words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Chandler knocks on the front door. Joey answers the door.]
Chandler: Hi, my names Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source?
Chandler: So, is Janine around?
Chandler: Can I check out what she did to my room?
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
Chandler: (The room is filled with flowers and a floral print sheet on the bed.) Oh my God. What is th its like a guy never lived in here. Look, youve got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. (Looking around the living room.) Its spreading already.
Chandler: (Picking up a pillow.) Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, youre going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.
Chandler: Yes talk to her. Be a man.
Chandler: Defend yourself.
Monica: Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle.
Chandler: Be right there sweetums. (Monica leaves. To Joey.) A totally different situation.
Chandler: Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary?
Chandler: Ohh, yeah.
Chandler: Thats weird. I dont think my boss likes me either.
Chandler: Yeah lets head off to work.
[Scene; Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch. Ross walks in.]
Chandler and Monica: Hey.
Chandler: You know Oh My God.
Chandler: (Sarcastically) Really.
Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old human teeth.
Chandler: No, no no no. Youll be fine. (turning to Monica) Hillarys bind, right?
Chandler: Yeah. (Rachel walks in.)
Chandler: What???
Chandler: I am proud of all my friends today.
Monica: My God, Rachel, I cant believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, Im so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.)
Chandler: Hi, Im Chandler. Your live-in boy
Monica: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. (Pointing to a picture of Ralph on a magazine,.)
Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, whos the silver fox?
[Scene: Chandlers and Monicas apartment, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table making potpourri sachets.]
Chandler: Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? Im going to go over to Joeys.
Chandler: Yes, but I feel like Ive really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think were two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.
Chandler: Nah, Nah, its okay. I feel like I need to be in guy place. You know, do kind of like a man thing.
Chandler: You know when guys hang out they dont just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?
Monica: When girls hang out, we dont have pillow fights in our underwear. (Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) Im sorry. We do. We do. I dont know why I said that.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are knitting at the kitchen counter.]
Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. Were knitting pot holders.
Chandler: No thanks, Josephine.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.]
Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if Oh my God!! Where are all the men???
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey and Monica are arranging flowers. Chandler walks in.]
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Joey: Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.)
Chandler: What is the matter with you ?!?
Chandler: Youre arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!
Chandler: Youre turning into a women.
Chandler: Now Ive upset you? What did I say?
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Chandler: Bye!
Chandler: Have fun at church-camp!
[Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I know! You ready to trade?
Chandler: We could trade later.
Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.
(The nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler smile at each other.)
Joey: Im sending back all this stuff that Chandler bought out of guilt.
Chandler: Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
Chandler: Hey.
(Chandler enters carrying his daughter.)
Chandler: Yeah. It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.
Chandler: Her name is Erica.
(Joey stares at Chandler and Monica and finally puts two and two together. He gasps.)
Chandler: I love you.
Chandler: I have no idea what's going on, but I am excited!
(Monica and Chandler look shocked as Ross goes to leave.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler and Joey are there, packing the last boxes.]
(Monica and Chandler enter.)
Chandler: Really? You got us a chick and a duck?
(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)
Chandler: Oh, don't worry, we'll find them.
Chandler: We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand you were doing this.
Chandler: It's okay, it's just an egg roll.
Chandler: Alright.
Chandler: Well, that can't be good!
Chandler: How?
Chandler: Okay, let's find these birds.
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe.
Chandler: I know! It's.. It's the foosball table.
Chandler: No... It's all glued together.
Chandler: Joey, wait! The ball!
Phoebe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! (they all stop fighting, Chandler continues to dance.) Look what youre doing to Chandler!! (Chandler finally stops) (to Ross and Rachel) Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? (Ross starts to leave) You dont, all right you dont have to love each other, okay? You dont, you dont even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.
Chandler: Did that movie ever get made?
Chandler: Yeah, it's almost if Air Barbados doesn't care about your social life.
Chandler: What's the matter?
Chandler: I don't know. Except that, for one last time... (he touches the players as he says the following) Good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game.
Chandler: I understand.
Chandler: Well, I can't do it either.
Chandler: We have to bust it open, but neither of us can do it!
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
Chandler: That was... Impressive.
Chandler: Sorry about the table, man.
Chandler: Hey, you know what? Maybe we should keep them here with you.
Chandler: Well, at least we got these little guys out.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean we've got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd have their own room.
Chandler: I think there may be another reason. So, awkward hug or lame cool guy handshake?
Chandler: Well, at least the perfume is not mine, be thankful for that!
Chandler: Wow, this is weird.
(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)
Chandler: Oh, okay.
Chandler: Oh, it's gonna be okay.
(Chandler hugs her. Monica hugs Ross and Rachel as Chandler gets the stroller with the twins.)
Chandler: Sure. Where?
Phoebe: Ugh! I dont know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janices ex-husband, thats like betraying Chandler.
Chandler: If she asks, I protested a little, but ok!
Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebes secret?
Erica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D.
Chandler: Oh, you're definately not. I haven't cried like that in years.
[Scene: Monica's apartment continued... Phoebe, Chandler, Monica and Joey are sitting down and Ross is pacing up and down.]
Chandler: I know. See, yes. Thats Yasmine Bleeth, shes a completely different kind of chick. I love you both. But in very different ways.
Chandler: Hey! Monica can be cool and fun at organized indoor projects!
Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat noisily)...hi.
Chandler: And Milton Berle has a
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
Chandler: Would you get that please? People have been calling to congratulate me all day.
Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.
Monica and Chandler: OH GOD NO! Nope, no, no, no. No! No, no. Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO! (finally Monica concludes) No!
All: (subdued) Yay! (He motions for them to keep quiet, including Chandler who is still holding the lamp Ross handed him, before he goes off to talk to Emily in private.)
Chandler: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves!
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
[Scene: Guest room. Joey has his head wrapped in bubbled wrap and Chandler is punching him. Ross enters the room.]
Chandler: Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking. (Winks in a spy-type manner.)
Chandler: Will we love it so much with her next door? And she's gonna be louder out here too. Just the crickets and (apes Janice's voice) "Oh My God"!
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
CHANDLER: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.
(Chandler steps off the altar to greet his bride-to-be.)
Joey: Yeah. Well, so far yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this built up flirting energy and I don't know how to get rid of it. (Gives Chandler the "Joey-love," look.) How you doin?
Chandler: Shhhh! Shhhhh! Shhhhh! Shhhhh! (Walks backwards towards the door) I cant, I cant hear you. (He runs out)
Phoebe: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it wont work out.
Chandler: Well, its just the reason that Im asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable toI mean I really wanted too, but I couldnt . There huhhmm, there-there was an incident.
Chandler: Y'know what, hes right. Theres something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, a post-coital Monica and Chandler are recovering on the couch.]
Joey: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I dont know anything about technology! I cant even use Chandlers computer except to find porn! And-and thats only cause its right there when you turn it on!
Monica: Oh, well, I bought Chandler a five hundred dollar watch and he wrote me a rap song.
Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.
Chandler: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybodys allowed one mistake, right?
Phoebe: Thats right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know Ive had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And Im sure youve had them for us.
Chandler: Or facing a bitch of a commute.
Chandler: Tomorrow night is good. Tomorrow night is good, but uh, yknow what? Why put off something till tomorrow that you can do right now? (Laughs) Eldad come here! (He stands up from the next table.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]
Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. Im buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
Chandler: (Getting up and raising his fist in victory) Y-Y-YEEESSS! Make "groom" for Chandler.
Chandler: Jeez, man did you fall..(sees its a beautiful woman coming out of the mens room) Hi! So ah, did ya, did-did-did ya fall high?