words in movies
Chandler: That's funny, we were doing the same thing!
Chandler: Yeah it is really pricey. I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers.
Chandler: It was pretty simple actually, I came up with a couple of cost-cutting solutions, wrote out a list and Monica told me to go to hell.
Chandler: (to Ross) Maybe you do that next time you get married!
(Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Our adoption social worker is coming by today so we are cleaning the apartment.
Chandler: You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways!
Chandler: Kind of. She's coming by to interview us and see where we live.
Chandler: (pointing at himself) Little people?
Chandler: What...? NO!
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: (he stands up and he feels very offended) I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation!
Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.
Chandler: Ok, ok, here we go.
Chandler: Here we go. Stand up straight. (smiling) Big smile. (opens the door and both are smiling exaggeratedly)
Monica: Ow! (Chandler slaps her on her back) Oh, that sounds nice! I am just there for jury duty. They really spruce that place up!
Chandler: But you already gave all your money to charity!
Chandler: I don’t think you can do that!
Chandler: That’s sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption Lady.
Monica: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in.
Chandler: Oh, because we love kids. Love ‘em to death.Well, not actually to death, that's just a figure of speech - we love kids the appropriate amount... as allowed by law.
Chandler: But other than that... wholesome, wholesome building.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Of course it was!
Chandler: RAT BASTARD!
Monica and Chandler: OH GOD NO! Nope, no, no, no. No! No, no. Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO! (finally Monica concludes) No!
Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!
Chandler: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Chandler: (Screams to interrupt Joey) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......AAAaaa-doption!!
Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again)
Chandler: WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, BERT. EVERYTHNG'S FINE!!
Chandler: Oh yeah! He has a caretaker. His older brother... Ernie.
Chandler: (nervous smile) You can't make this stuff up!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. They are preparing to show Laura around. Laura is standing with her back to the window, Chandler and Monica are standing on either side of her, facing each other.
(She starts checking her form. Chandler sees movement near the window from the corner of his eye and when he looks he spots Joey climbing up the fire escape and onto their balcony. He warns Monica silently.)
Chandler: What the hell are you doing?
Chandler: Well, we're not.
Chandler: We don't have a code word.
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
Monica: (To Chandler) What room should we see next?
Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch! (laughs nervously)
Chandler: (escorting Joey to the door) You have to get out of here. You slept with our social worker and you never called her back and she is still pissed, so she can't see you.
Chandler: Ok!
(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)
Chandler: What?
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
Joey: (to Chandler) Bert! Bert! Bert! Bert!
Chandler: I can explain... Joey...
Laura: (embarrassed towards Chandler and Monica) Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
Chandler: Oh, that's really ok.
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]
Monica: Hello...? Oh hi... Oh my God...! Really...? I can't wait to tell Chandler... Ok, goodbye. (hangs up)
Chandler: Wrong number?
Chandler: That's great!
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
Chandler: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat?
Chandler: Y'know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done! And you said it was gonna be fun! (pause) Which it kinda is. Also, you said there would be other guys here. There are no other guys here!
(Ross walks in, eating cotton candy. Monica nudges Chandler who hides the picture in his magazine. Ross sits down on the chair, he seems kinda out of it.)
Kim: (to Nancy) So we talked about the (Chandler sneaks closer to her cigarette) whole presentation yesterday at lunch (Closer) and he wondered if one person would be enough (Closer) to get a take on the trip (Still closer) and I said, "Yeah, absolutely!" (She's interrupted by Chandler who has reached his goal and takes a drag from her cancer stick.)
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, hes snoring again and Chandler is there to roll him over.]
Chandler: Really? What do you do? You just sit in there stewing in your own filth.
Chandler: Ahh, come on! Yknow whatyknow what, I think Im just gonna go home and call Kathy.
(Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model inside the vestibule with him. He makes a gesture of quiet exuberance.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, there is lumber all over the apartment]
Chandler: Oh yeah, me too. Y'know if this shirt is dirty. (Smells it.) Yep.
Chandler: Oh, come on! Its not like this is an everyday occurrence for me! I mean usually Im pretty much just in there by myself.
Chandler: And here is the bottle of wine for you to bring over tonight. (Hands it to him.) You were also going to buy Monica flowers but you couldnt afford it, because you paid dinner last night.
