words in movies
Rachel: I cannot believe that you didnt tell me that we are still married!!
Ross: Look I was going to tell you!
Ross: Okay, maybe it wasnt my best decision. But I just couldnt face another failed marriage.
Phoebe: Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core!
Ross: Phoebe, I told her you already knew.
Joey: Oh! Hey, somebody left their keys. (Looks at them) Ooohh, to a Porsche! {Transcribers note: Oh come on! Who would leave the keys to their Porsche behind? If I had a Porsche, Id have the keys surgically attached to my hand!} Hey Gunther, these yours?
Gunther: Yeah, thats what I drive. I make four bucks an hour, I saved up for 350 years!
Joey: Well, I didnt realize until I got home. I wasnt gonna walk all the way back down here with one shoe! Yknow what? Im gonna go find that guys car and leave a note on the windshield. (Goes to do so.)
Chandler: Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, Ill be sure to give him your shoe.
Phoebe: Okay, well Ill bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, theyre not actually puppies, theyre Frank and Alices triplets. Okay, see ya! (Exits.)
Phoebe: (stops) Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and Im nervous cause Ive never done that before by myself!
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna pass. Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies.
Woman: (walking up) I love your car.
Woman: I bet its fast.
Rachel: So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Rosss, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.
Phoebe: What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I dont have a roommate.
Rachel: Well, maybe-maybe I could be your roommate Pheebs.
Ross: Okay, I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2:00 and I picked up all the forms. Ill take care of everything.
Rachel: Well sure, if you say youre gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! (Grabs them from him.) All right, now Im gonna do this my way and I dont want to hear a peep out of you!
Rachel: Ross! Yknow what, I just gotwhy? Why did you do this?!
Ross: Look I told you
Rachel: I dont wanna hear "Three failed marriages!"
Rachel: Well, yknow what? Thanks to you Im half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I dont think I have ever been this angry!
Ross: What about the time I said we were on a break?
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. Its times like these Im glad Smell-O-Vision hasnt been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When youre done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)
Chandler: See thats where I think that youre wrong. Weve been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
Chandler: Okay, Im a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.
Phoebe: Yeah? (Checking the final diaper) Well this is not what I ordered.
Joey: Hey babies! Oh, Im having the best morning. That uh, that Porsche Ive got the keys too, still there!
Joey: You should see the treatment I get when Im with that car! People are friendly; they-they wanna talk, and not just about the car! One guy gave me advice about my equity investments.
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Monica: Oh yeah, I got soap and sponges and rags and Carnuba wax and polishing compound.
Monica: I know. But umm, one time there was this really dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it.
Joey: And thats just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
Guy #2: Well, Ill see you later.
Joey: Oh I-I uh, found the keys and now Im just polishing her up.
The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I dont come to this city much so I dont know if youre crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.
Joey: Sure. Here. (He hands them over.) Ill uh, save your parking spot.
The Porsche Owner: Im not coming back.
The Porsche Owner: I live upstate.
Joey: Yeah, so did I.
Phoebe: I dont know why I was so nervous about this. And I dont know why Frank and Alice are always complaining. This is so easy.
Chandler: Theyre not gonna swallow anything, you guys are being way over protective. When I was a kid, my mom used to just throw me into a pile of broken glass!
Monica: Oh its so cute. I wonder what age it is when you stop being able to put both legs over your head.
Phoebe: Oh, I can still do that.
Chandler: (entering) All right. (Clears throat) I thought about it and maybe youre right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.
Chandler: I swallowed the sonic blaster gun.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
Ross: Fine, Im mentally unstable.
Rachel: (starts to cry) Ross, please, I found the magazines!
Ross: Okay, Im sorry, this is insane! I-I-Im not addicted to heroin, Im not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything! Look, Ill consummate this marriage right here, right now!
Rachel: Well, yes, we got married in Vegas and uh, and the names I think.
Judge: Well, based on what I heard, you two certainly dont qualify for an annulment. If you two dont want to be together youll have to file for divorce.
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Joey: No. No, I just uh, I just loved the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche.
Joey: Oh, Ive been there. Yeah, I am gonna go drive my Porsche. (Starts to leave.)
Joey: Come on! What are you doing?! Im in character! Would you talk to her! (Storms out.)
