words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
Monica: Myself. Yknow for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good thing, you get a check! (pause) My mom does it, I never realized it was weird.
(Chandler kneels down with his arms spread waiting for his hug.
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
Phoebe: So-so, what do you want for lunch?
Rachel: Phoebe, Im going to Rosss wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, Im still in love with him! I mean, hey, yknow, I like Ross as much as the next guy, yknow? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings dont mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesnt mean that-that Im still in love with him. Yknow? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love himOhh! Oh my God! Oh mywhy didnt you tell me?!!
The Vendor: So, what are you guys in the market for? Weve got uh, scarves, tulip post cards...
Joey: Well, I like it. Here you go. (He pays for the hat.)
Chandler: All right, look, youre not really gonna buy that are you? Dont you think youve embarrassed me enough for one day?
Ross: Hey! I just spoke to your dad, and you know what? He seems to think well be able to find a new place for the wedding.
Emily: No. But, Monica and I were talking, and-and I was so upset about the hall being knocked down, and she suggested that we put the wedding off for a bit.
Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didnt feel like getting up. Okay, Im gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And youre going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
Joey: Sh-shh-shh! (He motions for her to watch something he has taped.)
Housekeeper: This is the housekeeper speaking. And by the way, young lady, that is not how one addresses oneself on the telephone. First one identifies oneself and then asks for the person with whom one wishes to speak.
Phoebe: No no no, Ill be nice, I swear!!! Could you just give me the number for where they are?
Mr. Waltham: Terribly nice of you to offer to pay for half the wedding. (He hand a multipage bill to Jack.)
Mr. Geller: This bill for my half of the wedding. its insane.
Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Mr. Geller: Theres no way in hell, Im paying for it.
Mr. Geller: All-right fine, but I just want to say, Im not paying for your wine cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it werent for us, cheap little man. (Emilys stepmum looks shocked. Jack and Judy get up and leave.)
Chandler: Because hes crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Joey: Okay. (They both walk off to watch for Rachel.)
(Ross and chandler are standing next to the alter. Ross is practicing for the wedding.)
Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
[Scene: Joeys in the front entrance watching for Rachel. The bridesmaid he met at the rehearsal dinner come in.)
Mrs. Geller: Theres nothing to discuss. Were not paying for your wine cellar.
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joeys chest.) Joey theres a girl on the phone for you.
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this ones free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third ones free.
Chandler: Say, Joe, I had a strange idea of what we could do for our last night. What do you say we play a little uh, foosball for money?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, Ive done it for years. I actually stopped because I was so accurate. Yknow, and-and yknow, one of the great joys of life is its-its wondrous unpredictability. Yknow? And also tea tends to give me the trots.
Ross: Hey Joe, while youre over there how about another beer for the Ross-A-Tron?
Monica: Yknow what? Youre right, Im sorry. Actually you were a big help tonight. Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab and making sure she got to the hotel safely.
Chandler: Okay! (They kiss) So, what do you girls have planned for tonight?
Chandler: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is eating breakfast, Ross is heading for the bathroom.]
[Scene: A Gym, Pete is training for the Ultimate Fighting Championship, with his trainer, Hoshi.]
Phoebe: Hurry! Monicas gonna make you pack! Shes got jobs for everyone! Now, its too late for me, but save your selves! (The guys scramble for the door.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And thats the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joeys or Monica and Rachels, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachels. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.]
Ross: Ah, no Mon, Dad had to buy everyone of your boxes because you ate them all. But ah, y'know Im sure thats not gonna happen this time, why dont I put you down for three of the mint treasures and just a couple of the Rudolphs.
Monica: Chandler! You don't have to ask for my permission. (Quietly) You can go.
Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter (Good for her) but Okay, why not?
Ross: Thank you for bringing her into our lives.
Phoebe: Oh, my first massage today is this incredibly gorgeous guy, and every time I see him I just want to do things to him that Im not allowed to charge for.
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Rachel: Hey Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?
Janine: Hey Joey, I got some beer for you.
Monica: Is it okay for me to come in now?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, okay. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume! (turns to look at Monica and Rachel who look like they feel very sorry for the stripper)
Joey: Yeah, for sure. Okay. Probably want the first thing to be, never open your eyes. Y'know, because you dont want to be doing something and then look up and see something you dont want to be seeing.
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
Joey: Listen uh, Im really sorry, it looks like Im gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasnt there!
Joey: All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. (Starts for his room.) Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!!
Ursula: Well, then who's been dead for five years?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rosss bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.]
Rachel: You dont tell a guy that youre looking for a serious relationship! You dont tell the guy that! Now you scared him away!
(They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)
Emily: (with her coat on, shes leaving with Ross) Thank you so much for this. It was really so thoughtful of you.
(Joey is bent over at the waist and is looking for something under Monica's bed.)
Phoebe: Just for a second.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its 0-Dark:30, in other words its really, really early. Everyones asleep, and all through the apartments not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. That is except for the chick, who turns out to be a rooster and is crowing in the sun. Needless to say, this awakens Monica and Rachel who rush into their living room, searching for the cause of the sound.]
Ross: I-I, did that for you.
Rachel: Fine! I judged you. I made a snap judgement. But you did it too! And you are worse because you are sticking to your stupid snap judgement! You can't even open up your mind for a second to see if you're wrong! What does that say about you?
