words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Chandler knocks on the front door. Joey answers the door.]
Chandler: Hi, my names Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source?
Chandler: So, is Janine around?
Chandler: Can I check out what she did to my room?
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
Chandler: (The room is filled with flowers and a floral print sheet on the bed.) Oh my God. What is th its like a guy never lived in here. Look, youve got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. (Looking around the living room.) Its spreading already.
Chandler: (Picking up a pillow.) Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, youre going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.
Chandler: Yes talk to her. Be a man.
Chandler: Defend yourself.
Monica: Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle.
Chandler: Be right there sweetums. (Monica leaves. To Joey.) A totally different situation.
Chandler: Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary?
Chandler: Ohh, yeah.
Chandler: Thats weird. I dont think my boss likes me either.
Chandler: Yeah lets head off to work.
[Scene; Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch. Ross walks in.]
Chandler and Monica: Hey.
Chandler: You know Oh My God.
Chandler: (Sarcastically) Really.
Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old human teeth.
Chandler: No, no no no. Youll be fine. (turning to Monica) Hillarys bind, right?
Chandler: Yeah. (Rachel walks in.)
Chandler: What???
Chandler: I am proud of all my friends today.
Monica: My God, Rachel, I cant believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, Im so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.)
Chandler: Hi, Im Chandler. Your live-in boy
Monica: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. (Pointing to a picture of Ralph on a magazine,.)
Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, whos the silver fox?
[Scene: Chandlers and Monicas apartment, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table making potpourri sachets.]
Chandler: Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? Im going to go over to Joeys.
Chandler: Yes, but I feel like Ive really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think were two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.
Chandler: Nah, Nah, its okay. I feel like I need to be in guy place. You know, do kind of like a man thing.
Chandler: You know when guys hang out they dont just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?
Monica: When girls hang out, we dont have pillow fights in our underwear. (Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) Im sorry. We do. We do. I dont know why I said that.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are knitting at the kitchen counter.]
Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. Were knitting pot holders.
Chandler: No thanks, Josephine.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.]
Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if Oh my God!! Where are all the men???
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey and Monica are arranging flowers. Chandler walks in.]
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Joey: Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.)
Chandler: What is the matter with you ?!?
Chandler: Youre arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!
Chandler: Youre turning into a women.
Chandler: Now Ive upset you? What did I say?
Joey: Oh, come on! I wanna hear it! It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out!
(He gives the agent his ticket and walks onto the jetway. Janice walks over and looks out the window. Chandler walks back into the terminal and tries to walk right past Janice, but she sees him.)
[Cut to Chandlers bedroom.]
Chandler: Yknow, I cant believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on Im never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Oh-ho, yeah!
Rachel: Okay. (Joshua goes inside and to Chandler.) Every time.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Do we pay for this?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV, and we hear Mr. Treeger in the bathroom.]
Joey: (to Chandler) Why would he turn off the TV? (Chandler shrugs.)
Chandler: Like finding money with naked people on it!
Chandler: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours Im gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, Im gonna get so drunk, Im gonna wanna call Janice
Chandler: We still have porn.
Chandler: See, you think it's just a pen, but then you turn it over and it's also a clock.
Chandler: We dont know what could make this go away.
Chandler: And no one touches the air around the TV!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]
Chandler: Or a job where you dont have to carry a table.
Chandler: (watching TV, in fact, ER is on.) Nothing! It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming!
Ross: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.
(They both go to Chandlers bedroom to get his coat.)
Chandler: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Rosss! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Chandler: No. No, see when I first meet somebody its uh its mostly panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.
Chandler: Its the theme from Good Will Humping.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are busy unpacking.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Rachel is singing some kind of song.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there eating breakfast. Chandler is cleaning out his wallet.]
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) Good one.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: All right look, forget it, forget it. You told her you love her, its over.
Chandler: Oh Maria. You cant say no to her, shes like this lycra spandex covered gym treat.
(Joey holds his fist up, and Chandler gives him two thumbs up.)
Chandler: Whats the second part of your plan?
Chandler: Because then we would be the guys who turned off free porn.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Chandler: You put your fist through the wall?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is relating his recent conversation with Emily to the gang.]
Chandler: A place where no one will ever get out alive?
Janice: Although, maybe just... one last moment of weakness... (she kisses Chandler flat on the mouth. Chandler squirms. When she's finished, he looks at her lovingly but uneasily.) Goodbye Chandler Bing. (She leaves)
Chandler: Are we in London?
Monica: Oh, you came to tell him you love him! I knew it! (Points at Chandler) I was right! (Points to Emily) Im right, right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
(Kathys co-star rips her blouse off and buttons go flying into the audience, and one hits Ross. Chandlers mouth is on the floor.)
Nurse: Mr. Bing? (Chandler jumps up) Here you are! You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Yeah, Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just, came on!
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it?
Chandler: Yknow what, we have to turn off the porn.
Chandler: We have free porn here!!!
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
Chandler: All right, ready?
Chandler: Two.
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: Yeah, thats kinda a relief.
(Chandler turns off the porn and sets the remote down.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are trying to throw cards into a vase.]
Chandler: Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? (Thinks) Yemen. Thats right, yes, Im being transferred to Yemen!
Chandler: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though.
Chandler: Really? Worse than, "More turkey Mr. Chandler?"
Chandler: No. All right, yknow what, shes (Points to Janice) gonna think that Im handing you a credit card, but what Im really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Chandler: Mr. Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
Chandler: Hey! Do we have a baby name yet?
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
CHANDLER: Your just, your just clearly not familiar with our young persons vernacular. See, when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave them as well.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: And now youre giving me the message!
Chandler: Hi! Hi! Youre crazy! Okay? This is Emily. Emily is straight.
Joey: Chandler, if it really hurts that bad you should just tell her.
Phoebe: So, I decided Im definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
Chandler: Raymond Chandler.
Chandler: Wow, youre, youre right. I have a horrible, horrible name.
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with Joshua.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)
Chandler: All right ladies, heres what were gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandlers the king! Chandlers the king!"
Chandler: (to the ticket agent) American Express?
Chandler: They dont really talk to us about that kind of stuff. I can get you some free white out though.
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesnt mean anything.
Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Mrs. Bing: Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, its gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is attempting his pre-emptive strike.]
Chandler: Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.
CHANDLER: Where is she, Where is she? (grabs Rachel) Oh, hey, I have a question, where is she?
Chandler: I have no name.
Chandler: Its Clint! Clint!
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Chandler: No, no, youre right, it is a ridiculous name!
Chandler: Pregnant Woman Slays Four?
Chandler: Okay. Thanks.
Chandler: Bye, Pheebs!
Chandler: You wanna hug it out?