words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.) Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Chandler: Yes please.
Chandler: He's a he?
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Chandler: You did?
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey, gorgeous.
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?
Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
Joey: (entering with Chandler) Morning. We ready to go?
Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it?
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Chandler: Oh, no-
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
Ross: ...Chandler!
Chandler: Hey.
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Chandler: Who are those people?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
Chandler: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell: Hey, Chandler.
Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial Services?
Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Chandler: Really.
Chandler: So- you can tell?
Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Chandler: He is?
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
Chandler: (straining) Okay.
Chandler: Seriously? Seriously, no! You can play your own age which is 31!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.]
Chandler: Its Paris, who knows were here!
Chandler: Okay, dont say anything, you might scare it away.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same night. There is a knock on the door and Chandler answers it to reveal Emily standing behind it.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is at the sink and Chandler is looking at a ring brochure.]
Chandler: Oh, give her the deposit! Give her the ring! I dont care!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Chandler is showing Rachel the ring.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, all jokes aside? I didnt agree to that!
Chandler: No, you shNo you said you made that up!!
Chandler: (To Ross) Why to save your dignity my man.
Chandler: Well, somebody should. (Monica glares at him.)
Chandler: All right buddy, time to roll over. (Rolls him over, and discovers a surprise) (Looking down) No-no! (Covers his eyes) No, no-n-n-n-no!! You are going to a clinic! Youre going to a clinic, and a pyjama store!
(Ross looks at Chandler.)
Chandler: How is that ever going to happen?!
Chandler: Thanks.
[Scene: An airplane cabin, Phoebe has the aisle seat, Chandler the window, and Monica's stuck in that horrible middle seat.]
Chandler: (To Ross) I dont care, she slept with me.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is singing outside Monica and Chandlers door.]
Chandler: (interrupting her just in time) Hey! Heres a dollar, consider it a deposit. Please sing at our wedding.
Chandler: Okay. (Goes back to bed.)
Chandler: (pushing her away from another hug) Next time?
Chandler: Oh, I got some thoughts on that.
Chandler: Whats the matter honey?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is trying out different cookie recipes. Ross and Phoebe are the tasting group.]
Chandler: What in Gods name is that?!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
Rachel: Oh wait Chandler, too many cooks
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Phoebe: I need to talk to you, its pretty urgent. Its about Monica and Chandler.
Ross: Umm, okay, yeah, sure. But wh-whats wrong with Monica and Chandler?
Phoebe: That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it off now.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel and Monica are pretty much telling Chandler what the wedding plans are.]
Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but kicks Rosss foot instead.)
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Chandler: Uh-huh!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place?
Chandler: (entering) Ahh, third base.
Chandler: Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because its romantic, but because I can!
Phoebe: Whats the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandlers!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are having dinner with her parents.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, I should probably call them.
Chandler: Oh, I dont think I ever heard that story.
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
(The guys takes a hockey stick and slips it through the handles then proceeds to take the stereo and Chandlers computer and walk out.)
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Monica: What about when I started dating Chandler?
CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. (Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is examining the broken foosball table as Chandler enters from his room.]
Mrs. Geller: Well it was Chandler! We didnt think hed ever propose!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning from dinner, Rachel is already there.]
Chandler: Honey, its gonna be okay.
Chandler: So he has to be a male who has at least $50.
Chandler: Well, I have some.
Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that were gonna get married.
Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding!
Chandler: Well, youre not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the wedding?
Chandler: Yes, I am!
Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no.
Chandler: Maybe its the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.
Chandler: You are aware that shes not a monkey, right?
Chandler: Okay this is great, but Joey said he didn't want any of us out there.
Chandler: Ehh.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Yeah.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, yknow? Well pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Chandler: I love you so much.
Chandler: Sure you do.
Chandler: You sure?
Chandler: Oh yeah, totally!
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Chandler: Hey, you guys!
Chandler: So, what do you think?
Chandler: No I didnt!
Chandler: No!
Joey: Eyes! No, no. Your eyes! No. Chandlers eyes!
Chandler: Really?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Monica are all there as Chandler enters wearing glasses.]
Chandler: I got glasses!
Chandler: What we want honey.
Chandler: Thats okay Pheebs, were not having a party or anything, so you dont have to get us
Chandler: (sitting down on the arm of her chair) You didnt think I used to wear glasses, right?
Chandler: Hey! Hows the boat?!
Chandler: Our kids are gonna be fat arent they.
Chandler: Well, its good that you finally have a place to do that.
Chandler: Nothing, I just like to go like this. (Does it again.)
Chandler: Do you know what I was thinkin?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are there. He takes off his glasses and starts chewing on the ear piece.]
Chandler: Well, did-did you correct him?
Chandler: Then free as a bird. Whats up?
Ross: (entering from the bathrooms) Hey Chandler, what are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Oh no problem, maybe Ill play with my left hand.
Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and Im sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.