Phoebe: (noticing a guy sitting by the green post looking at her) Oh wait a second you guys for the last couple weeks Ive been that guy everywhere I go. We take the same bus. We go to the same bookstore, the same dry cleaners; maybe hes the tea guy. (He gets up to leave, and smiles at Phoebe.)
Monica: All right, come on, I'm-I'm late for work!
Phoebe: Ive never been more convinced of your love for her.
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Chandler: This is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for.
Ross: For real?
Janine: Are you guys going to Chandlers for Thanksgiving?
Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board.
Rachel: So, if-if I mess this up, theres nothing else for dessert?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not" with the petals of a flower, alternately looking hopeful and annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as herself, for she has changed the style of her hair and make-up to match that of her twin sister. She hangs up her coat, revealing her new cardigan. Nervously, she smooths out the identifying garment, approaching Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]
Mr. Geller: Monica, all this food looks wonderful, you should think about doing this for a living.
Phoebe: So-so how long did that last for you and Chandler?
Joey: (pause) For just you?
Rachel: Awww, no, it's okay, we've actually known for a while.
Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, lets plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Yknow what, I want you to take the chef job.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for Rachels baby shower.]
Phoebe: Thats right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know Ive had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And Im sure youve had them for us.
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Joey: Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, (He unwraps the sandwich and holds it out for Chandler) here.
Ross: Okay, come on! (blows on the dice) Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! (They all look at him, and he shuts up and rolls the dice.) (he moves his piece) Okay. (reading a card) Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and lets see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.
Rachel: (worried and shocked) Yeah, sure Mr. Zelner, for you anythingminute. Okay. Fine. (To Tag) Abort the plan, abort the plan. (She start to usher Tag out.)
Joey: Ross! Can I talk to you for a second?
[From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.]
Ross: Hey Rach, can I talk to you outside for a second?
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.
Joey: I'm mad at you for leaving! You're nothing but a big leaver. Big leaver with a stupid suitcase.
Joey: Thats what that was?! Cause that other thing? I thought you were on to something, but it did nothing for me.
Chandler: Yeah, Im not gonna pay for those acting classes anymore.
Ross: Look Chandler, Monica is really weird about this kind stuff all right. Believe me, I lived with her for 16 years. She is going to freak out. Oh my God, she's going to sit on you.
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Rachel: Yeah, I feel kinda bad for them, but Im also really psyched cause I dont have to move in here!
[Scene: Kathys play, Ross and Chandler are waiting for her in the lobby after the play.]
Helena: Well I wouldnt miss it for the world. Oh! Im getting all misty here! Youd think I was having my legs waxed or something. (Goes back on stage.)
[Rachel reaches for Rosss plate]
Ross: (just trying to get out of the conversation) Ah well, cant blame a guy for trying!
Doug: (entering) Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. Y'know, I feel sorry for it if it ever got in a fight, it's not strong enough to defend itself. (Chandler does not laugh.) Did you hear what I said Bing?
Monica: Ross hasnt worked at the museum for a year!
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Ross: No! No! (Grabs his coat) No! (Grabs a shoe.) No-no-no-no. (Grabs the other one and heads for the door.)
Chandler: No, I have a great idea for a present for her.
Phoebe: Ooh, whos it for?
Rachel: Chandler, arent you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
Chandler: Oh right, your allergies. (Monica leaves and to the chick and duck) All her, she hates you. (Chandler leaves without finishing the message for Joey.)
Chandler: Those are my gifts, I got them for you.
Rachel: Yes, okay, oh, by the way, I just gotta say, I think it's really nice of you that even after you've moved, you still keep storing that stuff for Joey!
Ross: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross!!
Chandler: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.
Chandler: Yes, and while I'm doing that, Ross has a great computer story for you.
Rachel: Oh, this ones for me!
Phoebe: Oh, this ones for Chandler. Here.
Phoebe: And the big ones for me!
Chandler: Yes, if the presents are hidden south for the winter.
Phoebe: (Hugging her again.) Youve lasted a whole year. Good for you.
Joey: Home sweet home, huh? Nice to, uh, get back to reality. Plus we know how the New Years gonna go off. I guess theres no reason for all that Y2K panic, yknow? Anyway, gnight!
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I dont, I dont know. But, y'know what, maybe its just all for the best?
Chandler: So shes just waiting over there for ya?
Rachel: Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {Its a good thing Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they were written on a sign.}(The happy couple emerges.) Congratulations. (To the best man and maid of honor) Mazel Tov! (The rabbi emerges.) Hi! Oh, great hat. (Hes wearing an interesting hat and she takes him over to talk.) Listen umm, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that?
Monica:: Here why don't you sit down, get yourself comfortable because I. (Monica shows him the tape then puts it in) have a little surprise for you.
Joey: Hey! I made that for her!
Phoebe: Look Eric, turn around. (He does so.) Look, I like you, but it shouldnt be this hard. Yknow? This is our first date yknow? First dates are supposed to be about excitement and electricity and Ooh, he just touched my hand, did he mean to touch my hand? and yknow first kisses and (He kisses her) second kisses. (Motions for him to kiss her again which he does and they start to make out.)
Chandler: (To Monica) So you came to the room looking for Joey? Did you ever in-intend on telling me about this?
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.