Chandler: Ahh, I think it just moved. Its really poking me.
Monica: The babies are asleep, Im sure youll be okay on your own for a while!
Chandler: I think thats gum.
Phoebe: Im pretty sure its gun.
Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
[Time Lapse, the babies are finally asleep. Good for Phoebe! The only problem is, Monicas apartment looks like a tornado, a hurricane, a swarm of locusts, fire, brimstone, hail, and giant man-eating, radioactive ants have torn the place apart. Needless to say, its messy enough to cause Monica to die of shock right away. Parents with small children know what Im talking about.]
Phoebe: Okay, so I totally took care of the babies all by myself! I fed em, bathed em, and put em to bed.
Phoebe: I know, the babies are asleep.
Phoebe: I did it! I took care of the babies all by myself!
Monica: Youre right, youre right I shouldnt freak out. Cause this is what will happen when you and I have babies! When will that be?!
Rachel: (deadpan) Oh honey thank God youre home, I was getting worried.
Ross: I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, Ive already signed everything and I put little Xs where you need to sign.
Ross: Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding! Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already married!
Rachel: Hey! Wait a minute! That was different! I did those things because I was in love with you!
Rachel: Okay Ross, werewait a minute. Umm, I uh, I kinda have a little confession.
Rachel: And uh, yeah, I didnt really, I didnt want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then (Ross joins in) to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.
Ross: So then if-ifI mean if you think about it, this is all (Pause.) your fault.
Ross: Ive got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.
Rachel: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldnt be a secret, and we wouldnt have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. (They both laugh.)
Ross: Did I, did I even treat?
Ross: That may be the most depressing thing Ive heard in my life. I should probably get these to my lawyers office.
Rachel: Im gonna need a copy of those.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
PHOEBE: Oh good, ok. Oh nooo, I have to go because I'm late for my um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Um tonight it's why he would not eat them on a train. Have fun bye.
Joey: Ohh I wonder if that dude.
Ross: I heard it. I heard it.
Joey: YeahHey, dont worry, shes a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that Im not looking for a serious relationship; thatd be great.
Phoebe: Yeah I bet! Look out! (Phoebe punches Theodore right in the stomach)
Ross: What did you want to show us? Because all I can see is this bitchin' van!
Phoebe: (entering) Hi, sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my bearings.
Chandler: Im not macho.
Chandler: Oh yeah. Ill take, Ill take your picture. (He takes the picture with his finger over the lens.)
Rachel/actress: But what choice did I have. He was keeping my sister in a dungeon!
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Tag: Im ready for more.
Rachel: Im having a baby.
Mr. Geller: I remember when we first got engaged.
Rachel: Ohh, nothing, I just wanted to see you. See you and hug you. (Hugs him) See you.
Phoebe: Well, I thought you loved her when you-when you married her.
Rachel: Im not?
Rachel: No, I will. Im just not up for it tonight.
Joey: I do Rach. I do, and I so happy for you. (They hug.)
Joey: Uh yeah. Pheebs, listen about that. I only offered
Theodore: I recently had surgery.
Phoebe: Yeah. Ooh God, there's that face again! See I can't do this job! I...
Chandler: Okay. (Sees the living room.) You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together!
Sandy: I really do understand how hard it's gotta be to leave your child with another person. I mean, it's leaving behind a piece of your heart... (Ross has got that bored/angry/skeptic look and Rachel is very emotional)
Monica: Yeah I am!
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
JEANNIE: Oh, that sounds lovely. We're gonna have to set that up. Oh, I better get back. Hope the baby feels better.
Rachel: I know! (They hug.)
Rachel: I want to tell you to have a good honeymoon! (Hugs Monica.)
Monica: Yeah, but Im the only one related by blood.
Rachel: Oh, I so wanted Ross to know first, but Im so relieved you guys know.
Joey: Well you-you-you-you might say congratulations! I saw the board! I went to the audition! I got the part!!
MONICA: Hi, welcome home. [pulls Rachel inside] I need to borrow a hundred bucks.
Phoebe: I really, really am sorry.
Monica: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
Monica: I didnt think you could keep it a secret.
Ross: Oh well, I guess Ill catch up with her later.
Joey: Hey, I washed those!
