words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]
Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
Chandler: (rushing up) Hey-Hey-Hey! Who was that?
Chandler: Goin out, huh? Wow! Wow! (Does a little celebration dance) So things didnt work out with Kathy, huh? Bummer.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Chandler: Wait! Youre going out with Kathy!
Chandler: Well, Im upsetfor you. I mean, having sex with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you. (He cant believe he just sad that.)
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that shes-shes smart, and funny, and gets you.
Chandler: All right look, I think its time for you to settle down. Y'know? Make a choice, pick a lane.
Chandler: All right! Bring it on, you
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh my God! Play!
Chandler: Really, bitchin!
Chandler: You mean like, music?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Chandler: Yeah, I know what youre thinkin! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.
Chandler: Come in!
Chandler: Uh yes, but uh, I just watch it for the articles.
Chandler: No-no, hes not back yet, but hell be here any minute. So uh, come on in. Have a seat. Bow or stern?
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Chandler: What happened?
Chandler: Why cant you tell her?
Chandler: Joey! Joey!!
Chandler: I thought your time ran out.
Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. Hes running a little late, he says hes sorry.
Chandler: So I guess its just uh, you and me then.
Chandler: Yeah, I think it is!
Chandler: Oh, I had an appointment to get my haircut
Chandler: and then it got canceled.
Chandler: Really?! You do that?
Chandler: Dog grooming huh? Okay, just dont make my tail too poofy.
[Cut to later, Kathy is cutting Chandlers hair.]
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Yknow who also has great hair is Joey!
(Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.)
Chandler: What-what cha doin?
Chandler: Kay.
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Chandler: Hey its Joey!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands her the phone.)
Kathy: (on phone) Hey. (listens) Oh no its fine, dont worry about it. (listens) Yeah-no, stop apologizing, its okay. (listens) Yeah! Ill talk to you tomorrow. (hangs up) (to Chandler) I should uh, probably go.
Chandler: Yeah. Yes! Yeah.
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
Chandler: Oh.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.]
Chandler: No-no-no-no, this is bad! Its bad! This is bad!
Chandler: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation?
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Ooh! Yes! Okay! Heres what we do, we-we forget it happened.
Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means were unhappy forever. Sound good?
Chandler: I have to; hes my best friend, and youre seeing him.
Kathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh-no-no-no! Dont! Dont! See-see, youre getting me confused, Im starting to urn.
Chandler: I-I think we have too.
Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler wonders over to and leans up against the door.) Are you still out there?
Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.)
Chandler: I sure did.
Chandler: Well, I just thought itd make me feel good to do something nice for my friend.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Chandler: Well, yknow Im 29. I mean who needs a savings account.
Chandler: Oh, I dont know.
Chandler: You mean with Casey.
Chandler: Or Casey.
Chandler: Could be Casey.
Chandler: Consider Casey.
Chandler: That all the pieces of my life are falling right into place!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
Ross: Hey Chandler! Saw the new furniture. Very nice.
Chandler: I kissed Kathy.
Chandler: No. Is there anyway, anyway you think hell understand this?
Chandler: Oh, dont say that! Dont say that. Thats not true. Is it?
Chandler: Then why didnt you tell me to do that?!!
Chandler: God!! (Sits down in disgust.) What am I gonna do?!
Rachel: Well, Chandler, youre gonna have to tell him.
Chandler: Why?! Why do I have to tell him?!
Chandler: Yeah, I know.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Is that a real thing?
Chandler: Listen ah, Joe, I-I need to, I need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: Its-its about Kathy. Umm, uh, I like her. I like her a lot actually.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Oh uh, when?
Chandler: Oh man, I am so sorry. Are, are you okay?
Chandler: Yes, but I-I uh, dont have too.
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do.
Chandler: See uh, thats-thats actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is.
Chandler: Its me. Im the other guy.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her.
Chandler: How is that worse?!
Chandler: Look, Im sorry! But theres nothing I can do, I think Im in love with her!
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me!
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Chandler: Probably because
Chandler: Look, Monica has been working hard all day, she didn't wanna host this thing in the first place, we shouldn't go!
Chandler: (reading the list) Drop off my dry cleaning. Pick up my vitamins. Teach me how to spell vitamins. Wear in my new jeans.
(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)
Ross: I can't believe Chandler is missing this!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.]
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.] CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday. MNCA: Why not? CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop. CHAN: OK, stop. MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hey Rach. RACH: Ahhhh. ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . . [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
(He tries to fire a burnt tennis ball into the bowl Chandler is standing by, but Ross grabs the ball away from him.)
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Monica: What? Are you serious?! (To Chandler) Joey smells gas!
Chandler: (looking through the peephole again) Ross' shirt is torn.
Chandler: Could there be more Kims?
Ross: Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Chandler: (relieved) Oh thank God!
Chandler: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that... (speaking lower to Monica) what happens to cranberry sauce?
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: (looking through the peephole) That's a lie, you went to the game, I can see Joey's hand.
Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.
Chandler: Guys, I'd listen to her. The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it. (Monica looks at Chandler)
Chandler: Please let me stay on this side of the door.
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Chandler: The cranberries...?
Chandler: He's doing that weird eye contact thing. Don't look at him, don't look at him! (They both look away)
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Chandler: That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling.
(Chandler gives Monica a footlong "eye dropper" with the turkey grease in it)
Chandler: Uhm, we've got turkey grease.
Chandler: I can't believe Joey. I hate being called a liar!
Chandler: A little late for that.
Monica: Alright, well, this does not change anything. (to Chandler) Okay, we need to get something to grease the sides of his face.
Chandler: Can you ever feel your ears?
Monica: Chandler, where are your tools?
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
Chandler: Come on guys, PUSH!
Chandler: My cranberries!
Joey and Chandler: PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!
Chandler: And?
Chandler: What's going on?
Chandler: Are you serious? (they hug)
(Chandler can't believe what he's hearing. He looks at Monica, then at the others, then back at Monica.)
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartement, Monica is at the kitchen table writing something and Chandler enters kitchen area]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio.
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up.
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better..
Chandler: Yes, but...
Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
Chandler: Sorry, I just cant sleep. Ooh! (Turns on the light and Monica groans.) Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover Im like (Fake snores.)
Chandler: I suppose that Monica will have the � manipulative shrew.
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?"
Chandler: And so incorrect!
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Chandler: Ok.
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.
Chandler: You're gonna be great.
Chandler: That's what our friends call us.
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Chandler: Yeah, wow.
Monica: Uh, good hands. (she holds Chandler hands) Healing hands.
Chandler: No-ot for me it doesn’t.
Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.
Chandler: You should be. You’re really on top of stuff..
Chandler: Yeah, I did.
(Monica and Chandler are looking curiously at Joey.)
Chandler: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica.
Chandler: Your Veal Chop is $34,95!
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Chandler: You have gotta stop!
Chandler: Well, Im sure you get another one at Ann Taylors.
Chandler: I know..
Chandler: oh, honey..
Chandler: You're Jewish.
Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.
Chandler: But we are not the one she chose! How can you feel okay about this?
Monica: No! No, no... wait! We didn't lose. (turns to Chandler) The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, so technically...
Chandler: (to Monica) Look! Look! Look what the... Look what... Look what the floating heads did!
Rachel: To Monica and Chandler... and that knocked up girl in Ohio.
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: Hey.
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York.
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Chandler: Erica wait!
(She leaves the room, but Chandler runs after her. They meet in the hallway.)
Chandler: Thank you so much for agreeing to see us.
CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.
Chandler: You still want that baby?