Chandler: No. No, I just think that maybe I-I'd heard it somewhere before. (Sits down rubbing his temple.)
Rachel: Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known?
Chandler: What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.
Joey: Sorry. Monica and Chandler are making love.
Chandler: Sorry man.
Chandler: I know, I can do this. (He takes her hand.)
Chandler: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Chandler: Okay, here you go. (He deals out two cards each.) I have two queens, what do you have?
Chandler: No, sir.
Chandler: Oh, that was my work laugh.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: It was terrible. I fought with (Pause) my colleagues y'know, the entire time. Are you kidding with this? (Throws away another Rollo)
(Chandler does a fake laugh.)
Chandler: Hey! Everybody at work loved you last night!
Chandler: Okay, good luck with that. (Exits.)
Monica: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second?
Chandler: Let them win one.
Chandler: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Chandler: You're not even giving them a chance!
Chandler: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH MY GOD.
Chandler: Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? (Does his work laugh.) (To Monica) Please let them win!
Chandler: Long! (Gives Monica the Work Laugh.)
Chandler: Thank you! (They hug.) All right, I gotta go unpack.
Chandler: If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow night.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Chandler are returning from the game.]
Chandler: Oopsey, missed it!
Chandler: It was my racquet.
(Chandler cuts in front of her and hits the ball high and long.)
Chandler: Okay y'know what, because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, continued from earlier.]
(They both go back into their old rooms and shut the doors. Of course, Chandler has to close both sections of his door.)
Rachel: Ugh, Monica, I know about you and Chandler.
Monica: Me and Chandler?! (Does her fake laugh.)
Rachel: All right. So you're telling me that there is nothing going on between you and Chandler.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe and Joey are there.]
Chandler: Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store weve been too and I cant find the perfect ring! (Goes over to another display counter and starts pointing at rings.) Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! (Notices that one of the jewelers is watching him.) Its a beautiful selection. (The jeweler walks away slowly.)
Chandler: I dont care, this is our apartment! And they stoleyou stole itour apartment, and we won that apartment fair and square, twice! And I am getting it back right now. Im getting back right now!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is stressing out about something.]
Chandler: Oh, you get used to it.
Joey: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!
Chandler: Well, I-I just didn't think it was funny sir.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Well, I just
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Oh. (Does a double take when he realizes what she just said.)
Chandler: Coffee in a fight! (Does the laugh again.)
Chandler: I think I do! (They all laugh.) Thank you, Monica.
Monica: Y'know what really bothers me? Isit's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" (Mocks the fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, The phone rings and Joey answers it.]
Chandler: But we're not ready to tell yet!
(After she exits, Chandler enters.)
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Doug's house, Chandler, Monica, and them are just finishing dinner.]
Chandler: Why would I be mad?
Chandler: It's so good I don't know what I've done to deserve it!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Chandler: I also want you to remember that I let you live here rent free!
(She starts the massage, only she is doing extremely hard and Chandler is gasping in pain.)
Chandler: It's your timer.
Chandler: All right, then massage me up right nice!
Chandler: Ah! Ahh!! Ahh!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Look, for the first time in my life I'm in a real relationship. Okay, I'm not gonna screw that up by y'know, telling the truth.
Chandler: I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I justI didn't know what it was!
Chandler: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy! You're both polite! (pause) Go to have a seat Zack, and I'll get you a beer.
Chandler: Done.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Good-bye muscles!!
(Chandler picks up a basket from the table and puts it on his head.)
[Scene: Later on in the hallway between the apartments. Chandler is showing people to the parties.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Wow! You look just like your son Mrs. Tribbiani!
Chandler: So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal?
(Chandler glares at her and she shrugs her shoulders. Monica serves again; and Kara returns it.)
Chandler: And, I want you to remember that I gave you twenty (counts his money) seven dollars. No strings attached. Now, if you can't remember that, I think we should write it downlet's write it down!
Chandler: Yeah, at least you hid your feelings well about it. (Removes a smashed racquet from his bag.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch, Rachel is on the chair.]
Rachel: Yeah, Im pretty confident about that. Thats what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little guarantee though.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y'know?
Chandler: And a date with a man!
Chandler: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job!
Chandler: Okay, but after that, were shootin some pool.
Chandler: (falling into that trap) I don't like your massages.
Chandler: Hey, is Rachel here?
Chandler: You built a fort didn't ya?