words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.) Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Chandler: Yes please.
Chandler: He's a he?
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Chandler: You did?
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey, gorgeous.
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?
Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
Joey: (entering with Chandler) Morning. We ready to go?
Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it?
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Chandler: Oh, no-
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
Ross: ...Chandler!
Chandler: Hey.
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Chandler: Who are those people?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
Chandler: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell: Hey, Chandler.
Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial Services?
Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Chandler: Really.
Chandler: So- you can tell?
Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Chandler: He is?
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
Rachel: (thinks then gasps) Chandler M. Bing?
Chandler: Why am I hearing cheering?
[Scene: Chandlers Office, Bob is ransacking Chandlers office.]
Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars.
Bob: I just found out this is Chandlers office! Come on Toby, give me a hand!
Chandler: (entering) Bob. Bob! Bob!!! (He turns around) What the hell are you doing?!
Chandler: Youre an actor!
Chandler: Football? Just football?
Chandler: I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke! Joke! Joke!
Chandler: How is that me?
Chandler: When have I ever done that?!
Joey: Yes I did! Im Chandler. (Looks at Chandler) Dude, what happened?
Phoebe: (To Chandler) That is so you!
Chandler: Wow! I dont have the worst costume anymore!
Chandler: Maybe, isnt she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud?
Chandler: You know me sir. Oh ah, I do have a question for ya. Do you know how I get around the office computer network so I can access the really good Internet porn?
Monica: Oh really? Okay? Well what would you say if I told you that, yknow, Ross or Chandler could beat you up?
Chandler: Oh! Hi!
Chandler: (To Ross) Marry her.
Chandler: What question?
[Cut to Mona and Ross walking past Chandler.]
Chandler: Oh really?! You think youre stronger? Why dont you prove it? (He pushes Ross who starts to fall backwards until Mona catches him.)
Chandler: (To Monica) You picked Ross?!
Chandler: Theres no question.
Chandler: I cannot believe you didnt pick me.
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Chandler: (To Ross) Youre going down.
Chandler: Well, you know what they say, elephants never forget. (Monica is not amused by that statement.) Seriously, good luck marrying me.
Chandler: That means nothing to me. (To Ross) Come on!
Ross: (To Chandler) So, you gettin tired?
Chandler: God, Im exhausted.
Chandler: And dignity.
Chandler: Nope! I can do this all day.
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
Chandler: Youre Spudnik.
Chandler: Fine. (He lets Ross win.) Oh no!
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandlers, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
Chandler: No, I let him winRoss!
Chandler: Would you tell her I let you win please?
Chandler: I am strong! Ill show you! (He sits down at the table.)
Chandler: Listen, Ive got a secret for ya. I let him win.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
Monica: Chandler please!
Chandler: Hey.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is sitting in the living room as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Oh whats the matter? Are you scared?
Chandler: I got a maid. Yay!
Chandler: No, it wasnt you.
Chandler: Yknow uh, I didnt actually do this.
Chandler: Uh honey, I know you dont like to relinquish control
Chandler: Whats the matter?
Chandler: Yes, I distinctly remember cause I thought it was a joke. Now just give her a chance, okay?
Chandler: You like the Purple Rain display! (A guy walks up.) Hey Bob.
Chandler: Because if I go home, were gonna become the Bings! I cant be the Bings!
Monica: (To Chandler) I love her.
Chandler: Honey, isnt it possible that the company that sold the jeans made more than just the one pair?
Chandler: See? I told you.
Chandler: (pause) What?
Chandler: Were on a semi-first name basis.
Chandler: She mustve been planning this for years!
Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!
(They start to fight with Ross pulling on Chandlers ears and Chandler hitting Ross over the head with his carrot.)
Joey: (laughs) No. But I got Knicks tickets for you, me, and Chandler.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is running up the stairs and towards his apartment, but Joey is taking out the garbage at the same time and stops him in the hall.]
Richard: Oh, Im sorry. (Introduces them.) Lisa, (nodding at each) Monica, Chandler. We used to date.
Chandler: How come?
Chandler: To see her pants?
Chandler: (entering) Hi!
Chandler: Are you sure? Did you see the stain?
Chandler: Oh dear God!
Chandler: Heres another plan No!
Chandler: And yet you dont recognize that youre crazy.
Chandler: Why?
Chandler: You see that?
Chandler: You need new clothes.
Joey: Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.
Chandler: Look, shes really nice. Okay? And she mentioned that she adored the way that you arranged the sponges.
Chandler: You do?
Chandler: Im leaning. This is where I lean.
Chandler: Her what?!!
Chandler: You had a bachelorette party?!
Chandler: You went home with the waitress.
Chandler: What the fu(beep)ck are you doing?!
Chandler: I don't know. I can't--I just, I can't get her out of my head. Y'know? I mean, I'm a very bad person. I'm a very, very bad person. I'm a horrible person. (he waits for a reaction, when he doesn't get one) No you're not Chandler! We still love you Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting with Mona.]
Chandler: Sleeping with somebody new, anxiety, panic, and Im afraid even more sweating.
Chandler: Well, you have to honest with her! Otherwise you may think that youre going down the same path, but youre really going down different ones.
Chandler: My God! You must be good in bed!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Honey! Thats crazy! I dont want you to get me a stripper
Chandler: Shes okay with Rachel and the baby?
Chandler: All right fine! But Im only doing this for you!
Chandler: And Joey.
[This starts a series of flashbacks beginning with Monica and Chandler in the waiting room in The One With the Birth.]
Chandler: What are you doing?
Chandler: Youre right, this is more fun.
Chandler: Okay. I cant believe tomorrows the big day.
Chandler: That was weird.
Chandler: Thats me.
Chandler: Yeah, yeah right over there.