words in movies
Rachel: I cannot believe that you didnt tell me that we are still married!!
Ross: Look I was going to tell you!
Ross: Okay, maybe it wasnt my best decision. But I just couldnt face another failed marriage.
Phoebe: Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core!
Ross: Phoebe, I told her you already knew.
Joey: Oh! Hey, somebody left their keys. (Looks at them) Ooohh, to a Porsche! {Transcribers note: Oh come on! Who would leave the keys to their Porsche behind? If I had a Porsche, Id have the keys surgically attached to my hand!} Hey Gunther, these yours?
Gunther: Yeah, thats what I drive. I make four bucks an hour, I saved up for 350 years!
Joey: Well, I didnt realize until I got home. I wasnt gonna walk all the way back down here with one shoe! Yknow what? Im gonna go find that guys car and leave a note on the windshield. (Goes to do so.)
Chandler: Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, Ill be sure to give him your shoe.
Phoebe: Okay, well Ill bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, theyre not actually puppies, theyre Frank and Alices triplets. Okay, see ya! (Exits.)
Phoebe: (stops) Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and Im nervous cause Ive never done that before by myself!
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna pass. Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies.
Woman: (walking up) I love your car.
Woman: I bet its fast.
Rachel: So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Rosss, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.
Phoebe: What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I dont have a roommate.
Rachel: Well, maybe-maybe I could be your roommate Pheebs.
Ross: Okay, I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2:00 and I picked up all the forms. Ill take care of everything.
Rachel: Well sure, if you say youre gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! (Grabs them from him.) All right, now Im gonna do this my way and I dont want to hear a peep out of you!
Rachel: Ross! Yknow what, I just gotwhy? Why did you do this?!
Ross: Look I told you
Rachel: I dont wanna hear "Three failed marriages!"
Rachel: Well, yknow what? Thanks to you Im half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I dont think I have ever been this angry!
Ross: What about the time I said we were on a break?
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. Its times like these Im glad Smell-O-Vision hasnt been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When youre done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)
Chandler: See thats where I think that youre wrong. Weve been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
Chandler: Okay, Im a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.
Phoebe: Yeah? (Checking the final diaper) Well this is not what I ordered.
Joey: Hey babies! Oh, Im having the best morning. That uh, that Porsche Ive got the keys too, still there!
Joey: You should see the treatment I get when Im with that car! People are friendly; they-they wanna talk, and not just about the car! One guy gave me advice about my equity investments.
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Monica: Oh yeah, I got soap and sponges and rags and Carnuba wax and polishing compound.
Monica: I know. But umm, one time there was this really dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it.
Joey: And thats just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
Guy #2: Well, Ill see you later.
Joey: Oh I-I uh, found the keys and now Im just polishing her up.
The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I dont come to this city much so I dont know if youre crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.
Joey: Sure. Here. (He hands them over.) Ill uh, save your parking spot.
The Porsche Owner: Im not coming back.
The Porsche Owner: I live upstate.
Joey: Yeah, so did I.
Phoebe: I dont know why I was so nervous about this. And I dont know why Frank and Alice are always complaining. This is so easy.
Chandler: Theyre not gonna swallow anything, you guys are being way over protective. When I was a kid, my mom used to just throw me into a pile of broken glass!
Monica: Oh its so cute. I wonder what age it is when you stop being able to put both legs over your head.
Phoebe: Oh, I can still do that.
Chandler: (entering) All right. (Clears throat) I thought about it and maybe youre right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.
Chandler: I swallowed the sonic blaster gun.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
Ross: Fine, Im mentally unstable.
Rachel: (starts to cry) Ross, please, I found the magazines!
Ross: Okay, Im sorry, this is insane! I-I-Im not addicted to heroin, Im not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything! Look, Ill consummate this marriage right here, right now!
Rachel: Well, yes, we got married in Vegas and uh, and the names I think.
Judge: Well, based on what I heard, you two certainly dont qualify for an annulment. If you two dont want to be together youll have to file for divorce.
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Joey: No. No, I just uh, I just loved the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche.
Joey: Oh, Ive been there. Yeah, I am gonna go drive my Porsche. (Starts to leave.)
Joey: Come on! What are you doing?! Im in character! Would you talk to her! (Storms out.)
Chandler: Ahh, I think it just moved. Its really poking me.
