words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.]
Chandler: (going to the bedroom) See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
[Joey and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work.
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars.
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Joey: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: No!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's]
Chandler: So are you gonna...talk to her?
Chandler: Why did I get married?!
Chandler: Dude, don't rub my face in your crazy single life!
Chandler: You know when "That's fine" sounds true when someone yells it and spits!
Chandler: No no no. Good. So you're moving on? Do you have any idea where you're moving?
Chandler: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday?
Chandler: Is this really your long term plan, for me to run interference? Because I could get a job any day now.
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
Joey: Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Hey it's the most eligible man in NY. How's the moving on going?
Chandler: What are doing? You know I can only dish it out!
Chandler: Did she go out with him?
Chandler: Ah! The high road...
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.]
Chandler: I thought I had to make the jokes!
Chandler: Are you trying to get everybody divorced?
Chandler: We still got it!
Chandler: I know, lets rest and drink lots of fluids. (Holds up a glass of orange juice.)
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Chandler: I don't get it neither, I mean you're obviously desperate, you're asking women how they want to be killed
Chandler: Well...
Chandler: I am sorry, moment to make fun of that, please!
Chandler: Okay, hear me out. Okay? You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage and they were thinking to themselves, "Who's the best of that?" They'd have to go to you.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess you don�t need my help Victor Victoria!
Chandler: Ok. First of all, this is green!
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Chandler: Thanks. You wanna see what it looks like?
Chandler: And done!
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: No problem.
Chandler: I gotta stop this.
Chandler: You, touching yourself, out!
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: Are those my wife�s nipples?
Chandler: Really? In front of all this people?
Chandler: I dont know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Monica are sitting on the couch as Ross is up getting some coffee.]
(Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see if he's up for the job...)
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
CHANDLER: Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? Ya know, because I think actually mine's growing back.
Chandler: Beam me up Jesus.
[Cut back to Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Wow.
Chandler (reading the newspaper): Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name.
Chandler: I'll try to stop. Wait, did you say until the sixth?
Chandler: Today is the sixth.
Chandler: I don't do that.
Chandler: Emma? Emma? Look at me! Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma is there in her playpen, while Chandler is behind the couch.]
Chandler: Yes, it's also 2003.
Chandler: Tough crib.
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: It's okay. Go take the test and see if we're okay.
Chandler: I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.
Chandler: I am not working. There's not much to do around here!
Chandler: Sorry.
Chandler: I - I don't think I can.
Chandler: Because of Emma.
Chandler: Well, I think I judged her too quickly, and this time we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
Chandler: Well, she's aware when we leave the room. She may notice if we start... canoodling in it.
JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.
Chandler: (excitedly) Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year?
Chandler: Ooh, she's asleep, that means we can...
Chandler: Emma was doing it!
Monica: She's asleep. Chandler?
Chandler (laughs): Okay, I'll try. And you can't make any noise.
Chandler: I think we may have really done it this time.
Chandler: Okay. (Runs out.)
Chandler: You may wanna get some more of those too.
Chandler: Where's Emma?
(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]
Chandler: No, no, no.
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
Chandler: What? Why?
Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani.
Joey: Don't you lie to me! I could tell by Chandler's hair. (To Chandler.) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
Chandler: All right, all right, we were. We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Chandler: Allright, fine, but don't blame me if it doesn't work. Because you know as well as I do that once Joey sets his mind on something, more often than not, he's going to have sex with it.
Chandler: Maybe I should quit and get a job that pays.
Chandler: Did you see our bank statement? Can this be right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
Chandler: That's right! I do! And I'm your man. And I'm going to get us through this situation even if it means you working twice as hard.
Monica: But Chandler lent you money!
Joey: (to Chandler) And I ah, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.
Monica: Listen...I need to know that what I'm about to ask you, will never get back to Chandler.
Joey: I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it myself. Chandler is my best friend, it would be wrong. Good...(He winks)...But wrong.
Chandler: Yeah.... she's not so cute.
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch. Phoebe and Mike enters.]
Monica, Chandler, Ross: Congratulations!/Good for you!/Great!
Chandler: By drowning or...?!
Chandler: Yes dear.
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!
Chandler: Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
Chandler: What? What do you mean you know?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler sits on the couch. Joey sits at the round table]