words in movies
RACHEL: Oh well, well thank you.� (She laughs.� He stares for a moment.)� Okay, stop.� Stop looking at me like that.� The last time that happened, (points to Ross) that happened.� (points to Emma.)
ROSS: I don't know.� But, you know, we, we have a lot in common, you know.� He plays piano; I played keyboards in college.� He's been divorced; I have some experience in that area.
ROSS: Ah?� (Mike nods.� Another pause.)� Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.
[Scene:� Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Monica is wearing a sexy negligee.� She pours two glasses of wine as Chandler enters with a carry-on suitcase.� He sets the case by the door.)
JOEY: Hey!� Open the door.� What's going on?� (He knocks.)
JOEY: What are you . ..� (He sees her in her negligee.)� Why are you dressed like that?
JOEY: Okay.� (pause.� He looks over her shoulder at the table with the wine.)� Whoa, whoa.� Why are there two glasses of wine out?
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
(Chandler's cell phone rings.� He looks at it.)
CHANDLER: It's Joey.� (He answers it, holding it out so that Monica can hear too.)� Hey Joe.
JOEY: All right look.� (He walks to the hallway.)� If you can't come home and deal with this, then I'm gonna.
RACHEL: Well, um, first he told me he liked how I looked.� And, ah, then we had a little . . . um . . . eye-contact.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
RACHEL: I don't know.� He was cute, and he liked me.� It was an impulse.
PHOEBE: (to Rachel) He says he can't do that.
ROSS: (putting his arm up with his hand on the door frame.)� Why?� (He starts to lower his arm.)
(Joey thinks a moment. Then, he nods.� Joey follows Chandler into the apartment.)
JOEY: All right.� All right.� Then, maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around, huh?� (He checks the bathroom shaking the bat.� Then he proceeds to their bedroom.)� Bwa-ah-ah!
CHANDLER: (To Monica) What is he doing?
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
ROSS: Oh God.� (He hugs Rachel)
MIKE: I'm so glad you're back.� (He hugs Phoebe.)
RACHEL: Oh shoot.� I forgot to pay Phoebe for the drinks.� (She exits to the hallway and closes the door behind her.)� Wait, wait.� Sorry.� Did he call?� Did that guy call?
(He hangs up the phone and tears the note off the pad.� Then, he stops and re-reads it.� Rachel enters.)
ROSS: Hey you guys.� (He sits.)
(Ross smiles slightly.� Then he gives a single nod that lifts him to his feet.� He exits the coffee shop.
Janice: Oh, sure. Now. But what happens when he meets somebody else and gets married?
[Eddie tries his key and it won't work. He knocks and Chandler answers the door. He's got the door chained.]
Phoebe: Yeah. (phone rings and Phoebe answers it) Hello. (listens) Oh my God, I totally forgot! (listens) Well cant someone else do it. (listens) But, I have company. (listens) Yeah, no look, thats all right Ill come in. (hangs up phone) Um, Frank, Im really sorry but I have to go to work. Its-its one of my regulars and hes insisting that I do um.
MR. GELLER: Apparently, he told Johnny Shapiro that she's quite a girl. In fact, he told Johnny that he thinks he's falling in love with her.
MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine".
Chandler: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin! (honks the beds little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All right, Ill leave. My beds so boring.
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, its all Joeys fault, cause he left his nose open!
Monica: (to Phoebe) Quick, take off your dress, he wont notice the bed.
Rachel: And um, excuse me, he helps me.
(Both he and Ross start laughing)
Rachel: Hi! So Im out having lunch at Monicas and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdales and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and hes gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Janice: Oh yknow what? You have to speak very loudly when youre talking to Sid, because hes almost completely deaf.
Monica: Hes not gonna say anything, because were not gonna tell him.
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
Monica: Oh my God! He just said my name! Did you hear that?
Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.
Rachel: Hes perfect, hes never been better.
Rachel: Well maybe hes just taking a nap.
Joey: Im tellin ya, he hasnt moved since this morning.
Rachel: (softly) Is he here?
Ross: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.
Rachel: Hey-hey, now hes showing us his poking device.
(They thread the needle and start poking him, he then stirs.)
Ross: He does not look happy.
Phoebe: Congratulations! I didnt want to say anything in front of Joey cause I didnt know if he knew yet.
Ross: (He opens the door while faking a laugh.) Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this. (Monica turns her head in shame.)
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Chandler: Yeah, hes really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.
Monica: What?! I just touched him and he went over.
(She starts checking her form. Chandler sees movement near the window from the corner of his eye and when he looks he spots Joey climbing up the fire escape and onto their balcony. He warns Monica silently.)
>>> Joey's Subconscious So this is going pretty good. dinner was nice, got a lot in common. (Sees a magazine) Victoria's secret huh we even like the same books. (Walks over to a painting on the wall) Oh now there's a scary painting. wait a minute I think I've been scared by that painting before. (Looks around) You know what this whole place look familiar I have definitely been in this apartment I know I've seen this weird plant before (it's a cactus and he touch's it) AWCH! It did that the last time. Oh my god, I've gone out with this girl before yeah we had sex on this couch and then on that chair and no. no we didn't do it hear which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place.
