words in movies
The Director: Joe. Hows it going?
The Director: Tasty! Im really starting to feel like you guys have a history, its-its nice.
The Director: Yes?
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, hes good looking.
The Director: You guys make me fly! High! Okay, were gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.
The Director: (leaning in) Kate?
The Director: You ready to go?
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
The Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be
The Director: (answering the phone) Hello. Oh! Its you. Just ah, just one-one sec. (to Joey and Kate) I am going to take this call. When I continue, I hope that there will appear on stage this magical thing that in the theatre we call, committing to the moment! (He goes to take the call.)
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
[Scene: Casting Director #1s office, Joey is on his first audition. His partner is an 8-year-old boy.]
Director: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.
The Director: Kate Millers awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, youve ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mothers crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
The Director: Still rolling, annnnd action!
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
Director: No, that was clenching.
Director: Lose the robe.
Director: That would work.
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.
Casting Director No. 2: Next. (Joey walks onstage)
Joey: Oh, you know, the writing was good, and the director is good, and... and my co-star's good but they're not as good as me!
Casting Director No. 2: Name?
DIRECTOR: Cut.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
DIRECTOR: Cut.
Director: Lovely, just lovely.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
Director: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday.
Director: Have fun.
Director: All right, let's do it!
Director: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.
Director: No, no, no. What was that?
Director: Well, people!
The Director: (returning) Okay, Im afraid to say this, but lets pick it up where we left off.
Joey: Well Ahh, (he sees Kate and the director kissing) yeah! Yeah, sure, a drink sounds great.
Director: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
The Director: (stepping in) Excuse me. Excuse me. (to Kate) Sweetheart! (Kisses her.) Come! (They leave.)
The Director: All right, its time to act, my talking props. (Both Joey and Kate just look at each other.)
Stage Director: This will be your phone.
Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action....and cut. What was that?
Director: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and show them the combination.
Stage Director: Back on in 30 seconds people!
Stage Director: Well, here's your phone doctor. (She walks away.)
Stage Director: We're on in 3, 2, (points to Gary Collins.)
Stage Director: No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.
The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? Were ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby hes playing Vincent.
The Casting Director: Any time you're ready, Joey.
The Casting Director: (stopping him) I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse?
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
The Casting Director: Sure. What?
The Casting Director: Okay! Thank you! That was great!
The Casting Director: I think we've seen enough!
The Casting Director: Okay, anytime.
The Casting Director: Is there a problem?
The Casting Director: All right, let's try one.
The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
The Casting Director: Hmm, noodle soup.
The Casting Director: Okay. Let's do it again.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Casting Director #1: Whenever youre ready.
Rachel: Anyway, I'm going to be the coordinator of the woman's collection, I'll work right under the director, it's the perfect, perfect job for me!
Casting Director #2: No.
Casting Director #2: No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag.
[Scene: Casting Director #3s office, Joey is entering.]
Casting Director #1: Oh my God!!
Casting Director #3: You mean dying man?
The Director: All right, from the top.
The Director: And Action!
The Director: All right! Lets try this again! You ready Joe?
The Director: Uh sure.
The Director: Action!
The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
Director: Okay, everybody hold!
The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. (Some dude puts down a couple bowls of soup in front of them.)
Casting Director #1: Hold it. Im sorry, the surprise is a new swing set, if you could play it a little less intense?
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
Director: OK, everyone gather up.
Director: (To Joey) Okay, youre dancing with that girl over there.
Stage Director: No you answer it and take pledges.
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
The Casting Director: Okayyyy! Anddd, go!
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
Director: Really, ythink so? I dont..
(The director shakes his head.)
Director: Whats going on over here?
(When they finish, they walk over to the director)
Director: Oh no! You get up there and do that again exactly like that!
Director: Whats the matter with you? Get out of here!
Director: Okay, heres where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone thats a wrap!
Director: Cut!
(The director pushes the Tall Guy away)
Director: Alright were back! Ten seconds left here we go! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! (He continues to count as we hear Joey think)
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
The Director: Cut! Alex, remember youre supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?
The Director: Cut! That was great everybody! Thank you!
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.
Director: Uh, yeah. Now you guys dance over there, you guys over there, and I want you two right around here, and everyone else spread out.
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
The Director: Cut!