words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Chandler knocks on the front door. Joey answers the door.]
Chandler: Hi, my names Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source?
Chandler: So, is Janine around?
Chandler: Can I check out what she did to my room?
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
Chandler: (The room is filled with flowers and a floral print sheet on the bed.) Oh my God. What is th its like a guy never lived in here. Look, youve got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. (Looking around the living room.) Its spreading already.
Chandler: (Picking up a pillow.) Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, youre going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.
Chandler: Yes talk to her. Be a man.
Chandler: Defend yourself.
Monica: Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle.
Chandler: Be right there sweetums. (Monica leaves. To Joey.) A totally different situation.
Chandler: Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary?
Chandler: Ohh, yeah.
Chandler: Thats weird. I dont think my boss likes me either.
Chandler: Yeah lets head off to work.
[Scene; Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch. Ross walks in.]
Chandler and Monica: Hey.
Chandler: You know Oh My God.
Chandler: (Sarcastically) Really.
Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old human teeth.
Chandler: No, no no no. Youll be fine. (turning to Monica) Hillarys bind, right?
Chandler: Yeah. (Rachel walks in.)
Chandler: What???
Chandler: I am proud of all my friends today.
Monica: My God, Rachel, I cant believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, Im so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.)
Chandler: Hi, Im Chandler. Your live-in boy
Monica: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. (Pointing to a picture of Ralph on a magazine,.)
Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, whos the silver fox?
[Scene: Chandlers and Monicas apartment, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table making potpourri sachets.]
Chandler: Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? Im going to go over to Joeys.
Chandler: Yes, but I feel like Ive really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think were two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.
Chandler: Nah, Nah, its okay. I feel like I need to be in guy place. You know, do kind of like a man thing.
Chandler: You know when guys hang out they dont just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?
Monica: When girls hang out, we dont have pillow fights in our underwear. (Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) Im sorry. We do. We do. I dont know why I said that.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are knitting at the kitchen counter.]
Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. Were knitting pot holders.
Chandler: No thanks, Josephine.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.]
Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if Oh my God!! Where are all the men???
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey and Monica are arranging flowers. Chandler walks in.]
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Joey: Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.)
Chandler: What is the matter with you ?!?
Chandler: Youre arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!
Chandler: Youre turning into a women.
Chandler: Now Ive upset you? What did I say?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting with Mona.]
Chandler: Sleeping with somebody new, anxiety, panic, and Im afraid even more sweating.
Chandler: Well, you have to honest with her! Otherwise you may think that youre going down the same path, but youre really going down different ones.
Chandler: My God! You must be good in bed!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Honey! Thats crazy! I dont want you to get me a stripper
Chandler: Shes okay with Rachel and the baby?
Chandler: All right fine! But Im only doing this for you!
Chandler: And Joey.
[This starts a series of flashbacks beginning with Monica and Chandler in the waiting room in The One With the Birth.]
Chandler: What are you doing?
Chandler: Youre right, this is more fun.
Chandler: Okay. I cant believe tomorrows the big day.
Chandler: That was weird.
Chandler: Thats me.
Chandler: Yeah, yeah right over there.
Stripper: So which one of you lucky boys is Chandler?
Chandler: So shes a
Chandler: Aren't you supposed to be at an audition for another hour?
Chandler: Oh actually, Id rather you Yeah, go ahead. Were gonna have to burn that room down anyway.
Chandler: That is funny, maybe for my birthday shell murder someone.
Monica: (on phone) Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? (Listens) Okay, how about Sunday? (Listens) Okay umm, the week after that? (Listens) The week after that? (Listens) Yknow what Greg? Yknow what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny cant see that then (Listens) January 15th? (Chandler dances.) Well see you then! (Listens) Okay!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still deciding what to do about the hooker.]
Chandler: Why would she do that?
Chandler: (To Joey) In a minute? Whats gonna happen in a minute?!
Chandler: Why me?!
Chandler: This is the worst bachelor party ever!
Chandler: Well we we still hang out.
Chandler: You do it!
Chandler: Which is why you should do it.
Chandler: (Pause) Y'know, I-I can't really put a price on that Joe.
