words in movies
Part I Written by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen Part II Written by: Greg Malins & Scott Silveri Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Rachel: No! No! It's just that all the people in the entire world that I want to talk to are right here.
Joey: Hey Pheebs! Listen, uh can you do me a favor? I forgot the pin number to my ATM card can, can you get it for me?
Joey: Uh, I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Y'know what? I have been trying to apologize to him all week! If he's not gonna let me do it on the phone, I'm gonna go down there and do it in person.
Joey: Uhh Pheebs, I heard that. Can you put him on?
Chandler: No-no-no-no, I've supported you one hundred percent and I want to prove that to you in person!
Joey: I got that! I forgive ya! Don't come out here!
Monica: Okay, you can not tell Chandler. Okay? That I ran into Richard.
Phoebe: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.
Monica: The strange part was, he was really nice, umm and he looks great, but I didn't feel anything at all!
Monica: Because it would totally freak him out and tomorrow's our anniversary. I just don't want anything to spoil that.
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you guys lasted a whole year!
Monica: I know.
Phoebe: Wow! I owe Rachel 20 bucks!
Chandler: I know. Can you believe it? One year ago today I was just your annoying friend Chandler.
Monica: I got you a present!
Monica: I know, but you have to open it today! (Hands it too him.)
Chandler: Yeah, I think we should see other people.
Rachel: Well, I guess I could take a couple days off work.
Rachel: Oh no, wait a minute, wait, I've got a presentation tomorrow. I can't miss that.
Chandler: I said art lover.
Chandler: I don't know, I'm very tired.
Ross: So Rach, maybe you and I could fly out together Saturday.
Rachel: No! So I can be by myself. Y'know? Have a little alone time.
Rachel: No! Phoebe just because I'm alone doesnt mean I wanna walk around naked. I mean, you live alone, you don't walk around naked.
Phoebe: Okay, what about after I give you these candies? (Hands them each one from her purse.)
Chandler: Yeah, I guess it's a little better now.
Monica: Aww! I love you!
Chandler: Can I give you a present now?
Chandler: Okay! (He grabs his carryon and starts rummaging through it.) Oh man! Dont tell me I did this!
Monica: I love the "I forgot the present" fake out!
Chandler: How do you feel about the, "I really did forgot the present, please forgive me" not fake out?
Monica: Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
Rachel: (takes off her robe) Oh! Look what happened! {Don't get your hopes up guys, we only get to see her from the back or from the neck up. Its times like these I wish that the networks would broadcast some nudity other than Denis Franz's butt.} (In her head.) Huh, check me out! I'm in my kitchen naked! I'm picking up an orange. (Does so) I'm naked! (Goes into the living room) Lighting the candles, naked, and carefully. (She backs anything that might have a point like a candle on her body away.)
Ross: (in his head) Oh my God! That's Rachel naked! I can't look at that! I am looking at this. (Looks back at his book.) Okay, vivid colors, expressive brush strokesUnless she wants me to be looking at that. She knows I'm home. She knows I can see her. What kind of game is she playing? I think maybe someone's lonely tonight. Oh-ho, Dr. Geller! Stop it! You're being silly! Or, am I?
[Cut back to Monica and Rachel's apartment, Rachel is singing along with a song and dancing while facing the big picture window. Y'know, I think I'd pay real good money to be on the other side of that window!]
Ross: May I come in?
Ross: So do I. (Slowly walks in.) Okay Rach, before anything happens (He takes off his coat) I just want to lay down a couple of ground rules. (Turns back to face her.) This is just about tonight. I don't to go through with this if it's going to raise the question of "Us." (Rachel's confused) Okay? I just want this to be (Kicks off his left shoe) about what it is! (Kicks off the other one.)
Rachel: Noo!! No! You thought, you actually thought I wanted to have sex with you?!
Rachel: Ohh wow! Im sorry, but Ross you kicked off your shoes!
