words in movies
Written by: Doty Abrams Transcribed by: Eric Aasen With Scenes Taken From Episodes Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips, guineapig, Ruth Curran, Josh Hodge, and Me.
Phoebe: (she stops reading from the script) Oh my God.
Joey: Yeah, youre great! Okay, lets take it from
[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joeys acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.]
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
[The next flashback is from The One With The Butt. The gang is watching Joey in Freud!]
[The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
Joey: And I know both of them, theyre really good. One of them is the guy from those allergy commercials whos always getting chased by those big flowers
[Thus starts another series of flashbacks all dealing with the pressure the rest of the Friends have to deal with in their jobs. The first flashback is from The One With The Stoned Guy.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Rachel's Crush.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, Phoebe is telling everyone but Rachel about the pass Paulo made on her.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's Sandwich, Ross his confronting his boss about him eating Ross's sandwich.]
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Chandler: You mean you didnt get it from this?
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Chandler: You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the Liberace house of crap!
Chandler: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
[The next flashback is from The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line. He's telling Joey that he kissed Cathy.]
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend. Chandler is telling Ross and Joey that Joey's tailor took advantage of him.]
[We then go into another set of flashbacks of famous fights. The first is the second breakup of Ross and Rachel from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Rachel: Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!!
Chandler: (coming out from behind the door) I KNEW IT!!!!
[The next flashback is from The One After The Superbowl, Part II. Monica and Rachel are fighting over who gets to see Jean-Claude Van Damme.]
[The next flashback is from The One Where No One's Ready. Joey is retaliating against Chandler hiding his underwear by wearing a whole bunch of clothes.]
[The next flashback is from The One Where Eddie Moves In. It's the sequence where Joey and Chandler are both saddened that they're not living together anymore. All By Myself is playing in the background.]
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. <whiny voice> And they all got to meet Santa!
Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, coming!
Ross: and then, we couldve gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!
Rachel: Okay fine! Ill-Ill just tell her its an antique apothecary table, she doesnt have to know where it came from. Oh! Look at this little drawers! Oh look-look it says that it holds 300 CDs.
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
(Instead of scampering, Marcel stretches his neck as much as possible, and makes an unvoiced noise from his throat.)
Monica: (without looking up from what she's doing) Besides tampons and salt? (Then looks) Ooh! My God! Maple candy! That's so sweet of you. (Opens the box) That's weird...it's empty!
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
(The whole gang is helping Rachel mail out resumes while whistling the theme from The Bridge on the River Kwai.)
(Ross gets up from the table.)
Rachel: Oh no-no-no-no-no, I'm still waiting to hear from that job and the store closes at nine, so you can eat then.
CHANDLER: Where did you hear it from before?
Pete: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dads garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Monica: The Luisa from home room!
(He tries to fire a burnt tennis ball into the bowl Chandler is standing by, but Ross grabs the ball away from him.)
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
(To start this task, she lowers the top of her robe to reveal that she is naked from the waist up, well at least her back is, and starts to rub on the gunk. Chandler notices this, and has something start happening. Ill let you fill in the blank here.)
(Rachel enters from her room.)
ROSS: Too easy? Too...The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms, too easy?
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')
Ross: (to Joey) So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome.
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?
Chandler: (sarcastically) Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening.
Ross: Than I want mine, too (takes the bowl from Joey)! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.
(Monica enters from their apartment, crying)
Phoebe: Oh okay. Umm, all right. (Picks up the phone and starts reading from the script.) Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please?
[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, continued from earlier.]
Steve: (from kitchen) Ah, cool! Taco shells! (Rachel motions, "You see!") You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope.
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
Rachel: OK, I'm guessing this is from...
Ross: The data we are receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing of these fossils are - are staggering.
Rachel: Who's this from?
Ross: Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know, shes more..(shakes his shoulders, like hes dancing) y'know, and youre more (sees the look from Phoebe and stops)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Monica: From here to the airport?
