words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
(He does a kara-tay move to silence her, then answers the phone.)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Ross: Yeah. Right. Save it. I can do that. (Gets up and does a little kara-tay.)
Ross: She doesnt know she was fired yet, does she?
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah! Dont worry about me, Ill be fine! (Does a kara-tay move.)
Ross: Okay. (He does so.)
Chandler: Does it matter?!
Monica: (To Chandler) How does that laugh not give you a headache?
Ross: What?! What does he want?! I wasnt doing anything!
Monica: (laughs) I dont have anything like that, but let me go see if Rachel does.
Ross: LookOkay, Im just gonnaIm gonna have to go find him and bring him back! Okay? You-you make sure Monica does not find out, okay?
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you! (He does so and Rachel sits down on the couch.)
Rachel: (takes off her robe) Oh! Look what happened! {Don't get your hopes up guys, we only get to see her from the back or from the neck up. Its times like these I wish that the networks would broadcast some nudity other than Denis Franz's butt.} (In her head.) Huh, check me out! I'm in my kitchen naked! I'm picking up an orange. (Does so) I'm naked! (Goes into the living room) Lighting the candles, naked, and carefully. (She backs anything that might have a point like a candle on her body away.)
Monica: Wait a minute! So you told people I was pregnant?! (Flash) Does this look like a conversation that I want to remember?!
Policeman: And in the meantime you better let him drive. Does he have a license?
Ross: Okay. (Swallows hard.) Hop on Gert. (She does and Ross winces in pain.)
Chandler: Little?! You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up! (Does a dance of joy.) (Monica glares at him.) And now we're back.
{Transcribers Note: She puts the key into the ignition, which is on the left side of the steering wheel. Does anyone know why that is? Its a tradition left over from Porsches racing history. The worlds greatest endurance race is the 24 Hours of LeMans. Which is in France and runs for 24 hours straight from noon on Saturday through the dark of night and finishes at noon on Sunday. In the 60s LeMans had a unique start where the drivers would actually start the race outside of the car and across the track. At the start of the race, the drivers would run across the track, get in the car, buckle up, start the car, and drive off. Porsche wanted to reduce the amount of time that took. Since all cars to that point had the ignition switches on the right side of the steering wheel, that required the drivers to use their right hand to grab the seat-belts, put the car in gear and start it. The drivers left hand did nothing. Porsche in order to save a few seconds in a 24-hour race; moved the ignition switches to the left side of the steering wheel so that the driver could start the car with his left hand while grabbing the seat-belts with his right hand. Thats why every Porsche car built since then has the ignition on the left side of the steering wheel.}
Rachel: Yeah but, my assistant Tag does sit-ups in the office during lunch. Ohh! I could just spread him on a cracker.
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
(She does so.)
Rachel: Oh please. (He does so.)
(Dramatic music plays and Joey does a little Smell-the-fart acting.)
Rachel: Oh does it matter?! All that matters is that you look so handsome.
Erin: I really dont think he does. And yknow what? Maybe you guys could help clue him in. Yknow, tell him Im-Im not interested in a serious relationship or something.
Joey: Yeah, I-I-I'm down with that. (He turns back to the woman.) Okay, here goes. (Thinks.) How (Holds up his hand like an Indian) you (Points at her) a-doin'? (Does a little twisting motion with both hands and ends up pointing at her, he then winks. She smiles and waves again.) (To Monica) It worked! She's waving me over. (Towards the woman.) Okay, I-I-I'll be right over. Let's see, she's on the third floor
Ballerina: Thank you. (Does another ballerina move.)
Joey: When have I ever done that?! (And does the sound again.)
Rachel: Oh my God! Was she old? Does she have a view?
Phoebe: Sure it does. Yeah, yeah.
Joey: (eating) Huh. So then I can heat this up? (Goes and does so.)
Mona: Okay, I guess you can close the door now. (He does so and they kiss.)
Hooker: Oh God! Listen, I am this close to robbing you guys. (Does the close sign.)
Doug: Whats going on Bing? Does uh, your wife have a problem with me or something?
Phoebe: So, how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together?
Joey: Well it does when you combine it with, "This is so embarrassing, I just want to have a normal life!"
Chandler: Well, this does butch it up a bit.
Jim: Someone does. Me.
Ross: Well, uh, does she like you?
Joey: Does it really matter?
Rachel: Come on Ross give me the keys! Monica does not know what shes talking about! I am an excellent driver!
Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself.
