words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Does South Oregon have a sports-team? (Joey strikes one from his list) There you go.
Rachel: Oh, right. Sorry. But Tag's not coming; his girlfriend came into town, so he's spending Thanksgiving with her.
Monica: Oh! Why didn't you tell me? I made him his own individual sweet potato stuffed pumpkin.
Chandler: Oooh that may be a New World's record (Looks at his watch and picks up Ross' pad)
Chandler: Uh, Magellan? You got 46 states. (Smiles and hands Ross back his pad)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Ross is still doing his list. Rachel and Joey are feeding the dog as the phone rings.]
Rachel: When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
Monica: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-hes obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Rachel: No? (He shakes his head) All right, here's the truth um, Joey said what he said, because um, I'm attracted to you.
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
[Time lapse, after dinner. Ross stands up from his self-made map.]
Ross: Ah, what good are you. (Walks back to his map dejectedly.)
Ross: (hands Chandler his pad and walks in) I want my turkey now!
Ross: (from his apartment) Man! They cannot get enough! (Makes like he's a robot and waves at the cutouts.)
Joey: In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And Im also a mento for the kids.(The gang shake their heads.) Yknow a mento, a role model. (Chandler bites his fist to keep from talking.)
Ross: Oh. (Reaches into his pocket for some money as Rachel enters the living room and watches holding two stuffed dinosaurs.)
(Chandler starts laughing at his joke.)
[Time lapse, they're still on the ride along and Joey is just sniffing his sandwich.]
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
Joey: Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup." (Nods his head in disgust.)
Phoebe: Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She pinches his butt.)
Jen: I forgot my paper. (Ross quickly hides the card in his mouth.)
Chandler: Weirder than watching his two moms make out? (Monica nods in agreement.)
Phoebe: For 99 cents, I'd eat you. (Sees the casino) Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! (Points to Joey in his gladiator suit posing for a picture with two old ladies.) Oh! Look! Hi!
SCOTT: Fleischman's group. Whatever you do, don't touch his sandwiches. Ha-ha-ha...
Ross: (looks at his watch) 2:17.
Chandler: Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag!
Chandler: Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is lamenting to Chandler and Rachel about his troubles in his new building.]
(The AD walks away wiping his face.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Phoebe are still working on his interviewing techniques.]
Bitsy: She actually makes me miss that pill-popping ex-wife of his. (Mike walks in) Oh, hello dear...
[Scene: Rosss birthday, Joey is now trying to get his car out while Ross is directing him.]
(He goes to pull up his pants, but can't seem to get them past his knees. He frantically tries to pull them up to no avail. Panic sets in.)
Ross: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good. (Joey pats Ross on his back)
Ross: I'm familiar with his work, yes...
Monica: Since we've been going out, I think I've mentioned his name twice!
(His grandmother asks him something.)
Joey: He cut off his ear.
[Cut to the jetway, the old man who the flight attendant delivered Rachel's message to gets off the plane, his wife still upset with him.]
Nurse: Dr. Richard Burke is out of town. Dr. Timothy Burke, his son, will see you now.
Phoebe: Tiger! (Joey moves his hand in an attempt to do the chord, in fact he does it with each name.) Dragon! Iceberg!! (He fails.) Joseph, did you even study at all last night?
Ross: Okay, I'm the baby. (Points at his eye.)
Monica: What did you do to his sweater vests?
Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!
Ross: Come on. (They leave and Chandler sticks his head out.)
Joey: Somebody was using his head. Hey, let's check out the rest of the place.
Joey: (to his grandmother) That's uh, scenes from next week's show. Next week's!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.]
Rachel: I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her.
Rachel: Ohh, its Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight. But, I already told Mr. Waltham that I would take his niece to this dumb old opera. So What are you gonna do?
Chandler: (talking out of the side of his mouth) I'm not mad.
Joey: Well (taking his cell phone out of a pocket) I’m wanna hear it, because she keeps doing this.
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is talking to his students.]
Phoebe: Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in his mouth. (Joey, with an obvious mouth full, nods yes.)
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to faceAnd by face I dont mean his lap. And by face, I dont mean my ass. (Exits.)
(He starts taking his time opening it. Finally Monica snaps.)
Joey: (entering from his bedroom) Morning.
