words in movies
Chandler: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'.
Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Joey rehearse for a part.]
Chandler: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?"
Chandler: Hey, that was really good!
Chandler: Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?"
Chandler: "Smoke away."
Chandler: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone.
Chandler: Relax your hand!
Chandler: Not so much!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Alright, now try taking a puff.
Chandler: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me.
Chandler: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here.
Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
Chandler: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (Takes a puff.) Oh.. my.. God. (He continues to smoke.)
Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again...
(Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.)
Rachel: Chandler, what are you doing?
(Chandler tries to shrug nonchalantly but eventually he has to exhale a mouthful of smoke.)
Chandler: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking.
Chandler: And this- is my reward!
Chandler: Okay, so this time I won't quit!
Chandler: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out. (He drops it in Phoebe's coffee.)
Chandler: What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Schhteve was schhexy!.. Sorry.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is smoking out on the balcony, Phoebe is absent.]
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) Chandler? Do you promise to be good?
(Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign. It starts to rain and he taps on the window.)
(Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an umbrella.)
Joey: (shouting to Chandler) Chandler! He's here!
(Chandler comes in, dripping wet.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is alone as Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Joey enter dejectedly in softball gear.]
Chandler: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball..
Chandler: I personally could have a gallon of Alan.
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, opens his desk drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, sprays around some air freshener, and takes some breath spray. He types for a little while, opens the drawer again, and takes another drag of the cigarette. While not paying attention, he sprays the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.]
Chandler: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?
(Chandler lights a cigarette.)
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair!
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
(They degenerate into bickering and Chandler happily starts to smoke, undisturbed.)
[Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]
Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Chandler: Really? He does? (taking the phone) Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks! (He hands the phone back and stubs out his cigarette.)
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?
Chandler: (deadpan) Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!
Chandler: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
Chandler: (leaving) I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke!
Chandler: (returns) Yeah, alright.
Kathy: Yeah. No, this is great. Thank you, Chandler. (They hug).
Chandler: Uh, the book?
Chandler: [to Kathy] Goodnight.
Chandler: What do you mean?
Chandler: Oh, uh, yeah... I just knew that sometimes when you're writing, you... you don't always know the exact time.
Chandler: Goodnight. (Goes to his room.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, he's my... he's my best friend.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]
Chandler: (rushing up) Hey-Hey-Hey! Who was that?
Chandler: Wait! Youre going out with Kathy!
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Chandler: All right! Bring it on, you
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh my God! Play!
Chandler: You mean like, music?
Chandler: Come in!
Chandler: I don't know... um, Grease?
[Scene: The conference room in Tulsa again, Chandler is trying to evade Wendy]
Chandler: What happened?
Chandler: Joey! Joey!!
Chandler: Why cant you tell her?
Chandler: I thought your time ran out.
Chandler: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining!
Chandler: Yeah, I think it is!
Chandler: Really, bitchin!
Chandler: Really?! You do that?
Chandler: So I guess its just uh, you and me then.
[Cut to later, Kathy is cutting Chandlers hair.]
Chandler: Hey its Joey!
Chandler: Kay.
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands her the phone.)
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Yeah. Yes! Yeah.
Chandler: Okay.
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
Chandler: Oh.
Chandler: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation?
Chandler: Ooh! Yes! Okay! Heres what we do, we-we forget it happened.
Chandler: Okay. (Starts jumping around.)
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: No-no-no-no, this is bad! Its bad! This is bad!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.]
Kathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you
Chandler: I-I think we have too.
Chandler: I have to; hes my best friend, and youre seeing him.
Chandler: What-what cha doin?
Ross: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round beginsstop it (Chandler stops jumping)now. What was Monicas nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Chandler: Well, I just thought itd make me feel good to do something nice for my friend.
Chandler: I sure did.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
Chandler: Oh, I dont know.
Chandler: You mean with Casey.
CHANDLER: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.
Chandler: Consider Casey.
Chandler: Or Casey.
Phoebe: Well, Frank has to quit college because his super fertile sister is having three babies! I need to make a lot of money really fast, and I had an idea that I want to talk to you (Points to Chandler) about, cause you work for a big company. Okay, insider trading, what information is there that you can give me.
Chandler: Soo, ah, Eric, what kind of photography do ya do?
(Ross shoots Joey a look, who shoots Chandler a look, who gives Joey an Oh my God. look back.)
Chandler: Dangerous Liaisons.
Chandler: I kissed Kathy.
Ross: Hey Chandler! Saw the new furniture. Very nice.
Chandler: Oh, dont say that! Dont say that. Thats not true. Is it?
Chandler: No. Is there anyway, anyway you think hell understand this?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
Chandler: Is that a real thing?
Chandler: Then why didnt you tell me to do that?!!
Chandler: Yeah, I know.
Rachel: Well, Chandler, youre gonna have to tell him.
Chandler: Why?! Why do I have to tell him?!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: God!! (Sits down in disgust.) What am I gonna do?!
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Oh uh, when?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Nope! Because Im not your boyfriend. (to Phoebe, whos entering) Hey Pheebs, how did it go?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Listen ah, Joe, I-I need to, I need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: Yes, but I-I uh, dont have too.
Chandler: No reason. (turns around, makes an 'Oh my God' gesture with his eyes)
Chandler: Oh man, I am so sorry. Are, are you okay?
Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her.
Chandler: Its me. Im the other guy.
Chandler: Look, Im sorry! But theres nothing I can do, I think Im in love with her!
Chandler: How is that worse?!
Chandler: Probably because
Chandler: Look I never should have kissed your girlfriend, but Im (Joey hangs up the phone again.)
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
(Chandler and Ross both laugh)
Chandler: Wow! Why do you want to get rid of her so badly?
Chandler: Op, y'know what though, its kindve a girlie briefcase.
Chandler: Oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear and then in Rosss ear.)
Chandler: Thanks.
Chandler: Well maybe you should put some ice on it.
Chandler: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!
Chandler: Monica got ice in her eye, and it hurts.
Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life.
Chandler: Fancy.
CHANDLER: No, Stephen Hurs was the kid who would eat anything for money, David Stein was the guy who had no elbows.