words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Chandler knocks on the front door. Joey answers the door.]
Chandler: Hi, my names Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source?
Chandler: So, is Janine around?
Chandler: Can I check out what she did to my room?
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
Chandler: (The room is filled with flowers and a floral print sheet on the bed.) Oh my God. What is th its like a guy never lived in here. Look, youve got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. (Looking around the living room.) Its spreading already.
Chandler: (Picking up a pillow.) Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, youre going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.
Chandler: Yes talk to her. Be a man.
Chandler: Defend yourself.
Monica: Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle.
Chandler: Be right there sweetums. (Monica leaves. To Joey.) A totally different situation.
Chandler: Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary?
Chandler: Ohh, yeah.
Chandler: Thats weird. I dont think my boss likes me either.
Chandler: Yeah lets head off to work.
[Scene; Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch. Ross walks in.]
Chandler and Monica: Hey.
Chandler: You know Oh My God.
Chandler: (Sarcastically) Really.
Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old human teeth.
Chandler: No, no no no. Youll be fine. (turning to Monica) Hillarys bind, right?
Chandler: Yeah. (Rachel walks in.)
Chandler: What???
Chandler: I am proud of all my friends today.
Monica: My God, Rachel, I cant believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, Im so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.)
Chandler: Hi, Im Chandler. Your live-in boy
Monica: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. (Pointing to a picture of Ralph on a magazine,.)
Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, whos the silver fox?
[Scene: Chandlers and Monicas apartment, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table making potpourri sachets.]
Chandler: Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? Im going to go over to Joeys.
Chandler: Yes, but I feel like Ive really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think were two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.
Chandler: Nah, Nah, its okay. I feel like I need to be in guy place. You know, do kind of like a man thing.
Chandler: You know when guys hang out they dont just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?
Monica: When girls hang out, we dont have pillow fights in our underwear. (Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) Im sorry. We do. We do. I dont know why I said that.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are knitting at the kitchen counter.]
Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. Were knitting pot holders.
Chandler: No thanks, Josephine.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.]
Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if Oh my God!! Where are all the men???
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey and Monica are arranging flowers. Chandler walks in.]
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Joey: Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.)
Chandler: What is the matter with you ?!?
Chandler: Youre arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!
Chandler: Youre turning into a women.
Chandler: Now Ive upset you? What did I say?
(Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)
Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.
Chandler: (to Mon) So, Zack's pretty nice, uh?
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Chandler: (he enters) Hey honey!
Chandler: Is Monica not here?
PHOE: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment]
Chandler: Oh... I don't know, I really don't think you're right for the part.
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
Chandler: Oh its been going on way to long now. Yknow, I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didnt say anything. And then the next time he said, "Hey Toby, do you want a donut?" And I-I wanted a donut. And now its five years later, the donuts gone and Im still Toby.
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as its a compliment.
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Monica: Uh, Chandler did! What does he want you to give up? Phoebe: A bunch of stuff. And the worst one... he wants me to get rid of Gladys.
Chandler: Joe, I told you, you're just not right for the part.
Chandler: Hey you guys.
Chandler: Joe...
Chandler: Fine!
Chandler: Work, Joe!
Chandler: Hey, I'm sorry, I should have given you guys my black book when I got married! Although it wasn't so much a book as a... napkin. With Janice's phone number on it.
Chandler (to Rachel): What am I gonna do now?
Chandler: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
[Scene: Chandler walks into Joey's apartment]
Chandler: (looks surprised) What!? Of course I did!
Chandler: I'm not lying to you, I watched it!
Chandler: (now yelling) (pretending to look shocked) I did!
Chandler: I watched it!
Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: (following him) I'm telling you, I watched the tape. (Reaches Joey's room and Joey slams the door in his face)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Rachel are talking.]
Chandler: What did I just say?
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
Rachel: Well, this is going well. (Chandler looks worried)
Chandler: Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?
Chandler: Yes, and I have to say, I am not just hurt. I am insulted. When I tell somebody I did something...
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
Chandler: He really is a chameleon.
Chandler: Look, I'm sorry I didn't give them your tape. And I promise, next time to submit you whether I think you are right for the part or not.
Chandler: Lying is wrong!
Chandler: I know. You're right. What's it gonna take for you to forgive me?
Joey: That's not the point Chandler. The point is that you lied.
Chandler: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall!
(we see Joey and Chandler standing there, and Chandler is wearing the blue Ichiban lipstick!)
Chandler: I'm a pretty little girl.
Chandler: Yeah, I miss that too. I tell you what; from now on well make time to hang out with each other.
Chandler: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression.
Chandler: That's funny, we were doing the same thing!
Chandler: Yeah it is really pricey. I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways!
(Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.)
Chandler: (to Ross) Maybe you do that next time you get married!
[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]
Chandler: (pointing at himself) Little people?
Chandler: What...? NO!
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.
Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.
Chandler: If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would have brought more pizza. (they all burst out in a thundering laugh)
Chandler: Ok, ok, here we go.
(Chandler hangs up and calls Monica who is reading a book on their sofa as the phone rings.)
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh-no-no-no! Dont! Dont! See-see, youre getting me confused, Im starting to urn.
Chandler: I don’t think you can do that!
Joey: Hey, finished my recommendation. (he hands it over to Chandler) Here. And I think you’ll be very, very happy. It’s the longest I ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
Chandler: But you already gave all your money to charity!
Chandler: (To Monica) Now all you have to do is just get through a little bit more, okay? Then we can put you in bed, okay? Just smile and dont talk to anyone.
Monica: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in.
Chandler: What?
[Chandler and Joey enter]
Chandler: Of course it was!
Chandler: RAT BASTARD!
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again)
Chandler: (nervous smile) You can't make this stuff up!
Chandler: What the hell are you doing?
Chandler: Well, we're not.
Monica: (To Chandler) What room should we see next?
Chandler: We don't have a code word.
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
Chandler: Ok!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch! (laughs nervously)
Chandler:(In a sarcastic "of course not"!-tone) No!
Laura: (embarrassed towards Chandler and Monica) Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
Joey: (to Chandler) Bert! Bert! Bert! Bert!
Chandler: I can explain... Joey...
(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)
Monica: Okay, weve been out here for two hours and we havent seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandlers getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.)
Chandler: Oh, that's really ok.
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
Joey: (to Chandler) Dude, Phoebes mom has got a huge peni...
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Chandler: Hey Joe! How's the second draft of the letter coming?
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
Chandler: Wrong number?
Chandler: That's great!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]