words in movies
Joey: Im sorry, do I know you?
Joey: Nothing, Im just practicing blowing you off because Im gonna be a big movie star!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
Ross: A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.
Monica: I gotta make up the guest bedroom. (To Ross) Hey, Cousin Cassie is coming to stay with us a few days.
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Ross: So what! I still haveNo youre probably right.
Rachel: Hey Pheebs, can I talk to you over here for a second?
Monica: I know youre planning my surprise bridal shower.
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Monica: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Rachel: (calmly) Okay. Im sorry. Youre right, youre right.
Rachel: Phoebe, I already, I already did.
Phoebe: Oh okay. All right, then I need to calm down a little.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. (They sit down.) I think we can do this if we just get organized. All right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? All right, where are we gonna have it?
Phoebe: I dont know. (Timidly) A cowboy theme?
Chandler: Yknow Im-Im really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
Chandler: Yknow I was thinking if we had a a big fight and uh we broke up for a few hours
Cassie: I thought I heard voices. You must be Chandler.
Chandler: Ill be right with you.
Chandler: I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. Its called being a good conversationalist. Watch. (Stares at Monicas eyes.) Say something.
Joey: Hey, Im back!
Joey: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Monica: Well Im not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head Im thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.
Phoebe: Hey! Ive got a great idea for party favors for the shower. Okay, we get some uh mahogany boxes and carve everyones names in them and inside is everyones individual birth stone.
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
Monica: Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that wont work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That wont work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that wont work.
Monica: No its umm, more like a wrap. Okay so uh, Im gonna go guys.
Monica: I guess you can get back to deciding on what to get me for a present! (Runs out.)
Phoebe: Okay but look! Look at what I got! Its her address book! (Holds it up.) We have a guest list!
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Cassie: Thanks for letting me stay here! I mean Monicas place was nice, but her fiancee sure stares a lot.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Cassie: Im all done.
Cassie: I guess the last time we really hung out was when our parents rented that beach house together.
Ross: Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you til you cried? (She laughs) Were probably too old to do that now.
Cassie: Ill always remember that summer, because its when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
Ross: (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and Ill always remember that summer because thats when I realized that we are related.
Ross: Well Im, Im a little slow. (To himself) Just as our children would be.
Rachel: Well, I dont know. I called all the people in Monicas phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
Rachel: (to her) Hi! Im Rachel. This is Phoebe. Im the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?
Woman: I was her accountant four years ago.
Woman: Im very interested to find out whos been doing her taxes these last four years.
Phoebe and Rachel: (to each other) I dont know.
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Phoebe: Fine, Ill go call her.
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Monica: Phoebe! Rachel! Its Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
Monica: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I dont even like!
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Phoebe: Yeah I guess you're right. Yeah thanks. This helped. Thanks.
Gary: Well you're fingerprints were all over my badge so I just ran it through the computer and this was listed as your last known address so I just checked it out.
Ross: Yeah I just hurt it.
Chandler: Honey I... I love your breasts the way they are!
Ross: Ah no. I dont, but it could not have been more than sixty.
Rachel: Oh, Ive got big Valentines plans! Ive got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy!
Monica: You know what Id love to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheeseNot even bread, just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. Ah, and pastries (Breathlessly) And pate. Oh, Im really not high, its just I used to be fat.
Monica: I thought I was something that we both wanted!
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Steve: Well then you can't have any. (she grabs for the package, and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.) Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. (he throws some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl) Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! (Mimicking the bears) "Help! I'm drowning! Help!"
Ross: Well, I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were caught up in the whole soccer mom thing? but is that really you? I mean can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Ross: I don't know you'd be so bored with marriage. I mean it's so... normal.
Ross: Hey hey, can I help?
Waiter: Can I get you another glass of wine?
Phoebe: Right. Except that I do want to get married.
Mike: I want to live with you too! Let's do that!
Phoebe: Me neither. I think I need to be with someone who wants what I want.
Phoebe: I don't want it to end either.
Phoebe: Because I just didn't know how much I wanted it. And I love you, and I wanted to live with you.
Mike: But I don't want this to end.
Mike: Can we at least try living together? I mean you might change your mind about marriage.
Rachel: Oh really? So youre saying they just slid out of your bottom drawer, crawled across the floor, then jumped on to my desk?! (I think Dogbert should have a line here.)
RACHEL: Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now and we don't really know you. I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like, what don't you like? We wanna hear everything.
Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Ross: I think you made it clear you cannot be trusted with the ball inside the house!
Steve: I have such fat hands!
Phoebe: Breaking up sucks! Oh, I really miss Mike!
Rachel: Joey... are you sure? I mean, I know how much you love him!
Phoebe: Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.
Monica: Okay, I got that. Ill escape over there. Ill come back over here. All right, come on Ms. Pac-Man. Its gotRight(She dies.) Well, youre just a little bitch, arent you?
