words in movies
Rachel: I cannot believe that you didnt tell me that we are still married!!
Ross: Look I was going to tell you!
Ross: Okay, maybe it wasnt my best decision. But I just couldnt face another failed marriage.
Phoebe: Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core!
Ross: Phoebe, I told her you already knew.
Joey: Oh! Hey, somebody left their keys. (Looks at them) Ooohh, to a Porsche! {Transcribers note: Oh come on! Who would leave the keys to their Porsche behind? If I had a Porsche, Id have the keys surgically attached to my hand!} Hey Gunther, these yours?
Gunther: Yeah, thats what I drive. I make four bucks an hour, I saved up for 350 years!
Joey: Well, I didnt realize until I got home. I wasnt gonna walk all the way back down here with one shoe! Yknow what? Im gonna go find that guys car and leave a note on the windshield. (Goes to do so.)
Chandler: Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, Ill be sure to give him your shoe.
Phoebe: Okay, well Ill bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, theyre not actually puppies, theyre Frank and Alices triplets. Okay, see ya! (Exits.)
Phoebe: (stops) Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and Im nervous cause Ive never done that before by myself!
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna pass. Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies.
Woman: (walking up) I love your car.
Woman: I bet its fast.
Rachel: So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Rosss, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.
Phoebe: What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I dont have a roommate.
Rachel: Well, maybe-maybe I could be your roommate Pheebs.
Ross: Okay, I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2:00 and I picked up all the forms. Ill take care of everything.
Rachel: Well sure, if you say youre gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! (Grabs them from him.) All right, now Im gonna do this my way and I dont want to hear a peep out of you!
Rachel: Ross! Yknow what, I just gotwhy? Why did you do this?!
Ross: Look I told you
Rachel: I dont wanna hear "Three failed marriages!"
Rachel: Well, yknow what? Thanks to you Im half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I dont think I have ever been this angry!
Ross: What about the time I said we were on a break?
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. Its times like these Im glad Smell-O-Vision hasnt been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When youre done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)
Chandler: See thats where I think that youre wrong. Weve been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
Chandler: Okay, Im a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.
Phoebe: Yeah? (Checking the final diaper) Well this is not what I ordered.
Joey: Hey babies! Oh, Im having the best morning. That uh, that Porsche Ive got the keys too, still there!
Joey: You should see the treatment I get when Im with that car! People are friendly; they-they wanna talk, and not just about the car! One guy gave me advice about my equity investments.
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Monica: Oh yeah, I got soap and sponges and rags and Carnuba wax and polishing compound.
Monica: I know. But umm, one time there was this really dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it.
Joey: And thats just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
Guy #2: Well, Ill see you later.
Joey: Oh I-I uh, found the keys and now Im just polishing her up.
The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I dont come to this city much so I dont know if youre crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.
Joey: Sure. Here. (He hands them over.) Ill uh, save your parking spot.
The Porsche Owner: Im not coming back.
The Porsche Owner: I live upstate.
Joey: Yeah, so did I.
Phoebe: I dont know why I was so nervous about this. And I dont know why Frank and Alice are always complaining. This is so easy.
Chandler: Theyre not gonna swallow anything, you guys are being way over protective. When I was a kid, my mom used to just throw me into a pile of broken glass!
Monica: Oh its so cute. I wonder what age it is when you stop being able to put both legs over your head.
Phoebe: Oh, I can still do that.
Chandler: (entering) All right. (Clears throat) I thought about it and maybe youre right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.
Chandler: I swallowed the sonic blaster gun.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
Ross: Fine, Im mentally unstable.
Rachel: (starts to cry) Ross, please, I found the magazines!
Ross: Okay, Im sorry, this is insane! I-I-Im not addicted to heroin, Im not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything! Look, Ill consummate this marriage right here, right now!
Rachel: Well, yes, we got married in Vegas and uh, and the names I think.
Judge: Well, based on what I heard, you two certainly dont qualify for an annulment. If you two dont want to be together youll have to file for divorce.
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Joey: No. No, I just uh, I just loved the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche.
Joey: Oh, Ive been there. Yeah, I am gonna go drive my Porsche. (Starts to leave.)
Joey: Come on! What are you doing?! Im in character! Would you talk to her! (Storms out.)