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: This is Vegas man! People will pay to see freaky stuff! Okay, how much would you pay to see this hand (Holds up his left hand) twice? Huh?
Joey: Right!(he starts to ape her)"Oh my God, is this the men's room? Oh, I feel so foolish, have you always known you wanted to be an actor?" (he inclines his head as if to look at a man's private parts)
Doug: Well, I gotta tell ya Bing; that partner of yours is a real tiger. (To his wife.) Are you all right sweethart?
Phoebe: Well, his name is Parker and I met him at the drycleaners.
Chandler: (walking by with his luggage) See you later Mon.
Joey: (holds up his hand) Joey!
Monica: All right. Now do it soon, he just asked me how to convert his dollars into Vermont money.
Frank Sr.: Y'know what, I gotta go. And thank you so much for coming. (Hands back his glasses and hurries out.)
[Time lapse, Rachel pushes the flight attendant call button, takes Ross's drink, and spills it into his lap.]
Joey: Dahhhhh!! (Ross has a puzzled look on his face.) No! Noooo!! (Storms off.)
Ross: (he puts it in his mouth) Nope! Something else. (Throws it back under the bed.)
Joey: (stands up, and throws his coat on the floor) Im Joey! Im an actor! I dont know squat about dinosaurs!
Joey: (sitting down) Ahhh! (Slides his hands across the table.)
Rachel: Well, it was good.. until we got back to our apartment, and then we were fooling around and he started to put his hand up my leg and I kept slapping it away!
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
[Scene: The Telethon, Joey answers his ringing phone.]
Chandler: �Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine, never understood a single word he said, but I helped himdrink his wine.� So you just touch yourself for anything?
Chandler: Y'know Pheebs, it's kinda our (His and Monica's) anniversary.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gownit's Ross.]
Chandler: Well you did pull his hair.
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.)
Joey: (to the dealer) Can I change a hundred? (He hands him his chip.)
MNCA: Oh no no, this is not for him, this is for me. That way he's still sober but I find his stories about shoelaces much more amusing.
Ross: Fine! Its your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just dont want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but thats what you want, theres nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DONT DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)
Joey: Yeah right! (Gets up for a refill to his snow cone.)
Monica: I think so. Se, he-he's not inviting you to his party because he likes you.
Joey: He's kinda tall, dark hair, hand looks exactly like this. (Holds up his hand.) See?
(When Rachel starts to look under the bed if Joey would fit under there, Chandler opens the door inbetween the rooms, grabs Joey by his shirt and drags him to his room, and closes the door again)
(Joey enters. His face looks abnormally colorful.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
Gary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. (Phoebe looks down in shame.) No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. (Points to his eyes and she does so) Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, "Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?
Erica: No... he killed his father with a shovel. (Monica and Chandler's jaws drop) But other than that, he's a great guy.
(Time lapse, Chandler is finishing his third little bottle of booze.)
Phoebe: (taking his coffee) Okay, whatever you say. But just be careful, all right? Rachels not in the same place you are.
Danny: Okay. (Heads for his apartment.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are working on the seating chart as Ross enters carrying his tux around.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, it's so cool. (He opens his coat and has it pinned to the lining.) Now I gotta go, Officer Bing has gotta, 10-100. (Pause, softly) That's pee-pee. (Heads for the bathroom.)
Charlton Heston: I dont know one actor worth his salt that didnt say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!
Joey: Yeah well next thing you know, hell be telling you that your high heels are good for his posture!
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist)
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
Ross: Thats funny. Yeah. Yknow youre the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.
Rachel: Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh (She looks for a place to set it on his messy desk and he clears a spot for her to set it down.) fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me?
Chandler: (entering from his room carrying a fire extinguisher and wearing oven mitts) Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluidOp! Op! (He puts out a small fire which has re-ignited in his room.)
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Theatrical Agency, Joey is there to see his agent.]
Roy: All right, somebody show me where to plug in my box, and we'll get this party started! (he thrusts his pelvis towards Phoebe) Whaaaa... (walks back to plug in his cd player) Here? All right.
Joey: (entering wearing nothing but Porsche clothes) So the Porsche guy took his car back.
[Scene: The street, Joey is hanging out wearing his Porsche grab.]
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please?
Ross: (in his British accent) Im sorry, Ive got plans with my sister.