(Elizabeth leaves and Ross starts to remove his clothing right there in the middle of the living room where someone can see him. Of course, someone almost does, but he hears a door opening and )
FBOB: OK, now before I go, does anybody else need to be picked up? [everyone raises their hands] I'm still gonna go.
Chandler: No. But Im sure (mimics Don) tomatoes does.
(He turns his back to Monica and does the international sign for big boobies again.)
(Chandler does so.)
Joey: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this. (Does this intense look where it looks like he's smelling a fart.)
Mr. Zelner: Please, come in. Have a seat. (She does so.)
Phoebe: See, that just means it's working. Does this hurt? (presses down elsewhere)
Phoebe: Oh, great! We couldnt keep our eyes off each other all night and then every once and a while yknow, hed kinda lean over and stroke my hair and touch my neck. (Does that to Monica.)
The Interviewer: So umm, now back to the show. How does it feel to have a huge gay fan base?
Chandler: What does a Wicked Wango card do?
Chandler: Goin out, huh? Wow! Wow! (Does a little celebration dance) So things didnt work out with Kathy, huh? Bummer.
Rachel: Im just kidding! You can go pee! (He does so in a hurry.)
Amy turns to Ross and Rachel: Why does she keep making that noise?
Phoebe: Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you? (Mimicking a heartbeat and tapping her chest.) Phoebe, Phoebe.
Joey: (standing behind her) Uh, you gotta press the button. (Does so.)
(Rachel motions for Ross to close the privacy screen, which he does.)
Phoebe: Wait, I think I know someone who does that.
Monica: Okay. (Does so.)
Rachel: Yeah, I know, I know, I know he does. But I have to tell him how I feel! He deserves to have all the information and then he can make an informed decision.
Monica: Does that sound like Janice?
Janice: Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.)
Chandler: Thats funny. Does it-does it hurt? Does the labor hurt?
Janice: I mean this is so great! Were gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.)
Chandler: What?! Why does she think that?
Phoebe: It really does how long do you think we have to stay?
Chandler: Does Ross know?
Phoebe: Although he does play with himself in his sleep.
Phoebe: Mike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have?
(He brings his hands in closer to his face then does it again.)
Rachel: Argh! Why does everything happen to me?!
Hayley: no that's just where you were going I just figured that I'd help you out, you don't seem like the kind of guy that does this very a lot.
Joey: Do you mind crouching down a little bit, so that I look taller? (Chandler does so) There you go. (And they walk down the red carpet.)
Phoebe: Concert. Yeah. That does put us in quite a pickle. Because you see Im very busy before and after the concert, and hes obviously busy during.
Phoebe: One really does have a stick up one�s ass. Doesn�t one?
(Chandler screams a little bit, then realises that he can spit out his gag. He does so with a Pouff!)
Ross: (To Katie) Yeah, Im just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. (Katie looks worried.) Yknow because of the Indiana Jones? (Katie laughs) Not-not because Im-Im into S&M. (Katies worried again.) Im not-Im not into anything weird. Yknow? Just-just normal sex. (Katie is uncomfortable.) So, Im gonna grab my coat. (Does so, leaving Katie and Rachel alone.)
Chandler: does what always have to be sharks.
Claudia: I�m sorry. Does the smoke bother you?
Rachel: Wow. She does that a lot!
Monica: What does she do there?
(She does so and it makes her look pregnant.)
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss]
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
Waiter: Er�does not.
Chandler: So, who does?
Monica: Does he?
Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; thats not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why dont we, why dont we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone.
Ross: Why does everyone keep saying that?
(Joey does the "plan-laugh.")
(She does so by taking off her jacket seductively, only she has trouble getting one hand out and slams the jacket on the chair angrily to remove it.)
Ross: Does it? Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that whole Does it? part just another glance.
Phoebe: Well, Ross does. What... You're - you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've - you've fixed him up with his perfect woman!
Joey: Make the transfer! (She does so)
Joey: It does?
Ross: Okay, what does it mean?
Chandler: Does that mean I get the good loving tonight?
Monica: Just double checking (does so)...no, no, no...(takes off a shoe and takes a ticket out of it) No!
Chandler: Okay, are you aware unagi (does the finger thing) is an eel?
Ross: Dad dad, please! As I was saying umm, Im Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and Im the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, shes the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if youd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple were here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Youre right! Go! (Monica starts to leave.) Go tell Chandler! Hurry before its too late! Wait no! (Monica stops.) Does this also mean putting out doesnt get you love? (Monica is shocked.)
Ross: Or you can sit with him on the front porch and make sure no one steals the trash cans. He does that every week too.
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
Ross: Wow. What does that mean?