words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are going through a bunch of pictures as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Someone on the subway licked my neck! Licked my neck!!
Chandler: What are you guys doing?
Chandler: Oooh, Im afraid that does not exist.
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Chandler: I dont know what it is, I just cant take a good picture.
Chandler: Yeah, Im not in that.
Phoebe: Yeah thats great! Next to that, Chandler wont look so stupid.
Monica: Chandler what do you say?
Chandler: All right, but I should warn you, Im not going. Im going. (Does The Face while saying that last part.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is siting on the couch as Ross and Chandler enter after playing basketball.]
Ross: (To Chandler) Dude, that reverse lay-up! Oh
Chandler: How about those three pointers?
Chandler: And those guys were this (Doing the standard "This Close" gesture) close to lettin us play this time too.
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
Chandler: They have that on the napkins at the club.
Chandler: Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? I mean yknow you cant date him right?
Chandler: Dude that is so sad.
Chandler: Could I play?
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are trying to take their engagement picture. Monica has a beautiful smile, while Chandler isnt.]
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Chandler: Okay. (Does The Face.)
Chandler: No, I am.
Monica: Chandler, listen to me sweetie, I know you can do this. Okay? You have a beautiful smile.
Chandler: I do? (He smiles, beautifully.)
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
Chandler: Okay. (Youll have to see it, I cant describe the face he makes, but it isnt good.)
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are still trying to get the picture taken.]
Monica: I know. Lets try a look of far off wonderment. Okay, well-well gaze into our future and well think about our marriage and the days to come. (Chandler is still not getting it.) Chandler! What is the matter with your face?! I mean this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron!" (The photographer laughs.) Hey! Dont laugh at him! Hes my drowning moron!
Chandler: Aww! (Smiles.)
(Chandler turns to the camera and does The Face.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are going over the picture proofs.]
Monica: They cant all be bad. (To Chandler) Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Ohh, there it is.
Chandler: Oh my God! Those are my bedroom eyes?! Why did you ever sleep with me?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is teaching Chandler how to smile. Chandler is smiling.]
Joey: See? Thats a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. (Chandler immediately does The Face.) Youre changing it!
Chandler: I cant help it!
Chandler: Borrow money from me?
Joey: Okay, firstfirst of all, you want to make it look spontaneous. I look down (Looks down), look down, keep looking down; then I look up. (Looks up and smiles.) See? All right, now you try. Look down (Chandler looks down), youre looking down, keep looking down
Chandler: Why is there jelly on your shoe?
Joey: I had a donut. (Chandler nods.)
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Chandler: (Pause) Im right here!
Chandler: Im still right here!
Chandler: Did you have a crush on me, when you first met me?
Chandler: Can you people not see me?! (He waves his arms around to get their attention.)
[Scene: The Portrait Studio, Monica is waiting for Chandler to make another attempt at taking a good picture.]
Chandler: There I am!
Chandler: Yeah, Joey said I uh, I needed to relax so he gave me an antihistamine.
Chandler: Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is f-far!!
Monica: Chandler, what were you thinking?
Chandler: I dont know, but dont worry, dont worry, because I know how to take a picture now. (They get ready) Okay, see? Look down (Looks down), look down, look down (He falls asleep.)
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: (awakens) Yeah! (Looks up and does The Face.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there as Monica enters with the local paper that has the engagement picture in it.]
Chandler: Ahhh.
Chandler: Oh yeah, that looks good.
Phoebe: You guys make a very attractive couple. (The camera cuts to a shot of the picture and we see that Monica is posing with Joey instead of Chandler.)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Im marrying her.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
Chandler: Why not?!
Chandler: What is the thing?
Chandler: Well she, she wouldnt do that, shes with, shes with me.
Chandler: Yeah, well, youre wrong! Okay, youre wrong.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.
Chandler: All right!
