words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
(He does a kara-tay move to silence her, then answers the phone.)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Ross: Yeah. Right. Save it. I can do that. (Gets up and does a little kara-tay.)
Ross: She doesnt know she was fired yet, does she?
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah! Dont worry about me, Ill be fine! (Does a kara-tay move.)
Ross: Okay. (He does so.)
Rachel: Why, does she have a bad personality?
Chandler: Yeah. Yeah, but it was a really, really long time ago! Does she still feel bad?
Ross: You know? Come to think of it, it does feel Rubella-like! (Walks back into his room.)
Rachel: Does it?
Rachel: So umm, does it?
Ross: (interrupting) No, Rach, no. I dont, I dont, I dont have to think about it, in fact, Ive decided, Ive decided that, that it.......does.
Ross: (finding the part) (looks up in disgust) It so does not!!!
Hypnosis Tape: Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.
MRS GREEN: This is so much fun, just the girls. You know what we should do? Does anybody have any marijuana?
Ross: It does. It really and truly does.
Rachel: Does it hurt?
Ross: (he takes a baby blue beret out of a shopping box and puts it on) How does this look?
(She exits and Phoebe goes over and sits down at the machine that works your shoulders and tries to do one, which she does, easily.)
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
Chandler: It doesn't say that. Does it?
MNCA: So, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? The ad wasn't too clear.
(Does a Mexican dancing-thing before going to the kitchen.)
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look. You just answer, it's just a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter?
Phoebe: Does Joey know?
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? (Joey makes an `I don't know' face, and looks to Chandler and Rachel, who're also stumped) Okay, no they don't.
Monica: So how does it look?
Joey: Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Yknow? The only problem is, Carls acting is (Does the international hand symbol for so-so.)
Tim: Here, let me help. (Does so.)
Rachel: No! (Joey sets his beer and bag of chips down and heads into his room.) Oh what does he know! Come on Rosita, us chichas got to stick together! (She tries pulling on the back of the chair, until the hinge breaks and the back falls off.) You bitch!
(In the meantime, Rachel has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front of Phoebe who walks through the mist and does a little spin.)
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
Hypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You dont need to smoke. Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.
Rachel: Well, so what does he do?
Monica: (getting up) All right, Im gonna go to work. Does anybody have a problem with that?
Rachel: What are you talking about, Ross, you just said that you read it twice! Look, y'know what, either it does or it doesnt, and if you have to even think about it...
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)
Monica: Okay. (She does so and starts to walk towards Joey to receive her pancakes.)
Joey: Ah-ha-ha, you guys owe me big time. (He walks into the kitchen and does a little dance step on the way.)
Rachel: Yeah, when were in the audience he doesnt talk to us, but he does wave.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! Im a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didnt even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and Im just, Im gonna do the same thing to you.
Ross: Well I didnt! I didnt propose! (Pause) Unless uh (Pause) Did I? I havent slept in forty hours and it does sound like something I would do.
Joey: Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's/Rachel's head away)
Rachel: Well, heres another question for ya. Uhh, do you know what that silver knob on the toilet does?
Monica: All right, Im gonna show you something a lot of guys dont know. Rach, give me that pad, please? (She does so and Monica starts drawing on it) All right. Now
Chandler: Really? He does? (taking the phone) Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks! (He hands the phone back and stubs out his cigarette.)
Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. (Joey walks out smiling to himself.)
(Chandler does so.)
Phoebe: Does anyone wanna watch TV?
Janice: Oh, look at us! Who wouldve thought that Cupid had a station at 14th Street Nails. (Does the laugh)
Chandler: Actually, can I get some hot water with a little lemon? I think I strained my voice screaming in there. Does it have to be so loud?
Monica: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.
Chandler: Does for me.
Monica: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
Ross: It does not!
(He does so, and immediately starts looking pathetic.)
Ross: Does that mean the same thing in England as it does in America?
(Joey does so, and they both start dancing. Treeger tries to spin Joey, but ends up throwing him into the door.)
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After shes gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Does it? part.)
Emily: He does that?!
Ross: What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?
Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?
Monica: Does she use the cups? Yes! I believe she does. Does she use the plates? Yes! I believe she does. (Looks at the wedding dress and stops.)
Rachel: Yknow, I gotta tell ya, this really does put in a better mood.
MNCA: Rach, does this have nonfat milk?
Rachel: No, just singing. (Does a little song.)
Monica: Myself. Yknow for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good thing, you get a check! (pause) My mom does it, I never realized it was weird.
Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, its-its so, its so totally like, "Whoa! Can we do this?" Yknow, I mean, but I mean it just feels right! Dont you think? It does! I mean, it just feels right, dont you think?
Emily: So what did he decide? Does your Uncle Nathan get an invite or not?
Ross: Yeah. (He does so and Phoebe hugs him.)
Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'?
Rachel: You all know? Does Ross know?
Phoebe: (Trying to get up.) Wait!! Where are you going?! What are you doing?! No!! Wait!! (Not able to get up.) God!! Why am I always pregnant when she does that?!
Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?
[Scene: Monas Apartment, she and her date are making out as Ross flips through a magazine while lying behind the couch and sees something that he likes. Meanwhile, Monas date takes off Rosss shirt and Mona throws it on the floor. While they start making out again, Ross tries to pull the rug the shirt is on over to him, but while he does that he moves the coffee table and it bumps into the couch.]
Ross: So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Y'know since I've been away at college.
Chandler: Does that room have a closet I can lock him in? (pause) We'll take it.
Rachel: Oh, how does he look? How does he look?
Rachel: So does it really hurt as bad as they say?
Monica: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads?
Monica: Come here. (He does, and they kiss.) Okay, be right back.
Phoebe: Oh no! Not that guy! He does look like him though.
Ross: How come? Everybody else does.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt eitherOoh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it.
(He does so.)
Joey: Hey! That must be why I got fired last week! Does this Orson Wells guy direct Burger King commercials?
Larry: This does. (Shows her his badge.)
Chandler: You mean this. (Does the maneuver perfectly.)
Ross: What difference does that make?!
Joey: Yeah, I like that. But no-no, how does that explain why Rachel found my underwear at your place?
Chandler: (admiring his work) This, this actually is a (Does the same gibberish word from before.)
Rachel: Well, uh, I-I don't know. See when-when you put it that way y'know it does sort of
Phoebe: Does it look like a urinal?
Phoebe: Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Ross: Thanks. (Gets up and as he does so, the sound returns. Without another word he heads into her bathroom.)
Phoebe: Does it look like an ashtray?
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point.
Chandler: Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? (Does his work laugh.) (To Monica) Please let them win!
(Chandler does a fake laugh.)
Chandler: Coffee in a fight! (Does the laugh again.)
Monica: Me and Chandler?! (Does her fake laugh.)
Chandler: Oh. (Does a double take when he realizes what she just said.)
Ross: Yeah? All right I'll call the airlines. (Picks up the phone and does so)
Phoebe: (seeing the look on Chandler's face) He-he does not like it! He hates it! He's in pain!
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?