words in movies
Chandler: Yeah. Hey, here's an idea, why don't we use our wedding china today?
Chandler: Honey, she keeps canceling on us, take the hint.
Chandler: What is the point of having them if we never use them?
Chandler: I will explain it to her.
Chandler: Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo hoo! TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives .
Chandler: Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives?
<Chandler grabs Joey's left arm and pushes the sleeve up>
Chandler: What are you going to do?
Chandler: Well you proved them wrong.
<Chandler nods and his eyes get big like he's saying 'what the hell'>
Monica: Careful. <hands Chandler a china plate> Careful. CAREFUL!
<Chandler is startled and nearly drops the plates.> Sorry.
Chandler: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise. <looks at china> hey wait a minute this isn't the china we picked out..
Chandler: Why?
Chandler: Oh suddenly, flowers are feminine? < Phoebe comes in>
Rachel: Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon.
<Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back>
Ross: Well we haven't offically asked them yet, but we would want Monica and Chandler.
Chandler: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.
Rachel: See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby.
Chandler: You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two.. that you two.... <starts to cry>
Amy: <points to Chandler> This guy? Seriously?
Chandler: No, if crazy plate lad.. <sees Monica frustrated at this comment> If Monica dies then I would get Emma, Right?
Chandler: Actually what?
Chandler: What?
<Chandler gives a look that says "Yeah!">
Chandler: So if Monica's not around, then I'm not good enough to raise Emma?
Chandler: Well what is wrong with me? Am I .. am I incomptent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you!
Chandler: Look, I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?
Chandler: Ok. So if we both had Emma and I die <knocks on table> she'd have to give her up.
Chandler: So.. let me get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma. Then my wife dies, then Emma the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me?
Monica opens her front door. Chandler is sitting in the hallway.
Chandler: Oh? Did somebody miss me? Is there a child to raise poorly?
Chandler: Yeah but they're right. I mean, I'm not a strong father figure and I never will be.
Chandler: Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it.
Chandler: Oh yeah, well can you picture me saying "Go to your room! You're grounded"?
Chandler: You said that to me last week.
Monica and Chandler come through the front door.
Ross comes out of the guest bedroom with the diaper bag and the car seat carrying thingy.. yeah.. thats the techinal term.. He goes to Chandler.
Chandler: Oh no thats okay, you're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings and I want you to know that when I die, you don't get Joey.
Chandler: Alright! That is it. This is our apartment and you can not behave this way. Now if you can't act your age then you shouldn't be here at all. Now those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones I picked out, but they're very important to Monica. I want you to apologize to her right now.
Chandler: Okay. Thats better. Now I want you to both apologize to each other and mean it.
Chandler: By the way, that fight was totally arousing.
Chandler: Oh yeah? Well thanks.
Chandler: Okay, but you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose.
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
Chandler: Nope...
Chandler: Yep...
Chandler: Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.
Chandler: Maybe not even then. (Joey walks in)
Phoebe: No problem! Next week: stealing... (Chandler walks away to store the box of broken china.)
Joey: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh? (Chandler walks back, looking angrily at Joey)
Chandler: I'm sure that would mean a lot to him. And if heaven has a door, I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it and listening intently.
Chandler: Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it could be a game room, yknow? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones!
Chandler: Hey, you cry every time somebody talks about Titanic!
CHANDLER: Becasue it reminded you of the way our forefathers used to bitch at each other?
Rachel: Theyre in Vermont!! How could this happen?! (She waves her arms franticly and hits Chandler.)
Chandler: Oh, thats fine! Go with your instincts, go with your instincts.
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas and the strip before we arrive at 4 Queens bar, where Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table waiting for the show to start.
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)
(She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the security camera and starts talking to it.)
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Chandler: (momentarily terrified) Maybe well have to listen and see!
Chandler: Where's your passport?
Chandler: (Reading) "Happy Birthday Peehe."
Chandler: Honey, there are like 20 tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler: Yeah, thats like the most ugliest dress Ive ever seen. Wh-why do you to return it?
Chandler: If you said, "Big lima bean, bubbling up." Would she understand the difference?
Joey and Chandler: Oh no-no-no! (Monica mutes the TV and they tentatively look behind them)
Chandler: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone.
Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The receptionist glares at him.)
Chandler: (at Janice's punching) Don't, don't! (looks disgusted)
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, yeah! I want you... I need you... I must have you Janice Litman Goralnik Neihosenstein.
Ross: Oh. Yeah. (Sarcastically) Uh Chandler let me win. No, Chandlers really strong. Oh my arm is so sore. Oh nurse! (Waddles over to Mona.)
Chandler: Guys are signing over their 401-Ks to me?
Chandler: Would you all stop yelling in our apartment! You are ruining moving day for us!
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]
Ross: (hands Chandler his pad and walks in) I want my turkey now!
Chandler: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)
Chandler: It is the softest hair! Touch it! (Both he and Monica do so.)
Chandler: Okay. (pause) And get ready to taste my very special cranberries. Or should I say... chanberries!
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers just after Monica has finished telling Chandler what happened.]
Chandler: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
Chandler: I'd love to, but it's 2300 hours and I'm about to have the most organized sex anyone's ever had.