Joey: Yeah, I have stuff in there too.
Ross: I think I might know what this is about.
Phoebe: Well, what am I gonna do? I really need my guitar!
Ross: Wow! I thought you would be a little more shocked.
Joey: Yeah, I dont think thats what it is.
Joey: Oh wow, I dont feel well.
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Mike: But, I mean, you have met... humans before, right? Look, why don't you go talk to my mom?
Joey: I still cant believe they took away my key. You trust me with yours.
Monica: Great! Well Rachel, the reason why I wont let you drive the Porsche is because youre a terrible driver. There! That wasnt about the wedding.
Ticket Agent: Im sorry, all our first class seats are taken. That couple got the last two.
Chandler: Yes, here it comes! Im stuck here all day, and then you come in and spend two seconds with us and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends? Well I dont think so mister!
Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.
Chandler: Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing man!
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Airline Employee: Uh sir, may I see your tickets please?
Paul: Yeah. But then I changed my mind. Im funny like that. So I told Lizzie, now Im telling you, I dont want you seeing my daughter anymore.
Phoebe: Yeah okay... yeah, your mom... okay... She looks nice, I can talk to her.
Lauren: Ive been waiting up all night for ya. Where have you been? (Joey doesnt answer) Where have you been? Vic?!
Rachel: Hi. (He helps her up.) Umm, I think theres something that we really need to talk about.
Rachel: Well then I demand a recount! (Hmm, I wonder where Ive heard that before.)
Ross: (quietly confident) I think we do. Why dont we go inside? (They go inside.) Look uh, I know why youre here.
Ross: Im good. Im good.
Rachel: Okay, yknow what? Can I, can I talk now?
Joey: Okay wait-wait p-please be cool! Okay? I work with this woman.
Monica: Well Im not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head Im thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.
Rachel: Listen, yknow what? I was really freaked out too when I found out
Rachel: I know. I know, but yknow condoms only work like 97% of the time.
Ross: Yeah, I need uh Im justI dont knowI dont understand, umm, how this happened? We-we used a condom.
Ross: Oh well I may as well have!
Ross: (on phone) Yeah Ill press 1! (Presses one which allows Rachel to escape.)
Mr. Treeger: Anyway uh, Ill get moving on that new door.
Rachel: Okay, yknow maybe I should come back (Starts to leave.)
Monica: Great! Umm, well what-what I was doing in Chandler's room is that umm, I was cleaning it! In fact, he pays me to clean it!
Mr. Treeger: Well Im gonna have to put on a new lock, theyll find out anyway.
Ross: Fine, yknow what, thats it. From now on, Joey, I want you to be my best man.
Ross: Look, is Rachel here? I really need to talk to her.
Monica: I cant believe were here.
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
Rachel: Oh! Oh! Can I give out the candy? I really want to be with the kids right now. Yknow, ever since I got pregnant I-I have the strongest maternal instincts.
Joey: Wow! I cant believe this! This is incredible. I mean you just won an Oscar!
Rachel: (sighs) If I said I was, would you judge me?
Monica: No! (Pause) Are you doing it?! I dont hear anything! Come on!
Joey: I know! All right, Ill see you guys over there! Im off to fight the Nazis.
Ross: Well yeah, I think we should get married.
Monica: I was trying to help out a squirrel.
Dr. Long: (entering) Am I interrupting?
Rachel: I can too eat by myself!
Rachel: Wow. There it is, I see it.
Rachel: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!
Phoebe: Also uhm... I just want you to know what a wonderful man your son is.
Chandler: Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
Dr. Long: Huh. Nice to meet you. Ill get started on this.
Rachel: I cant see it!
Rachel: I do need you! I need you to stand near my head!
Rachel: No, I dont see it!
Rachel: Oh. Oh, its beautiful. I see it now.
Rachel: I dont see it!
Rachel: (startled) Ahh, hi! Hi! Melissa, whats up? Im just uh, about to umm, go out to the store to get some stuff to put in my backpack. Yknow, like dried fruit and granola and stuff. Whats up? (She has put on the backpack.)
Joey: I dont see the baby. Where is it?
Monica: I know.
Monica: No! No! I shouldnt have even opened these! I mean IJoey I am out of control!! Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present! Okay?