to smack him on the butt, but stops, faking Chandler out) Ahhhhhhh!
Chandler: Ahhhhh! (walks out, imitating shooting himself in the head)
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is just finishing up a meeting with his boss and the rest of his team.]
Doug: So, in conclusion, the lines all go up (points to the chart), so Im happy. Great job team! Tomorrow at 8:30. (They start to leave) Phil! Nice job. (smacks him on the butt) Stevens! Way to go! (smacks him on the butt) Joel-burg, you maniac! I love ya! (smacks him on the butt) (Chandler walks up) Bing! Good job, couldnt have done it without ya. (he shakes his hand)
Chandler: Thank you, sir.
Doug: Of course, you did. Forgot something else too ya bastard! (smacks him on the butt) (to Chandler) Well, what about you? Youre not feeling left out or anything are ya?
Chandler: No. No, not at all, thats-thats ridiculous.
Chandler: Ye-ye-yeah, yes I do!
Chandler: Run! Run you crazy, rich freak!
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what Im saying?
Chandler: Oh my God.
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) Im not worried, Im uh, Im fascinated. Yknow its like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.)
Chandler: Hey Joe!
Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is hooking Chandler up with another tuxedo.]
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
Chandler: It happened in London.
Chandler: Can you people not see me?! (He waves his arms around to get their attention.)
Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!
[Cut to Phoebe in Rosss new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what theyre about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
[Cut to later in that episode in Central Perk, a meeting with Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey where they discuss Chandler and Monica.]
Chandler: Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me?
Phoebe: Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She pinches his butt.)
[Cut to later in that episode. Phoebe is telling Rachel in Monica and Chandlers that Chandler wants to make a date with Phoebe.]
Chandler: Phoebe knows about us!
Chandler: An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didnt wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy!
Chandler: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!
[Cut to later in that episode. Chandler is in his bathroom with Monica, and hes panicking on how far Phoebe is pushing him.]
Chandler: Oh, you're-you're going?
Chandler: Okay, give me a second! (Pause) Did you clean up in here?
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Chandler: Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.
Chandler: Not if I kiss you first.
Chandler: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy were gonna have all the sex.
Chandler: Love her! That's right, I LOVE HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!
Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica!!
Monica: I love you too Chandler. (They kiss.)
Chandler: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
Chandler: Who are those people?
Chandler: Whats going on?
Monica: Yeah, I dont hear Chandlers and he doesnt hear mine.
Chandler: So we both finished our vows.
(They spilt into their sexes and the girls read Monicas and the guys read Chandlers. The girls gasp and groan and the guys laugh hysterically.
Monica: Chandler!!
Ross: (To Chandler) Oh man, this is hilarious.
Chandler: Dont worry honey, well make yours funnier.
Joey: (To Chandler) (laughing) Funny one! Thats good!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Joey are reading Chandlers new vows.]
Chandler: You really like it?
Chandler: I stole Monicas and changed the name.
Chandler: Joey's a sex addict.
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers.
Chandler: Oh yes, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?"
Chandler: I dont even know the man. Okay? Were not the close. I havent seen him in years.
Monica: Chandler! Hes your father; he should be at the wedding.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are counting the invitations as Chandler exits from the bathroom.]
Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Chandler: Oh! Right. Umm, maybe thats because I didnt send him an invitation.
Chandler: Well he doesnt have to know! Its not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys, and he stars in a drag show in Vegas.
Chandler: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress.
Chandler: OH MY GAWD! I am so sorry sweetie, are you okay? You didnt tell her we were getting married, did you?
Chandler: (angrily) Well next time ask! Or at least wait for me to ask! (He storms out.)
Chandler: Whats this?
Chandler: Are you serious?! I mean like eloping?! No more stupid wedding stuff?! No more these flowers or these flowers or these flowersThink of the money well save!! (Monica just looks at him.) Were not eloping. I love the flowers. Can our wedding be bigger please?
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
Chandler: Look forget it okay? I dont want to go. I dont want to see him. I dont wanna.
Monica: Chandler, look I-I know that your dad embarrassed you. I know
Chandler: Yknow we already went over this and I won!
Chandler: Does it matter?!
Chandler: Oh, its not just that, I would be Englands most powerful weapon. Jet setting heartbreaker on her majestys secret service. A man who fears no one; with a license to kill. (Worried.) Would Monica let me wear this?
Chandler: So I really never get to win anymore?
Monica: Chandler, youre not fourteen anymore. Okay? Maybe its time that you let that stuff go. If your fathers not at your wedding youre gonna regret it for the rest of your life.
[Scene: The Restaurant, Monica and Chandlers and Richard and Lisas tables have been pushed together and theyre all eating and talking.]
Chandler: I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. Its called being a good conversationalist. Watch. (Stares at Monicas eyes.) Say something.
Monica: Joey, I think you should consider something a little less risky. I mean, I think in this market, real estate is your best investment.The Fed. just lowered the rates and the interest on your mortgage is totally deductible. (looks at Chandler) That's right, I know some stuff!
Monica: (To Chandler) How does that laugh not give you a headache?
Chandler: Ohh, umm, y'know what, I already ate.
Monica: Uh oh yeah, she did. Uh, he did. (To Chandler) She? (To the waiter) Im-Im sorry Im new. I dont
Waiter in Drag: (To Chandler) Hm-mmm?
Chandler: Oh, okay, thanks. (He goes back to the couch and rejoins Monica, Joey, and Phoebe.)
A Waiter in Drag: (to Chandler and Monica) Has someone taken your order yet?
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Rachel: Here we go. Im serving my last cup of coffee. (the gang starts humming the graduation theme) There you go. (hands it to Chandler) Enjoy. (they all cheer)
[Scene: Richard's apartment. There's a knock on the door.The listing agent opens the door for Chandler and Joey.]
Chandler: And theres daddy!
Chandler: I dont know if Ive told you this, but hes kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years
Chandler: Believe me, Ive been saying that for years. Oh my God!
Chandler: Thats Mr. Girabaldi playing the piano.
Chandler: Hes coming into the audience. Hes coming into the audience.
Monica: Relax! Youll be fine. (Chandler exhales and turns off the table light.) Oh much better. Youre invisible now.
Joey: Hi I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
Chandler: It cant happen like this. Okay? Ill meet you back at the hotel.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is returning from work to see the hallway jammed full of people waiting outside their door.]
Helena: Chandler? What an unusual name! You mustve had terribly fascinating parents.
Chandler: Oh, theyre a hoot.
Chandler: I know it would make me happy, maam.
Monica: (looks at Chandler) In in two weeks.
Chandler: Wait! Wait! Wed really love it if you could be there.
Monica: (To Chandler) You okay?
Chandler: Yeah. Thanks for making me do this.
Chandler: Actually Monica and I are engaged.
Monica: Damnit! Yknow this whole time we were concentrating on watching the babies and, and no one was watching Chandler! (He does it again.)