words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.) Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Chandler: Yes please.
Chandler: He's a he?
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Chandler: You did?
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey, gorgeous.
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?
Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
Joey: (entering with Chandler) Morning. We ready to go?
Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it?
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Chandler: Oh, no-
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
Ross: ...Chandler!
Chandler: Hey.
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Chandler: Who are those people?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
Chandler: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell: Hey, Chandler.
Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial Services?
Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Chandler: Really.
Chandler: So- you can tell?
Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Chandler: He is?
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
Chandler: No, because youre not a grandmother!
Chandler: For my last birthday you gave me a hug! (To Rachel) Okay, read the card! Read the card!
Monica: Really! That long?! (Chandler slowly turns and looks at her.) (To Chandler) Look all you want, its happening!
Chandler: Pheebs!!
Rachel: (To Chandler) Im telling you its like watching Bambi learn how to walk.
Chandler: (To Monica) How are you feeling?
Chandler: (to a waiter) Oh thats great! Right there! Can we get some of that over here please? (The waiter comes over) There we go.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Chandler: What?
Joey: See? Thats a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. (Chandler immediately does The Face.) Youre changing it!
Chandler: Okay, here we go.
Chandler: Hey! Howd it go?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are sitting around the table.]
Chandler: Too?
Chandler: (To Ross) Monica said wedding.
Chandler: Thats great!
(She serves to Doug who returns it to Chandler. As it bounces over his head Chandler swings and misses.)
Chandler: Dont do it.
Chandler: I think its necessary. (Backs away anyhow.)
Chandler: (correcting her) Phil.
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Chandler: Yes!!
Chandler: (turning around and looking) Oh my God!
Chandler: Why is your family Ross?!
Chandler: Oh no thanks. I dont like any thing from my Scottish heritage.
Chandler: Because we hate them.
Chandler: We heard you play all the way from your apartment!
Chandler: (to the Maitre d') Hi, could we get two burritos to go, please? (Laughs.)
Chandler: We have heard you play.
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
Monica: Oh, and by the way, hes lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler.
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
Monica and Chandler: No!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Yknow that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "Youre half Scottish right?"
Chandler: Hi, honey! Im home!
Chandler: You mean the spitter?
Chandler: Sorry, I just dont like the idea of when I say, "I do," hes thinking, "Yeah, Id do her too!"
Chandler: You mean the guy who kept staring at your chest?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Why? Do you another boyfriend in there or something?
Chandler: Easy for you to say; youll be wearing a veil.
Chandler: Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us.
Chandler: Joe
Chandler: Yknow its funny I started it but, now its scary me. So could you come out here please?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.]
(Hearing the screaming Chandler and Joey rush in. Joey has a pan, Chandler has a tea kettle.)
Chandler: No, but Horny for Monica Minister called, wanting to know if we were still together.
Chandler: (To Monica) Yknow, we havent found anybody else.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Yeah you can do it.
Joey: (turning all the way around, and still not facing Chandler) Yeah, you are! (Starts dancing.) I scared you!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Chandler: See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married? I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries.
Chandler: Oh you got a wedding dress? Thats great!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Our minister
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Well then why cant I see it?
Chandler: Okay I promise. Ill-Ill hate it. (She enters.) Wow! You-you look hideous.
Chandler: Well, here we are, just a bunch of thirty year olds.
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are trying to take their engagement picture. Monica has a beautiful smile, while Chandler isnt.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Oh thats great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean its like yuck! Its terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are watching a basketball game on the couch.]
Chandler: (without turning around) I thought you were gonna be gone all day.
Chandler: If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang.
Chandler: Right here! (Clucks like a chicken for some reason.)
Kathy: (on phone) Hey. (listens) Oh no its fine, dont worry about it. (listens) Yeah-no, stop apologizing, its okay. (listens) Yeah! Ill talk to you tomorrow. (hangs up) (to Chandler) I should uh, probably go.
Monica: Oh, I havent had that feeling since I first started going out with Chandler. Wow, Im never gonna have that feeling again am I?
Joanna: You tell your friend Chandler that were definately broken up this time.
Chandler: Oh totally! (Holds up his finger.) Pull my finger.
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Monica: Have you seen Chandler?
Chandler: What?
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe I'll join them some time. I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the moustache off his face.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is talking to Chandler.]
Chandler: Kinda. Theyre really big.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Chandler: Yknow Im-Im really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: (with his mouthful) Oh-oi-ho, yeah!
Chandler: Thats me! Come on!
Chandler: (transfixed) Hi! Nice to meet you!
Chandler: Yknow I was thinking if we had a a big fight and uh we broke up for a few hours
Chandler: Well get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.
Chandler: Ill be right with you.
Monica: (catching him) Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Chandler and Monica enters.]
Ross: What?! Chandler shes our cousin!
Chandler: I think its the dying cat parade.
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it off his hand and throws it behind the night-stand.)
Chandler: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.
Chandler: Yknow, itll be okay. Itll be okay. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then well tell em.
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
(Monica stands up and wobbles slightly and Chandler runs over to catch her.)