words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.]
Chandler: (going to the bedroom) See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
[Joey and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work.
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars.
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Joey: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
(As she walks away, Chandler mouths a scream to Monica. How motions and mouths, "It's okay, it's okay.")
Chandler: Not fun anymore?
Chandler: Oh that is over!
Chandler: You guys wanna eat here?
Chandler: Yeah, you almost overreacted to something.
Rachel: No, I meant with the dropper over here. (Points at Chandler.)
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Okay, so Richard, Richard!
Chandler: Ohh.
Chandler: Oh, Richard. That's all I ever hear, Richard, Richard, Richard!
Chandler: What?
Rachel: Chandler!
Chandler: You okay there man?
Chandler: How much did I love The King and I? (Oh, you get the point by now.)
Chandler: Well we-we do. You can only eat Tic Tacks in even numbers.
Chandler: Uh, no Pheebs. What's it look like?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Chandler: Yeah, I know that means buddy!
Chandler: Well, uh, we can talk about that too Pheebs.
Chandler: Thank you.
Chandler: Thats a great idea! We can easily think of a way for us both to enjoy the room.
Chandler: All right, great, road trip baby! (To Monica) This okay with you?
Chandler: We dont have to come up with this now.
Chandler: Hey, yknow what? Why dont we think about changes we can make in the living room?
Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.
Chandler: It's throwing and catching!
Chandler: All right, let me in. (He jumps off of the counter to join in the game.)
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?
Chandler: Yeah, I mean were gonna have to move around some furniture to make room for my chair. (Kisses her and heads into the living room.)
Chandler: Okay!
Monica: Chandler! You don't have to ask for my permission. (Quietly) You can go.
(Joey nods to Chandler, no way!)
Chandler: Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out!
Chandler: Oh, he's in the back. The duck pissed him off, said that eggs came first.
Chandler: All right, bye-bye now!
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: (laughing) Okay. (Deadpan) But it is officially nighttime.
Chandler: Too dry.
Chandler: I don't know.
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: No!
Chandler: Isn't that Ross's money?
Chandler: No!
Chandler: Yes.
Chandler: Look Joe, I just, I just don't want to get your hopes up real high.
Chandler: They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie!
Chandler: No! (Realizes) Ahhh!!!
Chandler: I also said, "Yes!"
Chandler: Oh, you don't want me on the trip?
Chandler: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.
Chandler: Joe, I don't think this is going to be your big break.
Chandler: All right, fine! Fine! Why don't you pull over? I'll get out right now!
Chandler: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Chandler! What are you doing here?
Chandler: Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors.
Joey: I dont know, Chandler is supposed to be passin em around...
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
Phoebe: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. (Thinks) Or-or Rachel!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: (who has just entered) Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!
Chandler: Oh! Oh! That's so hard. (Starts to juggle the ball, but loses control and almost drops it and hands it to Monica.)
Chandler: Here you go. (Hands her the money.) Now stop bringing us pizzas you.
Chandler: That's a good idea. I wonder where I could (Pause) get a basket of porn
Chandler: Awesome!
Chandler: Huh-huh! You can't give her that.
Chandler: Oh, thats cool. Then Ill just bring them both over.
Phoebe: (to Joey) Ooh, do you want to talk to Chandler?
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Is that Joey?! (She nods yes) Let me talk to him!
Chandler: (To Joey) Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah! (She hands the phone to Chandler.)
Joey: Well, I'm totally over it Chandler. Friends forever! Don't come out here!
[Cut to Chandler]
[Cut to Chandler]
Chandler: Uh, what was that?
Chandler: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight.
[Cut to Chandler]
Chandler: I'm not a dropper!
Chandler: Okay, I get it. So, I get nothing! Nothing here is mine! Everything here is yours! Ill get up in the morning put on your clothes, and head off to work!
Monica: (in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
Monica: Okay, you can not tell Chandler. Okay? That I ran into Richard.
Chandler: I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your head. And your like 'Mom, get outta here!' You know, but of course, like, after that you can't possibly think of anything else, and you can't, you know, stop what your doing. So it's kinda like, you're, you know. You know...(Ross just stares at him). You don't know!
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Ooh! So now why can't we tell Chandler?
Chandler: Wow!
Chandler: Huh.
Chandler: Okay.
CHANDLER: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.
Chandler: Oh, but it's not 'til tomorrow!
Chandler: Yeah, I think we should see other people.
Chandler: Do we have to?
Chandler: Yes.
Phoebe: Awww! Now you're just my annoying friend Chandler.
Ross: Well you shouldnt be. Believe me I wouldnt want to be the guy whos up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!