words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Does South Oregon have a sports-team? (Joey strikes one from his list) There you go.
Rachel: Oh, right. Sorry. But Tag's not coming; his girlfriend came into town, so he's spending Thanksgiving with her.
Monica: Oh! Why didn't you tell me? I made him his own individual sweet potato stuffed pumpkin.
Chandler: Oooh that may be a New World's record (Looks at his watch and picks up Ross' pad)
Chandler: Uh, Magellan? You got 46 states. (Smiles and hands Ross back his pad)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Ross is still doing his list. Rachel and Joey are feeding the dog as the phone rings.]
Rachel: When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
Monica: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-hes obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Rachel: No? (He shakes his head) All right, here's the truth um, Joey said what he said, because um, I'm attracted to you.
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
[Time lapse, after dinner. Ross stands up from his self-made map.]
Ross: Ah, what good are you. (Walks back to his map dejectedly.)
Ross: (hands Chandler his pad and walks in) I want my turkey now!
Rachel: (She considers it for a second) Yeah okay. (She puts her hands around his neck and they start kissing again)
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, shes pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Joey: Well whats complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! Youre in Paradise Pond!
Rachel: Well, it was, and you would have seen it if you didn't showed up at (looks at his watch) ... 9:30?? God! Oh, this party was lame ...
Joey: (yelling back) No you didn't! (turns and goes towards his room)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is dancing around his living room as Phoebe enters, catching and startling him.]
Ross: (Rolls his eyes) I guess!
(Joey comes out of his room)
Chandler: You look beautiful mom. (His dad clears his throat.) You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. (He kisses his dad on the cheek) Im so glad you here. (He kisses his mom.)
Joey: (very angry) You wanna know wh...? You wanna know why? (goes back into his room)
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
[Cut to the Jetway, the flight attendant enters, walks past Ross, and approaches an older man with his wife who is also wearing a blue jacket.]
(Ross shakes his head)
Joey: (enters from his bedroom) What?
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
Benjamin: (puts his hand on Ross's other cheek) I'm sorry too...
(they shake hands the way friends would. There's a muffin on the table, and Ross breaks off a piece and wants to put it in his mouth.)
Mr. Geller: (shaking her hand) So are you his mother or his father?
(Joey takes the ice-bucket with the champagne bottle in it and puts it on his sore spot)
Ross: (realizing his joke wasn't so good, but still giggling) Look, I took it too far!
Monica: (turns his back to the stairs) Oh, it's a great party! Great food. Y'know, most parties it's all chips and salsa, chips and salsa. (As she's saying this Rachel tries to head downstairs but is blocked by people coming upstairs. She quickly retreats back up the stairs.) (Sees that she has to keep him distracted longer.) So umm, what's this? (Points to his plate.)
Ross: (He freaks out and starts jumping around brushing his sweater) WHAT? WHERE? WHERE?
(cut to Joey on the other side, who finally leaves the door and goes to his apartment)
Rachel: Phoebe, his music could not get any worse. There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves.
Charlie: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
Rachel: Ok... (and passes the spider to Ross who holds it in between his hands)
[Flashback to: A street, Ross is sitting in his newly purchased MGB. Which is one of the better British sports cars ever made. Of course, better is a relative term. Which reminds me of a joke. Why dont the British make computers? Because they couldnt figure out how to make them leak oil. Anyway, the gang is all staring at his new purchase.]
Monica: Name one of his books.
Chandler: Uh-huh, and I got all the top ten scores, I erased Phoebe off the board! High five! (Holds up his hand to give Monica a high five, only he cant straighten his fingers.)
Joey: Wow (He opens his apartment door and throws their stuff in.)
Ross: (handing him his coat) Here!
(When Joey tries to pull back his head, he notices he is stuck)
(Joey tries to pull back at all his might.)
(They all cheer and hug again, but Joey's eating the food off his shirt)
(He goes into another room to get his projector and notes. While hes gone, Jill quickly checks her makeup.
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, Im glad. Rachel, Id like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin?
(Ross enters the room, takes off his robe and enters the booth. He stands with his back to the nozzles and then realises that this booth has nozzles at both sides of the wall)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's on the couch when Ross walks to him, with his jacket closed.]
Rachel: Noo! Oh no! No! God no! He should not get back together with her. I know that! You know that! Even Ross knows that! But that still doesnt give us the right to erase his message!
