words in movies
Chandler: Are you kidding? Okay, Ill give you a hint; Ill give you a hint. (Points to his glasses.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are there. He takes off his glasses and starts chewing on the ear piece.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
(Rachel blasts an air horn in his ear.)
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to faceAnd by face I dont mean his lap. And by face, I dont mean my ass. (Exits.)
Rachel: Well, does a good student drink seven beers during his first lesson?
Joey: Oh, yknow, when we did that was when that bird was flying overhead with the fish in his mouth. Did you see it? It was gross!
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is attempting his pre-emptive strike.]
Liam: You dont say! (We see Ross who is hopping about with the ball and spikes it in his face.)
(Just then, his parents enter. Rachel gasps.)
(The duck starts to frantically flap his wings, while Joey is holding him, in an attempt to get away.)
Joey: (standing up) I will sit with you Dr. Geller. (He goes over to his table and they shake hands.)
Monica: This place is really my Grandmothers. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, Im 87 year old woman, whos afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
Joey: (to the guy operating the chipper) Hey! Hey!! (makes the cut it motion with his hands)
Ross: (entering) Hey, guys! (They both notice his new little friend)
Ross: Oh! You are gonna love it! (The girl is looking in the other direction as Ross is taking off his own coat, revealing the pink and white ladies shirt) and I'm so glad, we're finally doing this.
Phoebe: Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!
(She closes the door and puts his tie into his mouth as a gag.)
[Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't come back.]
Rachel: What?! Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?!
Chandler: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Joey: Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.)
Joey: (joining in, in his sleep) Joey. Joey. Joey. Joey! Joey!!
Joey: I am (Looks in his date book.) free!
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) Im not worried, Im uh, Im fascinated. Yknow its like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.)
Ross: What am I supposed to do? He's out cold! In fact he was just talking in his sleep before and evidently he wants someone named Fran to spank him harder.
Ross: So unbelievable. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma. (he tries to take a cookie but Monica slaps his hand)
Ross: What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow!
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Ross: (to Joey, who is wearing a blue, 3 foot hand) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE IT OFF!! (takes it off his hand and throws it on the floor)
Chandler: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress)
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
Clerk: Eight oclock is the cut-off and, (looks at his watch) aww, its 8:02.
Joey: Okay Rach-Rach-Rach look at me, look at me, everythings gonna be fine, trust me. Okay. Take my hand. Here we go. (Rachel grabs his hand.) Oww crushing bones!
[Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long coat.]
(He goes to open the door to his apartment, but finds it locked. As he's getting out his keys, Chandler and Monica quickly jump up from making out in the living room and run to Chandler's bedroom. The apartment has about 20 candles burning all over the place. Joey opens the door and ushers Cynthia in.)
Chandler: I dont know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Joey: Oh, uh... don't forget your coupon. (Tries to strike a sexy pose up against the doorway to his room. Then goes inside).
Ross: And youre afraid you wont be able to fill his shoes.
Joey: Ohh!! (Runs to his room.)
Chandler: (coming out of his apartment and seeing Ross) What did you do?
Phoebe: Thank you. (She pats him on his head.)
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzlebeer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebes massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]
Joshua: Its this way? Sorry. (He walks past her and she again admires his butt.)
Amy: Oh! It's Ross... Hey Ross! (She says hey to the guy at the falafel stand, whose only similarity with Ross would be his black hair.) Hello-oo Ross! (to Rachel) He's rude!
Joey: Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there (Points to where the window is but sees that there isn't any space there and points towards his door.) by-by that speaker. Please, just stay!
Ross: No. Im saying its now. (He starts putting on his pants, backwards again.)
