words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
(He does a kara-tay move to silence her, then answers the phone.)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Ross: Yeah. Right. Save it. I can do that. (Gets up and does a little kara-tay.)
Ross: She doesnt know she was fired yet, does she?
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah! Dont worry about me, Ill be fine! (Does a kara-tay move.)
Ross: Okay. (He does so.)
Joey: Shhh! This is a museum, no talking. Right down here, (Motions to a fossilised dinosaur foot.) we have a large foot. (Sees Ross working in one of the display cases.) Uhh, and over here we have Ross Geller. (Knocks on the glass) Everyone wave Hi to Ross. Ross is one of our most important scientists, look at him, hard at work. (Ross does the old "Putting a cigarette in your ear and pulling it out of your mouth trick.") Okay, moving right along. Come on.
Monica: I'm telling you, something's wrong! My brother does not stay out all night.
The Salesman: Lets see, ahhh Where does the Pope live?
Joey: I do. Theres uh, lets see, Guy With a Mustache, Smokes-A-Lot Lady, Some Kids Ive Seen, and A Red-haired Guy Who Does Not Like To Be Called Rusty.
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Rachel: Hi, Im sorry Im late but I am ready, ready to talk you up! When does Lizs father get here?
Rachel: (does Monica's) I know!
Monica: (does Rachel's) Nooo!
Monica: My boyfriend really does have good taste!
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
Ross: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? (Pokes his eye)
Rachel: Oh my God! What does that thing do?
Ross: If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine.
Ross: Yeah? Sometimes it's (Does the fist thing.)
(She does so and it makes her look pregnant.)
Chandler: What does it look like? I'm going home.
Rachel: Nope! (She puts one in her mouth and spits it out, then does it again in another direction.)
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.)
(She does Ross's little gesture. In response Ross puts his hands behind his neck with his arms sticking straight out and starts flapping them together.)
Monica: This doesnt mean anything, does it?
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Phoebe: Thousands of times!! That doesnt make me sound too good does it?
Ross: (does so) Oohh, 23. (Rachel looks at him.) Which is what we play to at this casino! You win 10 dollars! (Holds out a ten.)
Phoebe: Good thats a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? Yknow? Does Rachel move the phone pen?
Joey: No-no! No way! Joey Tribbiani does not take charity anymore.
Rachel: Yeah! Its an apothecary table. Does anyone even know what an apothecary is?
Chandler: Double it! (He does.)
Rachel: Ohh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?
Ross: Why does anyone have to be naked?
Mr. Geller: I always thought that too. Tell me, what does your father do?
Gary: Hey Joe does it have meatballs on it?
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Gary: Does it have melted cheese and marinara sauce?
Chandler: Well, why does she not want to hang out with us?!
Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
Ross: She does want to.
Rachel: Oh, she does want to.
(Chandler does the weird clicky thing again.)
Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. (Walks towards the door until )
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Ross: Hey does anyone have any gum?
Rachel: I am jealous of her?! I mean who does she think she is?! Princess Caroline?!
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
Chandler: Yes, it does bother me! And I think it would bother a lot of people. Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women?
Monica: Im just so excited to make the presents! (Chandler does another sarcastic/scared laugh and leaves.) Shoot!
Frank: Okay, so wait, all right, so how does that make things better?
PHOEBE: Does it matter? You're ultimately just gonna die or get divorced or have to blow your pets head off.
Chandler: I made a (Does one of those gibberish words.)
Rachel: How does going to a strip club help him better?
Joey: (to Carl) Pizza!! We like Pizza!! Get out!!! (Carl does so.)
Rachel: Ahhhhh, salmon skin roll. (She does the finger thing.)
Janice: Yeah, Im riding the alimony pony. (Does the now famous laugh.)
Janices Voice: (singing) Youre look for laughable (She does the now patented Janice laugh.)
Phoebe: That doesnt lock does it?
Janice: Yeah, um, Im, Im leaving now. (tries to get her leg out of Chandlers grasp, she finally does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.)
Monica: Does that smell bother you?
Fireman #2: Well someone does.
Ross: Yeah, how does Jason look in a v-neck?
Monica: Does Ralph mumble when youre not paying attention?
Rachel: But Joey, I dont think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)Or he does.
Chandler: Wait a minute, is she going for spring vacation or is she going for spring break? (Does a little whooping/party noise.)
(Rachel does so and its one of those dance party shows they have during spring break and we see )
(Chandler does this throat sound.)
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Ross: Oh yeah! Wasnt she uh (Does the international sign for big boobies.)
Joey: Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just uh, just stand up straight. (Does so.) Take a couple deep breaths. (Does so.) Look confident. (Does so as Rachel opens the door and startles him.)
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
Kristen: (To Chandler) Excuse me? (Chandler does the shy thing again.)
Rachel: I mean Ross all that does is remind us that you are interested in fossils.
Phoebe: (wearing a veil) Am I crazy or does this totally go?!
Chandler: (disgusted) What does it say?!
Paul: Yes it does.
Joey: (he stops screaming at action) "Take good care of your Momma son." (Again Alex does nothing.)
Chandler: Im not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday. (Does one of those Chandler noises.)
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in (sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
Chandler: Okay. (Starts running for the bedroom) Im gonna get the ring! Im gonna get the ring! (Does so) Im gonna go find her and (starts running for the door) Im just going to propose!
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
Monica: What does he think? Does he think Im just gonna wait around for nothing?
(Joey does the 232 divided by 13 bad news look.)
Rachel: So, does this (The dress) come in another color or (The store owner walks away.)
Joey: Sounds great! Okay all right, well where does this go? (The lamp hes holding.)
Richard: Oh, okay. Well, Ill just leave the door open and go sit on the couch. (Does so.)
Chandler: And what does she have to think about? I love her!
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Rachel: Ohh I mean two best friends falling in love, how often does that happen?
Chandler: And people say you dont pay attention. No, this is a much better job. Its vice-president of a company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies.
Phoebe: Yeah. And believe me, this suit does not do justice to whats underneath it.
Phoebe: (to the students) Oh, Im sorry. Im so rude. Does anyone want to come to the movies?
Monica: Ok, here we go. We need to sort out the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we've won. So does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? (doesn't let them answer) Ok, how about this: we divide them into 6 groups of 40, and the remaining 10 can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
Chandler: Okay. (Does The Face.)
Chandler: Does anybody know me?!
Rachel: Joey, come on! We just went over this! (She does it instead.)
(Chandler turns to the camera and does The Face.)
Chandler: Nothing, I just like to go like this. (Does it again.)
Joey: Does a good teacher say, "Put down the beer pinhead!?"
Chandler: All right, but I should warn you, Im not going. Im going. (Does The Face while saying that last part.)
Chandler: (awakens) Yeah! (Looks up and does The Face.)
Rachel: Why does it matter so much to you?!