Ross: No one, I’m just saying if... (Phoebe starts pinching him in his neck)
Joey: Yeah, a naked bagel game? (Picks up his dropped bagel.) (To Chandler) Dude, I dont know. Thats a pretty small hole.
Joey: Well who is this guy?! Huh? Who is he? Cause I will track him down and kick his ass!
Joey: (he has a turkey on his head) It's stuck!!!
Ross: Correct, his profession was?
JOEY: Yeah.� Maybe Michael Jordon will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
Joey: (speaking with his mouth full, enjoying his sandwich) What did they say?
Chandler: I'm sure that would mean a lot to him. And if heaven has a door, I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it and listening intently.
Rachel: Okay, what? What is too sensitive? (There's music coming from the living room. Ross opens the door to the living room and he and Rachel see Sandy play a song for Emma on his recorder. Rachel is moved by this, but Ross only sees his point proven again, and walks back into the kitchen, angrily. The door he was holding, swings back and hits Rachel.)
Roy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
(he uses his remote to turn on the music, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, and starts dancing for Phoebe. He shakes his butt, moves his shoulders back, grabs his crotch and hops towards Phoebe. Phoebe is half horrified and half scared. He takes his hat off and throws it away, does some "Can Can" high kicks and swings his butt in front of Phoebe who looks at it in disgust. Then he tears open his shirt and shows her his chest and she flinches.)
Phoebe: Oh God no, I don't wanna see him take his clothes off!
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Rachel: No, I also had to go to a couple houses with him as his girlfriend. Oh, I am just awful with children!
(Chandler runs to the window, opens it, starts out, but returns, casually walking back to his chair.)
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Monica: YES! (Chandler gets an "oh no!" look on his face)
Ross: (waving his fist in the air in triumph) YES, YES!
(Joey comes out from his room)
(Joey has a "Yeah you do" smile on his face)
(They shake hands, he walks out and shuts the door, then seems to change his mind, moves to open the door, than changes his mind again and leans over the door. Just then, Rachel opens the door)
(Mike takes off his coat to give to Phoebe and the steel band plays "The Wedding Song")
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Joey: Yeah? I just figured yknow, after living with you itd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, yknow? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone whos different than me. And whats more different than me; a guy whos not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.) Not just a hat rack my friend!
Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, partys over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parents basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.
Rachel: Oh wow! What now Ross youre not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. (Mimics his breathing.) I mean youd think the damn jalepeno wouldve cleared up your sinuses, but no!! Thats not enough (Ross jumps over and kisses her.) What are you doing?!
Chandler: I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.
RACH: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?
(Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.)
Mike: (raising his glass) Thank you guys for having us over.
Ross: Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
(Ross enters with a bottle in his hand)
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
Maitre d': Mr Campbell's not here yet. Let me show you to his table.
Rachel: Oh, thank you... (looks at his face trying to remember his name)
RACH: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just, it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.
[Scene: Ross and his date walk into a lobby. They are both wearing their jackets]
Mr Zelner: Yeah, his name is Ross. (Ross looks very surprised) What?
Ross: Yeah! Yes! Thank you! This is great. Thank you so much. And I swear, your kid is going to have the time of his life.
Chandler: No, no, Ross and Rachel will be back soon and then I gotta go to the office (Pulls another balloon out of his mouth) Am I producing them?
Joey: (going out with the VCR in his hand) Well, I guess we'll never know whose it is!
Chandler: Yknow what? I dont trust you with this cake anymore! And I got it first, and Im takin it back! (Grabs the cheesecake and heads for his apartment.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He walks in reading his mail, and plays back his messages on the answering machine]
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is working on his laptop when Rachel enters with Emma.]
Rachel: Well uh, his answering machine was very understanding. Ugh. I feel blue.
CHANDLER: All right. (reading her answer) "My husband is sleeping with his secretary." She's married!
MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
(Joey takes the bubble wrap off his head)
Amy: Why, did something happen to his falafel cart?
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Phoebe: But no, because a doctor wont be able to help him, its just gonna yknow naturally pass through his system in like seven years.
Phoebe: Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes.
Rachel: I think I'm gonna take off. (pats Ross on his back, but he looks very surprised)
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
(Chandler enters carrying his daughter.)
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
(He brings his hands in closer to his face then does it again.)
(Ross opens his eyes.)
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]