words in movies
Chandler: (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!
Chandler: Tell it again. (pause, we see Rachel is not amused.) Seriously.
Phoebe: (entering, hurridly) Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! (She hands Chandler a picture) Thats my Moms writing! Look.
Chandler: (reading the back of the picture) Me and Frank and Phoebe, Graduation 1965.
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.]
Chandler: Youre not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook.
Chandler: Hey now besides, if worst comes to worst, Ill be your boyfriend.
Chandler: Why is that so funny?
Chandler: Ha-ha-ha. A little to hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material?
Monica: Well, no. Youre Chandler. Y'know, Chandler! (hits him on the arm)
Chandler: Okay, so weve established my name, and hit me. But theoretically y'know, I mean say we werent friends, say its a blind date. I show up at your door, and Im like (in a fake voice) Hey, nice to meet, ya. Hey, oh-hey.
Chandler, Monica, and Joey: Hey!!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I cant have children!!
Chandler: Buy it for ya, or win it for ya?
[Scene: At the Beach, its raining cats and dogs as the gang arrives. Chandler and Monica are taking shelter under Rachels hat.]
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
(Ross shoots Joey a look, who shoots Chandler a look, who gives Joey an Oh my God. look back.)
Ross: (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandlers sand castle) No!
Chandler: Big bullies!!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Bored and bored!
Chandler: Yes!
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts to spin) Ooh, y'know we could just do this. (She stops at Chandler)
Chandler: Okay, umm, we all have to play strip poker.
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.]
Chandler: So, you still dont think Im boyfriend material?
Chandler: I saw you checking me out during the game last night.
Chandler: Yeah, well, lucky for you.
Chandler: I dont know.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, I dont know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house.
Bonnie: Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
Chandler: Where ya going?
(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss, only to be interrupted by Joey and Chandler coming outside.)
Chandler: (to Joey) Noo!! I dont care! Im not, Im not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!
Joey and Chandler: Gnight.
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Chandler: Okay, then you gotta back away, all right? You dont need that kindve hurt. Take it from a guy whos never had a long term relationship......
Chandler: Ahhhh! (Steps away from her.)
Chandler: Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M.
Chandler: There is not one hair on that head.
[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating hes coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]
Chandler: (in a fake voice) Hi there.
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Let me try it again, youre gonna wanna date this next guy, I swear!
(Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his knees.)
Chandler: Hi! Im Dorf! Youre date for the evening. (Monica walks away in disgust) Oh come on! Dorf on dating, thats good stuff!!
Chandler: All right, so who do you got it narrowed down to?
Chandler: Well, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one cant get mad.
CHANDLER: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?
Chandler: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.
Joey: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross.
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, everyone is there, helping to lift the entertainment center into place]
Joey: You want me to lie to Chandler?
Phoebe: Yeah, so please, please, please, dont say anything to Chandler.
Chandler: Yeah-yeah, so big that it actually makes our doors look smaller!
[Scene: Back at the restroom at Marcel's. Chandler is still in the stall, Joey comes in to go to the bathroom.]
Chandler: New haircut? (Monica nods No.) Necklace? (No) Dress? (No) Boots? (Monica nods Yes.) Boots!
Phoebe: Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandlers your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.
Chandler: Ross-Joey, Joey-Ross. (they shake hands)
Chandler: Y'know what maybe its gonna be okay, I mean its been a week.
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, they are admiring the entertainment center]
Chandler: I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?
Chandler: Knock, knock.
Joey: (To Chandler) In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We dont need no stinkin badges!"
Chandler: Okay, well it this bed isnt new, how come there is plastic on the mattress?
Chandler: You told him to play the boxer gay!!
Chandler: You totally screwed him over.
Chandler: I can not believe that I am going out with someone that is getting divorced. I'm such a grown up.
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, Chandler is playing with the bed.]
Chandler: Okay, Im not gonna have one.
Chandler: I will have one. (Ross and him both take one.)
SUSIE: I'm Susie Moss. Fourth grade, glasses, I used to carry around a box of animal crackers like a purse. CHANDLER: Susie Moss, right, yeah, wow, you look. . . great job growing up.
CHANDLER: Daaahhhh!
Chandler: Monica, you have got to stop this competitive thing! Okay? It's crazy. {Finally! The voice of reason.} I mean, just impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat.
Joey: (entering with Monica) Hey, is, is, is Chandler here?
Ross: What? (to Joey) So what are you going to do? I mean how, how are you going to tell Chandler?
Monica: All right! Okay, its just Phoebe. Wills still on a diet, Chandler doesnt eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachels having her aversion to poultry.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, All are there except for Chandler.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
Chandler: Why not?!
Chandler: What is the thing?
Chandler: Well she, she wouldnt do that, shes with, shes with me.
Chandler: Yeah, well, youre wrong! Okay, youre wrong.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.
Chandler: All right!
Chandler: Ah, I dont know, you tell me. Anything you ah, wanna tell me, because, if you ah, you should, if you, you would, tell me.
Chandler: No! In his office! How many kisses were there?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is sitting at the bar, Chandler serves up two mugs of hot water.]
Chandler: You tell me! Maybe, its because I was just fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that was you!!
Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: I dont know, y'know. What, what, would you do?
Chandler: I talked to Janice.
Chandler: Come on, tell me.
Chandler: Nine times! Okay, I had to put on lotion! But, its gonna be okay, because as of tomorrow Im conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is confronting his boss about the butt smacking thing. His boss is writing on a white board.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the whole gang is there, except for Ross and Rachel. Joey is trying to eat Chinese with chopsticks and fails miserably. Theres a knock on the door, and Chandler answers it to reveal Rachel]
Chandler: Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is f-far!!
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I dont wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know Youre the reason, you are the reason why their not together. and I hated that guy. And it didnt matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]
Chandler: Yeah, well. Its the right thing to do.
Chandler: Then dont leave me!
Chandler: No. No! No! No!
Chandler: Ohhh. Dont go.
Chandler: Forget what I said, I was babbling! Pick me!
Chandler: No you dont! No, no, no, I say you have to give your divorce another chance.
Chandler: I dont care! (turns around and to the people watching them) I dont care!!
Chandler: No.
Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with one shoe)
Janice: No, I-I-I gotta go. (she starts to walk away, but Chandler doesnt let her go.)
Chandler: (high pitched) No you know I dont mind.
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: Ive found.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yes! You mean the world the world to me. Oh...
Chandler: No, no, no, I dont, I dont really wanna play.
Joey: Great, you can cover Chandler.
Chandler: Yeah, all right, Ill play.
Chandler: No, no, no, you say that proudly.
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
CHANDLER: I'm hangin in. . . and a little out.
Chandler: Yes, yes, its just that we ah, we kinda all ready, made plans with Ross.
Ross: Sweetie, dont worry youll get picked. Chandler.
Rachel, Chandler, and Joey: What?
Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
Chandler: (from the shotgun) Hike!
Chandler: No, no, no, actually losers rhyme.
Chandler: Sorry. Im sorry. Y'know what, were just gonna throw it.
Chandler: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no!
(Chandler throws her the ball, which she drops.)
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Ross are seated. Rachel is walking over with coffee and a piece of pie.]
Margha: Hello, Chandler.
Chandler: Mar-haaaan.
[cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.]
Chandler: Well, that went well.
Chandler: Math!! Youre giving me math! All right, look y'know what, forget about it, you go for the girl, well see who gets her.
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
Chandler: Yeah, hes really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.