ROSS: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better. How 'bout you make a list about me. RACHEL: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of. . . ROSS: C'mon Rachel. RACHEL: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair. ROSS: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I said. RACHEL: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross. [she walks off and Ross puts his hand to his hair] [Scene: Back at Phoebe's. She is on the phone] PHOEBE: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica. . . alright, um, Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call youself information. [hangs up] [Phoebe's grandmother enters] GRANDMOTHER: Hey. PHOEBE: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name. GRANDMOTHER: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going? PHOEBE: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math. GRANDMOTHER: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin. PHOEBE: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, ya know. GRANDMOTHER: I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know exactly where he lived. PHOEBE: Whattaya mean? GRANDMOTHER: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far. You can take my cab. PHOEBE: Wow. Thank you. GRANDMOTHER: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab. PHOEBE: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Wish me luck, Grandpa! [blows a kiss to a picture of Einstein]
Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) "Can we walk"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that?
Phoebe: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.
Ross: (Ross hugs his mom and dad)Hi. Mom. Dad.
(Ross throws his hands out in a What are you doing? gesture)
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.]
[Cut to Rosss apartment, he his playing the Bagpipes, badly. Hes worse than that whole keyboard thing a few years ago.]
[Scene: Barry's Office, Barry is preparing his tools alone as Rachel enters.]
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. [she playfully rubs his head and gets up]
[Scene: Joey enters his hotel room. The phone is ringing.]
Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
Ross: You dont want to believe me, Im Mr. Funny to you. Mr. Funny (turns around and almost spills his coffee on Tommy)
Joey: (snaps his fingers) We could climb Mt. Everest!
Rachel: (grabbing the magazine out of his hands) Call her! Call her now!
[Scene: Prof. Sherman's office. Sherman is still asleep on his chair, blocking the door.]
Joey: You spit on me man! (Wipes his face.)
Joey: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might.
(Joey puts his finger over his mouth to tell Ross to keep quiet. Ginger looks at Monica who looks away and leave.)
[Scene: Joannas office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
(Chandler slowly takes his hand away.)
Ross: Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance! (Joey nods his agreement.)
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! Thats it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) Thats right!!
[Scene: The plane. Rachel's telling her story to the passenger on her left. The one on her left is still wearing his headphones.]
(Ross bangs his fists together to tell Chandler off, like what was learned last season. Read about it here.)
Mr. Waltham: All right, Ill tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!
Joey: (Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!
Rachel: Yeah, come on! Whats going in on in there? (Pats his chest.)
Joey: (with his mouthful) Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean (he sprays Phoebe with crumbs)
Joey: (Poking his head out.) Havin' some trouble?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is balancing a mini hockey stick on his hand as Chandler enters from his room carrying a bunch of bills.]
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
ROSS: Yeah but, you know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Fun Bobby without a... a drink in his hand.
(They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.)
Joey: Good. (He sets his stuff down and starts talking to Kate, another cast member.) Hey.
[Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
[Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.]
Frank: Hey, where's his thing?
Ross: I cant ask people to do that? Would you ask people to do that? (Holds out his pants)
Joey: Well, we were! But Ross was talking so loud on his phone they threw us out!
[Scene: Ross's new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and new outlook on life.]
(Joey gets up and moves to the other end of his row to talk to the guy sitting there.)
Phoebe: My massage client, Arthur? His daughter called and said that some guy that worked for me gave him a really weird massage this afternoon.
[Scene: Allesandros, Joey is coming back in with his coat on.]
Joey: Me too, but I guess I do have a couple of more(his time runs out for real)
Chandler: Okay, y'know your not though. Let's go. (He starts for his bedroom.)
Ross: Joey, had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Ross: What can I say, you missed your chance. From now on the only person whos going to enjoy these bad boys (holds up his hands) is me. (Quickly realizes what he said and exits disgustedly.)
Ross: (in his head) Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didnt seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake?
Joey: Baby shower. Wow! That sounds sooo like something I dont want to do! Later! (Finally, he makes his exit.)
Chandler: (With the covers pulled up to his chin.) Morning, Ross.
(Ross lowers his head.)
Joey: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.
Ross: Thanks for the help, problem solved. (Wipes his hands.)