words in movies
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Ross, Chandler, and Joey are there eating pizza.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is up in arms about the Rachel/Julie situation.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]
ROSS: I know, I know, it's, it's almost...[turns around, sees Chandler and Joey] What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them?
[Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.]
[Chandler rips off the sheet of paper from the printer.]
RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
[Ross and Chandler stare angrily at Joey, who thinks he has come up with a good idea.]
[Chandler and Joey leave quickly.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]
[Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter, confused.]
Chandler: Heh.
Chandler: Thank you.
Ross: What? (Ross and Chandler don't know what to say, so there's an embarrassing long pause)
Chandler: What happened?
[Scene: Class of '91 reunion. Ross is walking angrily towards Chandler, who is talking to two other guys.]
(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and hides behind Monica.)
Chandler: I know, I hate being left out of things.
Chandler: Fine. We're just sitting here. Alone. Doing nothing. It's our rehearsal for tomorrow.
Chandler: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.
Chandler: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as he is me!
Ross: (to Chandler) Well, if Phoebe's choosing, then say hello to Mike's next groomsman.
(Cut to Chandler and Ross. Phoebe comes out of the ladies room and they run toward her.)
Chandler: (almost crying) I wouldn't know, I didn't make it! (they hug)
Chandler: Mike didn't tell you? You have to chose one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen fell out.
Chandler: No, Im not mocking you, (in a mocking voice) or you beautiful guest room. (Exits.)
Mike: Is that what you say to Chandler?
Chandler: Did I? Let's refresh. I believe what I said was that I could see your scalp.
Chandler: (Picks up the "Miss Congeniality" DVD) She's an FBI agent, posing as a beauty contestant.
Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his, smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his glass.)
Rachel: Well, Chandler said that it's really important to him too!
Chandler: By the way, that fight was totally arousing.
Ross: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is pacing and Rachel walks in.]
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window)
Chandler: How's it going?
Chandler: You too.
Chandler: You told us both we could be in the wedding? (they both stare at Rachel)
Chandler: I'm not supposed to tell you.
Chandler: (smiling to himself too) That's what I was doing too.
Chandler: Me too.
Chandler: Rach, Rach, knock knock.
(They walk passed each other, Ross towards the door, Chandler towards the counter, suddenly they turn around to face each other)
Chandler: I'll tell you at the wedding.
(Ross and Chandler look shocked)
Chandler: Well, it's just with uhm, work and the stress of adoption, we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
(Chandler lets her into the apartment and reveals that Monica is getting a massage from another woman.)
Chandler and Ross: I'll do it!
Chandler: So technically, would this person be in the wedding?
Ross: No, but Chandler, hello... Aren't you scared of dogs?
Chandler: I'm not scared. (moves towards Mike and Chappy) I'll just take little Chappy and... (he backs out) HE CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED.
Chandler: (quickly) I'll do it.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Hi new dad. (Chandler waves)
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Chandler: Oh yeah! (Monica walks outside)
Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?
(Cut to inside Central Perk where Rachel is helping Phoebe. Chandler and Monica enter.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
Chandler: Ready?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: You look beautiful.
Chandler: Wow! Aren't you gonna be cold?
Chandler: That really was an incredible wedding.
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe he hooked up with that hot girl he was talking to.
Chandler: So, where's Mike?
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Why are you wearing my apron?
Chandler: WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, BERT. EVERYTHNG'S FINE!!
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Chandler: Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? (she's not amused) No? Divorce?
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler and Monica are looking through some papers.]
Monica: I can't believe they called, and we're actually getting a baby. (she kisses Chandler)
Chandler: I'm so sorry...
Monica: (entering with Erica and Chandler) Hey you guys.
Chandler: Why would you say that?
Chandler: Monica. Calm, self.
Chandler: Ahh, do you have any coconut flavoured deities?
Chandler: Are you asking permission to break the pact?
Chandler: We are NOT signing those papers.
Chandler: The sheer volume, it was like flying with the Riddler!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters. Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns around, shocked.]
Chandler: You are going downer!
Monica: Oh, I'm glad. Listen, I want to apologize about Chandler, though. I just did not see this coming.
Chandler: That's great.
Chandler: Yeah, I've been to these places before, but I've never really seen them, you know.
Chandler: Oh, uhm, okay, uhm, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father?
Erica: Well, if there is anything else you wanna know... (Monica and Chandler look at each other)
Erica: Yeah... it's almost definitely him. (Monica and Chandler look confused now)
Erica: No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler)
Chandler: So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?
Chandler: I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.
(Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now)
Chandler: I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is.
Chandler: I dunno, aren't there tests for these things, right?
Chandler: Of course I'm awake. Assume from now on that I'm always awake! (He turns the light on)
Rachel: Oh-oh, Pottery Barn! (Grabs the aforementioned catalog and holds the rest back out to Chandler.) You can throw the rest away.
Chandler: Pff, easy for you to say, he's a father killer. He probably loves him mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says "mom" on his shovel-wielding arm!
Chandler: Hey! How was lunch?
Chandler: (struggling) Oh, really?
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
Chandler: Oh God! What was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?
Chandler: How do you know?
Chandler: Oh God. It's shovely-Joe, isn't it?
Chandler: O-okay. (steps closer to Monica and speaks softly) So, is she gonna take the test?
Chandler: All right, but you cant use that again for a whole year. Im in.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.]
CHANDLER: Very informative!
Chandler: You mean that Portuguese couple? Yeah, like you wouldn't have done it. (she shrugs)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are having a diner party with Phoebe and Mike.]
Chandler: A dinosaur died a million years ago?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler on their couch.]