words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.]
Chandler: (going to the bedroom) See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
[Joey and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work.
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars.
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Joey: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
Chandler: Youre coming on to the entire room! (He goes over to pick up a stack of magazines next to her, and to get her attention, he throws them back down.) Im Chandler.
Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is lamenting to Chandler and Rachel about his troubles in his new building.]
Chandler: (To Rachel) Sounds like a fun party.
Chandler: Yeah, so, what's that supposed to mean?!
Rachel: Umm, Chandler, you do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head.
Chandler: Okay. It's not different at all, is it?
Chandler: Hmm.
Monica: Couldn't you just stay like this forever? (His eyes snap open.) Chandler! Couldn't you just stay here forever?
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that I'm seeing casually.
Chandler: Well, you do want all that stuff, right?
Chandler: Well, I did not know that.
Chandler: By me?
Chandler: I asked myself that very question, sir. Uh, (Points to Monica) this is Monica. (Points to his boss.) This is my boss, Doug. Doug this is Monica.
Chandler: Monica. (Goes to talk to her.)
Chandler: Just tell me what I need to do to make things right.
Chandler: Well, that's what we do. Y'know, I-I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then y'know you think I'm all cute again.
Chandler: Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever!
(Chandler turns to watch her go and then sees Ross and Joey both with huge grimaces on their faces.)
Joey: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, Ive got you, me, and Chandler and Im gonna invite Gunther cause, well, weve been talking about this pretty loud.
Chandler: It's gonna be okay, right? I mean she's not gonna leave me? This is, this is fixable.
Chandler: Where's Monica?! Where is she? I need to talk to her! It's urgent! Is she here?
Chandler: Bad London! (Takes a spoon and smacks the turkey.)
Chandler: Wh-wh-why?!
Chandler: Will you marry me?
Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.
Chandler: I need to talk to you, it's urgent!
Monica: Chandler.
Chandler: (getting out a ring box) Monica
Chandler: I'm doing this because I'm sorry?
Monica: Chandler, why are you doing this?
Chandler: I don't know. But I know I'm not afraid to do this.
Chandler: I didn't think I was!
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these guys. (Turns to look at Ross and Joey.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are entering after the play. Phoebe and Joey are already there.]
Chandler: Okay, how long is this going to go on.
Rachel: Oh no wait Pheebs, I think for something like that you just ask them to move in with you. But I'm not sure, Chandler?
Chandler: That's not funny.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, y'know a lot of uhh, us thinking. And uh, well I guess there's only one-one way to do this. (He slowly and awkwardly gets down on one knee.)
Chandler and Monica: Okay.
Monica: Anyway, were really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon well be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. (Chandler and her laugh, but her parents dont.) What?
Chandler: Absolutely! Yknow, because touchie can mean both ass and good worker.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! (Pause) Last night!
CHANDLER: It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya know, for morale. Look, if you wanna see some rough numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday.
CHANDLER: All right, call it in the air.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Monica: See Chandler? Im getting a lot of use out of them already! Theyre very practical. See, you can wear them with dresses, with skirts, with pants
Chandler: He could be alone. This morning I heard him do push-ups, and then talk to his triceps.
Chandler: Hi, Joe.
Chandler: Well there you have it!
Monica: Or, it could mean that-that you saw Chandler and me together and we y'know were being close and stuff and then you just want to have that with someone too.
Chandler: Joey, look, are you attracted to Monica? Right here, right now, are you attracted to her?
Chandler: All right, look, look. What did... what did you get for Angela Delveccio for her birthday?
Chandler: Oh yeah, it's actually in my bedroom.
Chandler: Yeah, big zero gravity moon steps.
Joey: Well, the reason I think Monica and Chandler are so great
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Okay.
Ross: Come on, Chandler.
Chandler: (looking at the sketch) Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.
Ross: Chandler?! You brought Chandler?! The next best thing would be Monica!
Chandler: Yeah.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and the guys are watching Days of Our Lives.]
(Chandler and Ross head for opposite ends of the couch.)
Chandler: Okay, I don't think we can turn anymore!
(Chandler has moved forward and is now underneath the couch as it heads up the first set of stairs.)
Chandler: Okay, yeah, I think it's really stuck now.
Chandler: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!
Chandler: Okay, but impersonating a police officer is a serious thing. You could get arrested.
Chandler: Oh, y'know, what did you mean when you said pivot?
Chandler and Rachel: You think?!
Chandler: (stopping him) Hey, whoa-whoa! What's she like?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures from the trip to London.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is returning and finds Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: Ooh, I do! I do! I do!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are recovering from Ross's rebuke.]
Chandler and Joey: Nice!
Phoebe: (entering, hurridly) Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! (She hands Chandler a picture) Thats my Moms writing! Look.
Phoebe: Umm Wow, all right. (Checks the book.) Wow! Yay! Ooh, Im gonna meet a guy! And really soon! And hes gonna be the man of my dreams. Probably not the guy I had a dream about last night. (Points at Chandler.)
Chandler: Ooh! Israeli champagne. And it's vanilla!
Chandler: (To Rachel) He has a gun!
CHANDLER: Yeah, and someday when you're ready, you'll make it past the hedges.
Joey: (sheepishly) I finished my book. (Chandler and Monica slowly retreat back to bed.)
Phoebe: Let's just say, I'm glad I'm not Chandler.
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Rachel: (to Chandler) O-o-o-okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.
Phoebe: So-so how long did that last for you and Chandler?
Chandler: So what happened?
Chandler: Oh hey, how'd the interview go?
Chandler: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?
Chandler: No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth y'know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. (Laughs.) Will you be my wife?
Rachel: Thanks Chandler.
Chandler: Our adoption social worker is coming by today so we are cleaning the apartment.
Chandler: Well you coulda tried, not kissing him.
Chandler: Come on, Rach.
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler makes a noise) No?