words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are getting ready to go on their honeymoon. Monica is entering from the bedroom.]
Chandler: Hey! Babe! Arent you excited were going on our honeymoon?
Chandler: (singing) Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Chandler: Id better go pack.
(Joey looks at him, Phoebe tries not to smile, and Chandler is shocked.)
Chandler: A Speedo? Uh, I dont have a Speedo. Im gonna go pack my regular long bathing suit. (Goes into the bedroom.)
Chandler: (entering) Hey, what was that all about?
Chandler: (in a high pitched voice) What?! I didnt even know thatWhy didnt you tell me?! (Pause) Why am I talking like this?!
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Chandler: Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
Joey: (whispering to Chandler) Youll tell me later?
Chandler: You already know.
Joey: Yknow, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.
Joey: Monicas chicken parm! Ill take care of it. (He picks up the phone) Hey Mr. Treeger, its Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandlers apartment. Its an emergency. (Listens) Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. (Hangs up.)
[Scene: The Airport Ticket Counter, Monica and Chandler are standing in line behind another couple kissing who are next in line to be served.]
Chandler: Oh honey, leave them alone, theyre in love.
Monica: (To Chandler) Did you hear that?! They bumped them up to first class because they are on their honeymoon! Come on! Lets act like were on our honeymoon.
Chandler: We are on our honeymoon.
Chandler: 25J and K, any chance those arent together?
(They go into the hallway and see Mr. Treeger watching one of New Yorks bravest breakdown Monica and Chandlers door with an ax.]
[Scene: The Airport, Chandler and Monica are following the previous couple through a tiny hallway that proves this is a set on a sound stage and not an actual airport, and see them enter the first class lounge.]
Chandler: No.
Monica: Me neither! We have to get in! (She runs through the door with Chandler in tow.)
Chandler: Just act like you belong.
Chandler: Shh! (To the guy behind the counter) Nice to see you again. (They tries to walk past him.)
Chandler: Yes, of course. (Shows him the tickets.)
Chandler: Oh thats all right, I have it memorized. Its 1A.
Chandler: Apology accepted. Excuse us. (They try to enter again.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mr. Treeger has finished inspecting Monica and Chandlers apartment.]
Phoebe: Oh great! And listen, could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this? Cause yknow umm, they dont-they dont have any kids of their own and-and this door was like a child to them.
[Scene: The Atlantis Resort, Chandler and Monica are arriving to check in, but are behind the couple from before again.]
Chandler: Oh youve got to be kidding me.
Chandler: Were you just ten seconds later!
Chandler: (looks at Monica then at them) We need the stuff.
Monica: What? Are you serious?! (To Chandler) Joey smells gas!
Chandler: What else is new?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (Takes a puff.) Oh.. my.. God. (He continues to smoke.)
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
Chandler: They do?
Chandler: But I just wa...
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there. Ross's beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.]
Chandler: (to Rachel) And you Ross, I believe, if you check Rachels bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?
(They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)
Chandler: Petrie, right, right. Okay, some people gonna be working this weekend.
(Chandler struts out from his apartment)
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!
Chandler: Okay, hating this.
Chandler: Here we go, here we go.
Chandler: Yeah, like in a cab...
(Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.)
Chandler: You have to pick your moments.
Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?
Ross: Well we haven't offically asked them yet, but we would want Monica and Chandler.
Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean.
Chandler: She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she?
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]
Chandler: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie.
Chandler: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that.
Chandler: (stuttering incoherently) F-hah.... flennin....
Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)
Chandler: Its yelling bleeding dilating. Oh, the dilating
Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Chandler: No, no, no.
Chandler: You'll get one.
Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?
Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!
Chandler: Where have you been?
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]
Ross: (in a stupor) Hey Chandler. (Sees Monica.) Monica!
(Hearing her brother's voice, Monica gets up to stand behind Chandler, followed by Rachel.)
Chandler: (doing a little dance) Hey Ross, look what I've got going here.
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
Chandler: �Pudo aver sido General Tso! (It could've been General Sal!)
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
Chandler: Yeah I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. Yknow Ive been told I come on to strong, make to many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing. (The interviewer doesnt understand) Duties. (Still doesnt.) Duties! (Still doesnt.) Poo. (Still doesnt.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. They are preparing to show Laura around. Laura is standing with her back to the window, Chandler and Monica are standing on either side of her, facing each other.
Chandler: Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV?
Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
(Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other then recoil in horror.)
(Chandler comes into the picture.)
Ross: Listen Adrienne, you can't tell Chandler about this.
ROSS: [holding cream pitcher] Oh, darnit, we're all out of milk. [holds pitcher in front of Chandler's chest and flips the lid] Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
Chandler: Oh My God! You can do a duet of Ebony and Ivory all by yourself!
Chandler: (in a deep voice) Men are here.
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.
Chandler: Crazy bitch.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Forget about her.
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Chandler: Course there, they just call it food.
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
Chandler: I can't belive it.
Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom...
Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don'tI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel)
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
(Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another gift.)
Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that.
Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here is from me.
Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
Joey: (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.
Chandler: Yes! (Rachel walks towards door) You're never gonna make it!
Chandler: Well then maybe you shouldn't go.
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she leaves)
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated)
Chandler: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore.... no.
Chandler: Y'know, I was thinking about ah, asking her for her number.
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Because its a relaxing and enjoyable time!
Chandler: Its incredible, I mean one minute shes inside you and then 47 hours later here she is.
Chandler: Hey, big...
Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.
Chandler: So how'd it go?
Chandler: I didn't know you had another level.
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, youre my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
CHANDLER: [runs in] Hey, big guy, game time.
CHANDLER: No.
(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel)
Chandler: No way!
Chandler: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs.
(She hits Chandler.)
Rachel: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me. (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!