words in movies
Joey: Im sorry, do I know you?
Joey: Nothing, Im just practicing blowing you off because Im gonna be a big movie star!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
Ross: A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.
Monica: I gotta make up the guest bedroom. (To Ross) Hey, Cousin Cassie is coming to stay with us a few days.
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Ross: So what! I still haveNo youre probably right.
Rachel: Hey Pheebs, can I talk to you over here for a second?
Monica: I know youre planning my surprise bridal shower.
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Monica: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Rachel: (calmly) Okay. Im sorry. Youre right, youre right.
Rachel: Phoebe, I already, I already did.
Phoebe: Oh okay. All right, then I need to calm down a little.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. (They sit down.) I think we can do this if we just get organized. All right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? All right, where are we gonna have it?
Phoebe: I dont know. (Timidly) A cowboy theme?
Chandler: Yknow Im-Im really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
Chandler: Yknow I was thinking if we had a a big fight and uh we broke up for a few hours
Cassie: I thought I heard voices. You must be Chandler.
Chandler: Ill be right with you.
Chandler: I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. Its called being a good conversationalist. Watch. (Stares at Monicas eyes.) Say something.
Joey: Hey, Im back!
Joey: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Monica: Well Im not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head Im thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.
Phoebe: Hey! Ive got a great idea for party favors for the shower. Okay, we get some uh mahogany boxes and carve everyones names in them and inside is everyones individual birth stone.
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
Monica: Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that wont work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That wont work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that wont work.
Monica: No its umm, more like a wrap. Okay so uh, Im gonna go guys.
Monica: I guess you can get back to deciding on what to get me for a present! (Runs out.)
Phoebe: Okay but look! Look at what I got! Its her address book! (Holds it up.) We have a guest list!
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Cassie: Thanks for letting me stay here! I mean Monicas place was nice, but her fiancee sure stares a lot.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Cassie: Im all done.
Cassie: I guess the last time we really hung out was when our parents rented that beach house together.
Ross: Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you til you cried? (She laughs) Were probably too old to do that now.
Cassie: Ill always remember that summer, because its when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
Ross: (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and Ill always remember that summer because thats when I realized that we are related.
Ross: Well Im, Im a little slow. (To himself) Just as our children would be.
Rachel: Well, I dont know. I called all the people in Monicas phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
Rachel: (to her) Hi! Im Rachel. This is Phoebe. Im the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?
Woman: I was her accountant four years ago.
Woman: Im very interested to find out whos been doing her taxes these last four years.
Phoebe and Rachel: (to each other) I dont know.
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Phoebe: Fine, Ill go call her.
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Monica: Phoebe! Rachel! Its Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
Monica: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I dont even like!
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah! Dont worry about me, Ill be fine! (Does a kara-tay move.)
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Monica: I mean, all Im asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Dont I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out!
Joey: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I dont know anything about technology! I cant even use Chandlers computer except to find porn! And-and thats only cause its right there when you turn it on!
Roger: Did I, uh, did I miss something?
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Joey: Rachel... let's be clear on this, ok? I do not love Hugsy. I like him a normal amount...
Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be there when when the laughter stops.
Chandler: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.
Mr. Tribbiani: Gotta go. I miss you too, I love you, but it's getting real late now
Monica: No, I havent.
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
Ross: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why?
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Ross: Nonono, thatthat's not what I was saying...
Roger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail.
Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Uh, let's see, who do I hate?
Joey: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! (in a low voice) Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.
Phoebe: Écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C'est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé. (Translation: Listen, I will tell you the truth. He's my little bother. He's a bit retarded.)
RACHEL: Ohh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I didn't know that's I had to do, I just have to get over it.
Chandler: You dont think Ive tried? You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you! Then they bring out Maria.
Joey: Oh uh, can I give you a hand?
Mr. Tribbiani: I don't want you taking that thing.
Joey: All right, turn around, I got to get a look at this thing.
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
Mr. Tribbiani: I can't do that!
Joey: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room!
Chandler: Cry?! I just found a talking puppy, Im rich!
Rachel: Uh well, I guess Im not gonna miss the fact that youre never allowed to move the phone pen. (Laughs. Monica lags behind the laugh a little bit.)
Joey: (To Rachel) Hey, I was pretty close. (She just glares at him.) Uhh, so bad news. Umm, I cant buy the boat, I dont have any money.
Chandler: Yeah. I really do.
Ronni: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, Chandler's in ours?
Monica: Hi...May I help you?
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Ross: You dont understand! Elizabeth was about to ask me to go on a trip with her! Is that taking it slow?! No, Im not ready for this! Okay? What-what do I tell her?
Rachel: You were supposed to be in there so I could see your thing!
Rachel: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were...
Chandler: I do not hate Ross!
Monica: Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's.
Ross: I dont think so! Youre just giving me Ruth so youll get to name it when its a boy, and thats when youll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia.
Ross: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?"
Ross: Hey! Hey! Come on! You can! I know you can do this! Lets go!
Monica: (shocked) Wow! All right well, I mean, what can you do? If you lost it you lost it.
Joey: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd want.
Joey: So then how could you I mean, how could you?!
Ross: Fine! Thank you for warning me. At breakfast Ill be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.
Mrs. Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her?
Mrs. Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her?
Phoebe: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.
Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.
Mr. Geller: No! Thank you! (Hugs Chandler) Monica, and Ross! I dont know what Im gonna do about the two of you!
Joey (to Chandler): Look, c'mon, please? It's not like I'm asking for some crazy favour. This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor! (he glances at his watch and sees the time) Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work! (he stands, ready to go). Look, here's a copy of my reels. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.
Ross: No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. Pretty sure, they both think Im interested in them.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.
Chandler: I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!
Ross: (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes were surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change.
Chandler: (Very defensive.) Im not seeing Monica.
Ross: I think it's insane.
Chandler: More importantly, was I any good?
Phoebe: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny...
Ross: Im gonna, Im gonna go to London and Im going to fight for her.
Joey: Hey, I may never have kids, and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.
Phoebe: I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?
Monica: I don't know. Maybe we're some kinda magnets.
Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Ross: I love it, when we share.
Chandler: Jeez, at 2:30 in the morning, I didn't expect to have to fight over the remote.
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
Chandler: I hope she throws up on you.
Ross: I can't belive you two had sex in her dream.
Janice: I will go for that drink.
Mr. Geller: Listen to me! When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea.
Charity guy: Wow! Are you here to make another donation the same day? I don’t think that that’s ever happened before.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.
Kristin: Wow, uh, anything else I should know?
CHANDLER: Alright, alright, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.
Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will.
Rachel: Burning's good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn.
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?
CHANDLER: But we had one of the greatest talks we ever had last night. I mean it was, it was like when we first started living together.
Janice: I brought you something.
Janice: I had them made special.
Chandler: Oh, no I don't.
Chandler: I did, but...
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
Rachel: (she's wearing an oven mitt to protect her hand) I give up you guys, I don't know what I'm going to do with this thing!
Chandler: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, thanks. (takes phone)
Ross: Uhh, yes I did but there isn't. Okay, here we go.
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Phoebe: Okay (walks out and closes the door behind her, looks up and whispers) If you guys have microphones in there too, I didn't mean any of that. I love you.