words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
Chandler: Its your mommy. Its your mommy.
Chandler: That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV.
Chandler: And say nothing?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sitting on the couch when some unknown guy comes in and sits in their easy chair.]
Chandler: No-no-no-no. (Waves him away as Monica and Phoebe enter whispering to each other.) Hey! (Monica shushes him.)
Monica: (To Chandler) Hey sweetie.
Chandler: Hi sweetie. So, what was with all the whispering?
Chandler: Secret? Married people arent supposed to have secrets between one another. We have too much love and respect for one another.
Chandler: No Im serious, we should tell each other everything. I do not have any secrets from you.
Chandler: Oh no-no, I cant do that.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, were on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebes secret?
Chandler: Thats it?! I gave up my Disneyland story for that?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]
Rachel: Chandler, you have an assistant right?
Chandler: (angrily) Did she call? You-you told her I was sick right? Always tell her I am sick!
Chandler: What about him?
Chandler: Let me see this guy. (Phoebe hands him the picture.) W-H-Wow! Dont show this to Monica! And dont tell her about the W-H-Wow!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is setting the table for dinner as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Oh its always nicer to here than, "Aw crap! You again!"
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Oh yeah?
Chandler: Did you not understand the story?
Chandler: Hey! Whats up?
Chandler: Huh.
Chandler: No! (The oven dings.) Shhh!
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
(Ross and Chandler move closer to her and she starts laughing again.)
Ross: (To Chandler) You told her!
Chandler: Nancy Thompsons getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.)
Monica: Youre right. I mean Im sorry. Yeah, I shouldnt be laughing. I should be laying down papers for you! (Runs off laughing which gets Chandler laughing.)
Ross: (To Chandler) How could you tell her?!
Chandler: I had too okay?! Were getting married! Married couples cant keep secrets from one another!
Chandler: Du-ude!
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar
Chandler: Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude?!"
Ross: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what youre thinking, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and youre right, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Monica: (To Chandler) You kissed a guy?!! Oh my God.
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
Chandler: Ho-ho, so hard we had to throw out your underwear again?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are still giving away all of their secrets.]
Chandler: You wanna tell secrets?! Okay! Okay! In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers!
Ross: All right! All right! Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won!
Chandler: Ross came in forth and cried!
Ross: Oh, is that funny?! Oh, you-you find that funny?! Well maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets too!
Chandler: (To Monica) Of course it is. (Mouths to Ross) Wowwhoa!
Monica: Chandler one time wore my underwear to work!
Chandler: Hey!!!
Ross: Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!
Chandler: That was you!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are sitting there and not talking to each other.]
Chandler: (To Monica) You have no trouble telling time now right?
Chandler: Quick! What time is it?! (Holds his watch in front of her face.)
Chandler: Yknow when I said that because were getting married that we should share everything and not have any secrets?
Chandler: Yeah that was stupid. Lets not do that.
Chandler: Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldnt hang out with all the guys in my office.
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
(Chandler and Ross both laugh)
Chandler: Wow! Why do you want to get rid of her so badly?
Chandler: Op, y'know what though, its kindve a girlie briefcase.
Chandler: Oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear and then in Rosss ear.)
Chandler: Thanks.
Chandler: Well maybe you should put some ice on it.
Chandler: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!
Chandler: Monica got ice in her eye, and it hurts.
Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life.
Chandler: Fancy.
CHANDLER: No, Stephen Hurs was the kid who would eat anything for money, David Stein was the guy who had no elbows.
Chandler: When was the last time you saw her wear it?
Chandler: Fancy guest.
Chandler: Like?
Chandler: Big dog?
Joey: Back when you and Rachel were together, if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?
Ross: Im gonna get you to talk to Chandler.
Joey: (entering) Hey Gunther, have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
Gunther: I thought you were Chandler. But umm, one of who is over there.
Chandler: Hey Joe.
Chandler: What?!
CHANDLER: Is it--?
Chandler: Hey, look, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that Ill stop seeing her?
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
CHANDLER: Uhh, yes, absdolutely, um. Why again?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: (He is now in the box, in their living room.) Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: How do ya do.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, you dont want to do that, then youre gonna get stuck with Rachel and she exchanges every gift she ever gets.
Chandler: What happened? What happened?!
Monica: And Rachel. (Chandler clears his voice loudly) And thats Chandler.
Chandler: Gotcha! (laughs)
Chandler: Okay, okay, you got it!
Chandler: Sorry!
Chandler: Oh yknow what, I was already trying to trade for ah, well, you.
Chandler: Im a little bit uncomfortable with the that way you express yourself.
Chandler: Absolutely!
Kathy: (going over to the box) Chandler?
Chandler: Man, this is
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: So?
(Chandler is talking to Monica and notices a beautiful woman.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, the gang is all there watching Chandler.]
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
Chandler: Hey! Im sorry! That(sees that Joey is about to leave) where are you going?
Chandler: Thanks man.
Ross: (He puts his hand over the hole on the box.) (to Chandler) Now, well see.
Chandler: No-no, I dont think you heard me. Are you ready to party?!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?
Chandler: Okay. (He opens it and its a baby chick) Its a chicken.
Chandler: This is gonna be soo cool, dude, we never party anymore!
Chandler: Kathys with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandolf dude!
Chandler: Im gonna call and get off work tomorrow!
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is getting ready to party.]
Chandler and Ross: Woooo!!!
Chandler: Oh man! I am so excitedI may vomit!
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.
Chandler: (answering it) Hello. (listens) (to Ross) Its Gandolf!!! (on phone) So, are you in town? (listens) (disappointed) Oh, well, well maybe next time then. (Hangs up)
Chandler: Hes not gonna make it, hes stuck in Chicago.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, its beautiful country up there.
Chandler and Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Chandler: No, it's... fancier than a pimple. Look Ross, why don't you just go see a
Chandler: Its not gonna be exactly like last time.
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Chandler: Air hole! Air hole!! (Ross retracts his hand quickly.)
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (Theres no response from Chandler.) Okay.
Chandler: Well, yknow Im 29. I mean who needs a savings account.
Chandler: Okay, but don't touch it, because you fingers have destructive oils.
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
Chandler: Hey, come on, give me a break, I'm out on a limb here.
Ross: (to Chandler) Hey-hey-hey, when uh, when were we on a boat?
Chandler: Oh-no, yknow with Gandolf wed be out all night!
Chandler: All right!!
Chandler: Remember that really cold morning, you woke up and those dogs were licking your face?
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Chandler: Y'know I had a big meal on Monday, y'know. So that's just gonna get me straight through the week.
Chandler: Yeah, all right.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: (enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome!
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Actually, me too.
Chandler: All right look, I think its time for you to settle down. Y'know? Make a choice, pick a lane.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah!
Chandler: Stupid, useless Canadian money!
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?
Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)
Chandler and Joey: YEAH!!! YES!!!
Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe: Hey!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Yknow who also has great hair is Joey!
Chandler: Oh, yeah! How did you meet her?
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.
CHANDLER: We came over as soon as we saw.