words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]
Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
Chandler: (rushing up) Hey-Hey-Hey! Who was that?
Chandler: Goin out, huh? Wow! Wow! (Does a little celebration dance) So things didnt work out with Kathy, huh? Bummer.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Chandler: Wait! Youre going out with Kathy!
Chandler: Well, Im upsetfor you. I mean, having sex with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you. (He cant believe he just sad that.)
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that shes-shes smart, and funny, and gets you.
Chandler: All right look, I think its time for you to settle down. Y'know? Make a choice, pick a lane.
Chandler: All right! Bring it on, you
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh my God! Play!
Chandler: Really, bitchin!
Chandler: You mean like, music?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Chandler: Yeah, I know what youre thinkin! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.
Chandler: Come in!
Chandler: Uh yes, but uh, I just watch it for the articles.
Chandler: No-no, hes not back yet, but hell be here any minute. So uh, come on in. Have a seat. Bow or stern?
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Chandler: What happened?
Chandler: Why cant you tell her?
Chandler: Joey! Joey!!
Chandler: I thought your time ran out.
Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. Hes running a little late, he says hes sorry.
Chandler: So I guess its just uh, you and me then.
Chandler: Yeah, I think it is!
Chandler: Oh, I had an appointment to get my haircut
Chandler: and then it got canceled.
Chandler: Really?! You do that?
Chandler: Dog grooming huh? Okay, just dont make my tail too poofy.
[Cut to later, Kathy is cutting Chandlers hair.]
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Yknow who also has great hair is Joey!
(Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.)
Chandler: What-what cha doin?
Chandler: Kay.
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Chandler: Hey its Joey!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands her the phone.)
Kathy: (on phone) Hey. (listens) Oh no its fine, dont worry about it. (listens) Yeah-no, stop apologizing, its okay. (listens) Yeah! Ill talk to you tomorrow. (hangs up) (to Chandler) I should uh, probably go.
Chandler: Yeah. Yes! Yeah.
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
Chandler: Oh.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.]
Chandler: No-no-no-no, this is bad! Its bad! This is bad!
Chandler: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation?
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Ooh! Yes! Okay! Heres what we do, we-we forget it happened.
Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means were unhappy forever. Sound good?
Chandler: I have to; hes my best friend, and youre seeing him.
Kathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh-no-no-no! Dont! Dont! See-see, youre getting me confused, Im starting to urn.
Chandler: I-I think we have too.
Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler wonders over to and leans up against the door.) Are you still out there?
Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.)
Chandler: I sure did.
Chandler: Well, I just thought itd make me feel good to do something nice for my friend.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Chandler: Well, yknow Im 29. I mean who needs a savings account.
Chandler: Oh, I dont know.
Chandler: You mean with Casey.
Chandler: Or Casey.
Chandler: Could be Casey.
Chandler: Consider Casey.
Chandler: That all the pieces of my life are falling right into place!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
Ross: Hey Chandler! Saw the new furniture. Very nice.
Chandler: I kissed Kathy.
Chandler: No. Is there anyway, anyway you think hell understand this?
Chandler: Oh, dont say that! Dont say that. Thats not true. Is it?
Chandler: Then why didnt you tell me to do that?!!
Chandler: God!! (Sits down in disgust.) What am I gonna do?!
Rachel: Well, Chandler, youre gonna have to tell him.
Chandler: Why?! Why do I have to tell him?!
Chandler: Yeah, I know.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Is that a real thing?
Chandler: Listen ah, Joe, I-I need to, I need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: Its-its about Kathy. Umm, uh, I like her. I like her a lot actually.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Oh uh, when?
Chandler: Oh man, I am so sorry. Are, are you okay?
Chandler: Yes, but I-I uh, dont have too.
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do.
Chandler: See uh, thats-thats actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is.
Chandler: Its me. Im the other guy.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her.
Chandler: How is that worse?!
Chandler: Look, Im sorry! But theres nothing I can do, I think Im in love with her!
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me!
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Chandler: Probably because
[Scene: Chandlers Office Building, Chandler is walking by the elevators and sees Bob standing there.]
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Chandler: To be fair this one does have nuts.
(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)
Ross: You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff...
Chandler: Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?
Chandler: Was that Emma? Is she up?
Chandler: I don't know! You'll tell us on Monday!
Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?
