words in movies
Monica: Joe... Emus are birds. You raise them for meat.
Rachel: Uh, he took the SAT's for me.
[Scene: Richard's apartment. There's a knock on the door.The listing agent opens the door for Chandler and Joey.]
Joey: Well, you seem pretty insulted by that. What? I'm not good enough for you?
Phoebe: (no accent) Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... (frowns are received) which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... (everyone in the room finds it a bit surreal, which Phoebe realises and starts to talk in the accent again) So... where does everyone summer?
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
Phoebe: Yeah... Oh Bitsy, hi. Uhm... listen I just wanted to thank you again for having me here tonight.
Chandler: Then you're gonna have to watch it for me.
Chandler: Just for a few seconds, so I can know what it is... Please?
Joey: Yeah, see... you were all worried for nothing.
Chandler: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... (Chandler walks to the fridge, his back turned to the TV and a moaning sound replaces the cheering of the crowd... Joey's eyes double in size...) What the... (Chandler turns around, but Joey already took a sprint for Chandler, jumps, and floors Chandler in the open space in front of the apartment door...) What are you doing?
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Rachel: Okay... aahhh... Please laugh for mommy... Please? Please laugh for mommy... (Rachel makes a funny face, sticking her tongue out, making a farting noise and using her hands as antlers, wiggling her fingers... No response from Emma...) Not funny huh? Oh so, is it... only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause mommy can rap... (Rachel tries to rap and makes weird movements with her arms in the process.) My name is mommy and I'm here to say / that all the babies are... Oh, I can't rap... Allright sweetheart... This is only because I love you so much, and I know that you're not gonna tell anybody... (Rachel's face is telling "Oh what am I doing? The things I have to go through... and she starts to rap) I like... big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... / when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face... (Emma starts to laugh) Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! Oohhhhh! Oh! (Rachel now really gets into it, and her insecure movements start getting better) I like big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... Oh Emma you're laughing! Oh you are, you really do like big butts, don't you. Oh you beautiful little weirdo... (Rachel picks up Emma and Ross now enters)
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, no... That's okay, that's okay... I mean, I'm... I am a vegetarian... except for veal... Yeah no, veal I love...
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Monica: Isn't that sad? I mean, can you see how pathetic that is? You shouldn't be jealous. You should feel bad for him.
Monica: I-It's just so insulting! Big spring for a new blank tape, Doctor!
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...
Mike: Mom, dad, thanks for dinner.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Emma is in her bed and Ross and Rachel are rapping and dancing for her.]
Phoebe: Oh she was looking for you.
[That's all folks, no teaser; just the big cliffhanger for season 6. Yes, there will be a season 6, and it'll start again in September. Have a good summer everyone!]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is setting a romantic dinner for Susan as there is a knock on the door.]
Lauren: Ive been waiting up all night for ya. Where have you been? (Joey doesnt answer) Where have you been? Vic?!
[Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren offices, Kims waiting for it. The door opens and Rachel is inside.]
Dennis Phillips: Oh my God, that was for my benefit?
(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)
Gunther: That guy (points) has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! Hes complained about you three times! (He hands the coffee cup to Joey, assuming that Joey will deliver it and walks away.)
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
Monica: We didnt get anything for anyone.
Ross: (moves closer) All Im saying is, its one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I dont know, like a (turns and puts his face close to Rachels and screams) surprise!!
Joey: Whoa, for like months?
Ross: Please, help me! I have a date tonight. It has to go well okayIm scared for my health!
Kristen: I studied for a year in Barcelona. (Ross is stunned and worried.)
Monica: Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when youre on a date and youre getting along really great but the guys translator keeps getting in the way.
Ross: I dont want people to see it for your sake.
Ross: (on tape) Yeah. (Pause) Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best.
Tim: Actually shes my-my boss. Sous is French for under.
Monica: All right, all right! Lets just cut to the chase, okay? (To Phoebe) Youre single. (To Tim) Youre single. (To Phoebe) He gets off work at eleven. (To Tim) Shell be waiting for your call. (To Phoebe) Ill give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! (Everyone in the kitchen stops.) I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar.
Ross: Im, Im sorry you didnt get to go to Spacecamp, and Im hoping that maybe somehow, this may make up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttles Private Very Special Spacecamp!! (opens the door and Chandler and Joey jump up, their apartment is decorated like outer space, one of the leather chairs is covered in tinfoil.)
Monica: Okay well then, Ill fire him today and you go out with him for another week.
Rachel: Yeah. Why? Is that weird for you?
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas and the strip before we arrive at 4 Queens bar, where Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table waiting for the show to start.
Joey: And just wait for Rachel to come back from her date?
