words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, (although its really just Monicas now with Matthew Perry in rehab) Monica is folding her laundry with Ross reading the paper and Phoebe standing in the kitchen.]
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Oh my God! We have to throw her a shower?!
Chandler: Well get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
Monica: Because Purvry Perverson over here cant stop staring at her.
Chandler: I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. Its called being a good conversationalist. Watch. (Stares at Monicas eyes.) Say something.
(The casting director shakes her head.)
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Rachel: (To Phoebe, after Monicas gone) We have to get her a present?!
Phoebe: Okay but look! Look at what I got! Its her address book! (Holds it up.) We have a guest list!
Rachel: Oh my God youre amazing! Did you just pull that out of her purse?
Ross: (shocked at her beauty) Cassie?!
Cassie: Thanks for letting me stay here! I mean Monicas place was nice, but her fiancee sure stares a lot.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie is eating dinner and Ross is pacing behind her because of what shes eating.]
Cassie: Ill always remember that summer, because its when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
Rachel: (to her) Hi! Im Rachel. This is Phoebe. Im the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?
Woman: I was her accountant four years ago.
Woman: Im very interested to find out whos been doing her taxes these last four years.
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
Phoebe: You were supposed to tell her!
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Phoebe: Fine, Ill go call her.
Rachel: Yes! And please tell her to bring a cake!
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
(They exchange looks, smile, and shrug their shoulders before Ross suddenly lunges forward in an attempt to kiss her, but she expertly backs away.)
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Cassie: (noticing her) What?
Phoebe: (in her head) Say something! Say anything! Ask her out! Shes not your cousin!
Rachel: Oh wow! What now Ross youre not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. (Mimics his breathing.) I mean youd think the damn jalepeno wouldve cleared up your sinuses, but no!! Thats not enough (Ross jumps over and kisses her.) What are you doing?!
Rachel: Thank you. (She sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.) What? (They all yell again.) You dont want to see this do you?
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you (Points at all of them) with me. (They all look at her.) Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. (She opens the door to the cop from before.) Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!
Phoebe: Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.
(Phoebe gives her a meaningful look)
Phoebe: No (tucks it in her pants)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are on the couch, holding hands, while Phoebe puts milk in her coffee.]
[Scene: Rachels Room, she is taking the ring out of Rosss jacket, looks at it, and puts it on her finger as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Yeah! And she's comforted by him because she loves her uncle Joey so much.
Manny: I've heard the speech: (in a mocking voice) "if he knew it was gonna be the last time he saw her... "
Ross: Oh oh, we think Emma is about to start talking so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her.
Rachel: Joey relax! My mother picked her up two hours ago. You were there!
Mike: Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone...
Monica: Fine. (Brenda comes in to use the bathroom and adjusts her pink bra strap on the way.) Shes wearing my bra!
Rachel: I'm hoping that if she hears it enough it will be her first word.
Rachel: Chandler, would you just tell her what she did was wrong?
(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until she's distracted by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture.)
Monica: So, uh, have you ever thought about being there for her?
Ross: (trying to stop her) Hey, hey!!
Rachel: Oh, if she jumps, I get her tickets.
Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)
Monica: Money! (they all look at her) Friends...
Ross: oh no yeah, no Phoebe is great, but umm I'm an idiot look right before you guys went out I accidentally got her all upset.
Monica: Chandler? Can you give me a hand? (Grabs her jacket)
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
Monica: (she draws out a ticket from a pocket of her pants) 131! (they kiss)
Rachel: Hi mum, put her back on!
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
(Rachel comes out of her room and starts staring at him unseen)
Chandler: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves!
Mr. Geller: So when do I get to meet Emma and show her this? (Pulls a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve.)
Rachel: Hey Joey, is this the bed where Olivia lost her virginity?
Phoebe: He said, "Nice to meet you Glenda." (They stare at her, dumbfounded) Well, obviously I couldn't give him my real name?
Joey/Drake: Tell me to stop, just...tell me to stop. (he's about to kiss her)
(Monica covers her face with her hands)
<Amy starts spitting on Rachel's hand and Rachel is saying ew and pushes her away>
Rachel: Oh screw her, that part is mine!
Phoebe: I cant. I cant. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was Okay, bye Pheebs gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun Ive ever had in like all my lives.
(Kathys co-star rips her blouse off and buttons go flying into the audience, and one hits Ross. Chandlers mouth is on the floor.)
