words in movies
Chandler: That's funny, we were doing the same thing!
Chandler: Yeah it is really pricey. I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers.
Chandler: It was pretty simple actually, I came up with a couple of cost-cutting solutions, wrote out a list and Monica told me to go to hell.
Chandler: (to Ross) Maybe you do that next time you get married!
(Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Our adoption social worker is coming by today so we are cleaning the apartment.
Chandler: You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways!
Chandler: Kind of. She's coming by to interview us and see where we live.
Chandler: (pointing at himself) Little people?
Chandler: What...? NO!
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: (he stands up and he feels very offended) I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation!
Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.
Chandler: Ok, ok, here we go.
Chandler: Here we go. Stand up straight. (smiling) Big smile. (opens the door and both are smiling exaggeratedly)
Monica: Ow! (Chandler slaps her on her back) Oh, that sounds nice! I am just there for jury duty. They really spruce that place up!
Chandler: But you already gave all your money to charity!
Chandler: I don’t think you can do that!
Chandler: That’s sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption Lady.
Monica: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in.
Chandler: Oh, because we love kids. Love ‘em to death.Well, not actually to death, that's just a figure of speech - we love kids the appropriate amount... as allowed by law.
Chandler: But other than that... wholesome, wholesome building.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Of course it was!
Chandler: RAT BASTARD!
Monica and Chandler: OH GOD NO! Nope, no, no, no. No! No, no. Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO! (finally Monica concludes) No!
Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!
Chandler: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Chandler: (Screams to interrupt Joey) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......AAAaaa-doption!!
Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again)
Chandler: WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, BERT. EVERYTHNG'S FINE!!
Chandler: Oh yeah! He has a caretaker. His older brother... Ernie.
Chandler: (nervous smile) You can't make this stuff up!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. They are preparing to show Laura around. Laura is standing with her back to the window, Chandler and Monica are standing on either side of her, facing each other.
(She starts checking her form. Chandler sees movement near the window from the corner of his eye and when he looks he spots Joey climbing up the fire escape and onto their balcony. He warns Monica silently.)
Chandler: What the hell are you doing?
Chandler: Well, we're not.
Chandler: We don't have a code word.
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
Monica: (To Chandler) What room should we see next?
Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch! (laughs nervously)
Chandler: (escorting Joey to the door) You have to get out of here. You slept with our social worker and you never called her back and she is still pissed, so she can't see you.
Chandler: Ok!
(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)
Chandler: What?
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
Joey: (to Chandler) Bert! Bert! Bert! Bert!
Chandler: I can explain... Joey...
Laura: (embarrassed towards Chandler and Monica) Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
Chandler: Oh, that's really ok.
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]
Monica: Hello...? Oh hi... Oh my God...! Really...? I can't wait to tell Chandler... Ok, goodbye. (hangs up)
Chandler: Wrong number?
Chandler: That's great!
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
Chandler: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat?
CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
CHANDLER: We'll watch him.
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
CHANDLER: You understood that?
CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
CHANDLER: No, I got him.
CHANDLER: Oh, seriously you want him?
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
CHANDLER: Well, we are great guys.
CHANDLER: Your boyfriend is so cool.
CHANDLER: (to taxi driver) Just practicing. You're good. Carry on.
[Joey starts whistling, Chandler finishes the tune. Joey whistles again.]
Chandler: Oh, and Ive got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.
CHANDLER: You done?
Janice: Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him, Chandler used to be my little love muffin! (does her irritating laugh). So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too? Ooh! Are we gonna have a bidding war? I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie (playfully punches Chandler, who tries to get away from her)
CHANDLER: You know it?
CHANDLER: Oh, sure, they love us over there.
CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.
Chandler: WENUS. (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net...
Monica: (indignant) I give good massages! (Ross laughs.) I used to give them to Rachel all the time before she got allergic! And-and-and Chandler loves them! Watch! (She starts giving Chandler a massage.)
Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much
CHANDLER: Ok.
CHANDLER: That's me.
Chandler: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.
CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)
CHANDLER: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.
CHANDLER: Yeah?
CHANDLER: What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?
CHANDLER: Heads it is.
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
CHANDLER: You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for parking the car [passes the dollar back].
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
CHANDLER: You, you are gonna love this.
Chandler: Okay uh, heres the electric bill. (Hands it to him.)
ROSS: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?
CHANDLER: I think they get it.
JOEY: No problem. Hey Chandler
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.
CHANDLER: There's the man.
Chandler: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch. Rachel is working.]
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.
JOEY: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."
Chandler: FREE PORN!!!
Chandler: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
[Scene: Hallway between the apartments. Chandler comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Monica is there.]
ROSS: Chandler. When did he... when did he... when did he?
RACH: Chandler told me.
Chandler: Seriously sir, my brains? All over the wall.
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
MNCA: [to Chandler] Yo, Bing. Racquetball in 15 minutes.
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.
CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)
CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.
(He licks his fingers, liking it. He offers Chandler a taste.)
[Chandler enters with his hair full of mousse and a cheesy moustache]
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Chandler: All right everybody! Just be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet!! Pipe-pipe-pipe down! (They settle down) What is the matter with you people?! This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you, and Ill bet that not one of you can tell me her name! Am I right?
[Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.]
RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
[Chandler and Joey leave quickly.]
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
[Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter, confused.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing Chandle and Joey at foosball.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
[Chandler and Joey enter.]
CHANDLER: Yeah, we were gonna give fifty, but if you guys gave more, we don't wanna look bad.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is wiping down the peninsula counter as Joey enters dressed like a cowboy.]
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: What's in the bag?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
CHANDLER: Nah, Phoebs, that's the guy that comes in the frame.
CHANDLER: Hey listen, we've gotta go, I promised Richard we'd meet him downstairs.
CHANDLER: Who said anything about Christmas?
CHANDLER: So whaddya got there Monica?
Chandler: I... thought it was a timely start to thinking about other people. Besides, this gift still says I love you guys.
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...
Chandler: You know, I - I think you're set with the poultry.
[Scene: Chandler is standing on a street corner waiting for Phoebe in the cab. Joey walks up.]
Chandler: Hey.
CHANDLER: OK.
Chandler: (slides the juice across the counter which Joey catches) What do you care? You're an actor. This is your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.
CHANDLER: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible cab. . . hop in.
CHANDLER: OK. [reads paper] Brake left, gas right?
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted.
CHANDLER: And twenty-five it is.
CHANDLER: [grabs for seat belt] Where's my seat belt?
PHOEBE: Alright, here, you have to hold this. [hands Chandler a piece of paper]
CHANDLER: [Chandler gets in the back seat] Hey!
Chandler: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... (Chandler walks to the fridge, his back turned to the TV and a moaning sound replaces the cheering of the crowd... Joey's eyes double in size...) What the... (Chandler turns around, but Joey already took a sprint for Chandler, jumps, and floors Chandler in the open space in front of the apartment door...) What are you doing?
CHANDLER AND JOEY: (running after bus) Ben! Ben! Ben!
CHANDLER: Oh, so that's what this is for.
Chandler: Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that code?
CHANDLER: Yeah.