words in movies
[A guy is sitting at his desk and his boss comes in and drops a huge pile of papers on his desk. The guy looks dejected.]
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
MONICA: I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What i-, what is she like.
JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.
JANITOR: Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, sightless spectre of the macabe.
ERICA: You told me I was the only one. [throws a glass of water in his face]
RACHEL: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]
MONICA: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't. [throws water in his face]
CHANDLER: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in his face]
ROSS: Uh, I'm sorry, you don't understand, I'm, I'm, I'm a friend of his. We uh, we used to live together.
CHANDLER: OK that's not what he was doing. Alright, he was looking for his bus money.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is setting up for his time with Marcel. Joey is there.]
[She turns him facing the toilet and sneaks out of the stall and gathers up his clothes.]
SUSIE: Oh, somebody's been doing his buns of steel video.
SUSIE: Well um, why don't you call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this. [she leaves with his clothes]
JOEY: One of the virus victims called in sick, so Cathy recommended me and boom, I'm dying on the gurney. Oh Ross, Marcel just finished his last scene if you want to go down there and say goodbye.
Joey: Ross! Ross! If youre going to the airport, could you pick me up another one of those Toblerone bars? (Chandler nods his head no.)
(Hes still spitting and Joey holds his script in front of his face.)
Ross: Ezel? Ezel? Ezel? (Looks it up in his book.)
[The next flashback is from The One Where No One's Ready. Joey is retaliating against Chandler hiding his underwear by wearing a whole bunch of clothes.]
CHANDLER: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y=know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!
Ross: And that's why, no matter what mommy says, we really were on a break. (baby talk) Yes we were! Yes we were! (picks Emma up) Come here gorgeous. (puts her on his knees and talks to her) Oh! Look at you! You are the cutest little baby ever! You're just a... a little bitty baby, you know that? But you've got... (in a softer voice) You've got big beautiful eyes... Yes you do... and a... and a big round belly. (emphasises the B's) Big baby butt! I like big butts. (raps) I like big butts and I cannot lie / you other brothers can't deny / when a girl walks in with an itty, bitty, waist / and a round thing in your face you get...(Emma laughs) Oh my God, Emma... you're laughing! Oh my God, you've never done that before, have you? You never done that before... Daddy made you laugh, huh? Well, daddy and Sir Mix Alot... What? What? You... you wanna hear some more? Uhm...(raps) My anaconda don't want none / unless you got buns hon... (Emma laughs again and Ross looks worried) I'm a terrible father!
Chandler: Okay, I'll give them back. (Exhales strongly through his nose and Joey just glares at him.) Look! What is so great about that sandwich?
Joey: Done! I did it! Heh, whos stupid now? (He smiles and has cookie remains all over his teeth.)
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Chandler: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... (Chandler walks to the fridge, his back turned to the TV and a moaning sound replaces the cheering of the crowd... Joey's eyes double in size...) What the... (Chandler turns around, but Joey already took a sprint for Chandler, jumps, and floors Chandler in the open space in front of the apartment door...) What are you doing?
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
Ross: (entering) Well hey! Whats going on? Ooh, cool boat(Sees why the boats there)Oh, no. (Averts his eyes by looking around the room) (To Rachel) Hey, did you, did you tell them?
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
[Time lapse, after dinner. Ross stands up from his self-made map.]
Joey: Yeah, me too. (He flips up his armrest in disgust.)
Ross: Its Ben and his Da-Da. Da-Da? Can you say Da-Da? Yknow, you might as well say it because I told your
Rachel: Oh no, I know that. I know that. Although, we made a joke that we spend so much time together he should call me his work wife.
Chandler: You mean like this? (he starts touching his thigh in a funny and awkard way)
Mona: I love your place! Where is this guy from? (A statue from the top of his apothecary table.)
(Matt turns back and looks and them, but instead of his next line he starts laughing.)
Gunther: He can have his job back.
Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!
Monica: What?! I thought hed love it! His favorite kid's book was the Velveteen Rabbit!
Will: Yes he was. (Holds up his hand for a high-five.)
Ross: (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
Ross: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? (closes his eyes) Woo-hoo!!
Chandler: (puts on his crown) Carry on.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Rachel is there as Joey gets up and starts putting on his coat.]
(Elizabeth leaves and Ross starts to remove his clothing right there in the middle of the living room where someone can see him. Of course, someone almost does, but he hears a door opening and )
Phoebe: Okay, bye. Alright, so Mike's on his way over. See, you thought you guys were meeting here, and he thought you were meeting at the restaurant, so you know... Doesn't really matter who's right or wrong. Point is... I'm gonna take off.
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
Joey: I may have to, I hate to do it, but Im the star! Yknow? Theres a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. (His cell phone rings) Excuse me. (Answers it, on phone) Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Thats right! By his uncle too!
[Scene: Chandlers Office, his boss Doug is entering, Monica is there as well.]
Joey: All right! There is something. I kinda had a dream, (pause) but I don't want to talk about it. (Starts for his room.)
Joey: (to himself) Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! (He opens his eyes and sees a hitchhiker.)
Doug: BingWhats this?! (Grabs his hand.)
