words in movies
Ross, Rachel and Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend.
Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!
Monica: Well, I'm sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away. You know, to reconnect... emotionally.
Chandler: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...
Chandler: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...
(Monica and Chandler enter)
Chandler: Hey hey! Where's the birthday girl?
Chandler: Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.
Chandler: I know, what are we gonna do?
Chandler: I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica!
Chandler (nearly weeping): I was not ready for this today!
Chandler: To be fair this one does have nuts.
(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)
Ross: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? (takes the camcorder and points it at Monica and Chandler) Ok!
Chandler: Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?
Monica: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
Chandler: Was that Emma? Is she up?
Monica: No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us (Points at herself and Chandler) We've been complaining the longest!
Chandler: I don't know! You'll tell us on Monday!
Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?
Chandler: To the bathroom!
Chandler: (Yelling) What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! (Phoebe and Joey come out looking shocked)
Chandler: You do know, I can just turn them the other way around, right?
Chandler: I'm begging you stop.
Chandler: (Also very excited) That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!
Chandler: Thats a bear.
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
Chandler: Ok, on your mark... Get set... GO!!!
(Phoebe's bear takes the lead, followed by Joey's robot, and far behind is Chandler and Monica's dog, which walks a few paces, stops and starts barking, sits, walks again, and so on... )
(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)
Chandler: I bought you. How did I forget that that's all you do?
Monica: No! No, no... wait! We didn't lose. (turns to Chandler) The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, so technically...
Chandler: They left.
[ Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. Chandler, Monica and Emma are sitting on the floor, and Emma's stuffed animals are lined up in front of them.]
Chandler: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?
Chandler: Emma, you even know it's your birthday today? You're one! One-year-old, that's little.
Chandler: Ooh! That's my girl!
Chandler: Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?
Chandler: Me too...
(There's a couple of seconds of silence. Then Chandler looks around...)
Chandler: There's no-one around. Why don't we just take this one?
Chandler: I was kidding.
Chandler: No, not yet.
Chandler: Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.
Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)
Chandler: Let's do it, come on!
(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)
(Monica frantically bursts into action as Rachel resumes winding, tangling Chandlers wool.)
Joey: Man, you are Westminster Crabby. (He starts chasing Chandler towards the Abbey.)
CHANDLER: What're you kidding? I broke up with her. She actually thought that Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia.
Chandler: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee.
Chandler: He had sex with Mr. Girabaldi!
Chandler: Well, why dont you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on a bale of hay!
Chandler: Yes! Its flown into your blouse and youd better undo your buttons lest it sting you!
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny when my parents got divorced, they sent me to this shrink, and she told me that all kids have a tendency to blame themselves. But in your case it's actually kinda true.
Phoebe: Oh great! And listen, could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this? Cause yknow umm, they dont-they dont have any kids of their own and-and this door was like a child to them.
Chandler: Hey Caitlin! Somebody got a haircut.
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
Chandler: No, its not like, like Phil Spiderman. Hes a spider, man. Y'know like ah, like Goldman is a last name, but theres no Gold Man.
Joey: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris Holy cow, thats a big word. Trisc Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?
Chandler: Now Monica, I know youre upset, but dont forget. There is going to be a wedding, you are going to throw the bouquet, and then theres going to be a honeymoon, maybe in Paris.
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe we could... (he sweeps the stuff off the table and wordlessly invites Monica to have sex on it)
Monica: You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy. (being sat down) Ooh, uh, thanks. Wow, little tight, isn�t it? How d�you get a bigger table? You-you had a big table, but they made you move. Huh-huh, shut up Monica. Whoo, I suppose that Chandler will have the smoked duck.
Chandler: I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and lets just get that thing pushed back in.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no. No, no, no, I just, I just need a pretend ticket.
CHANDLER: [running out of his apartment after a girl] Ok, ok, you can be shirts and I'll be skins. I'll be skins. [sits down beside Rachel] Hey, how you holdin' up there, tiger? Oh, sorry, when my parents were getting divorced I got a lot of tigers. Got a lot of champs, chiefs, sports, I even got a governor.
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-what-what if Martin Luther King had said that? (Imitating what his famous speech would sound like.) I kinda have a dream! I dont want to talk about it.
CHANDLER: So, whaddya say boys, should I call him? [squeezes the ear of one of the slippers and it barks] Well, ya know what they say. Ask your slippers a question... you're going crazy.
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in (Realizes, that Chandler starts to not believing her) I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?
Ross: Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve minutes.... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the, the dinosaur tail isn't going around any more. (grabs Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no! Stay! Stay! Because you-you should you-you-you should stay!
Joey, Chandler, and Ross: (sitting in living room, imitating Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah
(They start shaking the chair likes its flying into outer space. Ross picks up a soccer ball and starts spinning it in his hand and runs around the chair beeping like a satellite. Chandler also starts running around the chair and saying...)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
Chandler: Im totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then theyre gonna go to their cast parties and hes gonna try to undermine me. Y'know itll be like, "So wheres your boyfriend, whats-his-name, Chester?" And shell go, "No-no-no, its Chandler." And hell go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
[Scene: The Bings� bedroom, Chandler is undressing, Monica in bed already.]