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
[Cut too later, the moving process is progressing steadily. Monica is trying to lift a heavy box, as Rachel comes in from Chandlers bedroom.]
Monica: Oh, from who?
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
Phoebe: Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. (hugs the wall) I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa... (she walks away from the wall)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
Julie: (Loudly, proving she can speak English.) Thank you. I'm from New York.
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
Phoebe: Why, do I have a feeling thats not as happy as it sounds? (Joey points out one going into the chipper to her, as this haunty, demonic music starts to play in the background) No! Nooooo!!! (she winces in horror and hides her face against Joeys shoulder, as she sees the tree spit out from the chipper.)
Roger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.
Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here is from me.
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
Rachel: (sticking her head in from the balcony) Wait, are you leaving?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the group is coming back from the roof.]
Joey: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! (The dry cleaner doesnt remember) Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? (Holds his picture up in front of his face.) Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, Im ready to go back up on the wall Im the star of a new TV show.
JOEY: Hey, I'll be alright. I mean it's not like I'm starting from sqare one. I was Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives. Heh? I mean that's gotta have some kind of cache.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse. Rachel is entering the living room from her bedroom as Monica enters.]
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
(Joey enters from behind a curtain. The others all talk at once.)
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
Phoebe: About twenty, a couple people from work who had something else to do.
Ross: Oh-oh, youre-youre fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, (Grabs a book from the shelf behind him) perhaps Dr. Chester Stocks musings on the Smiledon Californicus?
Ross: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Yknow? Say-say theyre coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, theyre laughing, yknow, someone innocently touches someone else Theres electricity, its new. Its exciting. Are you telling me there isnt even the slightest possibility of something happening?
Joey: Not from where I was standin.
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
[cut to a montage of scenes involving Bonnie, Ross, and Rachel from the last episode.]
Ross: What do I know? I just sell Middle Eastern food from a cart!
Chandler: (walks away from window) OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.
Joey: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kinda understood that everything from Young Men's to the escalator is my territory.
(Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and a lipstick in her hands)
(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, continued from earlier.]
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.
Ross: Okay! (Walks away from him.) Umm, I uh, Im your teacher. Im sorry, youre-youre a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs.
PHOEBE: Really? From who?
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.
STEPHANIE: Yeah. From the top?
Monica: (entering from her bedroom carrying a present) Ok, these were unbelievably expensive, and I know he's gonna grow out of them in like, 20 minutes, but I couldn't resist. (There a little pair of Nike shoes.)
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
RACHEL: Well, from me. And I know it's not your big money song, but it's my favorite.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
MONICA: Look. [they look at Joey in the kitchen with a cigar in his mouth, looking at his reflection in a spatula] Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
ROSS: How 'bout from now on we just call it the 'unfortunate incident'? [Rachel walks off] Hey Gunther, you got stairs in your place?
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesnt like it.) Its batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)
PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace.
ROSS: Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?
[Rachel enters from her room]
Ross: Mona? (Theres no answer, so he starts to leave but remembers where her extra key is. He reaches atop a hall light just outside her door and grabs the key. He looks at in triumph as the pain from it being hot moves along his nervous system to his brain, and when it arrives his brain orders his hand to drop the hot key and his mouth to squeal in pain. After dropping the key he pulls his shirtsleeve over his hand and uses the key to open the door and enter Monas apartment.) Okay, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be? (He hears a key in the door and as it opens he dives behind the couch.)
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.
Monica: No! Yknow, the fantasy! Meet someone from a strange land, fall in madly love, and spend the rest of your lives together.
[Monica enters from her bedroom.]
WAITER: Can I get you something from the bar?
Rachel: (quietly) Yeah. Well. (Pause.) Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?
Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.
MRS GREEN: Oh, look, here's Barry. Did he have to come straight from the office?
(Chandler and Joey enter from the vending machines carrying sodas.)