Monica: The babies are asleep, Im sure youll be okay on your own for a while!
Chandler: I think thats gum.
Phoebe: Im pretty sure its gun.
Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
[Time Lapse, the babies are finally asleep. Good for Phoebe! The only problem is, Monicas apartment looks like a tornado, a hurricane, a swarm of locusts, fire, brimstone, hail, and giant man-eating, radioactive ants have torn the place apart. Needless to say, its messy enough to cause Monica to die of shock right away. Parents with small children know what Im talking about.]
Phoebe: Okay, so I totally took care of the babies all by myself! I fed em, bathed em, and put em to bed.
Phoebe: I know, the babies are asleep.
Phoebe: I did it! I took care of the babies all by myself!
Monica: Youre right, youre right I shouldnt freak out. Cause this is what will happen when you and I have babies! When will that be?!
Rachel: (deadpan) Oh honey thank God youre home, I was getting worried.
Ross: I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, Ive already signed everything and I put little Xs where you need to sign.
Ross: Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding! Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already married!
Rachel: Hey! Wait a minute! That was different! I did those things because I was in love with you!
Rachel: Okay Ross, werewait a minute. Umm, I uh, I kinda have a little confession.
Rachel: And uh, yeah, I didnt really, I didnt want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then (Ross joins in) to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.
Ross: So then if-ifI mean if you think about it, this is all (Pause.) your fault.
Ross: Ive got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.
Rachel: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldnt be a secret, and we wouldnt have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. (They both laugh.)
Ross: Did I, did I even treat?
Ross: That may be the most depressing thing Ive heard in my life. I should probably get these to my lawyers office.
Rachel: Im gonna need a copy of those.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Chandler: Honey, its 2:00 on a Wednesday and Im watching Road Rules, how stressed do you think I am?
Rachel: Oh yes, of course, I remember him!
Joey: No, I know, yeah I know we're great but Rach no... this... this can't happen!
Rachel: Ok, I...
Joey: I know, I know! But I've thought about it a lot since, and it just wouldn't be right... (painfully) I'm sorry...!
Monica: Ooh! I'm sorry! I think, I THINK, that may have missed the table!
Chandler: I think this is the first time in our marriage that I've felt like the more attractive one.
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Ross: I knew that was him!
Emily: How can you do this too me?! I thought I'd made my feelings about Rachel perfectly clear!
Charlie: Ross, can I talk to you for a minute?
Charlie: Uh, well... Joey and I broke up.
Charlie: Anyway I just, uh, I think it's for the best.
EDDIE: Naah, I crapped out, but Mr. 21 over here he cleans up, 300 bucks, check it out he buys me these new shoes, sweet huh?
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Joey: (using a laptop) Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart but.. I don't know any big words or anything, so...
Monica: So, did I hear Poconos?
Monica: No, I have just to have two more points to beat him!
Monica: I can't just walk away! I've put in four hours!
Monica: I can't believe it! (pause) I lost!
Rachel: Oh god look at her sleeping. Oh, I love her so much! Oh, I think Im gonna wake her up.
Chandler: I don't know.
Chandler: (In a loving voice) Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you then it's important to me, because I love you.
Charlie: I think you know.
Chandler: Sure! Thats one of the great things about being engaged. Im not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.
Ross: I don't think they saw us.
Ross: I think I know too but I've been really wrong about this stuff in the past, so...
Charlie: I don't think they did.
Monica: Yeah, but he wants to talk to you before anything really happens with her. And as his friend, I mean, don't you think he deserves the same from you?
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.
Chandler: (Chandler looking confused) Honey why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around.
Joey: Ooh... I can't believe I'm kissing you. I'm kissing Rachel!
Rachel: (through wall) Ooh... I love Barbados!
Monica: Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. You know I hear someone else in there with him.
Rachel: I know, I'm her!
Monica: I know there'll be other houses, but it's just so... I love that one so much.
Monica: (in her Monica-excited-way... TOO LOUD!) Oh my God, I love how thin these walls are!
Monica: I can't believe this. Rachel and Joey?
Joey: Well, I only said that because of Ross, you know. Then I saw him kissing Charlie...
Phoebe: Well, I think I broke it. But thats all right, heres the number you can call.
Chandler: That's not true. I came with Monica and I'm leaving with Weird Al.