Ross: All right I guess I'm, gonna go pack. (Starts to leave)
Phoebe: For 99 cents, I'd eat you. (Sees the casino) Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! (Points to Joey in his gladiator suit posing for a picture with two old ladies.) Oh! Look! Hi!
Joey: What-what are you guys doing here? I thought I told you not to come.
Joey: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. (To no one in particular) Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
Joey: They uh director. Uhh, her. (Points to an old woman standing behind him. Who glares at him and walks off.) All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.
Joey: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. (To Chandler) I'm sorry man.
Monica: I knew you were not okay with that.
Monica: You're right. I'm sorry. I should've told you.
Phoebe: I love Vegas!
Monica: I promise you, next time I will absolutely tell you.
Monica: I can not see him? I mean, you can't tell me what to do!
Chandler: That's so funny, because I think I just did!
Monica: Oh y'know what? If you're gonna be acting like this all night, I really, I don't even want to be around you.
Joey: Hey-hey don't look at me! I just work here! (Walks away.)
Rachel: No, not really. I mean you've seen me naked hundreds of times.
Rachel: Okay. All right, that's true! But y'know I just don't embarrass that easily.
Rachel: No, I don't! Ross, I think I'm just a more secure person than you are.
Ross: (loudly so that everyone can hear) Hey lady! I don't care how much you want it! Okay?! I am not gonna to have sex with you in the bathroom! (Rachel sinks lower on her chair trying to hide.)
Chandler: (interrupting in the nick of time) Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.
Chandler: Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick! (Mimics it.)
Joey: Wait a minute! Why don't I do what that guy did? I'll take this $100 and turn it into $5,000! And then I'll turn that into enough money to get my movie going again!
Joey: Chandler! I don't need luck. I have thought this through!
Chandler: I see.
Monica: I can't believe this! This is like the worst night ever!
Phoebe: Y'know Monica you had a minor setback in your relationship with Chandler. Big deal! It's only Chandler. (Monica turns and stares at her.) I am so sorry.
Monica: This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again.
Rachel: Ross! What are you I'm sorry sir. I just, I think he just really likes you.
The Flight Attendant: Miss? May I help you?
Joey: (to the dealer) Can I change a hundred? (He hands him his chip.)
Joey: Chandler! You are not gonna believe this! I have found my identical hand twin!
Joey: Dont you see what this means?! I can forget about that stupid movie. I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Joey: Look, I don't have it all worked out yet, but it's gotta mean big money! Come on! Identical hands!
Chandler: Again I must go back to, how?
Chandler: No! No! I support you 100%! I just didn't, I didn't get it right away. Y'know now I'm caught up! Identical hand twins! It's a million-dollar idea!
Joey: I found my identical hand twin!
Phoebe: I wonder where she is. That is so weird.
Phoebe: Good. (After he leaves, she puts on Joey's gladiator helmet and checks herself out in the mirror) I should really start wearing hats!
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Chandler is looking for Monica while Tom Jones's signature song is playing in the background (Getting the theme yet? Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, casinos They're in Vegas people! Catch up!) It's Not Unusual, y'know, "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone! It's not unusual to have fun with anyone! But when I see you hanging about with anyone, it's not unusual to see me cry! I wanna die." Well, while that's playing he spots Monica playing craps and in victory hug the guy next to her. Chandler turns and walks out.]
Rachel: Yes, I did. Thank you very much, it was excellent. (Disembarks)
Ross: I think the check in is that way. (Points)
Rachel: What are you talking about Pheebs? (Takes out her compact) I don't (She gasps when she looks in the mirror and sees her face.) (To Ross) Oh my God, you drew on me?!
Rachel: Ross, I have been walking around like this since the plane! I canyou have so crossed a line. (Heads for the bathroom)
Phoebe: That's like the third time that lady's won on a machine I was playing.
Rachel: No, actually I took it off then I drew it back on.
Ross: Hey listen I uh, talked to Chandler, sorry about the movie.
Joey: No, don't be sorry. I don't need it anymore. I found my identical hand twin!