[Cut to Monica's room, Chandler tackles Joey onto her bed and tries to cover his mouth.]
[Scene: Phoebe is in central-perk with Joey telling him what Ross said t her at the beginning.]
Phoebe: (smiling, raising her hand) Who's hoping the hand raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?
Joey: (looks at her for a moment) What the hell are you talking about??
Monica: (gets up) Okay, y'know what, Im not fine, Im not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom.... (pause) Y'know what, what if were friends who dont see other people?
Chandler: If they cant find a home for her, they kill her! And Im not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine!
Mike: Oh, thank God. (he laughs nervously, and Phoebe gets her keychain from her bag.)
Charlie: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this. Excuse me. (she cuts herself off for a moment)
Phoebe: Okay. Wait, do you know how youre going to stall her?
(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches her breath and massages her ankle.)
Rachel: Sure! (Monica takes her apart) Oh...
Rachel: When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better! (she closes her robe)
[Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it]
Rachel: Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh (She looks for a place to set it on his messy desk and he clears a spot for her to set it down.) fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me?
Chandler: Will we love it so much with her next door? And she's gonna be louder out here too. Just the crickets and (apes Janice's voice) "Oh My God"!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date and Joey is reading a magazine.]
Ross: Yeah, you're right, thanks Pheebs, I'm gonna go find her.
Phoebe: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it...
(Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her)
Monica: Gotcha sailor. (Kicks one of her shoes off and it lands in the kitchen knocking something down, but she continues to strip.)
Joey: No, look, you know Charlie, right? She's cool, she's funny, her body is soo...
Joey: Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.
Ross: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!
Joey: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.
Ross: What? Oh yeah. (He moves next to her head.) Im sorry. I mean I-I think I went a little crazy. I mean I was thinking about myself when I (Wanders towards Rachels feet) reallyI should have been thinking about you Rach
(Janice does her "Janice Laugh")
Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.
Rachel: You know I... (lifts her head and tries to look in Phoebe's direction)
Rachel: Yeah. Sure. (Throws some in her bag and she walks away as Phoebe, dressed as Supergirl walks up and eyes Monica who eyes her back.)
[She goes into her apartment and slams the door.]
Rachel: (now lifts her head) Phoebe!!
Joey: Dont start doing that. You cant do that Rach, cause then youre gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.)
Monica: Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun! (They all leave and close the door on Monica.) Ohhh! (Throws her notepad down in disgust.)
Charlie: (while Joey's giving her a massage) Oh! That feels sooo good!
Phoebe: (sticks her head out) I didn't say anything yet!
(Her cell phone rings.)
Ross: Not her. Yeah, this is someone else I meet, and I-I cant decide between the two of them. Yknow the one from Poughkeepsie, even though shes a two hour train ride away, is really pretty, really smart, and-and a lot of fun. But this other girl, well, she lives right uptown. Yknow shes, well shes-shes just as pretty, I guess shes smart, shes not fun.
Stranger: Just be honest with her.
Kori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you! (she leaves and slams the door behind her)
SUSIE: It looks like one of her eyebrows fell down. Now unless someone convinces her to let me bleach it, Jean-Claude Van Damme is gonna be making out with Gabe Kaplan.
Ross: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. Thats-thats where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower
David: That's great! That's great! I-I'll propose to her!
Monica: Okay, okay, I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma. You go look across the hall, and I'll call her cell.
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Monica: (pinching her) Let's get you out of here!! (they go outside)
Chandler: Don't listen to him, he's in a really bad mood! (lets her in)
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica and Chandler are returning and Monica finds her basket is empty.]
(Everyone looks at her)
David: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Chandler: Okay, listen, how far am I gonna have to go with her?
Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box shed made.
Joey: You like someone. Tell me who it is. Who is it? (tickles her a little)
Rachel: Im fine! Im fine! Im just losing a tooth, its no big deal. I have a dentist! Yknow. Im gonna go put some ice on it. Excuse me. (She goes over to the ice and Joey and Monica follow her.) What do I do now? What do I do now?
(they just look at her for a moment; then they go back to checking the tickets)
Rachel: Joey! (she walks away; Joey goes after her teasing and tickling her)
(Monica rolls her eyes)
David: I have a question I was kinda gonna ask her myself.
Phoebe: What? What are you just gonna walk up to her at the gate? Have you never chased anyone through the airport before?