words in movies
Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about you?
Chandler: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.
(Chandler and Joey enter. Joey is counting his steps.)
Chandler: You got waaaay too much free time.
Chandler: Happy birthday, pal!
Chandler: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty."
Chandler: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good costumes are gone?
Chandler: (trying to stop Ross leaving) C'mon, Ross! You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, (Pretending to punch him in the stomach.) Huh? Huh? Huh?
Chandler: (stops) I have no idea.
Chandler: You got it.
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally(opens envelope)not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.
Chandler: (looking) Oh, this is not that bad.
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to each other.]
Chandler: ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch! (Passes it to Joey.)
Chandler: We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes.
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
Chandler: Yes, Bunny?
Chandler: (to Joey) Could've been a peach.
Chandler: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Chandler: He's open!
(The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face. Chandler looks concered until he notices...)
Chandler: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing!
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in.]
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The receptionist glares at him.)
Receptionist: (on phone) Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill these out, sit over there. (Tosses him some forms.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.]
Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns, and it takes him by surprise.) Ba-!
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Chandler: Then what?
Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one(He gets a look too)oh.
Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic...
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters off camera)
Chandler: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight.
Kid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. (Ross looks at Chandler for help.)
Chandler: You gotta do it, man.
Ross: (to the kid) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever(to Chandler)can't do it. (to the kid) Listen, uh- gimme back my puck.
(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and silently hands back the cushion.)
Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves)
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.)
Chandler: Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the Visa card people.
Chandler: Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel.
Rachel: Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her place on the mat.) (On phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. (Listens) Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really.
Chandler: To the left, to the left- aww! (They all collapse)
Monica: My God, Rachel, I cant believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, Im so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rosss bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.]
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issacs sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebes friends with Rachel. And thats the trail, I did it!
Monica: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. (Pointing to a picture of Ralph on a magazine,.)
Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. Were knitting pot holders.
Monica: When girls hang out, we dont have pillow fights in our underwear. (Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) Im sorry. We do. We do. I dont know why I said that.
Chandler: You know when guys hang out they dont just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?
Chandler: No thanks, Josephine.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are knitting at the kitchen counter.]
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.]
Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if Oh my God!! Where are all the men???
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: Eh!
Chandler: (clearly lying and hating the dessert) Yeah, this is so good, that Im gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
Joey: Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.)
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Chandler: What is the matter with you ?!?
Chandler: Now Ive upset you? What did I say?
Chandler: Ok, I don't care what you guys say, something's bothering her.
Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
Chandler: Ye-e-es!!
Ross: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?
Chandler: No! No! No!
Chandler: (a little hurt) Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging bicepsShe knows!
[Chandler throws his coat on the couch]
Monica: (on phone) Okay, great! Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess whos coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
Chandler: Oh! Thats great, they havent seen the place since I moved in!
Monica: (not amused by Chandlers joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
Chandler: (shocked at the news) Why cant I tell them that we live together?
Chandler: Why havent you told them?!
Chandler: Why havent you told them?! Wouldnt they be happy?!
Chandler: Hey! (Sees Ross is there) Oh, good, Ross! Youre parents like me, right?
Chandler: Is this why they dont like me or why you dont like me?
Joey: (entering) Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table...they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell's going on over here?!?!? (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
Chandler: Why wouldnt they be happy?
Chandler: Theyre in my bag over there. (Points.)
Chandler: What? What? Why?!
Chandler: Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. (Looks into the bag.) Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?
Chandler: Well Monica just told me that they dont.
Monica: (hugging Chandler) I dont think youll ever get my parents that drunk!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: She is gonna recognize that I did a nice thing and-and, appreciate it.
Chandler: [mocks that last comment].
Janine [to Chandler]: Hey.
[Chandler exits]
Chandler: This is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for.
Chandler: (annoyed) Do you know why?
Janine: Are you guys going to Chandlers for Thanksgiving?
[Chandler starts to leave as Janine enters]
Chandler: Maybe I could give thanks by taking my Playstation over to my new apartment.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Gary and Chandler and Monica are all there.]
Monica: Dad [kisses Jack], Mom [kisses Judy]. Look! Look who it is its Chandler!
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Mrs. Geller: (less than pleased) Oh yes of course, hello Chandler.
Chandler: Uh, could you leave me one?
Chandler: Whoa, snowing out there?
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats!
[Monica rushes over to Chandlers side.]
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Youre the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel at counter, Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun Bobby at the couch.]
Monica: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
Chandler: (coming all the way in) Listen, I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon and the whole massage thing. Y'know? I-I really like 'em.
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'
Chandler: No I-I-Im fine.
Chandler: Ba dum bumb cheshhh!
Monica: Yknow dad, Chandler is one of Rosss very best friends!
[Chandler and Monica exchange worried looks.]
Chandler: Defend yourself.
Joey: Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that its better if were on the same team.
Chandler: Well, I like danger.
Joey: (turning to Chandler in a scolding tone) Chandler!
Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.
Monica: Mom, uh, Chandler was just saying how beautiful your sweater is.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, thank you Chandler! I just bought it.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
[Ross and Chandler get up and go into Rachels old room.]
Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
Chandler: How could it not matter?!
Chandler: (entering, sees Rachels throw) Ni-hi-ice!
Chandler: What?! Why did you do that?
Chandler: You do? Why?
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Doug: (entering) Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. Y'know, I feel sorry for it if it ever got in a fight, it's not strong enough to defend itself. (Chandler does not laugh.) Did you hear what I said Bing?
Ross: Okay, okay, Ill tell em it wasnt Chandler who got high. Now who should I say it was?
Chandler: The reason we havent told them were together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this?
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Everybody down! Everybody down! (Rachel turns off the lights and everyone crouches. As everyone crouches, a ripping noise erupts from the assemblage.)
Monica: Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is showing off the entertainment center.]
[Monica and Chandler make What was that? gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachels old room.]
Chandler: I'm sor... Just go. Just go. I can't, I can't.
Chandler: Yeah, Im not gonna pay for those acting classes anymore.
Ross: Look Chandler, Monica is really weird about this kind stuff all right. Believe me, I lived with her for 16 years. She is going to freak out. Oh my God, she's going to sit on you.
Phoebe: No Chandler, they can swallow one of those little parts! And also, look at his smooth area, thats just gonna mess them up.