Chandler: Ah, I dont know, you tell me. Anything you ah, wanna tell me, because, if you ah, you should, if you, you would, tell me.
Chandler: No! In his office! How many kisses were there?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is sitting at the bar, Chandler serves up two mugs of hot water.]
Chandler: You tell me! Maybe, its because I was just fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that was you!!
Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: I dont know, y'know. What, what, would you do?
Chandler: I talked to Janice.
Chandler: Come on, tell me.
Chandler: Nine times! Okay, I had to put on lotion! But, its gonna be okay, because as of tomorrow Im conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is confronting his boss about the butt smacking thing. His boss is writing on a white board.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the whole gang is there, except for Ross and Rachel. Joey is trying to eat Chinese with chopsticks and fails miserably. Theres a knock on the door, and Chandler answers it to reveal Rachel]
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I dont wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know Youre the reason, you are the reason why their not together. and I hated that guy. And it didnt matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]
Chandler: Yeah, well. Its the right thing to do.
Chandler: Then dont leave me!
Chandler: No. No! No! No!
Chandler: Ohhh. Dont go.
Chandler: Forget what I said, I was babbling! Pick me!
Chandler: No you dont! No, no, no, I say you have to give your divorce another chance.
Chandler: I dont care! (turns around and to the people watching them) I dont care!!
Chandler: No.
Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with one shoe)
Janice: No, I-I-I gotta go. (she starts to walk away, but Chandler doesnt let her go.)
Chandler: (high pitched) No you know I dont mind.
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: Ive found.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yes! You mean the world the world to me. Oh...
Chandler: No, no, no, I dont, I dont really wanna play.
Joey: Great, you can cover Chandler.
Chandler: Yeah, all right, Ill play.
Chandler: No, no, no, you say that proudly.
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
CHANDLER: I'm hangin in. . . and a little out.
Chandler: Yes, yes, its just that we ah, we kinda all ready, made plans with Ross.
Ross: Sweetie, dont worry youll get picked. Chandler.
Rachel, Chandler, and Joey: What?
Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
Chandler: (from the shotgun) Hike!
Chandler: No, no, no, actually losers rhyme.
Chandler: Sorry. Im sorry. Y'know what, were just gonna throw it.
Chandler: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no!
(Chandler throws her the ball, which she drops.)
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Ross are seated. Rachel is walking over with coffee and a piece of pie.]
Margha: Hello, Chandler.
Chandler: Mar-haaaan.
[cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.]
Chandler: Well, that went well.
Chandler: Math!! Youre giving me math! All right, look y'know what, forget about it, you go for the girl, well see who gets her.
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
Chandler: Yeah, hes really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.
Chandler: Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math.
Chandler: Before!!
Chandler: Okay, good.
CHANDLER: That was in the fourth grade. How could you still be upset about that?
Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?
Ross: Chandler! Chandler!
Chandler: (to Margha) Hi.
(Joey throws the ball to Chandler)
Chandler: Is this because of the burrito thing?
Chandler: Oh, yeah, I dont know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house.
Monica: All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running will you be able to focus?
Chandler: Fine with me.
Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?
Chandler: Yes!!
Margha: Well, if I had to chose right now, which by the way I find really weird, I would have to say, Chandler.
Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?
Chandler: Wh-what?
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesnt matter, cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Chandler: Were not gonna lose to girls.
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally(opens envelope)not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.
Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving dinner.]
Chandler: Well, you dont you have Captain Hook explain it to her.
[Scene: Monicas, Chandler and Monica are still hugging each other.]
Chandler: (reading the comics) Eh..., I dont, I dont know.
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
Chandler: (thinks about it) Yeah?
Chandler: So ah, whatcha watching?
Rachel: (to Chandler) Eh, do you believe that?
Ross: Just admit it Chandler, you have no backhand.
Chandler: Look out kids, hes coming! (Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.)
Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths Come on!) (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
[Chandler makes a noise of absolute disgust and heads into the living room.]