words in movies
Phoebe: Why, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.
Chandler: (to Rachel) You know what I just realized? We have no idea what we're doing in the wedding tomorrow.
Ross: Yeah, I thought we'd be groomsmen, but wouldn't they have asked us by now? When did they ask you to be their bridesmaid?
Phoebe: I don't have a fax machine.
Chandler: Mike didn't tell you? You have to chose one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen fell out.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't wanna choose! It's (Rachel is walking by). Oh okay, wait. Rach! Listen I have a very special bridesmaid task for you today.
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
Phoebe: All right, I guess I'll have to find a new bridesmaid.
Mike: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
Monica: (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused. (pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up)
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Rachel: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
Joey: Oh, man! I wouldn't have had breakfast if I knew there was going to be corsages!
Monica: Uh-huh, but I'm sure you can handle this. I mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills, but, uh, I'm sure you'll do fine.
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Ross: You haven't by any chance chosen a groomsman yet, have you?
Joey: May I have a word with you, please?
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
Mike: Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what do you want?
Mike: That must have been one lousy movie.
Phoebe: No! We're gonna do it my way. (listens) Because your way is stupid! Alright I gotta go, I have another call, Reverend. (switches calls) Hello?
Ross: (barely containing himself at this point) Well, you have fun tonight.
Ross: Rachel, only one of us can do it, you have to choose. You and me together again. (he winks at her and Rachel looks disgusted)
Rachel: (sarcastic) Wow, this is a tough one. I think I'm gonna have to go with the dog.
Mike: (to Chandler and Ross) You know, Chappy's too small to handle all this snow. Someone's gonna have to walk him down the aisle.
Monica: Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle.
Monica: (checking her clipboard) I have you scheduled for nudity at 2300 hours.
Rachel: Geez Ross, you could have showered.
Phoebe: When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need... You are my family. (She puts the ring on Mikes finger)
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh I forgot... and uhm... I love you... and you have nice eyes.
Chandler: I'd love to, but it's 2300 hours and I'm about to have the most organized sex anyone's ever had.
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
[Time Lapse, the babies are finally asleep. Good for Phoebe! The only problem is, Monicas apartment looks like a tornado, a hurricane, a swarm of locusts, fire, brimstone, hail, and giant man-eating, radioactive ants have torn the place apart. Needless to say, its messy enough to cause Monica to die of shock right away. Parents with small children know what Im talking about.]
Rachel: Well then you just must have a natural talent for it.
The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I dont come to this city much so I dont know if youre crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.
CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Ross: Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know, shes more..(shakes his shoulders, like hes dancing) y'know, and youre more (sees the look from Phoebe and stops)
Chandler: Where have you been?! I tried to call you! I want to talk to you! I still feel so bad!
Rachel: I am feeling nothing. Speaking of hot, watching you do that really makes me want to have sex with you.
Rachel: Oh my God!! You guys have such problems!! I feel so terrible for you!
Rachel: Hey! Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Yeah, for my desert, I have chosen to make a traditional English truffle!
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!
Nurse: Im sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have.
Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! Its time to open the presents!
Rachel: Thank you. (Dr. Long exits.) Well, I guess we have some time to kill.
Rachel: Hi. Tag, I have a conference call today is that correct?
PHOEBE: No. No, he is my submaring guy. He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together. Only this time he's coming for two weeks. Two whole weeks, which means yay.
Monica: What?! Are you kidding me?! You-you-you think were ready to have a baby now?!
Julie: Have you felt Rachels cervix Ross?
Rachel: Well they have uh, some unusual pet names for each other. Including umm, evil bitch and uh, sick bastard. Oh God oh! Contraction!
Ross: Okay, stop it! I cant deal with this right now. I have to go have a baby.
Rachel: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?
Chandler: What?! Its not right! Were not ready to have a kid now!!
Rachel: Ross, you stay here and talk, Im gonna go have a baby.
JEANNIE: Oh, that sounds lovely. We're gonna have to set that up. Oh, I better get back. Hope the baby feels better.
Joey: Oh really? So, 33 and still single, would you say you have commitment issues?
Janice: Oh yknow what? You have to speak very loudly when youre talking to Sid, because hes almost completely deaf.
Monica: We could, or we can have sex in it.
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Rachel: Well, how can you be a tour guide, dont you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?
Ross: You have no idea how much this hurts. (All of the women in the room turn and glare at him.) Keep going! Keep going!
Dr. Long: Do we have a name yet?
Mrs. Green: Oh my look at that. Only three weeks to go, now have you picked your nanny yet? Now I dont want you to use your housekeeper cause it would just split her focus.
Chandler: Did you have a crush on me, when you first met me?
Ross: Married couples send out cards, families send out cards, people who have been dating for a couple of months do not send out cards! What-what is she crazy?!
Rachel: Oh, Im not doing it alone. I have Ross.
Eric: I dont think they have a name for it. Its just I get nervous; I start sweating like crazy.
Rachel: No! No, of course not. No. Thats why I brought it up. (Pause) They didnt have any sodas?
Ross: Im sorry, but we have to have some boundaries! My God, Im dying.
Phoebe: Yeah thats true. Yeah, you love her. You always have. You have a child together. There is no right answer.