Chandler: Well yknow, things are different. Im Im married now.
Ross: Aw, yknow Yknow, maybe were-were just approaching this all wrong. If youre Chandler and-and you wanna hide, where is the last place on Earth people would think youd go?
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the gang is helping Ross move out by carrying boxes. Chandler has picked a particularly large and apparently heavy box, because he takes a running start at it and still can't budge it.]
Chandler: Monica! Wait!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the bachelor party has ended and Monica is trying to explain herself to Chandler.]
Chandler: (closing the box) Yknow what? Forget it! We are just hungry! We have not had lunch! We are just light-headed! So let us go out and have lunch and forget about the cheesecake.
Chandler: (puts on his crown) Carry on.
Chandler: This is about you and Richard. He's clearly not over you. He keeps a tape so he can... look at it whenever he wants.
Chandler: Yeah! Im just pretending to watch the game so I dont have to help out with stuff.
Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.
Chandler: I have no idea.
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandlers hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
Phoebe: Yeah, it all just came screaming back to me. (Monica exits.) (To Chandler) So hows the game?
(Phoebe joins Chandler on the couch as there is a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Monica: You wanna meet some people? This is uh; this is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Chandler: Im watching the game, but Im not deaf!
Chandler: Oh come on!
Chandler: (reading the ad) "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." Nice!
Chandler: Good game!
Chandler: Yeah. Solid effort. Solid effort.
Chandler: Treegers snaking the shower drain.
Monica: Chandler, this is not our problem. We've got each other. That's all that matters.
Chandler: (simultaneously) Detroit.
Joey: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything.
Monica: (laughs) This is Chandlers chicken. This is the turkey. (Sets down a huge turkey.)
Chandler: Yeah, oh, but I just keep picturing you rolling around with him with your cowboy boots in the air...
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
MONICA: With that moustache doesn't Chandler remind you of Aunt Sylvia?
Chandler: Dont worry, Im brave! I am brave! I I am brave! (They get to the door and Monica goes to open it.) No-no-no-no!! (He stops her.) (Through the door.) Can you tell me who is there please?
Chandler: Oh, good, good. Play more, 'cause I wanna see how it ends.
Cassie: I thought I heard voices. You must be Chandler.
Chandler: Well, she probably wasnt familiar with the process having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings!
Chandler: Did she look 16?
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Chandler: Whoho ho... Listen to the judgement from the porn star!
Chandler: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying on a pair of new boots as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Im gonna miss being able to afford food.
Chandler: She had a point. (Shows her the receipt.)
Chandler: I have you.
Chandler: Yeah well, too bad were gonna have to return them.
Chandler: No bunny at all!! Always no bunny at all!!!
Joey: Okay, heres a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler.
Chandler: Hey-hey.
Chandler: You can wear them with shorts on a street corner and earn the money to pay for them. (Goes and gets some coffee at the counter.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there as Monica enters.]
Chandler: (spinning around looking for him) I dont think you did a very thorough job!
Chandler: (returning to his seat) Hey!
Chandler: (opening the door) Whats wrong?
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: Oh relax man, relax. Youre looking a little flushed.
Chandler: Well, maybe since the age of 9, Frannies made some new friends.
Chandler: Oh dont forget, my office holiday party is tonight. (They go into the apartment.)
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
Chandler: (laughs) Well, don�t believe everything you hear, Ken. (both turning away to files) But yeah, that�s true. Alright, let�s get started, by take a look at last quarter�s figures. (The female next to Chandler starts smoking, towards her:) Ah, Claudia, aren�t you supposed to blow smoke up the bosses� ass?
Ross: (To Chandler) Dude, that reverse lay-up! Oh
Chandler: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!'
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
Chandler: Yknow, that party wasnt bad.
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Monica are walking down the sidewalk after his office holiday party.]
Chandler: Whats going on?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Hop on.
Chandler: Honey, I know youre in pain right now, but Im a little turned on.
Chandler: What honey, its like fifteen blocks to the subway. Lets go.
Chandler: Well, Im upsetfor you. I mean, having sex with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you. (He cant believe he just sad that.)