Chandler: Oh, I loved the play. You were great, and Nick ditto. Clearly youre having sex with him.
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Chandler: I doubt that! Tell her about us last year.
CHANDLER: Hey, don't worry. I figure it'll be 2 hours to Phoebe's dad's house, they'll meet, they'll chat, they'll swap life stories, we'll still have plenty of time.
Chandler: First of all. Bravo. Uh, but I really don't think you're right for this. The part calls for a stuffy college professor.
Chandler: Shh! (To the guy behind the counter) Nice to see you again. (They tries to walk past him.)
Chandler: (reading the ad) Stunning entertainment center. Fine, (pause) fine Italian craftsmanship. (Joey is very proud of himself)
Joey: Hey Chandler! Yknow that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
Monica: (pleasantly surprised) Ping pong? (to Chandler) Honey, they have ping pong! Let's play!
Chandler: Oh, I wish Id know you were going to do that, I ordered Chinese.
Chandler: Nono, just you.
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Chandler: My chair. Now, if anybody asks, your name is Rosita! (He runs out the door, grabs the back of Rosita, and we can hear Joey and Rachel talking as they are coming up the stairs. Neither of them have reached the landing yet.)
(They both rejoice; Chandler is totally confused.)
Chandler: That’s sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption Lady.
Chandler: (pause) No, were still together. Yeah we went out for two summers, and then I broke up with her.
Rachel: (Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) "Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you."
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, umm when-when Monica and Chandler got engaged I started putting some stuff together, yknow just in case
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
Chandler: Ahh, Gepeto, $5,000 dollars? Are you insane?
Ross: Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!
Chandler: Unwilling to steal from work, interesting.
Phoebe: Okay, dont sweat it. (Looking around her.) Chandler is nowhere around so go ahead get it out of your system. That guys cute. (Points to a guy sitting behind Monica.)
(They go into the hallway and see Mr. Treeger watching one of New Yorks bravest breakdown Monica and Chandlers door with an ax.]
Chandler: (incredulous) Already?!
Chandler: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing.
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Chandler: I don’t know what you mean, giant talking cigarette! Oh, by the way, Phoebe called just as I was getting into Nancy’s car, so if she asks you, I was at work all day.
CHANDLER: See, this is the brilliance of the show. I say always keep them running. All the time, running. Run. Run Yasmine, run like the wind.
Chandler: Okay, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost it's feed! (He grabs their bags and sprints out.)
Chandler: Alright look, let's think about this, ok, do you really think that people are gonna stir up your family at this tragic time? That people are gonna post condolences on a website? This is not about people not caring that you're dead .This is about people not having a decent outlet for their grief.
Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
Chandler: Come on! I was there! (He's propped up with his hand on a statute of a naked guy. He winces and pulls his hand away.) I know he's the love of your life.
Chandler: Oh uh-uh, no-no-no-no-uh-uh. (He starts laughing, causing everyone else to laugh.)
Chandler: L-leaving my troubles behind?
Chandler: Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'!
Chandler: Well, of course I do! My good friend Joey over here. (Pats Joeys arm, Joey pats Chandlers shoulder, and Chandler motions for Joey to say the same about him.)
Chandler: [nodding, with mixed feelings] Aahhuuhhh....
Chandler: Y'know what I think it is? It's the fishnet stockings. Y'know? Whenever I see a girl in fishnet stockings it reminds me of my father in fishnet stockings.
Chandler: Where's Ross?
Chandler: (to Ross) Na ha ha... (to Chappy) Ne he he... (Ross moves Chappy to Chandler, who quickly backs away) Ah ah...
Chandler: So Ross, how was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with the flush of every toilet?
Monica: Oh no, it is okay, I mean as long as you know that Chandler and I are also very hot and fiery, just as hot as you! I mean our flame, whew, is on fire!
Chandler: (on the phone) Hello, this is Chandler Bing. Somebody just dropped off a handwritten recommendation letter, and.. (listens) Uh-huh... Uh-huh... okay... thank you. Good-bye. (hangs up looking very confused).
Chandler: Honey, I dont like baths! Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony?
Chandler: Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think youre chances are pretty good. (Eric offers to shake hands) All right. (Chandler hugs him.)
Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who everdid something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!!
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe it's because it smells a little weird. It's like old pumpkins or something.
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
Chandler: Well, thanks a lot for hookin me up Rach. I want you to know that I want you to attend our wedding as my guest.
Chandler: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! (To Phoebe) Theres no Anderson.
Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
Chandler: (joining them) Hey! Which ones my turkey burger?
Chandler: Monica and I are celebrating our ten-month anniversary, we've got reservations at Ja George.
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
(Chandler kneels down with his arms spread waiting for his hug.
Ross: Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.
Chandler: Damn! (stands up) The tailpipes not hot enough to light this!
Chandler: (coughing) Art lover!
Monica: (To Chandler) Shhhh!!!
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running.]
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
Chandler: Well, I did and it hurt. (they walk towards the bar) That's when I wrote the song: "Betrayal In The Common Room".
Chandler: The Hitlers will be so disappointed.
Chandler: Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentines Day gifts?
Joey: And while were down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! (Chandlers excited.) Oh, yknow what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order.