Monica: No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us (Points at herself and Chandler) We've been complaining the longest!
Chandler: (Yelling) What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! (Phoebe and Joey come out looking shocked)
Chandler: You do know, I can just turn them the other way around, right?
Chandler: Hey! Remember when I had corneas?
Chandler: I'm begging you stop.
Chandler: (Also very excited) That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!
Chandler: Thats a bear.
Chandler: Ok, on your mark... Get set... GO!!!
Chandler: I bought you. How did I forget that that's all you do?
Chandler: They left.
(Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)
Chandler: Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?
Chandler: Me too...
Chandler: Ooh! That's my girl!
Chandler: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?
Chandler: Emma, you even know it's your birthday today? You're one! One-year-old, that's little.
(There's a couple of seconds of silence. Then Chandler looks around...)
Chandler: No, not yet.
Chandler: I was kidding.
Chandler: Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.
Chandler: Let's do it, come on!
Monica: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!
Chandler: Thanks!
(Chandler starts paging through the album.)
Chandler: So excited about your letter!
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
Chandler: That's where people make number two!!
Monica: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom!
Chandler: So you must be going to somewhere fancy to celebrate?
Chandler: Now, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases... fourteen (looks over to Monica).
Chandler: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
Chandler: On every word?
Chandler: Hey Rach! There she is...My perfectly proportioned wife.
Chandler: (reading) I don’t... uh... understand.
Chandler: You know what? You don’t need a thesaurus, just write from here, (points at his own heart) your full sized aortic pump.
Chandler: Well, aren't you a treat.
Chandler: Word!
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
Chandler: Oh, I don't think it was desperate, I think it was amazing!
Monica: I proposed to Chandler! (Phoebe stops herself from laughing) Alright, moving on...
Chandler: She's right! If I were a guy and... (stops himself mid-sentence...everyone stares at him) Did I just say if I were a guy..?
Phoebe: Yeah, that does make sense. Ok, now, would... would you two (points to Ross and Chandler) like that?
Chandler: Sounds good to me... but what would a guy think?
Chandler: Joey, we would've asked you, we just thought you wouldn't be interested.
Rachel: (To Monica, Chandler and Phoebe) Can any of you watch Emma?
(Chandler and Monica look shocked)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is inside, Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Chandler: Can we read it? Can you print out another copy?
Chandler: It's ok, it's ok. You know what? (Takes out his mobile) I'll just call the agency and tell them to throw out the letter. (starts dialing)
Chandler: (Still looks confused) They loved it.
Chandler: They thought it was very smart of us to have a child write the recommendation letter.
Chandler: That sounds like fun.
Ross: Hey guys. Monica and Chandler: Hi Ross.
Chandler: Like war. Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator. Remember? It was in a milk carton but it looked like meat?
Ross: (sees how strangely Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What?
(Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)
Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.
Chandler: (to Mon) So, Zack's pretty nice, uh?
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Chandler: (he enters) Hey honey!
Chandler: Is Monica not here?
PHOE: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment]
Chandler: Oh... I don't know, I really don't think you're right for the part.
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
Chandler: Oh its been going on way to long now. Yknow, I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didnt say anything. And then the next time he said, "Hey Toby, do you want a donut?" And I-I wanted a donut. And now its five years later, the donuts gone and Im still Toby.
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as its a compliment.
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Monica: Uh, Chandler did! What does he want you to give up? Phoebe: A bunch of stuff. And the worst one... he wants me to get rid of Gladys.
Chandler: Joe, I told you, you're just not right for the part.
Chandler: Hey you guys.
Chandler: Joe...
Chandler: Fine!
Chandler: Work, Joe!
Chandler: Hey, I'm sorry, I should have given you guys my black book when I got married! Although it wasn't so much a book as a... napkin. With Janice's phone number on it.
Chandler (to Rachel): What am I gonna do now?
Chandler: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
[Scene: Chandler walks into Joey's apartment]
Chandler: (looks surprised) What!? Of course I did!
Chandler: I'm not lying to you, I watched it!
Chandler: (now yelling) (pretending to look shocked) I did!
Chandler: I watched it!
Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: (following him) I'm telling you, I watched the tape. (Reaches Joey's room and Joey slams the door in his face)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Rachel are talking.]
Chandler: What did I just say?
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
Rachel: Well, this is going well. (Chandler looks worried)