words in movies
Joey: Ohh-oh, wasnt he cheating on you with her?
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.
Ross: Id bet Id still be doing my kara-tay. (Thats karate, hes just saying it that way.) Towards the end of our marriage I was doing a lot of kara-tay as a way of releasing the tension from yknow, not doing anything else physical.
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
Monica: Hes not boring! Hes just-hes just low key.
Monica: No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff!
Monica: Rach, hes a friend of ours.
Chandler: Well its kinda hard to be friends with Drake because of his busy schedule and the fact that hes not real.
Rachel: Hes coming over! Hes coming over!
Chandler: Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, "Bring me food." Two is, "Im with a girl, bring us food." Three is, "Im lost and I cant find food."
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
(He does a kara-tay move to silence her, then answers the phone.)
Phoebe: Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?!
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Ross: Oh. (He takes the notepad she was using and looks at it.) Wow! (Flips to another page.) Huh. (Flips another page.) Boy! (Flips another page.) Well, someones been doing their homework. (Flips two more pages.)
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
Chandler: Well, I could make it seem like hes here. (Imitates him.) "Heres some little known facts about cous-cous. They didnt add the second cous until 1979." (Mumbles something further.)
Monica: No. Hes not a horrible guy.
Chandler: Okay. (They both realize what he just said.)
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Monica: I have no moves. (He moves in to kiss her and she laughs and backs away.) Okay, whatcha doin there?! (Giggles.) Oh yknow what? Im sorry, this is just too weird.
Chandler: Oh, okay! (He rolls over to do that again.)
Joey: Well he actually saw you a little bit too.
Joey: Wow! Uh okay, well uh (He gets up, opens a drawer, and pulls out the ring.)
Chandler: Oh. Oh right! Right! Because youre still seeing him and uh, hes a good guy. I mean, I remember a time when (He fakes falling asleep.)
Chandler: I bet he can.
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Phoebe: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?
Phoebe: (to Arthur, hes the guy calling 9-1-1) Dumbass!
Ross: Okay. (He does so.)
Monica: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.
Monica: Why? Do you think hes still mad at us?
Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Monica: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, (singing) the movie star.
Rachel: Because, hes my friend.
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
(He bends over to pick them up, right in front of Rachel, who then gets a free peep show.)
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths Come on!) (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
Mischa: (leaning in) He would like to kiss you.
(Ross starts to scream and run away. He stops in front of the window of Central Perk to check the pursuit and notices Phoebe and Rachel inside looking at him. He mouths, "What?" Then realizes that the women he attacked are closing in so he screams and runs away.)
Mischa: He says he was too.
Rachel: Oh Daddy, no he didnt mean anything by that, he really didnt.
Mark: Well, then hes, hes probably just, out.
RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)
Joey: Nothing, hes just really believes in that.
Rachel: Umm, honey, look he just came over to....
Joey: See this is what I was afraid of, I didnt think I should be here either but somebody (Looks at Chandler) said hed be over it by now.
Rachel: Umm, honey, look he just came over to....
Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.
Monica: I think so. Se, he-he's not inviting you to his party because he likes you.
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all turn there backs on her.)
Chandler: (glares at him) I hope he did!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, its gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
Joey: (still with his door wedged in the door gap, now opens his eyes wide and stares at Monica and Chandler as he did with Ross earlier in the hall) Hey listen guys, we feel really terrible.
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, and hes very dejected.]
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
Chandler: (to Joey) He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.
Wayne: It can do this. (He moves C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm close to Joeys special area and he jumps back.)
Ross: Wait, wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall! How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? (he slowly turns and the spraying begins, on his face) Ah, oh, ah! (he turns, but then he turns again and is sprayed in the front again) Ah! (he spits and angrily goes out of the spray-on tan booth and the assistant enters the room) The same thing happened again!
Carol: Hes sleeping.
Phoebe: He shot a bird!
Rachel: Oh... (opens it)... (sees it is a pin) Oh my God. He remembered.
Phoebe: Dead. (everyone is a bit upset) Oh, it's OK, no, he was old, yeah! And he lived a full life, he was in the first wave at Omaha Beach.
Rachel: What is he doing here?!
Rachel: You guys are unbelievable. No! He cannot come.
Chandler: (to Monica) Actually hes the smallest person in the world.
Ross: Whos this little guy? (Gasps when he sees Aaron.)
Rachel: I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her.
Phoebe: What, hes 18.
Joey: Yeah, its this great part, this boxer named Nick. And Im so, so right for it, y'know, hes just like me. Except hes a boxer, and has an evil twin.
Alice: And he was my best student.
Ross: Whats up? (He smiles. His teeth are freakishly white.)
Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.
Rachel: I cant believe Mark didnt call. Its Sunday night, and he didnt call.
Ross: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants. (Mr. Zellner looks shocked). I just heard it as you must have heard it and that’s not good. Let me start again. I’m a paleontologist, you’ll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones… fossils!
Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."
Ross: Mona? (Theres no answer, so he starts to leave but remembers where her extra key is. He reaches atop a hall light just outside her door and grabs the key. He looks at in triumph as the pain from it being hot moves along his nervous system to his brain, and when it arrives his brain orders his hand to drop the hot key and his mouth to squeal in pain. After dropping the key he pulls his shirtsleeve over his hand and uses the key to open the door and enter Monas apartment.) Okay, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be? (He hears a key in the door and as it opens he dives behind the couch.)
Ross: Yeah. (Gets up, but then pauses when he realizes what that meant.)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, hes listening to the hypnosis tape again.]
[Chandler goes to take off Jacks coat. He then notices little white flakes on Jacks shoulders. He begins to wipe them off.]
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Joey: Good. (He sets his stuff down and starts talking to Kate, another cast member.) Hey.
[Scene: A Theatre, Joey is arriving to rehearse the play hes in.]
Monica: Noo! Ill stay. Hes my brother.
Chandler: I dont know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. Shes saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) Dollywood.
Ross: Im-Im gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!! (he kisses the shirt)
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
Ross: (entering) Uh fellas, (Does the maneuver and gives them a double thumbs up, which Chandler returns as he closes the door.)
Chandler: I know. (He rubs Rosss head)
Ross: Oh, and also, hes, hes walkin kind of funny, his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, and hes in there just sort of y'know... (walks around in a circle)
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
Phoebe: Okay well, he would turn things to gold.
Phoebe: Well, it's this guy I used to massage. And by massage, I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.
Rachel: Oh, nothing, hes just goofy like that, I actually, hardly notice it anymore.
Chandler: Oh, thats-thats okay, no problem. (He starts to look around her office.)
Ross: (chasing her, trying to zip up his pants. His got them on right now.) No, wait! Emily! No, wait, stop! Emily, please(He catches something important in the zipper and howls like a little boy and falls to the floor.)
Joanna: Oh no, no-no-no, is he ah, married, or involved with anyone?
Joey: Maybe he could slip her the tongue.
Kate: Or maybe, maybe he could grab her, and, and, and, and lift her up.
Joanna: (entering) Did he call?
Joanna: Awkward? Why should he feel awkward?
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, hes good looking.
(She sits down, and Mark leans over and kisses her. Rachel doesnt react. He tries it again, and Rachel jumps back quickly.)
Chandler: (He looks over at Rachel, who nods her head) Yes, this, this was pleasant.
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is telling Ross how he didn't get the part.]
Pete: Well... (he holds up a gift he brought her)
Monica: Can you believe he just offered me a restaurant?
Monica: No, umm, he met some girl at the coffee house.
Rachel: Yeah, but Mon thats totally different. He was youre health teacher.
MONICA: I can't believe he has a new roommate. Who is this guy?
Rachel: Well, we have gotta find out if hes alive.
Monica: Oh my God! Hes gonna rat me out!
Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me?
Tour Guide: Maybe its crazy in a perfect world, a world without lab coats and blazers, but you not in a perfect world, you in a museum now. See that scientist in the classes, he and I used to play together all the time in grade school, but now (Turns around) Peter! Hey, Peter! Its me Rhonda! From PS-129! I shared my puddin which you man! I gave you my Snack Pack! (to Joey) See, he pretend he dont even here me!
Ross: (He checks his watch) Sure. Ill help you.
Joey: Nope-op! I insist! (He hugs Chandler again and whispers to him.) You get the wine right?
Phoebe: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? Hes a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.
Rachel: Hes got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...
Chandler: Thanks. (He takes off the vest and throws it on the floor.)
(He leaves)
Monica: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman.
Ross: No, Im good. (He sits down, stunned.)
Kate: And then right, right when the scene ends, he could take her with this raw, animal....