[Scene: Outside Chandlers Office, Chandler is just about to go into his office when Bob calls for him from behind.]
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is waiting for Tim who enters.]
Tim: Oh its great! Its great! Thank you so much for introducing us!
Phoebe: Im sorry, Im justIm Im just not ready for a relationship right now.
Phoebe: Oh thats good, the chemistry thing for us too.
Ross: Sure! Uh, let me get it for ya.
Phoebe: Huh. Okay. Well, Im really happy for you. (Starts to walk away.)
Ursula: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date and Joey is reading a magazine.]
Phoebe: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Ross: It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!
Joey: What?! All rightHey! Dont look at me! Youre the one who wanted to come up and look for some stupid Burger King comet!
Phoebe: No Im having fun. Im reallyAnd Im really-really excited for you and Ursula.
Joey: Will you relax?! What are you taking this so seriously for? It doesnt matter.
Phoebe: Huh? (Ursula motions for Phoebe to keep quiet.)
Rachel: Oh Gunther! You brought candy! Thank you so much for picking this up! You are so sweet.
Monica: Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Lets kill um!
Ross: Look this is starting to look really bad for me. Okay? Mona, Monas standing right over there. (Looks behind him.) Oh God, shes talking to Joey! You gotta let me win!
Phoebe: Okay Ive got one for you, if you had too which one would you rather eat, a seeing eye dog or a talking gorilla?
Eric: I think well be okay. Besides its so perfect and (whispering) shes been saving herself for me.
Man: Well I actually, I-I really, I haven't seen her for years. But umm, well I-I was pretty tight with-with her and her daughter.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, after the party. Everyone has left, except for the gang.]
Chandler: Listen, Ive got a secret for ya. I let him win.
Monica: Oh, relinquish is just a fancy word for lose!
Eric: Oh, I have a friend whos a cop and he got it for me.
Phoebe: No! Wait! I was just saying that so youd think I was a good person. Fight for me.
Eric: Uhh, I wont take no for an answer.
Ross: So apparently Im available for lunch.
Ross: Hey, yknow what and if youre looking for a place? I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died.
[Scene: Grammercy Bistero, Ross and Kristen are waiting for their table to be ready. Ross is returning from talking to the matired.]
Chandler: She mustve been planning this for years!
Monica: I have been looking for them all week and she is wearing them!
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
Phoebe: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. (on the phone in a different voice) 'Hi, this is Katelynn, from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.'
JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
Joey: (laughs) No. But I got Knicks tickets for you, me, and Chandler.
Ross: Its not for me, its for Rachel.
JOEY: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the expressway but uh, this time of day you're better off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day. [gets up and leaves]
(Brenda bends down to use the dustpan and Monica leans over to look for the stain, but leans so far over she falls out of the chair.)
Rachel: Oh but Joey, I have to go. Theres no room for a baby here.
Karin: Actually, Im dating at all anymore. See, I figured out that I was only dating guys that were like yknow bad for me, so until I work that out
Joey: Yknow I blame Ross for this.
Phoebe: No, I got in trouble for that before. Ill see you later.
Eric: Yeah. (They hug.) Maybe its for the best. You smell just like her.
(Rachel waves her hands in disgust and starts to head for her room.)
Rachel: No Phoebe! I just need you there for support. I havent told him Im pregnant yet.
Ross: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.
Rachel: Oh its umm, its tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is cleaning the apartment for Monica and is frustrated with things not lining up.]
Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)
Chandler: All right fine! But Im only doing this for you!
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Ross: Yknow this is actually not a great time for me.
Monica: Yeah! Hey! Thanks for getting me that girls number.
JOEY: Great, well, I'm happy for ya. [picks up the orange juice carton and it's empty] Alright that's it. He just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his, his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.
Stu: No problem. So whos the party for?
PHOEBE: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws like. . .
Rachel: Oh is it?! (She answers the cute guys phone.) Uhh, hello? (On her phone) Yes hi, is Rachel there? (On the other phone) Yes she is, just one moment please. (To Phoebe, holding out both phones.) Its for me!
Estelle: (on the other end) Joe! Im glad I found ya, I got an audition for ya!
Joey: Oh, did I not mention? Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project.
Ross: Thank you so much for coming back over.
Ross: Should I leave this open for you too?
Phoebe: Its slang for pregnant.
Melissa: You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, whats up with you?!
Joey: (laughing) You fall for it every time!
Monica: Anyway, it just doesnt seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay? Its a lot of work.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Chandler: That is funny, maybe for my birthday shell murder someone.
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Rachel: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that Im real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school
Will: Yes he was. (Holds up his hand for a high-five.)
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
(Ross is at a loss for words.)