(They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and hes so shocked that his cigarette is hanging from his lip.)
Chandler: (smiles) Pull my finger(Looks at his hand)My hand is messed up.
Joey: Fine! (Pause) Now, whered we land on those pancakes? (She chases him out the door as his date emerges from the bathroom.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey is on his hot date and theyre not speaking right now.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is watching Cujo while Joey returns from his date scaring Rachel.]
CHANDLER: Hey I didn't kill your fish. Look Eddie...[puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder] Would you look at what I'm doin' here. That can't be smart. So we're just gonna take this guy right off ya and put him here in Mr. Pocket. Tangellon? [picks up the fruit an tosses it to Eddie, it hits Eddie in the chest and falls]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
(Chandler runs around behind Ross, who pitches him the ball. Chandler runs upfield, and Joey knocks the ball out of his hands.)
(Joey and Ross enter causing Chandler to quickly hide the brochure behind his back.)
Joey: Well I got stuff going on in here (Rubbing his belly) if you wanna feel.
[Scene: The Men's room, Joey is entering and sees his hand twin washing his hands.]
Joey: No, Rach, I shouldve told you sooner. Its just that Man! That kid is going to town! (Joey makes his awkward exit.)
ROSS: (entering from Rachel's bedroom) Come on out, honey! I'm telling you look good! (turns around, and under his breath, to the rest of the guys) Tell her she looks good, tell her she looks good.
Rachel: (joining them) Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didnt call. I mean youd think hed be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Ross with a look of wondering how long this is going to go on on his face: Still me.
Joey: Thanks so much, Pheebs! (to the dog) We are going to have so much fun, yes we are! (the dog sticks his head between Joeys legs) Oh! Not that kind of fun.
Chandler: See, honey, theres(puts his hand on her leg)
[Scene: The Freeman Building, Ross is entering his new class completely out of breath.]
ROSS: Ohhh. Big boy, riding the bus--Hey, I have a question. How come it says Property of Human Services on his butt?
Chandler: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! (To his girlfriend) And you are about to marry a wonderful man! (She stunned and hes horrified.) Hey! Im marrying a dead woman!
Announcer: And his opponent, from Hunnington Beach, California! Hes a 300 pound street fighter, Tank Abbottttttt!!!!
Joey: And Chandler I cant believe I let you pay for this one. (They hug and he whispers in his ear.) Thanks man.
Ross: Hi! (To Mrs. Bing) Hi! (Mr. Bing starts rubbing his arm.) Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler?
(Richard squishes a little too hard and some lands on his shirt.)
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
Joey: But. (Hangs his head down.)
CHANDLER: And I'll be using his dead body as a shield.
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are living here and Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle when Rachel opens the door causing the door knob to hit his hand.]
Joey: (hearing Rachel and jumping up with his plate) Oh God! Thats Rachel!
Monica: Yeah, like I dont know, maybe you have a work problem that you need his advice on.
Rachel: Oh its umm, its tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)
(She sympathetically reaches out to fondle the inner thigh of his left leg.)
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Jim: Yeah, (looks at his crotch) a Pretty Huge
Joey: Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his arms, but she fends him off.)
Ross: (Looking at the posters.) Wow, cool poster. Or should I say groovy poster? (They sit down on the couch. Ross smiles and the black light fluoresces his teeth.) So, ahh, where were we?
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
Chandler: I did. (Looks at his still deformed hand) But it came at a price.
Ross: Hi! (Kisses his mom.) Hey mom.
CHANDLER: Ok, they're coming, shhh. [Runs into Monica's apartment and grabs one last girl to take to his apartment]
Chandler: I dont think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. (He blows on his hand) Draw!! (He quickly pulls the lever to raise the foot rest, like a gunfighter in a Western.)
Joey: Uh.. <forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks>
[Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel are arriving and see his parents.]
Phoebe: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
[The next one is from Episode 204: The One With Phoebes Husband, when everyone including Julie is watching Joey in his porno.]
Rachel: Excuse me, can I, can I bum one of those? (He holds up his pack.) Y'know what, actually (She takes the one he's smoking and heads over to where Nancy and Kim are standing and laughing.) Okay, okay, okay, what's so funny over here?
[The next one is from Episode 604: The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance.]
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
(There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)
Cecilia: No! Its because that way the camera only sees her! (She takes her hands off his face.) Do you wanna try it?
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Monica are walking down the sidewalk after his office holiday party.]
Ross: (on the phone) Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. (Listens) A beard and a moustache. (Listens and laughs) Thank you. (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) No, she didn't think so. (Listens) I know it's like (turns and sees Rachel staring at him and quickly changes the subject) anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Oh! Okay. (Listens) Okay, thank you! (Rachel gets excited at his tone.) (Hangs up the phone) Yeah, it's not coming off.
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Ross: Excuse me sir, you've got a little something right here. (He points to the corner of his mouth and they both laugh.)
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
(They start to fight with Ross pulling on Chandlers ears and Chandler hitting Ross over the head with his carrot.)
Phoebe: (lets go of his hand) You have... have a girlfriend?
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
Chandler: Its not a big deal. Its, just its right here, (points to his eye) and its all the time.