Chandler: I believe I read that somewhere!
Chandler: I don't have a page.
Ross: You'd better hope not because I just read what you put on your page today.
Joey: Well, I heard Emma stirring, so I came to make sure she could reach Hugsy.
Chandler: No, no, no-no-no. I smoked for years, then I quit. Right now, I can�t remember why. (to everyone:) You�re not allowed to smoke in this office. Not right?
Chandler: Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.
Rachel: Oh, youre one of those. But yknow what? I have two sisters of my own and we just-just tortured each other.
Cailin: I dont know. Could be because I dont feel like standing around all night waiting for some guy who may or may not scream.
Phoebe: God, I wish Mike were here.
Monica: Im Catwoman, who wants to borrow the dress when youre too big for it.
Jill: (entering, carrying a bunch of shopping bags) I just had the hardest day. Those bags are so heavy. (Sets them down.)
Ross: (yelling at Chandler) I have sex with dinosaurs??
Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; thats not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why dont we, why dont we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone.
Joey: Oh, no don't worry about that, I swallowed that years ago.
Rachel: Yeah, I think she wants the old one back.
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issacs sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebes friends with Rachel. And thats the trail, I did it!
Mike: Look, if I wanna see Phoebe and she wants to see...
Rachel: Ugh! Joey, I have to go.
Joey: (to the fireman) Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday?
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is speaking Italian to Joeys grandmother. Im spelling phonetically.]
Phoebe: I just like him so much that I just feel like Ive had 10 drinks today and Ive only had six.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, I broke down... I wanted to see him.
Mike: Oh! Sorry, I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name!
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one. Ah, its says so in the script! Y'know ah, I-I dont know why my character likes you either, I mean it says in the script here that youre a bitch.
Chandler: Okay. Thats better. Now I want you to both apologize to each other and mean it.
Ross: Uh-hmm, yeah-yeah do you like it? Do-do you looove it? I just want you to know that Im changing your grade back.
Chandler: I respectfully disagree.
Chandler: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.
Ross: Posting that I died? That really isn't funny.
Gavin: I missed you at work today. How are you feeling?
Ross: Oh, wow! I should get going. I-I got a date tonight.
Joey: Ha-ha, very funnyLook! I dont know what to do! I really want you guys to get along. Just please come to the movie with us. I mean you owe me!
Monica: Okay well then, Ill fire him today and you go out with him for another week.
Joey: Look forget it forget it... I can't do it.
Mike: It's just my first marriage was, you know such a disaster. I kind of lost faith in the whole idea.
Joey: Ok, wait wait wait wait a minute wait a minute, I mean Rach, I mean if if... . If Hugsy means that much to Emma then... well she can have him.
Joey: How do you think I got him in the first place?
Phoebe: Oh, I missed you so much! (she kisses Mike)
Phoebe: I know, I want that too, but IS that going to make it too hard?
Joey: Hi! Im Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you.
Monica: Didn't you hear that speech? If you don't kiss him then I will!
Monica: Hey, at least I knew where my guy was.
Monica: And I blame you too.
Manny: Oh we blew it. I blame myself.
Mike: My friend Manny. I asked him to keep me away from you.
Joey: Err...Well I...Know how much you used to make and I know how much your rent is. (shrugs)
ROSS: No. Man I don't wanna have to have Joey with me every time I wanna descent cup of coffee. Ya know, and I don't wanna spend the rest of my life drinking cappucino with a 'K'. I say you and I go back down there and stand up to those guys.
Monica: I look like a man??
Chandler: I didn't know Ross and you were so close.
Kori: I can't believe that Ross is gone. It is just so sad.
Ross: Yeah! I dont know. I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it?! Am I giving out some kind of sexy professor vibe? (Rachel and Joey both look at him.)
Mike: Yeah, look, and I don't want you to feel like you have to give me your key just because...
Kori: I thought so many times about calling him and asking him out. I guess I really missed my chance.
Alice: Umm, actually, I came down to ask you a big favour.
Rachel: Well sure, if you say youre gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! (Grabs them from him.) All right, now Im gonna do this my way and I dont want to hear a peep out of you!
Chandler: (spinning around looking for him) I dont think you did a very thorough job!
Chandler: Yeah, because if I was at my old job we'd say 300 million? No thank you!
Joey: I like those odds!
Rachel: Yeah me too. oh! I have an idea. Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks, we'll pool our money together and then if we win, we'll split it!
Joey: I did?
Joey: (not yelling anymore)I was?
Hitchhiker: This is where I get off. Well, I have your address and phone number.
Chandler: Yeah I know.
Monica: Oh! I hate that guy! I mean come on kid! Pull up your pants!
Chandler: Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.
Phoebe: I hope I win!
Joey: I can't tell you what I'm wishing for! Else...you know...won't come true!
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Mike: Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone...
Joey: I won, hey!