words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
(He does a kara-tay move to silence her, then answers the phone.)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Ross: Yeah. Right. Save it. I can do that. (Gets up and does a little kara-tay.)
Ross: She doesnt know she was fired yet, does she?
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah! Dont worry about me, Ill be fine! (Does a kara-tay move.)
Ross: Okay. (He does so.)
(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)
Monica: Okay. (She does so and starts to walk towards Joey to receive her pancakes.)
Joey: Ah-ha-ha, you guys owe me big time. (He walks into the kitchen and does a little dance step on the way.)
Rachel: Yeah, when were in the audience he doesnt talk to us, but he does wave.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! Im a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didnt even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and Im just, Im gonna do the same thing to you.
Ross: Well I didnt! I didnt propose! (Pause) Unless uh (Pause) Did I? I havent slept in forty hours and it does sound like something I would do.
Joey: Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's/Rachel's head away)
Monica: All right, Im gonna show you something a lot of guys dont know. Rach, give me that pad, please? (She does so and Monica starts drawing on it) All right. Now
Chandler: Really? He does? (taking the phone) Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks! (He hands the phone back and stubs out his cigarette.)
Rachel: Well, heres another question for ya. Uhh, do you know what that silver knob on the toilet does?
Janice: Oh, look at us! Who wouldve thought that Cupid had a station at 14th Street Nails. (Does the laugh)
(Chandler does so.)
Chandler: Actually, can I get some hot water with a little lemon? I think I strained my voice screaming in there. Does it have to be so loud?
Phoebe: Does anyone wanna watch TV?
Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. (Joey walks out smiling to himself.)
Monica: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.
Monica: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
Chandler: Does for me.
(He does so, and immediately starts looking pathetic.)
Ross: Does that mean the same thing in England as it does in America?
(Joey does so, and they both start dancing. Treeger tries to spin Joey, but ends up throwing him into the door.)
Ross: It does not!
Emily: He does that?!
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After shes gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Does it? part.)
MNCA: Rach, does this have nonfat milk?
Rachel: No, just singing. (Does a little song.)
Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?
Monica: Does she use the cups? Yes! I believe she does. Does she use the plates? Yes! I believe she does. (Looks at the wedding dress and stops.)
Rachel: Yknow, I gotta tell ya, this really does put in a better mood.
Ross: What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?
Monica: Myself. Yknow for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good thing, you get a check! (pause) My mom does it, I never realized it was weird.
Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, its-its so, its so totally like, "Whoa! Can we do this?" Yknow, I mean, but I mean it just feels right! Dont you think? It does! I mean, it just feels right, dont you think?
Emily: So what did he decide? Does your Uncle Nathan get an invite or not?
Ross: Yeah. (He does so and Phoebe hugs him.)
Rachel: You all know? Does Ross know?
Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?
Phoebe: (Trying to get up.) Wait!! Where are you going?! What are you doing?! No!! Wait!! (Not able to get up.) God!! Why am I always pregnant when she does that?!
Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'?
Ross: So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Y'know since I've been away at college.
[Scene: Monas Apartment, she and her date are making out as Ross flips through a magazine while lying behind the couch and sees something that he likes. Meanwhile, Monas date takes off Rosss shirt and Mona throws it on the floor. While they start making out again, Ross tries to pull the rug the shirt is on over to him, but while he does that he moves the coffee table and it bumps into the couch.]
Rachel: So does it really hurt as bad as they say?
Rachel: Oh, how does he look? How does he look?
Monica: Come here. (He does, and they kiss.) Okay, be right back.
Chandler: Does that room have a closet I can lock him in? (pause) We'll take it.
Phoebe: Oh no! Not that guy! He does look like him though.
Monica: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads?
Ross: How come? Everybody else does.
(He does so.)
Larry: This does. (Shows her his badge.)
Joey: Hey! That must be why I got fired last week! Does this Orson Wells guy direct Burger King commercials?
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt eitherOoh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it.
Chandler: You mean this. (Does the maneuver perfectly.)
Chandler: (admiring his work) This, this actually is a (Does the same gibberish word from before.)
Joey: Yeah, I like that. But no-no, how does that explain why Rachel found my underwear at your place?
(Chandler does a fake laugh.)
Phoebe: Does it look like a urinal?
Phoebe: Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Ross: What difference does that make?!
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point.
Rachel: Well, uh, I-I don't know. See when-when you put it that way y'know it does sort of
Ross: Thanks. (Gets up and as he does so, the sound returns. Without another word he heads into her bathroom.)
Phoebe: Does it look like an ashtray?
Chandler: Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? (Does his work laugh.) (To Monica) Please let them win!
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?
Chandler: Coffee in a fight! (Does the laugh again.)
Ross: Yeah? All right I'll call the airlines. (Picks up the phone and does so)
Monica: Me and Chandler?! (Does her fake laugh.)
Chandler: Oh. (Does a double take when he realizes what she just said.)
Rachel: Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna go use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom. (Does so.)
Joey: Look Rach, my parents bought this fridge just after I was born, okay? Now, I have never had a problem with it. Then you show up and it breaks! What does that tell ya?
Phoebe: (seeing the look on Chandler's face) He-he does not like it! He hates it! He's in pain!
Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.)
The Salesman: Lets see, ahhh Where does the Pope live?
Joey: Shhh! This is a museum, no talking. Right down here, (Motions to a fossilised dinosaur foot.) we have a large foot. (Sees Ross working in one of the display cases.) Uhh, and over here we have Ross Geller. (Knocks on the glass) Everyone wave Hi to Ross. Ross is one of our most important scientists, look at him, hard at work. (Ross does the old "Putting a cigarette in your ear and pulling it out of your mouth trick.") Okay, moving right along. Come on.
Chandler: (notices something) Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? (Pause, no one speaks.) Someone comment on the pants!
Monica: I'm telling you, something's wrong! My brother does not stay out all night.
Rachel: (does Monica's) I know!
Joey: I do. Theres uh, lets see, Guy With a Mustache, Smokes-A-Lot Lady, Some Kids Ive Seen, and A Red-haired Guy Who Does Not Like To Be Called Rusty.
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Rachel: Hi, Im sorry Im late but I am ready, ready to talk you up! When does Lizs father get here?
Monica: (does Rachel's) Nooo!
Monica: My boyfriend really does have good taste!
Ross: If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine.
Ross: Yeah? Sometimes it's (Does the fist thing.)
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
Ross: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? (Pokes his eye)
Rachel: Oh my God! What does that thing do?
Chandler: What does it look like? I'm going home.
(She does so and it makes her look pregnant.)
Monica: This doesnt mean anything, does it?
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.)
Rachel: Nope! (She puts one in her mouth and spits it out, then does it again in another direction.)
Ross: (does so) Oohh, 23. (Rachel looks at him.) Which is what we play to at this casino! You win 10 dollars! (Holds out a ten.)
Phoebe: Thousands of times!! That doesnt make me sound too good does it?
(She does Ross's little gesture. In response Ross puts his hands behind his neck with his arms sticking straight out and starts flapping them together.)
Chandler: Double it! (He does.)
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Joey: No-no! No way! Joey Tribbiani does not take charity anymore.
Phoebe: Good thats a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? Yknow? Does Rachel move the phone pen?
Gary: Hey Joe does it have meatballs on it?