Monica: I think I hear curtains closing...
Mona: Oh no-no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate and yknow take it all in.
Monica: (as Rachel) Remember back in freshman year? (Talking fast before Rachel can catch her) Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
Charlie: I uhm... I completely understand.
Ross: Yeah, It's just... I don't think I can do this...
Rachel: Why hasnt he called Rachel? Why? Why? I dont understand. Why? He said hell call. Why? Why? Chandler Im telling you she has flipped out, shes gone crazy!
Phoebe: I think David would probably wanna hear a few lectures.
Chandler: I had the exact same conversation.
Mike: Oh, that's ok. I don't care which of them I beat.
Rachel: ...I really don't... (looks around again)
Ross: Can I talk to you for a minute?
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I have nothing to do with casting.
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
Ross: And you know I wanted to ask Charlie out since the day I met her.
Joey: Yeah, I think that'd be best... So, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off...
Joey: Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross.
Rachel: I mean, you know... Ross and I haven't dated in like... six years...
Rachel: Sorry, I just uhm... I can't seem to get Ross out of my head...
Ross: Uh, actually I think she went to the salon.
Ross: Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane.
Ross: I thought so.
Joey: I understand...
Joey: I mean what kind of an actor, what kind of an actor cant even say, "Hmm, noodle soup?"
Phoebe: No, I think I can come over. It's Saturday, right?
Ross: Oh, I uh, I mean, I... dude, I spent the whole conference with Charlie.
Mike: I have a date.
Mike: Uhm... I can't do anything tonight.
Mike: Yeah... Well, when... you and I broke up I started seeing someone.
Joey: I guess so. I'm just... really nervous.
Joey: Absolutely. But, were gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? Ill page Ross on the way. Come on.
Phoebe: No, you cant let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do!
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
Joey: I saw you.
Joey: It's okay. You know, I totally understand, alright? You guys, make way more sense than her and I ever did, you know. And... I want you to be happy.
Ross: So, I uhm... kinda need to talk to you about Charlie.
Joey: Oh, you have no idea. And-and when were on stage I get to-to kiss her and-and touch her, but then she goes home with the director, and its like somebodys ripping out my heart!
Joey: Yeah... Now I have something...
Joey: I am those things, yeah.
Joey: I can't think of anything.
Isabella: ...because I have a list of five goofy coffee house guys and yesterday I bumped you for that guy over there. (points at a guy and leaves)
Ross: Are you kidding? I have had some very dirty dreams about this...
Rachel: Ah... Well, obviously I think so too.
Dr. Long: Actually, theyre things you can do. Just some home remedies, but in my experience Ive found that some of them are quite effective.
Joey: Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.
Joey: (sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh Oh wait, I dont have to lie to you, you dont live here anymore. Uh, Im eating their food. What are you doing?
Phoebe: Well alright, looks like you guys have got it under control so Im just gonna go. (She gets up and Rachel looks at her, upset, and Monica just stares.) No! Really? Misery really does love company. All right! (She sits back down.)
Phoebe: (stunned) I... I'm Phoebe.
Mike: Anyway, I just wanna give you a heads up.
Chandler: Well yeah! But now that I know that youre having these thoughts, Im back to panic, anxiety, and uh Im definitely gonna need some kind of sports drink.
Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, Im a doctor, and I had a monkey. Im Doctor Monkey!
Phoebe Sr: Oh no, I-Im sorry, I guess we lost track of everybody after high school.
Rachel: Aaah... Ross, actually there's something that I really need to talk to you about.
Ross: Ooh hey, Emma, daddy has some presents for you okay? Okay? I want you to wait right here. Come here sweetie.
Kori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you! (she leaves and slams the door behind her)
MR. GELLER: Honey. Honey, have you seen my Harmon Kilerbrew bat? Bob doesn't believe I have one.
Phoebe: Alright... Susie, can I call you Susie?
Phoebe: Well, I don't...
Conan: Its a tradition here on Friends after every taping for me to hang out with you guys, (They all laugh) talk down the episode umm The point of this whole thing is what people see in America is: they see Friends, they love the show, it looks like a smooth running machine, but behind the scenes theres deceit, mistrust, and hate. And I thought, I thought wed actually take a look at uh, yknow some of these moments where you guys arethere are mistakes. You make mistakes.