words in movies
Chandler: Yeah. Hey, here's an idea, why don't we use our wedding china today?
Chandler: Honey, she keeps canceling on us, take the hint.
Chandler: What is the point of having them if we never use them?
Chandler: I will explain it to her.
Chandler: Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo hoo! TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives .
Chandler: Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives?
<Chandler grabs Joey's left arm and pushes the sleeve up>
Chandler: What are you going to do?
Chandler: Well you proved them wrong.
<Chandler nods and his eyes get big like he's saying 'what the hell'>
Monica: Careful. <hands Chandler a china plate> Careful. CAREFUL!
<Chandler is startled and nearly drops the plates.> Sorry.
Chandler: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise. <looks at china> hey wait a minute this isn't the china we picked out..
Chandler: Why?
Chandler: Oh suddenly, flowers are feminine? < Phoebe comes in>
Rachel: Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon.
<Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back>
Ross: Well we haven't offically asked them yet, but we would want Monica and Chandler.
Chandler: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.
Rachel: See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby.
Chandler: You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two.. that you two.... <starts to cry>
Amy: <points to Chandler> This guy? Seriously?
Chandler: No, if crazy plate lad.. <sees Monica frustrated at this comment> If Monica dies then I would get Emma, Right?
Chandler: Actually what?
Chandler: What?
<Chandler gives a look that says "Yeah!">
Chandler: So if Monica's not around, then I'm not good enough to raise Emma?
Chandler: Well what is wrong with me? Am I .. am I incomptent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you!
Chandler: Look, I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?
Chandler: Ok. So if we both had Emma and I die <knocks on table> she'd have to give her up.
Chandler: So.. let me get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma. Then my wife dies, then Emma the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me?
Monica opens her front door. Chandler is sitting in the hallway.
Chandler: Oh? Did somebody miss me? Is there a child to raise poorly?
Chandler: Yeah but they're right. I mean, I'm not a strong father figure and I never will be.
Chandler: Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it.
Chandler: Oh yeah, well can you picture me saying "Go to your room! You're grounded"?
Chandler: You said that to me last week.
Monica and Chandler come through the front door.
Ross comes out of the guest bedroom with the diaper bag and the car seat carrying thingy.. yeah.. thats the techinal term.. He goes to Chandler.
Chandler: Oh no thats okay, you're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings and I want you to know that when I die, you don't get Joey.
Chandler: Alright! That is it. This is our apartment and you can not behave this way. Now if you can't act your age then you shouldn't be here at all. Now those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones I picked out, but they're very important to Monica. I want you to apologize to her right now.
Chandler: Okay. Thats better. Now I want you to both apologize to each other and mean it.
Chandler: By the way, that fight was totally arousing.
Chandler: Oh yeah? Well thanks.
Chandler: Okay, but you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose.
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
Chandler: Nope...
Chandler: Yep...
Chandler: Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.
Chandler: Maybe not even then. (Joey walks in)
Phoebe: No problem! Next week: stealing... (Chandler walks away to store the box of broken china.)
Joey: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh? (Chandler walks back, looking angrily at Joey)
Joey: Oh, come on! I wanna hear it! It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out!
(He gives the agent his ticket and walks onto the jetway. Janice walks over and looks out the window. Chandler walks back into the terminal and tries to walk right past Janice, but she sees him.)
[Cut to Chandlers bedroom.]
Chandler: Yknow, I cant believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on Im never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Oh-ho, yeah!
Rachel: Okay. (Joshua goes inside and to Chandler.) Every time.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Do we pay for this?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV, and we hear Mr. Treeger in the bathroom.]
Joey: (to Chandler) Why would he turn off the TV? (Chandler shrugs.)
Chandler: Like finding money with naked people on it!
Chandler: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours Im gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, Im gonna get so drunk, Im gonna wanna call Janice
Chandler: We still have porn.
Chandler: See, you think it's just a pen, but then you turn it over and it's also a clock.
Chandler: We dont know what could make this go away.
Chandler: And no one touches the air around the TV!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]
Chandler: Or a job where you dont have to carry a table.
Chandler: (watching TV, in fact, ER is on.) Nothing! It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming!
Ross: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.
(They both go to Chandlers bedroom to get his coat.)
Chandler: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Rosss! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Chandler: No. No, see when I first meet somebody its uh its mostly panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.
Chandler: Its the theme from Good Will Humping.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are busy unpacking.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Rachel is singing some kind of song.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there eating breakfast. Chandler is cleaning out his wallet.]
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) Good one.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: All right look, forget it, forget it. You told her you love her, its over.
Chandler: Oh Maria. You cant say no to her, shes like this lycra spandex covered gym treat.
(Joey holds his fist up, and Chandler gives him two thumbs up.)
Chandler: Whats the second part of your plan?
Chandler: Because then we would be the guys who turned off free porn.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Chandler: You put your fist through the wall?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is relating his recent conversation with Emily to the gang.]
Chandler: A place where no one will ever get out alive?
Janice: Although, maybe just... one last moment of weakness... (she kisses Chandler flat on the mouth. Chandler squirms. When she's finished, he looks at her lovingly but uneasily.) Goodbye Chandler Bing. (She leaves)
Chandler: Are we in London?
Monica: Oh, you came to tell him you love him! I knew it! (Points at Chandler) I was right! (Points to Emily) Im right, right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
(Kathys co-star rips her blouse off and buttons go flying into the audience, and one hits Ross. Chandlers mouth is on the floor.)
Nurse: Mr. Bing? (Chandler jumps up) Here you are! You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Yeah, Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just, came on!
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it?
Chandler: Yknow what, we have to turn off the porn.
Chandler: We have free porn here!!!
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
Chandler: All right, ready?
Chandler: Two.
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: Yeah, thats kinda a relief.
(Chandler turns off the porn and sets the remote down.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are trying to throw cards into a vase.]
Chandler: Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? (Thinks) Yemen. Thats right, yes, Im being transferred to Yemen!
Chandler: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though.
Chandler: Really? Worse than, "More turkey Mr. Chandler?"
Chandler: No. All right, yknow what, shes (Points to Janice) gonna think that Im handing you a credit card, but what Im really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Chandler: Mr. Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
Chandler: Hey! Do we have a baby name yet?
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
CHANDLER: Your just, your just clearly not familiar with our young persons vernacular. See, when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave them as well.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: And now youre giving me the message!
Chandler: Hi! Hi! Youre crazy! Okay? This is Emily. Emily is straight.
Joey: Chandler, if it really hurts that bad you should just tell her.
Phoebe: So, I decided Im definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
Chandler: Raymond Chandler.
Chandler: Wow, youre, youre right. I have a horrible, horrible name.
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with Joshua.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)
Chandler: All right ladies, heres what were gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandlers the king! Chandlers the king!"
Chandler: (to the ticket agent) American Express?
Chandler: They dont really talk to us about that kind of stuff. I can get you some free white out though.
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesnt mean anything.
Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Mrs. Bing: Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, its gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is attempting his pre-emptive strike.]
Chandler: Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.
CHANDLER: Where is she, Where is she? (grabs Rachel) Oh, hey, I have a question, where is she?
Chandler: I have no name.
Chandler: Its Clint! Clint!
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Chandler: No, no, youre right, it is a ridiculous name!
Chandler: Pregnant Woman Slays Four?
Chandler: Okay. Thanks.
Chandler: Bye, Pheebs!
Chandler: You wanna hug it out?