Rachel: Im just saying that yknow, someday Ross is gonna meet somebody and hes gonna have his own life. Right?
Joey: You dont have to worry about that okay?
Ross: What?! When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys?
Chandler: Well maybe you dont have to tell him anything.
Phoebe: (taking Ross aside) Have umm, have you thought anymore about you and Rachel?
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Ross: Well we we dont have a garage.
Chandler: You wanna talk about people's feelings? You should have heard how hurt professor Stern was yesterday when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him to Key West!
Chandler: Joey, you have to tell her whats going on! And what did it look like?!
Joey: Oh yeah, dude, I totally understand. Usually after I have a baby with a woman I like to slow things down!
Rachel: Okay you have to realize, I was exhausted, I was emotional, I would have said yes to anybody. Like that time you and I got married! (Pause) Im not helping.
The Interviewer: So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend?
Joey: You know what you shouldve done, you should have told yourself that little story.
Phoebe: It really does how long do you think we have to stay?
Parker: Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this world more miraculous thanOh a picture of a dog! Whose is this?
Phoebe: I knew I should have married Chandler.
Ross: Yes. I mean, its what we always planned. And if you have a plan, you should stick to it. Thats why they call them plans. Hello? (Pause) Im fine.
Phoebe: I have to go scream into a pillow. (Goes to scream into a pillow)
Rachel: I have to go to the bathroom. (Goes to the bathroom)
Rachel: (To Monica) Do you have to go?
Joey: How long do you have to go for?
Monica: I kind of have to don't I? Because of this stupid thing (Points to her wedding ring.)
Ross: Rach, you don't have to call whenever you have a little question, okay? Trust me, I know this.
Chandler: If you clear things up with Rachel then Ross never needs to find out, but you have to do it now before he hears about it and kicks your ass!
Phoebe: (interrupts him) No, no, we don't really have time for this right now. Okay, we have to keep Chandler away from my bedroom.
Sarah: Could you pull open the curtains for me? The astronauts from the space shuttle are gonna be on the news, and since we dont have a TV, the lady across the alley said shed push hers up to a window, so I could watch it.
Joey: Everything is gonna be fine. Just follow my lead, okay? All you have to do is pretend to be Mike.
Rachel: Hi, my name is Rachel Green, I have an appointment for Emma.
Phoebe: Mike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have?
Joey: When have I ever done that?! (And does the sound again.)
Chandler: Okay, I have news. You don't have to move to Tulsa. You can stay here and keep your job.
Monica: Where have you been?
Chandler: Well, you got here just in time. I really have to go buddy. (They hug)
Joey: Alright thanks, Oh hey have you talked to Chandler?
Monica:: how do you know I have one of those?
Joey: do you have any cake?
[Scene: The Fire Escape, Joey and Ross have reached the last landing. Joey is tugging on the ladder that extends to the ground, but it wont budge.]
Mike: oh it's just you have that look (shuts the front door)
Rachel: Oh that couldn't have been pretty. but you know guys do that.
Ross: do you have a compact in your purse?
Phoebe: (getting up) Oh, for god�s sake, Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! (everybody scared) I�m sorry, was that rude? Di-did my, my li-little outburst blunt (?) the hideousness (?) that is this evening? Look, I know, you all have a lot going on, but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. And you are all so late and you didn�t even have the courtesy to call. (her cellular rings) Well, it�s too late now.
CHAN: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?
Rachel: Heeeeey, where have you been? (He shows her his thumb) What happened to you?
Amy: This might be my one chance to have a baby Rachel. I mean, you know that I have been so busy focusing on my carrer.
Amanda: (In a fake British accent) It's so nice to see you! Both of you! Look at me. Look how young I look! (gives her coat to Monica as well) Oh gosh! We have so much to catch up on! But first things first: touch my abs (at which point she grabs both Phoebe and Monica's hands and places them both on her stomach) I don't exercise at all! (she pulls them down to sit.) Oh gosh, so Monica, you're married!
Joey: my god woman! How many people do you have to had been with not to remember any of this?
Chandler: does what always have to be sharks.
[Scene: The Porsche, they have pulled over and are awaiting the cop to come talk to them.]
Rachel: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, Look how much money weve got! Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean itll be dry, but people will like it.
Waiter: It�s just that we do have some large parties waiting.
Phoebe: One really does have a stick up one�s ass. Doesn�t one?
Phoebe: Rachel, its okay. You dont have to do this. I believe you. All right? Okay, if-if you say that you kissed Melissa, then you kissed Melissa.
Monica: So what? Don�t you have any will power?
Rachel: Alright, I can�t, I can�t wait that long. You have to do something�knock that door down!
Monica: Okay. Lets hurryOh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)
Ross: Sure, Monica would have to give her up.
Chandler: Ok. So if we both had Emma and I die <knocks on table> she'd have to give her up.
Ross: Okay, I�ll have the fixed salad and the duck.
Monica: I was just saying that because I was ovulating and you said you wouldn�t have sex with me while we�re fighting.
Monica: Mom�s here? I wanted to have lunch with her today, she told me she was out of town.
ROSS: Well, OK, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've got a girlfriend, I'm... I'm gonna go get a cat.