Chandler: Ahh, I think it just moved. Its really poking me.
Monica: The babies are asleep, Im sure youll be okay on your own for a while!
Chandler: I think thats gum.
Phoebe: Im pretty sure its gun.
Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
[Time Lapse, the babies are finally asleep. Good for Phoebe! The only problem is, Monicas apartment looks like a tornado, a hurricane, a swarm of locusts, fire, brimstone, hail, and giant man-eating, radioactive ants have torn the place apart. Needless to say, its messy enough to cause Monica to die of shock right away. Parents with small children know what Im talking about.]
Phoebe: Okay, so I totally took care of the babies all by myself! I fed em, bathed em, and put em to bed.
Phoebe: I know, the babies are asleep.
Phoebe: I did it! I took care of the babies all by myself!
Monica: Youre right, youre right I shouldnt freak out. Cause this is what will happen when you and I have babies! When will that be?!
Rachel: (deadpan) Oh honey thank God youre home, I was getting worried.
Ross: I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, Ive already signed everything and I put little Xs where you need to sign.
Ross: Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding! Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already married!
Rachel: Hey! Wait a minute! That was different! I did those things because I was in love with you!
Rachel: Okay Ross, werewait a minute. Umm, I uh, I kinda have a little confession.
Rachel: And uh, yeah, I didnt really, I didnt want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then (Ross joins in) to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.
Ross: So then if-ifI mean if you think about it, this is all (Pause.) your fault.
Ross: Ive got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.
Rachel: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldnt be a secret, and we wouldnt have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. (They both laugh.)
Ross: Did I, did I even treat?
Ross: That may be the most depressing thing Ive heard in my life. I should probably get these to my lawyers office.
Rachel: Im gonna need a copy of those.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Rachel: You have! Ross, you should give yourself credit. I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Rachel: I don't care that you left. I'm just glad that you're here. Thanks you guys!
Rachel: Well, why don't you talk to me about it, maybe I can help.
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.
Mr. Geller: Well, I dont know whats in the boxes down here, but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens in the attic.
Monica: Maybe I can try at intermission? Phoebe, come on... you know what? Let's just go!
Joey: Id seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...
Joey: Great! All right, so Ill call you later.
Chandler: Yes, and I have to say, I am not just hurt. I am insulted. When I tell somebody I did something...
Ross: Well umm, yknow, I used to play.
Phoebe: I wanna hear "The Sound."
Joey: Uh, I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.
Rachel: Nooo! Its not okay! I cant believe you would want to after what he did to me!
Ross: Really? No. I mean, nah, I havent played in so long, and-and, well its-its really personal stuff, yknow?
Ross: Really?! I mean, really?!!
Joey: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. (in a very bad Italian accent) I canna work on a new accent.
Rachel: You guys are gonna love meee! Okay, check it out, Thursday night, five tickets, Calvin Klein lingerie show, and you guys are coming with me. (theyre all silent and look away) Okay, I said that out loud right?
Amy: You didn't want me to marry the old guy with the great apartment. Then, I tried to help your daughter to de-emphasize her flaws (frantically pointing at her nose) And suddenly I am the bad guy?
Ross: Wait a minute! No! Im the nice one! Im the one who danced with the kids all night! How How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!
FBOB: I guess I'm saying, I'll try and quit. I kinda like that you worry about me. [they hug]
Ross: Y'know what I didnt wear this suit for a year because you hated it. Well, guess what? Youre not my girlfriend anymore so...
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Im not waiting! Im gonna push this baby out! Im doing it! I mean its what? Three centimeters? Thats gotta be like this! (Holds her hands a couple inches apart.)
Chandler: Ill tell you what, I will go get them developed and you can go home.
Rachel: (looking around) Who are you talking too? Oh, youre kidding! Oh, its a joke! (Laughs.) Its funny. Its funny. I dont get it. (Joey doesnt say any thing and Rachel realizes its not a joke.) Oh. (Pause) Okay. Umm I-I uh, wow. Are you uh How did umm When?
Chandler: I could die.
Rachel: Oh well then, so Im just going to go back to talking to my friend here. And you can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.
Chandler: I thought your time ran out.
Chandler: Yeah, I think it is!
Kathy: Well, I could cut it.