Monica: All right baby, come on! (Rolls the dice) Yes! Yes! I am on fire!
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
Chandler: Come on! I was there! (He's propped up with his hand on a statute of a naked guy. He winces and pulls his hand away.) I know he's the love of your life.
Chandler: Yeah, I wanted to make a dramatic scene, but I hate packing.
The Woman Dealer: I don't know about the hands, but the guy that was here before me just went to the bathroom.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's hotel room, Rachel is still trying to get the ink off and Ross is on the phone to the company. Wait a minute, why exactly are they sharing a hotel room? Didn't they like break-up or something? Did I miss a memo? Or maybe, it's just foreshadowing things to come. Who knows? Maybe the answer's at the bottom of the page. Then again, maybe it isn't and it's just one of those things TV writers just don't explain. Anyhoo ]
Ross: (on the phone) Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. (Listens) A beard and a moustache. (Listens and laughs) Thank you. (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) No, she didn't think so. (Listens) I know it's like (turns and sees Rachel staring at him and quickly changes the subject) anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Oh! Okay. (Listens) Okay, thank you! (Rachel gets excited at his tone.) (Hangs up the phone) Yeah, it's not coming off.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
Rachel: Ross, no! There is no way I am leaving this room looking like this!
Rachel: Ross, I am a human doodle!!
Ross: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) There are tons of freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!
Rachel: Okay, I need a, I need a drink! (Makes a beeline for the mini-bar.)
Monica: Yeah, I couldn't be mad at him for too long.
Phoebe: I know. Use it.
Joey's Hand Twin: Do I know you?
Joey: Look, you and I have been given a gift. Okay? We have to do something with it. Like-like, hand modeling! Huh? Or-or magic! And you know NASA's gonna wanna talk to us!
Joey's Hand Twin: (tries to leave) I have to get back to
Joey: (stopping him) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-whoa! We could have our own show! Y'know we could clap our hands together people will love it! Huh? And-and-and I wrote a song for us! (Singing, to the tune of This Land is Your Land) This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that's your hand! No wait, it's my hand!
Rachel: I bet 20.
Monica: That's right baby! Okay, what do I want now?
Monica: Okay, good! Okay, what do I want now?
Chandler: (sees the roll) Yes!! I love you! I can't even remember what we were fighting about!
Monica: Oh, that's because I had lunch with RichMe neither! Okay, what do I want now?
Chandler: Okay, okay, I tell you what. You roll another hard eight; (pause) and we get married here tonight.
Chandler: Yes! I love you! I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
Monica: I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
Chandler: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?
Monica: I think so too.
(Cue up the music as they move in and kiss. This time I think it's Perry Como, but I'm not sure. It's Everybody loves somebody, sometime! Everybody falls in love somehow! Something in your kiss, just told me, my sometime, is now!)
The Lurker: I don't want to see you lose a chunk of that pretty blond hair!
Phoebe: Yeah, from now on everyone you lurk, I'm gonna lurk first! You move on to someone else, I'm gonna be one step ahead of you, every single time! And then I'll be on your ass every hour of every day 'til Monday, because that's when I go home. When do you leave?
Rachel: Yeah, and also we need more umm, drinks. Hold on a second. (Gets up but stumbles a little bit.) Whup, okay. (She makes it to the phone and picks it up, without dialing.) Hello! Vegas? Yeah, we would like some more alcohol, and y'know what else? We would like some more beers. Hello? Ohh, I forgot to dial!
Ross: Ohh, it's Joey! I love Joey! (Hugs him.)
Rachel: Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck! (Goes and hugs Joey.)
Joey: Look-look-look you guys, I need some help! Okay? Someone is going to have to convince my hand twin to cooperate!
Ross: I wanna get out of the room! Y'know, I I really miss downstairs.
Phoebe: I won! I won! I finally won!
The Lurker: I won! That was my quarter!
Phoebe: No! No, you can't arrest me! No!! I won't go back! I won't go back to that hell hole!!
