words in movies
Chandler: That's funny, we were doing the same thing!
Chandler: Yeah it is really pricey. I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers.
Chandler: It was pretty simple actually, I came up with a couple of cost-cutting solutions, wrote out a list and Monica told me to go to hell.
Chandler: (to Ross) Maybe you do that next time you get married!
(Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Our adoption social worker is coming by today so we are cleaning the apartment.
Chandler: You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways!
Chandler: Kind of. She's coming by to interview us and see where we live.
Chandler: (pointing at himself) Little people?
Chandler: What...? NO!
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: (he stands up and he feels very offended) I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation!
Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.
Chandler: Ok, ok, here we go.
Chandler: Here we go. Stand up straight. (smiling) Big smile. (opens the door and both are smiling exaggeratedly)
Monica: Ow! (Chandler slaps her on her back) Oh, that sounds nice! I am just there for jury duty. They really spruce that place up!
Chandler: But you already gave all your money to charity!
Chandler: I don’t think you can do that!
Chandler: That’s sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption Lady.
Monica: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in.
Chandler: Oh, because we love kids. Love ‘em to death.Well, not actually to death, that's just a figure of speech - we love kids the appropriate amount... as allowed by law.
Chandler: But other than that... wholesome, wholesome building.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Of course it was!
Chandler: RAT BASTARD!
Monica and Chandler: OH GOD NO! Nope, no, no, no. No! No, no. Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO! (finally Monica concludes) No!
Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!
Chandler: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Chandler: (Screams to interrupt Joey) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......AAAaaa-doption!!
Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again)
Chandler: WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, BERT. EVERYTHNG'S FINE!!
Chandler: Oh yeah! He has a caretaker. His older brother... Ernie.
Chandler: (nervous smile) You can't make this stuff up!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. They are preparing to show Laura around. Laura is standing with her back to the window, Chandler and Monica are standing on either side of her, facing each other.
(She starts checking her form. Chandler sees movement near the window from the corner of his eye and when he looks he spots Joey climbing up the fire escape and onto their balcony. He warns Monica silently.)
Chandler: What the hell are you doing?
Chandler: Well, we're not.
Chandler: We don't have a code word.
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
Monica: (To Chandler) What room should we see next?
Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch! (laughs nervously)
Chandler: (escorting Joey to the door) You have to get out of here. You slept with our social worker and you never called her back and she is still pissed, so she can't see you.
Chandler: Ok!
(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)
Chandler: What?
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
Joey: (to Chandler) Bert! Bert! Bert! Bert!
Chandler: I can explain... Joey...
Laura: (embarrassed towards Chandler and Monica) Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
Chandler: Oh, that's really ok.
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]
Monica: Hello...? Oh hi... Oh my God...! Really...? I can't wait to tell Chandler... Ok, goodbye. (hangs up)
Chandler: Wrong number?
Chandler: That's great!
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
Chandler: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat?
Chandler: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. (Realizes something) Yknow, technically we still are over international waters.
Chandler: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Chandler: Yes it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer!
Chandler: Cry?! I just found a talking puppy, Im rich!
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Chandler: No, I guess I just never really cried. Yknow? Im not a crying kind of guy.
Phoebe: Oh Chandler!
Chandler: Id be sad sure, but I wouldnt cry.
Chandler: Oh they didnt want to come!
Chandler: No! Look, I dont cry! Its not a big deal! Okay?!
Chandler: Hey. Do you want this scone? (Holds up his plate) It came for me but it would probably rather sleep with you!
(She goes to close the door, but Chandler puts his foot it in.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler and Rachel are there, and Phoebe enters with the Chick and the Duck.]
Chandler: Hey, I had a terrible childhood and I dont do porn.
Chandler: (totally not crying) Well see now that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon!
Chandler: Her ankle is what youre watching?
Chandler: Shes just doing her job!
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I figured a shot yknow? Maybe one of those stories would make me cry and then you wouldnt think I was yknow, all dead inside.
(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)
Chandler: Theres no back to this couch!
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Chandler: Yeah?
Monica: Oh thats so sweet! Look Chandler I dont care if you cant cry, I love you.
Chandler: Okay, well I wont uh, worry about this anymore then.
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Aww, I love you so
Chandler: So you didnt mean any of that?!
Chandler: Look Joe, I know you wanted to do the wedding
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is balancing a mini hockey stick on his hand as Chandler enters from his room carrying a bunch of bills.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is ranting about Jill to Chandler and Monica.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
Chandler: So, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her and kisses her.)
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: (To Monica) Maybe we should give them some privacy.
Chandler: (crying hysterically) I just dont see why those two cant work things out!
(Chandler starts crying.)
Chandler: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!
Joey: Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs(He gasps in horror.) Oh! (Runs out and Chandler just shakes his head. After a second Joey runs back in to grab a piece of pizza and runs back out.)
Chandler: You didnt get more movies that are gonna have us reaching for the tissues all night did you?
Chandler: Because we don't do that. We are Bings! And if there's one thing my father taught me was... well to always knock before going into the pool house... but the other thing was never borrow money.
Monica: Chandler theres nothing wrong with crying! I mean you dont have to be so macho all the time.
Chandler: Sure I would!
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Monica: And what if I was still fat? (To Chandler) Well, you wouldnt be dating me, thats for sure.
Chandler: Was his question whats more boring than him?
Chandler: (entering, depressed) Hey.
Chandler: Ehh.
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.
Chandler: I could use the money; it could give me time to write.
Chandler: All right!
Monica: Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!
Chandler: All right! Thats fine! Thats fine! I wont bring over the chairs! I wont bring anything over! I wouldnt want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandmas place!! (Storms out.)
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: And, and uh, you-you remember my friend Chandler. (Points to him.)
[Joey opens the door and sees Erica (Brooke Shields). Joey gets a huge smile and Chandler squeezed the dish soap in the air.]
(Monica and Chandler both remember a special moment between them.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is reading Chicken Soup for the Soul as Monica enters.]
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Uh-oh, its my boss!
Chandler: Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer.
Chandler: Phoebe, are you having a heart attack?!
Chandler: Thats what you should say.
Chandler: When youre marrying us; thats what you should say.
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler and Monica are there with Phoebe as Ross enters.]
Joey: Oh great. (Starts to go in.) (To Chandler) Hey! Go take off those pants, they look ready!
Chandler: Id love it if you would do it.
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: (To Chandler) Iced tea.
Chandler: But those are the words! Those exact words!
Chandler: Its not all juice! (Rachel quickly gets out of the way.)
Chandler: Okay, anything for you sir?
Chandler: I am totally picturing you with all those women!
Chandler: You wanna share it?
Chandler: Aww.
Chandler: Who sold a story to Archie Comics?!
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is eating breakfast as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Whats this?
Chandler: Aww, thanks man. (They hug.)
Joey: (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you just said I could!
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that?
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.)
Chandler: (To Ross) But I think we should tell her.
Chandler: Uh, what about yknow the massage thing? That never gave you a heart attack.
Chandler: Okay.
(Phoebe mocks what Monica just said. Ross pulls Chandler aside.)
Chandler: Im sorry youre here with me instead of Roger.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are eating Monicas dinner.]
Chandler: Well good, good for you. You really think that Roger is the perfect guy?
Chandler: Okay. (Pause.) What was tonight?
Chandler: Four different women! Ive had sex way more times!
Chandler: What was tonight?
Chandler: Hey thats what I tell girls about me.
Chandler: So was I.
Chandler: (smiling cheekily) I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" (Monica looks confused, so Chandler repeats) "I do".