words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.) Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Chandler: Yes please.
Chandler: He's a he?
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Chandler: You did?
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey, gorgeous.
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?
Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
Joey: (entering with Chandler) Morning. We ready to go?
Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it?
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Chandler: Oh, no-
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
Ross: ...Chandler!
Chandler: Hey.
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Chandler: Who are those people?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
Chandler: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell: Hey, Chandler.
Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial Services?
Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Chandler: Really.
Chandler: So- you can tell?
Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Chandler: He is?
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
Chandler: Hey, look, what do you want from me?
Chandler: I am pretending.
Chandler: Can I sleep on your couch?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Phoebe are still working on his interviewing techniques.]
Monica: Hi Chandler. It's really nice to see you (rolls her eyes) NOT. (she and Rachel giggle a little and Chandler looks unimpressed)
Chandler: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.
Chandler: Ohh, she's-she's not really my type.
Chandler: Where did you, when did you, how did you... (Joey hits the back of Chandler's head) How did you get a girl like that?
Chandler: Okay, but that's, like, the easiest era.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandlers knees. Chandlers ankles. Chandlers ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, youre all set.
Chandler: Hi. You guys have any wrapping paper?
Chandler: Well, I have a call in about that.
Chandler: It doesn't say that. Does it?
Chandler: Okay, all right, I'll just uh, make sure that uh, Joey gets her something really great.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is snoozing with Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal and Chandler and Monica come storming in.]
Ross: No Chandler, everything! Like stuff you like, stuff she likes, technique, stamina, girth....
Chandler: Yeah, I-I-I think so. (Pauses and thinks about it for a second) Yeah, I-I think so...
Chandler: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he, he got up y'know, and he just started like, (claps his hands) banging his hands together!
Ross: All right so, Chandler, from now on, dont give your boss a chance to get you. Y'know just ah, dont turn your back to him.
Chandler: Yeah, if that was true, gym class would've been a lot more interesting.
Chandler: Okay, so when do you want to go?
Chandler: (confused) Sure...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on the couch still doing the crossword. Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Rent?
Chandler: A pen.
Chandler: Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah!
Chandler: For three years?
Chandler: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay?
Chandler: Would you like me to write her a little poem as well?
Chandler: But if we win, we get your apartment.
Chandler: (interrupting) All right, hold on! If you win, we give up the birds.
[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating hes coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]
Chandler: Yes, it is, at Office Max.
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
Chandler: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, whatever...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel, Rachel is there, Chandler enters.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table and are still trying to decide what to do about Janice.]
Chandler: I got something for her. (Joey picks up the package, shakes it next to his ear, can't hear anything, switches ears, shakes it again.) It's a book!
Chandler: Where?
Chandler: No, it came out to an even twenty.
Chandler: She's really going to love this, you know? The bottom line is I want her to have it, even if I don't get to be the one who gives it to her.
Chandler: Thanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers, I'm gonna need them on my desk by nine o'clock.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
Chandler: (to Ross) All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. Id like know whether thats several big fish or just one big fish.
(Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe all stop dead in their tracks at the news.)
Monica: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident?
Chandler: Oh yeah? That's great!
Chandler: Hey, how'd it go? How'd she like the gift?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is there, Joey enters.]
Chandler: Oh, yeah... yeah.
Chandler: Happy birthday! I'm sorry.
Chandler: Hey! Happy birthday.
Chandler: No he didn't. [Moving it back.]
Kathy: Yeah. No, this is great. Thank you, Chandler. (They hug).
Chandler: Uh, the book?
Chandler: [to Kathy] Goodnight.
Chandler: What do you mean?
Chandler: Oh, uh, yeah... I just knew that sometimes when you're writing, you... you don't always know the exact time.
Chandler: Goodnight. (Goes to his room.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, he's my... he's my best friend.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]
Chandler: (rushing up) Hey-Hey-Hey! Who was that?
Chandler: Wait! Youre going out with Kathy!
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Chandler: All right! Bring it on, you
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh my God! Play!
Chandler: You mean like, music?
Chandler: Come in!
Chandler: I don't know... um, Grease?
[Scene: The conference room in Tulsa again, Chandler is trying to evade Wendy]
Chandler: What happened?
Chandler: Joey! Joey!!
Chandler: Why cant you tell her?
Chandler: I thought your time ran out.
Chandler: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining!
Chandler: Yeah, I think it is!
Chandler: Really, bitchin!
Chandler: Really?! You do that?
Chandler: So I guess its just uh, you and me then.
[Cut to later, Kathy is cutting Chandlers hair.]
Chandler: Hey its Joey!
Chandler: Kay.
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands her the phone.)
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Yeah. Yes! Yeah.
Chandler: Okay.
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
Chandler: Oh.
Chandler: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation?
Chandler: Ooh! Yes! Okay! Heres what we do, we-we forget it happened.
Chandler: Okay. (Starts jumping around.)
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: No-no-no-no, this is bad! Its bad! This is bad!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.]
Kathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you
Chandler: I-I think we have too.
Chandler: I have to; hes my best friend, and youre seeing him.
Chandler: What-what cha doin?