Monica: Okay, come on, I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.
Monica: You're so efficient. I love you!
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
Chandler: I don't think so.
[Scene: A blackjack table, Joey is moving in to try and get his hand twin (who's dealing) to join him in his evil plot to rule the world! "Join me, and together we'll rule the universe as father and son!" (Sorry, I had a little Star Wars creep in thereOoh, I have a big spoiler for The Phantom Menace, Yoda lives at the end! Ha-ha, spoiled it! Now you don't have to see it!)]
Joey: No-no, I don't really have any money. Not yet, anyway (Shakes his hands.)
Phoebe: (entering and sitting down at the table.) Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? (Looks down) Ooh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must've left it in conference room B.
Phoebe: Oh my God! May I just say that you two gentlemen have the exact same hands! They're identical! Now, I've never seen anything like that in the business world.
Joey: Uhh, Ms. Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at-at this table?
Joey's Hand Twin: (To Joey) If you leave now, I will chop off my hand and give it too you!
The Security Guard: (To Phoebe) Didn't I just throw you out of here?
Monica: I gotta make up the guest bedroom. (To Ross) Hey, Cousin Cassie is coming to stay with us a few days.
Chandler: I know.
Joey: I think Im gonna cry!
Chandler: Oh, I dont know man. I havent talked to her in like ten years.
Ross: Oh no! Hey-hey, Im the guy! Ill get it.
Ross: co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didnt handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club.
Phoebe: Oh I know, I helped pick out the ring.
The Woman: I own this store.
The Dry Cleaner: I did.
Joey: Whoa!! Now look, dont be just blurtin stuff out. I want you to really think about your answers. Okay?
Phoebe: If she says no, can I have the ring?
JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um....
Ross: Oh yeah, how about you and the, (mimics her fake cry) "Im sorry!"
Chandler: Im not gonna mess it up.
Monica: (to the restuarant customers) Excuse me, excuse me, hi, I'm Monica Geller..I'm the head chef here.. (pauses as if waiting for something).. Ok, I was actually expecting a little applause there, but whatever! Ok, quick question: by a show of hands, how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside? (a few people raise their hands)
Rachel: Oh my God, Im so sorry.
Monica: Well Im Monica Geller, ball like a baby.
Rachel: I think so.
Rachel: I don't know. It's so complicated. I work with this guy, you know, I have the baby, and I have Ross, and I just...I don'tknow what to do and I have to be at the office and see Gavin in ten minutes.
All: Yeah! Yeah, sort of. Im sorry.
Ross: Oh no, I have plans with Elizabeth.
Phoebe: I can do that for the kids.
Ross: I dont know.
Chandler: Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Elizabeth: Oh no-no believe me, Im leaving as soon as possible!
Chandler: Yknow, Im so glad I picked you to help me with this.
Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God!! Ohh, Jessica Lockhart!! In my apartment!! I am such a huge fan! I am such a huge fan!
Phoebe: No, I know what a silent is I meant, whats going on with your hair?
Megan: Oh no, these dresses are all so amazing but there is no way I could afford one.
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Rachel: And I also brought my friend Joey
Kristen: Im moving in.
Monica: Oh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!
Ross: Oh, you have to call the police! Thats what I did to the kids in my building!
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
Male Jeweler: Can I help you?
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Joey: (smiling) I don't know. This little, old lady lives for my career. When they dumped me off of Days of Our Lives she almost died.
Rachel: I wanna say a disease.
Chandler: I haven't... I haven't even thought about the results yet... I just assumed that everything was gonna be ok.
Joey: I guessed 20,000!
Joey: I won! That was my guess!
Phoebe: Some guy bought it. Im sorry. I tired to stop it but they (points to the jeweler) put me in jail!
Phoebe: I got me some drinks!
Joey: What?! I dont have 20,000!
Monica: Yeah. Im okay. Im actuallyIm a little cold, can I have your jacket?
