words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
(He does a kara-tay move to silence her, then answers the phone.)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Ross: Yeah. Right. Save it. I can do that. (Gets up and does a little kara-tay.)
Ross: She doesnt know she was fired yet, does she?
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah! Dont worry about me, Ill be fine! (Does a kara-tay move.)
Ross: Okay. (He does so.)
Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Chandler: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything.
Joey: All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!
Rachel: Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called, they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work?
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, thats not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and theres a concept you should really be familiar with. Its what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi.
Chandler: Because thats where Joey gave me some stuff to store that Ive never seen before in my life! Okay, that did not just happen! (He does a weird clicky motion with his fingers, that kinda hard to describe.)
(Ross turns his back on Paul and makes a I hate that guy face. Paul does the same thing.)
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
Chandler: (leans in and takes a sniff of Joey's sandwich) Wow! That sandwich really does smell good.
Ross: No, no. This will always be your place. It would be too sad. Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey?
Joey: All right, I have one question. What is the deal with this? (Imitates Ross's 'quiet down' maneuver, but does move his hands up and down he just flaps his hands as if he's waving good-bye.)
Phoebe: Tiger! (Joey moves his hand in an attempt to do the chord, in fact he does it with each name.) Dragon! Iceberg!! (He fails.) Joseph, did you even study at all last night?
Chandler: What does a guy have to do to be taken seriously around here?!
Chandler: No, Beth doesnt die, she doesnt die. Does she Rachel?
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Ross: All right here. Watch me execute the three Ps of championship play. Power. (swings the racquet) Precision. (swings the racquet.) and penache. (does a backswing and hits Sarah whos started up the stairs, knocking her down, they both watch in horror.)
Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.
Rachel: (stopping him) Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I (He tries to interrupt and tell her about the ink), hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir. (She storms out of his office.)
Chandler: I can see it now, "Look dad, its the Sphinx!" (Does that party noise again.)
Monica: Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser?
Erica: Reverend, can I ask? Does the bible say anything about adoption?
Phoebe: Well alright, looks like you guys have got it under control so Im just gonna go. (She gets up and Rachel looks at her, upset, and Monica just stares.) No! Really? Misery really does love company. All right! (She sits back down.)
Ross: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad.
Ross: Does she.
Phoebe: And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses? (He begrudgingly does so.)
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?
Rachel: Ooh, I have to go pack. (Gets up to do so.) It really does?
MR. GELLER: Judy, Judy, relax, this is our little harmonica we're talking about. We taught her well. Ten percent of your paycheck, where does it go?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?
Rachel: (does a retching sound) Wait a minute! Why dont you guys do something?!
Chandler: What does she do?
Chandler: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?"
Phoebe: Does, um, anyone wanna see?
Monica: How does she do that?
Ross: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch. (Does so.)
Ross: All right, you know that one was coming, but that doesnt mean you have unagi. (Does the finger thing.)
Dr. Baldhara: Does he, uh, fight with other animals?
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
Monica: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he tall? Short?
Phoebe: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?
Chandler: Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your touchy?
Rachel: Does it still hurt?
Monica: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun.
PHOEBE: With the web, the spider she dies, she does. She has babies and dies. It's like ya know, hey welcome home from the hospital, thud.
PHOEBE: Oh. Mine does. (singing) Stephanie knows all the chords. (makes a face)
Monica: Thats a good idea! I bet they have one of those wind machines! Yknow (Does the whole hair blowing in the wind model type poses.)
Phoebe: (walking over) Hey. Ursulas fianc�e is really sweet! Hes a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Yknow normally yknow, I dont like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Monica: (holding sandwich) Does anybody wanna split this with me?
Ross: Does it always, uh--?
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
Phoebe: It does! How would you feel if you couldnt share your cooking? Or-or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldnt teach us about dragons.
Rachel: (waitressing) Does anybody want anything else?
Doug: But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill. (Chandler does the laugh.)
Chandler: Does anyone else think David Copperfield is cute?
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
Joey: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?
Chandler: So what does this mean?
Rachel: Well Joey, youll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Yknow when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Yknow? So its sorta like (Does it, youll have to see it.)
Monica: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?
Phoebe: Does he know?
Ross: So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebes mom remind anyone of a cat?
Chandler: What does yours say Pheebs?
Rachel: What does she mean?
Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, Ill show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didnt see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, Ill slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow motion)
Chandler: Im sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why dont you uh, lift up your shirt? (He does.) Take a look at this kiddo. (Alex finally starts crying.) We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!
Rachel: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that?
Charlie: Mmh... he does have a pretty serious latex fetish.
Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?
Chandler: So what does this mean?
Monica: Well, you're... you're different funny... I mean, you're... you're more sarcastic a-a-and... well, he does... bits... and impressions... and... and limericks...
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
Monica: Does he not make enough money?
Carol: What does he look like?
Joey: He doesn't do much, does he?
Ross: I knew it! I knew it! I always knew she liked him! Y'know, shed say no, but here we are! Right? We just broke up, first thing she does!
Phoebe: Here, look, alright, does this help?
Joey: Uh, does it hurt?
Monica: But I figured, you know, that shouldn't change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are.
Joey: Hey, when the doctor does that hernia test...
(Ross does not approve of Chandler's daft theory.)
RACHEL: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.
Rachel: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened, so I just... (to Joey): W-well, what else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me?
Rachel: Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow...Oh, she sounded really weird, I gotta call Barry... (Does so, on phone) Hi, it's me, I just.. Mindy!! Mindy! Hi! No, I figured that's where you'd be!
Janice: Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I dont think youve met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologists office. Thank God for adult acne huh? (Does the laugh.)
STRANGER: Yeah, I'm looking for Phoebe, does she still live here?
Monica: Yeah? What does she think of your little science project?
RACHEL: So. I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie?
PHOEBE: Ok. Um, so does your guitar have a strap?
Monica: (gets up) OK, how does everybody like their burgers?
ROSS: So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?
MICH: Oh, that does sound. . .Ahh.
Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
{Note: Does anyone else want to smack Ross right about now? Raise your hands. Okay, put them down before you stink out the person next to you.}
Janice: Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him, Chandler used to be my little love muffin! (does her irritating laugh). So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too? Ooh! Are we gonna have a bidding war? I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie (playfully punches Chandler, who tries to get away from her)
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.) Ohh man! (Joey busts and loses all the money, but when the dealer starts to collect the cards Joey notices something.) Wait! (He holds his hand next to the dealer's hand.)
RTST: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?
(The group does the same horrible dance that Joey did earlier in the show, except they're all out of sync and they do the jazz hands at the end.)
Monica: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? (picks up the pan of badly burnt potatoes) Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one.