words in movies
Chandler: (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!
Chandler: Tell it again. (pause, we see Rachel is not amused.) Seriously.
Phoebe: (entering, hurridly) Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! (She hands Chandler a picture) Thats my Moms writing! Look.
Chandler: (reading the back of the picture) Me and Frank and Phoebe, Graduation 1965.
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.]
Chandler: Youre not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook.
Chandler: Hey now besides, if worst comes to worst, Ill be your boyfriend.
Chandler: Why is that so funny?
Chandler: Ha-ha-ha. A little to hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material?
Monica: Well, no. Youre Chandler. Y'know, Chandler! (hits him on the arm)
Chandler: Okay, so weve established my name, and hit me. But theoretically y'know, I mean say we werent friends, say its a blind date. I show up at your door, and Im like (in a fake voice) Hey, nice to meet, ya. Hey, oh-hey.
Chandler, Monica, and Joey: Hey!!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I cant have children!!
Chandler: Buy it for ya, or win it for ya?
[Scene: At the Beach, its raining cats and dogs as the gang arrives. Chandler and Monica are taking shelter under Rachels hat.]
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
(Ross shoots Joey a look, who shoots Chandler a look, who gives Joey an Oh my God. look back.)
Ross: (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandlers sand castle) No!
Chandler: Big bullies!!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Bored and bored!
Chandler: Yes!
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts to spin) Ooh, y'know we could just do this. (She stops at Chandler)
Chandler: Okay, umm, we all have to play strip poker.
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.]
Chandler: So, you still dont think Im boyfriend material?
Chandler: I saw you checking me out during the game last night.
Chandler: Yeah, well, lucky for you.
Chandler: I dont know.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, I dont know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house.
Bonnie: Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
Chandler: Where ya going?
(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss, only to be interrupted by Joey and Chandler coming outside.)
Chandler: (to Joey) Noo!! I dont care! Im not, Im not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!
Joey and Chandler: Gnight.
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Chandler: Okay, then you gotta back away, all right? You dont need that kindve hurt. Take it from a guy whos never had a long term relationship......
Chandler: Ahhhh! (Steps away from her.)
Chandler: Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M.
Chandler: There is not one hair on that head.
[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating hes coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]
Chandler: (in a fake voice) Hi there.
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Let me try it again, youre gonna wanna date this next guy, I swear!
(Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his knees.)
Chandler: Hi! Im Dorf! Youre date for the evening. (Monica walks away in disgust) Oh come on! Dorf on dating, thats good stuff!!
CHANDLER: Ohhh [turns as if to hug someone] Oh no, wait a minute, I have no one.
CHANDLER: Hey.
Chandler: Well, I could make it seem like hes here. (Imitates him.) "Heres some little known facts about cous-cous. They didnt add the second cous until 1979." (Mumbles something further.)
EDDIE: I got a little surprise, look. There's a new fishie. I named him uh, Chandler, you know, after, after you.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting at the couch.]
CHANDLER: Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it comes to.
CHANDLER: Don't play with his things.
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
CHANDLER: You had to ask.
CHANDLER: I think you played the Gunther card too soon.
CHANDLER: Your cappucino sir.
Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! (Both Joey and Chandler shrug their shoulders as to say Well...) (yelling) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!
CHANDLER: Ya know I think this is much better than the coffee house.
CHANDLER: Ok.
CHANDLER: No?
Chandler: Can I come a little bit closer, valuable things are getting squished...
Chandler: Yeah, in fact my father was a den-mother.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same day. Joey and Chandler are eating pizza, and Phoebe is trying to knit something.]
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
Monica: Chandler, this actually bothers you?
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch nervously.]
CHANDLER: You burn your mouth?
CHANDLER: Would you come on! Come on! [waitress brings their coffee] Thank you.
CHANDLER: Bullies, big bullies.
Chandler: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.
CHANDLER: Ah, there we go.
CHANDLER: Alright, let's do this.
Chandler: Im sorry. Im-Im-Im sorry that I said I was going to when Im not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isnt Rachels fault. Its me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And Im really sorry, its just that this is not, this isnt going to work out.
CHANDLER: Ok. [reaches in his pocket]
CHANDLER: Ok.
CHANDLER: Yes, we're standing out ground...apparently.
CHANDLER: Well, it's sharp, it's metal, I think I can do some, you know, serious damage with it.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I wouldn't know having missed everything.
CHANDLER: Hey, hey, those guys are takin our stuff! [some guy runs off with the hat]
CHANDLER: Hi Monica.
CHANDLER: Ok so, can I have my hat back?
CHANDLER: Guys guys, check this out.
CHANDLER: Wow, it's, it's like porno for clowns.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, and Julie are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Room.
CHANDLER: Excuse me?
CHANDLER: This isn't your first surprise party, is it sir?
CHANDLER: NO! No, I'll take that for ya.
[Scene: Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica comforting Joey at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
CHANDLER: So, basically just a Chinese guy.
CHANDLER: Yes because uh, you look so young.
MONICA: Chandler could you at least send some women to my party? [buzzer goes off] Alright that's Ross.
CHANDLER: Yeah, this more than anything else, is the staging area.
CHANDLER: Ok, they're coming, shhh. [Runs into Monica's apartment and grabs one last girl to take to his apartment]
[Ad break. Time lapse. Still at party at Chandler and Joey's. Rachel is talking to Chandler and Ross.]
[Time lapse. Chandler runs out of the bathroom.]
CHANDLER: Well, we could count again.
CHANDLER: Look, are you gonna be ok?
CHANDLER: Volleyball.
CHANDLER: Ok, that's me. [runs back]
CHANDLER: Joey, a woman just stuck her tounge down my throat, I'm not even listening to you.
[Back in Chandler and Joey's party]
[Back at Chandler and Joey's party]
Joey: Why not?! (to Chandler) Im hungry.
[Chandler and Joey stop dancing and laugh at her]
CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
[Chandler and Joey's party]
Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. Im going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast Im just gonna propose.
[Chandler and Joey's party]
Chandler: Okay. And its not just chicks y'know? Its all kinds of other animals!
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
CHANDLER: Well, uh, Dr. Greene, where are you going?
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are there.]
CHANDLER: No.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
CHANDLER: Alright, hang on a second there Custer.
[Chandler is visibly upset]
CHANDLER: Yeah, but I'm, I'm so much faster...
CHANDLER: That was there when I got here. [Takes a bite of his muffin.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, Joey is drilling a hole in the wall and the drill comes out the other side really close to Chandlers head. Chandler then rushes out to talk to Joey.]
Chandler: Why not, just because his great-grandmother was obese, our kids are gonna get that from you anyway!
CHANDLER: Had it.
Chandler: Y'know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about.
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?
Ross: Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions.
Chandler: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
CHANDLER: Weird world. Your kids?
CHANDLER: Well there you go.
CHANDLER: Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there.
Chandler: (handing Monica the wax) Wax the door shut, were never leaving, ever.
Ross: Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
CHANDLER: Joey, Joey. Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, 'I want you Dennis,' and stuck her tounge down my throat. I love this party.
Joey: Ah. (Joey walks to Chandlers bag by getting as far away from Chandlers bed as possible.)
CHANDLER: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
CHANDLER: Hey thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbianni. Joey is a uh, fellow processor.
CHANDLER: Kick save and... denied.
CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas.
RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
CHANDLER: Look Eddie, aren't you forgetting anything?