Chandler: Love her! That's right, I LOVE HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.
Ross: (continuing) I just found out that Elizabeths dad wants to meet me.
Chandler: Okay umm, before I meant you I had really little life and I couldnt imagine growing old with
MONICA: Doctor, can I see you for just a minute please? My brother has a slight phobia about needles.
Richards Date: Hi, Im Lisa.
Rachel: No, no Phoebe no, I was...no. You know what, I was, I was actually just checking to, see, if I could run. And I can!
Chandler: Yeah, Ill sit down. (He slides back into his chair.)
Joey: Im Joey. (They shake hands.)
Phoebe: Im just helping the kids!
Joey: I dont know! Charity?
Phoebe: Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.
Joey: So uh listen, I think Im gonna take off now. (Starts to get up.)
Chandler: That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. (Motions to Ross's buttock.) Maybe there's something in that area.
Phoebe: (interrupting) Im not asking!
Rachel: Oh! (Opens the door to reveal a ballerina) Well youre just the prettiest ballerina Ive ever seen.
Monica: So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know theyre going at it right on the bathroom floor.
Phoebe: I know, Im sorry! But yknow, this ring is better! Monica never even saw the other ring.
Ross: (while Rachel is finishing her rant) Okay! Okay! Okay! Its okay. (Rachel stops.) Its okay. Hey, its too weird for you, I wont see her again.
Chandler: (clearly lying and hating the dessert) Yeah, this is so good, that Im gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
Monica: I thought you were going out with Elizabeth.
ROSS: I just wanna thank you for being there for me today. And I'm sorry I,I almost broke your hand.
Ross: Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight.
Monica: Okay well I think thats your answer.
Ross: Ive got to talk to her. Ugh, I hate this part.
Joey: I-I think everybodys pretending they dont hear you. Anyway, look, I dont know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, Im telling you, he will sit in it! (Ross enters and goes over to the white table) Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I saved you seat.
Dr. Ledbetter: I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?
Mr. Bowmont: I dont think shed like that.
Phoebe: Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with.
Mr. Bowmont: I was actually relieved uh I didnt win the boat. My wife wouldve killed me.
Mr. Bowmont: I dont think so dear.
Joey: All that stuff you just said? I want that!
Female Clerk: Can I help you?
Joey: (acting sad) NO! I waited a long time, I can't wait anymore... (and closes the door behind him)
Phoebe: I wanna see whats in your hand. I wanna see the trash.
Chandler: Richard was there so I couldnt do it!
Chandler: This is terrible. What am I going to do?
Chandler: Thats right, I can throw her off. I can make her think marriage is the last thing on my mind.
Ross: Ehh, I was just, I was just thinking about your father.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on can we finish this later? Cause I wanna go running before it gets dark. Oh! Why don't you come with me?!
Ross: Elizabeth, thank God! I was just thinking about
Joey: Well, what am I gonna do Rach?! I dont have that kind of money!
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. Theyre like, theyre like a family, and if, I dont know, theres chance they could make that work, I know I wouldnt want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
Richard: Actually, Im not here to complement the chef.
Richard: No! I came here to tell you something else. (Pause) I came here (Pause) to tell you I still love you.
Paul: Okay look, Ross, just so you know that since Lizzie likes you so much, Ive decided to accept the fact that youre going out with her.
Monica: Sure, I love this part! (Starts to look busy.)
Joey: Thats ridiculous! Im not a "Star," just a regular famous actor.
Richard: I know this is crazy but am I too late?
Phoebe: I-I mean I, well I think I can figure it out. I guess y'know I was born, and everyone started lying their asses off!
Rachel: No! Im so happy for them!
Dr. Roger: Im sorry sweetie, its the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some?
Megan: I know! I almost called off my wedding. Oh, whos your band?!
Joey: Well, hes not used to women being so forward with him; but uh, I good check with himHe says its okay. (She hands him her card.) Great! Thanks! Bye-bye!
Phoebe: I know, theyre gonna be so happy together.