words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.) Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Chandler: Yes please.
Chandler: He's a he?
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Chandler: You did?
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey, gorgeous.
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?
Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
Joey: (entering with Chandler) Morning. We ready to go?
Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it?
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Chandler: Oh, no-
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
Ross: ...Chandler!
Chandler: Hey.
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Chandler: Who are those people?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
Chandler: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell: Hey, Chandler.
Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial Services?
Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Chandler: Really.
Chandler: So- you can tell?
Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Chandler: He is?
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
Phoebe: Im just saying, get his number just in case. But no Chandler is in an accident and cant perform sexually and he would want you to take a lover to satisfy the needs that he can no longer fulfill.
CHANDLER: Alright, alright, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.
Chandler: Almost over man.
Chandler: Why am I looking?
(Joey and Chandler both run to shut off the tape.)
Chandler: (To Monica) Hey!
(Goes over to Chandler.)
Chandler: You ready?
Chandler: Let me see the earrings.
Chandler: Rachel got Ross the tuxedo that Val Kilmer wore in Batman. Okay Batman is so much cooler than James Bond!
(He turns to get his coat and Monica gives Rachel and Phoebe two thumbs up as Chandler walks over to Ross.)
Chandler: (To Ross) Thanks for picking out the earrings man.
Chandler: Hey man, what's up?
Chandler: (looking at them) They look great! Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?
Monica: Of course not. I mean gosh, Chandler what you did, it's, it's a wonderful thing and I really appreciate it. I know I have this weird thing where I want everything to be in the perfect place, but I'd never expect you to worry about that.
(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and hides behind Monica.)
Chandler: Yeah, yeah! Me too!
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: It is starting to get dark out there.
Ross: It's theChandler!!
Chandler: Your tax dollars?
(Chandler starts laughing at his joke.)
Joey: (dejected) Yeah okay. (To Chandler) Even though my tax dollars paid for this car.
Chandler: Oh the humanity.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I can't smell your sandwich?
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: You couldn't have at least changed your shirt.
Chandler: (leans in and takes a sniff of Joey's sandwich) Wow! That sandwich really does smell good.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross enter in sweats carrying rackets.]
Chandler: Y'know, when you say partner it doesn't sound cop. It, it sounds gay.
Chandler: How do you figure that?
Chandler: (To Monica) If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.
Chandler: I gotta check out this hot girl! (He heads to the window but realizes something, stops, turns and points at Monica.) There she is! (He dances over to her and kisses her.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Chandler: What's going on?
Chandler: (deadpan) Oh, hurry up. I want to sign that.
Chandler: That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?!
Chandler: Uh, HELLO!!
Chandler: (returning) Oh my God! (Storms out.)
Chandler: Who jumps at loud noises!
Chandler: Oh, I just went for a walk, around the living room. Whatever
Chandler: I do not hate Ross!
Chandler: What picture?
Chandler: You dove in front of Ross! Ross!
Chandler: Much sense?!
Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is (Goes and picks up the sandwich) the greatest sandwich in the world!
Chandler: Really?!
Chandler: I thought you were showing me how much you mean to me.
Chandler: So you didn't uh, choose Ross before me.
Chandler: (examining the hat) And the bunny got away. (Turns and starts looking for the bunny as Joey puts the hat on.)
Chandler: Thanks. (He grabs the sandwich.)
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Check it out! Cup hat! (Points to her hat.) Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! (Holds up one.)
(They all turn and look away. Suddenly a loud bang sounds out and in slow motion Joey slowly throws his body over Ross. Gary is shocked at what he sees while Chandler is obviously hurt.)
(Chandler takes a bite.)
Chandler: Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. (She starts to take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.
Joey: Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, (He unwraps the sandwich and holds it out for Chandler) here.
Chandler: You dont want to be guys, youd be all hairy and wouldnt live as long. (Starts to go to his bedroom)
Chandler: Hiya doin' pumpkin?
Chandler: Okay.
(Monica leaves and Chandler moves to talk to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Nope. (Chandler nods in agreement.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Gary, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there.]
Chandler: (terrified) Right, because it's fast. Because, it's so fast. It's fast!
Chandler: So, what are you gonna do?
Chandler: I'll try, but I'm not sure what good it would do, y'know? Because I'm a lot less afraid of commitment than I used to be.
Chandler: Me?! Why me?
Chandler: (starts to laugh, but then gets serious) So umm, you-you flirt with guys all the time?
Chandler: (pouting) It was a car backfire!
[Scene: the 5th Precinct, Gary's precinct, Chandler has come to talk to him about commitment. And as he's walking through the door he notices a couple of "Ladies of the night" sitting there. (If you know what I mean.)]
Chandler: Gary, I'm here to report a crime.
Gary: Hey Chandler, what are you doing here?
Chandler: Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)
Chandler: You mean scared.
Chandler: Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?
Chandler: Scared? Happy?
Gary: Chandler, what-what are you doing?
Chandler: Yeah, I think I do! Y'know what? You move in with her! You move in with her right now! Maybe I should in with Monica!
Chandler: (pause) Yeah, you're right about that.
Chandler: Were you're parents happy, or something?
Chandler: Wow, y'know when you say it, it doesn't sound so scary.
Chandler: I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!
Chandler: (entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!
Chandler: Yes I did, and I think you should do it.
Chandler: Im sorry. (Pause) If you ask me, I'd move in with him.
Chandler: Hi!
Gary: Hey Chandler.
Chandler: He's a great guy, y'know? And he loves you a lot, you are a very lucky lady.
Phoebe: Ohh!! God! (Gary enters and she sees him) Ooh! (To Chandler) Get out of here, good for nothing.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Four hours? You guys have been doing this for four hours?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]
Chandler: Hi.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen as Chandler enters.]
Monica: Chandler! Everyone--no one's eating my Tuscan finger food 'cause they're all filling up on Phoebe's snow cones!
Chandler: You're shooting with Althea?!
(As she walks away, Chandler mouths a scream to Monica. How motions and mouths, "It's okay, it's okay.")
Chandler: Not fun anymore?
Chandler: Oh that is over!
Chandler: You guys wanna eat here?