Ross: Hmmm. Oh, no, no, I just thinking about something funny I heard today. Umm, Mark, Mark saying Ill see you Saturday.
Joey: Listen uh, could you put Kathy on, I wanna apologize.
Kathy: I forgot my purse.
Kathy: Im sorry. If you wanna pretend that nothing happened, I can try.
CHANDLER: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.
Kathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you
Phoebe: Oh no, Im not playing tonight.
Monica: (crying) So, I went down to the post office, and it turns out it was those videos that I ordered for Richard about the Civil War. He loved the Civil War.
Monica: Okay. Umm, y'know, I dont think, I dont think I told you this, but umm, I just got out of a really serious relationship.
Frank Jr. (looks at the triplets): Look at them! Aw. I love you so much. (Strokes Leslie's hair, and she moves a little.) Oh crap, don't wake up, don't wake up!
Rachel: When she sees that youre gone, shes gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and Im gonna get fired!
Chandler: I sure did.
Ross: Well, as much as Id like to meet Josh and warn him, Emily and I arent going to be here. All right? I mean, shes going to come by first to say good-bye, and then Ive got a whole special evening planned. So Im sorry, no party.
Chandler: Oh, I dont know.
Joey: No-no-no, I think Im gonna see how things go with Kathy. Shes pretty cool.
Joey: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!
Joey: Okay. Table, you have given us so many great times. And you guys, Jordan, Victor, Joel... All of you guys. What can I say? You guys make us look good. You wanna say anything?
Joey: Didn't I tell ya? Always showin' off.
Phoebe: I think maybe, yeah.
Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do.
Chandler: I kissed Kathy.
Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?
Ross: Well, I said-I said something to Phoebe.
Rachel: I know, I remember that!
Chandler: Yeah, I know.
Rachel: So what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again?
Phoebe: I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my Mother.
Monica: I remember you did.
PHOEBE: I can't believe it. Did you tell your board about how kids want to hear the truth?
Phoebe: Yeah! No, thats right. And I thought it was a really good idea.
Chandler: Listen ah, Joe, I-I need to, I need to talk to you about something.
Monica: How would that go? (they kiss) Well, it didn't rhyme, but I liked it.
Chandler: Its me. Im the other guy.
Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her.
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you should play in public!
Chandler: Look, Im sorry! But theres nothing I can do, I think Im in love with her!
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
Kathy: I uh, dont really have a preference. You?
Phoebe: Yeah, but I-I-I-I can do that for you, Im gonna do that for you.
Chandler: Y'know what, I can handle it, handles my middle name. Actually its the ah, middle part of my first name.
CHANDLER: I got the time to get to know Julie.
Ross: Yeah, like I could lose it.
Phoebe: After that? Yeah! No, I mean if I can help.
Ross: I played bad on purpose guys.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Peter: Were not throwing it away! I built that canoe! (starts to leave as Tony chases after him)
Joey: All right, Ill take a box of the cream filled Jesuss.
ROSS: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
Phoebe: I picked her! Oh thank God you want her! Ooh!
Melissa: So last I heard you were gonna get married. (Grabs Rachels hand and notices that she doesnt have a ring on it.) (Sadly) Oh poor Ray-ray.
Rachel: Barry was the guy that I was almost married and Mindy was my best friend.
PHOEBE: Ohh, ok, I see what you did there. Aren't you afraid though, that the writers are gonna be kinda mad when they read this?
Monica: Oh, yknow what, I cant, it really kills.
Kathy: No, no, it's not like that. I, I work for a medical researcher.
Chandler: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, look at how happy they are.
Monica: Like I remember his office number! (Pause) Speed dial 7.
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Ms. Lambert: Hi, Im Karen.
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, "I cant wait to hear your first words," I thought, "Theres a trick."
Phoebe: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "that massage wasn't long enough, or, "I don't recognize any of those songs," or, you know, "these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!"
Joey: No! Im putting that in my room.
Rachel: Why don't you just marry her? Oh no, wait a minute you can't, I'm sorry I forgot, she's not a lesbian.
Ross: Y'know what, 100 million people went to see a movie about what I do, I wonder how many people would go see a movie called, Jurassic Parka.
Phoebe: Hey, oh, you know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today.
Joey: Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here.
Chandler: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?
The Salesman: (Interrupting the flashback) