words in movies
Phoebe: No! No! Its just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us!
Ross: No, no, thats funny. But maybe its time to move on, let it go, yknow? Stop it! Besides, Rachel is going out with Elizabeths father, so ah, hes much older than she is. Looks like Im not the only one interested in fossils, huh?
Ross: Oh, come on you guys; thats funny! Yknow? Because hes needhes got like a hearing aide yknow, cause-cause yknow, cause hes all old, and
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Joey: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin up about something Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now hes just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, Ill
Rachel: Oh, wait yes, but I cant eat too much. Paul is taking me out to dinner tonight, he said he has a big surprise planned.
Phoebe: Oh wow. What, do you think maybe hes gonna tell you that hes gay?
Phoebe: Yeah, but theres a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. Thats four years. Chandlers not gonna wait that long. Hes gonna find somebody else, yknow? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list. (Rachel agrees.)
The Dry Cleaner: Thats right. Mr. Ford is a very good customer, he brings us a lot of clothes; you bring us nothing!
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
Ross: No. No-no uh, he just, he just really freaked me out before.
(Elizabeth leaves and Ross starts to remove his clothing right there in the middle of the living room where someone can see him. Of course, someone almost does, but he hears a door opening and )
(Ross with his pants around his ankles tries to run, but Dr. Geller forgets that he has his pants around his ankles and falls down trying to flee.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Paul: Ill be right back. (He goes to get the ice.)
Rachel: Ugh! Get out! Get out! Go! Come on! (Ross gets up and heads for the kitchen.) No! Not in there! Hes in there! (She points Ross to the door next to the kitchen.)
Paul: Elizabeth, what are you doing here?! (Motions that he brought Rachel here to be alone with her.)
Chandler: (angrily) Well next time ask! Or at least wait for me to ask! (He storms out.)
Monica: Oh please, he didnt hear it! He didnt hear it!!
Female Clerk: Hes not here right now.
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Monica: I know! I know! And he totally freaked out and I cant find him anywhere!
Phoebe: Well, what did he do?
The Dry Cleaner: He went out with my wife!
The Dry Cleaner: Thats my wife!!! Get out! (Starts yelling at him in Russian, and Im betting hes not saying pleasant things about him.)
Ross: Elizabeth! (He opens one of the bed stands that he has curled himself up into.) Okay. Okay. (She helps him out.) Im gonna go out this window. (Points to the window next to him.) Ill meet you at the front door. Just tell them youre going home, okay?
Elizabeth: Okay. I didnt know he was here. (Runs over to Rachel.)
Joanna: Sophie, would you please climb out of my butt. Why hasnt he called, Rachel? Why?
Joey: (voice-over) ...and he couldnt let it go, and... I dont really know what happened with that either.
Ross: Ohh! Thank you! I like mail. (He goes to kiss her again, but she turns away.)
Ross: Look, I-I know how miserable you are, I wish there was something I can do. I mean I wish I were a seahorse. (She glares at him) Because with seahorses its the male, they carry the babies. And then also umm, Id be far away in the sea. (He sits back down.)
Ross: Uhh, believe me when hes older, hell understand.
Monica: I know. Lets try a look of far off wonderment. Okay, well-well gaze into our future and well think about our marriage and the days to come. (Chandler is still not getting it.) Chandler! What is the matter with your face?! I mean this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron!" (The photographer laughs.) Hey! Dont laugh at him! Hes my drowning moron!
Rachel: Monica! I couldnt find him for two hours! He was having sex with Amy Welch!
(He moves to kiss her, but stops when he hears the duck.)
Joey: Will you calm down, hes just a human guy.
RACHEL: Oh shoot.� I forgot to pay Phoebe for the drinks.� (She exits to the hallway and closes the door behind her.)� Wait, wait.� Sorry.� Did he call?� Did that guy call?
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Joey: (standing up) I will sit with you Dr. Geller. (He goes over to his table and they shake hands.)
Emily: He does that?!
Rachel: Well it happened about six weeks ago, and uh I had just got home from work and Ross was already there cause I guess he had been hanging out with Joey.
Monica: I mean, all Im asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Dont I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out!
Joey: All right, hold on! Hold on. Hold on. This is Ross, okay? He's our friend. He obviously went crazy. He obviously lost his mind.
Ross: Fine! No more dinosaur stuff! Can I talk about fossils? (Joey is about to sit down and hears this so instead he groans and exits.)
Chandler: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...
(He tries to put it on her finger.)
Joey: Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.)
Ross: Rach, come on, I’m not gonna wear any of this! (he picks up a shirt) Nothing silver. (Rachel sighs). Ok? Nothing with hair! (Rachel sighs again) And nothing with padlocks on it! (Rachel heaves a long disappointing sigh).
Phoebe: Yeah? And, hes-hes so centered and mature and confident.
Monica: Hes in a different room! Hes really that loud?
(He gives the agent his ticket and walks onto the jetway. Janice walks over and looks out the window. Chandler walks back into the terminal and tries to walk right past Janice, but she sees him.)
Joey: Okay. (he gets in the unit and closes the door) See?! I told ya!
Ross: Sweep, sweep....(He starts to paint it on her eye, making it look like she has a black eye.)
Ross: But-but Cailin, he definitely will scream.
(He goes over to hug her.)
Joshua: Oh great! (He tries on the coat.) Wow! Yeah, its comfortable.
Ross: Yeah, all right, its a date. (He leaves)
Rachel: Can you not look at me when I say this? (He turns around) I thought that if I could get you here, I could seduce you.
(He sits down next to her.)
Phoebe: What did he say?
(He leaves.)
Rachel: Uh, well, I think, I think he broke up with me.
Rachel: Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. (She sits down next to him.) All right, you are settin sail up the Hudson! Youve got the wind in your h(sees that hes bald)arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that youve always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin! You canooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and then when youre old, Cappy.
Ross: So unbelievable. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma. (he tries to take a cookie but Monica slaps his hand)
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Rachel: Nooo, hes leaving for a better job.
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
Dr. Green: Hes Bobby Bobby?
Joey: Yeah, the man wreaks! Smells like he went on a three day fishing trip and then ate some liquorice.
Monica: I can't believe he did this.
Ross: (screaming) Everybody put their balloons down!!! (There is a temporary cease fire.) Now this is a nice suit!! (Shows everyone where he was hit.)
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
Hums While He Pees: I know its really lame, but I got these tickets from my boss andOh no! No! No! My God!
(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joeys door.)
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, hes snoring again and Chandler is there to roll him over.]
(He picks up his bat and holds it up, but then Monica and Laura enter the living room again. When Laura sees Joey, she freezes...)
Ross: All right, heres the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans on giving Emily)
Joey: What?! He got to do it at your first wedding!
Chandler: He just said, "No strippers."
Gunther: (to Ross) Thanks for not marrying Rachel. (He starts to leave.)
Emily: Youre welcome. (She hugs him tightly and he winces.) Im sorry. Did I hurt you?
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
(They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and hes so shocked that his cigarette is hanging from his lip.)
[Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long coat.]
Monica: Yknow I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he would just roll me over
The Stripper: Whats he talking about?
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
Chandler: He will, Joe.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzlebeer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebes massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]
Joey: Yeah, but what if he doesnt? Hes such a good duck.
Joey: So! Things can go wrong! You dont know! What if he doesnt make it?!
Ross: Okay. (He gently touches it.) You can feel all the bones in your skull.
Ross: Yeah. (He does so and Phoebe hugs him.)
Rachel: God! DontWe cant let her start getting ready! This is too awful! Oh God, but wait shell be in the gown and then he wont show up and then shes gonna have to take off the gown
Joey: Shhh! (Pause) Man, you made me lose it! (He goes into the map again.)
Joey's Date: Ew, yknow what? One time I saw this guy from behind and he seemed like a totally normal guy and then he turned around and it was Stephan Baldwin!
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.]
Joey: Well, I like it. Here you go. (He pays for the hat.)
Chandler: Oooh, did he put a little starch in your bloomers? (Sits up) Who said that?
Ross: No. Im saying its now. (He starts putting on his pants, backwards again.)
Chandler: No! That would be so awkward! LookBesides, we work in different departments. Hes on the sixth floor yknow? So he calls me Toby once in a while. Whats the big deal? It could be worse, its not like hes calling me Muriel. (Chandler suddenly freezes into place.)
Joey: Sh-shh-shh! (He motions for her to watch something he has taped.)
Joey: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.
Chandler: Okay. (She grabs a tin of freshly baked cookies) Oh yes. (He reaches for one.)
Rachel: OhhDo you think he will?!
Phoebe: Youre kidding! And he plays rugby?! Thats so funny. (Realises) Ohh! I see how you did that. All right.
Chandler: Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who Im not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone Chandler Bing, he said Whoa-whoa, short message.
[Cut to Rosss apartment, he his playing the Bagpipes, badly. Hes worse than that whole keyboard thing a few years ago.]
(Ross laughs and has a Come on... look on his face as he looks and Chandler who nods his head in agreement with Joey. Ross is stunned.)
Mr. Waltham: Dont take that tone with me. (She looks evilly at him.) All-all right you can. (He looks over at Ross and Shrugs.)
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
Monica: Then why would he say it?
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Rachel: Look, If I dont get to London!! He is going to marry that other girl!!!
Ross: Oh yeah! So ah, kinda pretty, pretty good. He sounds like a nice, good guy.
Passenger: (Frustrated he takes his headphones off.) Oh, oh oh!! Im sorry, can I interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person.
[Scene: Monas Apartment, she and her date are making out as Ross flips through a magazine while lying behind the couch and sees something that he likes. Meanwhile, Monas date takes off Rosss shirt and Mona throws it on the floor. While they start making out again, Ross tries to pull the rug the shirt is on over to him, but while he does that he moves the coffee table and it bumps into the couch.]
Cecilia: Right. Hes not angry at the room either. Try it again, he owns it! He owns the room. It is his. He owns, owns, owns, owns the room! He owns it!! (Joey gets a snooty look on his face.) All right, its a little weird, but its getting better. (Joey is pleased.) Oh well, Im gonna miss this woman so much. I dont know what Im going to do! I mean, its been 20 years of my life.
Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
Ross: Well, that's cool. So did (She walks away from him and he shuts up.)
Ross: Ill be right there. (He goes over and opens the door to Carol, Susan, and Ben.) (To Ben.) Hello! (To Carol.) Hello! (To Susan.) Hey. Uhh, Emily, this is Carol and Susan.
[He closes the door and walks over to get something from the fridge. He starts to smell something and turns around to see Phoebes dollhouse smoking. He runs over and takes off the roof to reveal that the dollhouse fire.]
Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards Emily.) Uhh...Shall I go on?
Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.
Chandler: It couldve been worse, he couldve shot her.
Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room)