Monica: Wait a minute, just because he paid for your head shots youre gonna take him? Joey, I dont think youre comprehending just how slutty this dress is!
Dana: Apparently Howies editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Yknow I-I-I havent spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Rachel: God, I hope he doesn't show up. Of course he's not gonna show up, the guy hates me.
Rachel: No, hey, come on, if he asked you first, thats only fair. (leaves)
Melissa: anyway, his name is Allan and weve been going out for three years. He was my first client when I became a party planner. He was planning a party for his girlfriend at the time. Oh well. (Rachel and Phoebe politely laugh) And he was Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse.
Chandler: Look out kids, hes coming! (Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.)
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (Hes frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
PHOEBE: Yeah. So um, did he ever talk about me, Phoebe?
Joey: Oh, thats, thats ah, one of the old ones, hes just taking it to the back.
Monica: Did he just say Monica bang?
Phoebe: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first youre really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.
Joey: And he never played before either! Yknow what I think? I think beginners luck, very important in Cups.
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
PHOEBE: I know, I know, and I was gonna get it but then he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they do this with needles?
Monica: Oh, well, I bought Chandler a five hundred dollar watch and he wrote me a rap song.
Joey: Listen I uh (He takes her hand.) Its a scary world out there especially if youre a single mom. Yknow, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Yknow? So, (gets down on one knee again) Rachel Green will you marry me?
Phoebe: Well, hes very charming.
Monica: Mr. Bigot. He tells the most racist jokes.
Joey: No, come on Ross! (He grabs his bag so he cant leave) Look, Ross, we have to get past this.
Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, hes actually going to kill you dead.
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
(He starts to play music.)
Rachel: Did he call? Did Mark call?
Ross: (to Rachel, as she gets his number) What, he gave you his home number? As in like, to, to his home?
Ross: Yeah. (sees the bill) Op! Uh-oh! I think your Dad mustve added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.
Phoebe: What am I supposed to do? Ask every guy I make out with if hes married? (Rachel looks at her.) No, yeah, I should.
MRS GREEN: Oh, look, here's Barry. Did he have to come straight from the office?
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.
MONICA: I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, without even knowing it?...Would you look at this dump? He hated us. This is his final revenge!
Ross (he buzzes for the nurse) Let's see if we can get that Rachel back here.
FRANK: Yeah, he loved stilts. One time I was upstairs, I was stealing cigarettes out of my mom's purse, and uh, all of a sudden I look over and there's my dad's head bobbing past the window. He just had this big smile on his face and he was waving 'cause he was always happiest when he was on his stilts.
Chandler: You really think that is what he meant?
Rachel: Oh no, no-no-no, that's not, not, not, what he is doing. He's just, he's just really romantic.
Joey: What the?! (Joey pounds the table and starts yelling at Rachel, and which is drowned out by applause. Rachel is desperately trying to tell Joey that hes on TV right now. He finally notices and he does his gracious loser face.)
Monica: Hey, Joey, I dont think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean its only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Ross: Why?! How?! How is he a genius?
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Chandler: My boss said I might be getting a new lamp in my cubicle. (Monica looks at him and can't really place what he just said)
Ross: And hes, hes a total stranger?
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
Rachel: (to Chandler) Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, y'know.
Ross: (on phone) Item J437-A, color: winterberry. (Theres a knock on the door as he hangs up the phone. He answers it to Mona.) Hi umm, listen come here, come in. (She does so.) Im so-so sorry about yesterday. I-Im really sorry. Its just that I (He picks up the pink shirt.)
Dr. Green: (he stares at Ross) Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross: Well, Im just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop in out of nowhere for no reason.
Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?
Joey: Maybe he found you flip-flop.
Chandler: No. He.....hes coming out of his shorts.
Ross: What, what do you mean, what? Is he gay?
CHANDLER: OK that's not what he was doing. Alright, he was looking for his bus money.
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: No, but he told me, he thinks your a fox.
Monica: Yeah! Oh hes great, I love him. (Walks away and Chandler glares at Phoebe.)
Chandler: Youve got it. (he starts to look at his sisters, but he still doesnt know which one is Mary-Angela.)
Ross: Ohhhhh yeah, that's, that's funny. Why ah, why isn't he goofing around in his own office?
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
Ross: (slowly) Yeah. But you know what? I think you should give Joey a chance. I mean, he's a great guy, and sure he doesn't know that much about art but you know, you can always talk about that with someone else.
Monica: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.
Monica: Why? Do you think hes still mad at us?
Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Monica: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, (singing) the movie star.
Rachel: Because, hes my friend.
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
(He bends over to pick them up, right in front of Rachel, who then gets a free peep show.)
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)