words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there, Rachel is serving brownies.]
Chandler: I will have one. (Ross and him both take one.)
Chandler: Okay, Im not gonna have one.
Chandler: All right Ill have one. (he and Ross take another brownie,)
Chandler: See that is the problem with invisible dentists.
Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienists blouse.
Joey: (entering with Monica) Hey, is, is, is Chandler here?
Ross: What? (to Joey) So what are you going to do? I mean how, how are you going to tell Chandler?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, All are there except for Chandler.]
[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]
Chandler: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do you think these pearls are nice?
Chandler: Janices birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
Chandler: Thats a good idea, Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday. I would like to get her something serious.
Chandler: All right. Look, Im gonna go in here, and you dont buy me anything ever. (starts to go into the store)
Chandler: Why not?!
Chandler: What is the thing?
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Chandler: Well she, she wouldnt do that, shes with, shes with me.
Chandler: Yeah, well, youre wrong! Okay, youre wrong.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Chandler: Ah, I dont know, you tell me. Anything you ah, wanna tell me, because, if you ah, you should, if you, you would, tell me.
Chandler: You tell me! Maybe, its because I was just fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that was you!!
Chandler: All right!
Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.
Chandler: No! In his office! How many kisses were there?
Chandler: Wh-wh-why, wh-why, why, why was there kissing!? There should be no kissing!!
Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
[Cut to later, all except Chandler are staring out the window at Ugly Naked Guy.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing darts, as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: I talked to Janice.
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Chandler: I dont know, y'know. What, what, would you do?
Chandler: Come on, tell me.
Joey: All right, youre probably not gonna want to hear this but ah, if it was me, and this is just me, (Chandler gets ready to throw another dart) I would ah, I would bow out.
Chandler: What? (turns around quickly still ready to throw the dart and Joey quickly ducks and hides behind the chair) What are you, what are you talking about?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I dont wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know Youre the reason, you are the reason why their not together. and I hated that guy. And it didnt matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
Chandler: Yeah, well. Its the right thing to do.
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Chandler: Then dont leave me!
Chandler: Forget what I said, I was babbling! Pick me!
Chandler: No you dont! No, no, no, I say you have to give your divorce another chance.
Chandler: Ohhh. Dont go.
Janice: No, I-I-I gotta go. (she starts to walk away, but Chandler doesnt let her go.)
Chandler: No. No! No! No!
Chandler: I dont care! (turns around and to the people watching them) I dont care!!
Janice: Yeah, um, Im, Im leaving now. (tries to get her leg out of Chandlers grasp, she finally does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.)
Chandler: You cant leave! I have your shoe!
Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with one shoe)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is listening to a Lionel Richie album]
Chandler: (singing) Ill hold you close in my arms. (Phoebe enters) I cant resist your charms. And love....
Chandler and Phoebe: Ill be a fool for you. Im sure, you know I dont mind.
Chandler: (high pitched) No you know I dont mind.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yes! You mean the world the world to me. Oh...
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: Ive found.
Chandler and Phoebe: ...in you, my endless (Phoebe goes high pitched, Chandler goes low pitched) love. (they both look at each other.) My endless love. (once again they dont match tones, and they just look at each other)
Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqu� pose, at least for primetime TV.)
Chandler: (surprised) It is?
Chandler: Oh, no I don't.
Chandler: I did, but...
Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... (grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking.
Chandler: Call me!
Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Oh no, you see, actually it is.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Chandler is sitting on the table.]
Joey: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
Chandler: Hello Rachel.
Monica: That's weird. I've had the same number of beers as you and I don't feel anything at all. (Chandler approaches)
Woman: Chandler.
Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
(Chandler comes in.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.]
Chandler: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.
Monica: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years.
Chandler: So.... I quit.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know! (turns to Chandler) So, what do you think?
Chandler: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.
Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
(Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him)
Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream.
Chandler: Oh, dont worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody.
Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!
Chandler: Who are you going out with?
(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandler and all over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Monica, who sees Phoebe is double covered, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We see flying through the air, and then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again, then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at it in shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Rice (no offense to Jerry Rice), Rachel catches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Phoebe and Monica erupt in celebration.)
Chandler: And he's not speaking metaphorically.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.]
Chandler: Again?
Chandler: (smiling)....with??
Chandler: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.
Joey: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again.
Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again.
Chandler: Well?
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
Chandler: She gets crazy! This scar (points to his forehead) is from Pictionary!
Chandler: (walks away from window) OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.
Chandler: Last time I do that, I promise.
Chandler: This is great! (he presses a button on his intercom) Helen, could you come in here for a moment?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.]
(Chandler puts his face in his hands as Joey and Phoebe start to examine the trash.)
Chandler: Well, you know Phoebs. I don't know if it's your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a large portion of the day.
Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there except Chandler.]
Rachel: Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?
[ Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. Chandler, Monica and Emma are sitting on the floor, and Emma's stuffed animals are lined up in front of them.]
Chandler: Uh, no, I got to see Donald Trump waiting for an elevator.
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Chandler: This is unbelievable. Its been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, youd be looking like a ham right about now.
Chandler: Its Phoebe! Hi!
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?
Chandler: Look at this! (he opens the curtain to a view of New York City)
Chandler: Can we start over?
Chandler and Joey: No, no, no!
Chandler: Theyre twins!
[Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.]
Chandler: Your sister Ursula.
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh...
Chandler: Lets not do that any more.
Chandler: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?
Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing?
Chandler: Oh, you do? Because she said you guys havent talked in like years.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Aurora and Chandler are in bed in Chandler's room.]
Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!
Chandler: Oh, okay. Send her in.
[Scene : Chandler's Office, Chandler is working.]
Chandler: Hi, Nina. Come on in.
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
Chandler: Its not just that shes cute, okay. Its just that... shes really really cute.
Chandler: Hey, where you been?
Chandler: Score.
Chandler: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out.
Chandler: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.
Chandler: Okay, all right. I just spent the entire afternoon looking for a present for Kathy that would be better than the rabbit.
Joey: Come on you guys, we want you to know we're (His eye widen even more) very very sorry. (Monica and Chandler are now covering their eyes with their hands) (then to the others in the hall) Right guys?
Chandler: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you.
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler wakes up, and finds someone else's hand on his chest. He rolls over and is shocked to see Janice there.]
Chandler: Mr. D, hows it going, sir?
Chandler: And?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table staring at the phone as Monica enters.]
Chandler: So what does this mean?
Chandler: You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand!
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
Chandler: (Suddenly bright) Would you like to have dinner sometime?
Chandler: Well, you still havent taken down the Christmas lights.
[Scene: A Janitorial Closet, Monica and Chandler are emerging slowly.]
Chandler: Im just trying to find the right moment, you know?
Rachel and Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Well, I got a job interview. Its kinda a big deal too. Its a lot more money and Id be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring.
Chandler: You know, once youre inside, you dont have to knock any more.
Chandler: Pirates again?
Chandler: OK, is there a mute button on this woman?
Chandler: When we were?