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
Chandler: Because weddings are a great place to meet women, and when I dance, I look like this (Starts to dancing really, really, really badly. Ross enters behind him and he stops.)
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Chandler: Oh hey! There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day?
[Scene: Rachel is at Monica's, talking about Chandler & him watching "Shark Porn".]
Chandler: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so...
Chandler: Uh, are you crazy? Are you insane? If you live with Phoebe, you two are gonna be y'know, live-living together!
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
Chandler: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm allways surprisingly inadequate. (Monica pats him on his lap)
CHANDLER: No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish.
Chandler: Well, I'm crazy about her now. I think this could be the real thing. Capital 'R'! Capital 'T'! (Joey stares at him) Don't worry, those are the right letters.
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
Chandler: Well, lets just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours.
Chandler: 'So Cheesy' also has an opening.
Chandler: Joey, its been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick, Okay. Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself.
Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns, and it takes him by surprise.) Ba-!
Chandler: (to Joey) Could've been a peach.
Chandler: (chewing gum) Ah, let's see. What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go.
[Scene: A grocery store that Janice shops in. Chandler is on purpose, accidentally bumping into her.]
Chandler: Hey! Stop staring at my wife's legs! No no! Stop staring at your sister's legs!
Chandler: Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?
Chandler: (coming up under center, just like a real quarterback does, and puts his hands between Rosss legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands up and looks at him) You wanna go shotgun?
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
Chandler: I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ... (She lets go of his tie) Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma?
[Cut to Chandler sitting down near Joey as his mom walks over. His birth mother, not the mother who recently visited one of those clinics in Sweden.]
Phoebe: Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with.
Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching football, and its actually the right game Green Bay at Detroit (although not this years), as Monica is getting everything ready.]
Chandler: (entering, slowly) Yknow I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
(Chandler silently pleads with Joey to cover for them.)
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
Chandler: Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?
Chandler: Hi, listen, Im sorry about before. I dont need to have a game room. I mean when I was a kid I only played those games because I couldnt get girls, and now I can emNow, I have you. (Monica glares at him.) Not-not that I think that I have you or think of you as property in any sort of way, I see women
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
Chandler: And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly, in fact, he uh, mentioned the word frenzy.
Chandler: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat.
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met. (Chandler, who was almost asleep again, sits up straight in bed in an instant and can't believe what he just heard.)
ROSS and CHANDLER: [both enter looking down] Hhhiiii.
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird turtle-man?
Chandler: Yes! Yes! Im good! Are you good? Are you good? Is everythingare youare you perrr-perfect?!
Chandler: No, she's not okay? And I'll prove it to you. I'm gonna call her right now. (Picks up the phone and wipes it off) Phone's done ehh.
Ross: (drags Chandler over to buffet table) Im telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viscously screamed at total strangers! I think hes baaad news!
Chandler: Wow, it seems serious. What seems to be the problem, Ashley Judd?
Monica: I cant answer that! Chandlers my husband.
Chandler: (entering) Oh hey Rachel, sweetheart? You have got to tell the post office that you have moved. Okay? We are still getting all your bills and stuff. (Hands her all of her bills and stuff.)
Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey is memorizing his lines. Chandler, Rachel, and Phoebe are there as well.]
[Chandler goes to stand to the side of the TV.]
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I havent talked to her in ten years! You cant just call up somebody you havent talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, yknow? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
Chandler: Ooh-hoo. Very hot, very sexy. But ah, y'know shes too international, y'know shes never gonna be around.
Chandler: Well, she spent the last six months getting over him, and now shes celebrating that by going on a date with him.
Chandler: (wails loudly into his hands) Joey kept screaming at me, Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!! Sometimes late at night I can still here the screaming.
CHANDLER: Well they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild.
[Scene: Moondance Diner. Ross, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are sitting at the counter, Monica is working. Monica is wearing her costume, including big fake breasts.]
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
CHANDLER: Sorry, we're on a major flan high.
[Scene: A tennis court somewhere in the city of New York, it's the doubles match-up of a century Chandler and Monica versus Doug and Kara.]
Chandler: Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.)
Chandler: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
Chandler: No-no-no, if you unplug it, Ill have nothing to show for my day! It would be like I was at work. (She unplugs it.) No! (And plugs it back in.) Hey look at that! Look at that, its still there! This thing must have some kind of primitive ROM (Read Only Memory, its a memory chip.) Chip in it or something!
Chandler: Hey, can I talk to you about this groomsman thing? If you pick Ross, he'll walk you down the isle just fine. But if you choose me, you'll be getting some comedy!
(Chandler jumps into the canoe and sits down. The chick starts chirping and Chandler reaches down to pick him up.)
Chandler: I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.
Monica: (kneels with him) Chandler, umm, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.
Chandler: Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the Dots in here for you later. (To Monica) Hey, how about maroon?
Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, I think it looks pretty good. I was a little worried I was uncovering a birthmark right aboutthere, but it turned out to be a little piece of chocolate.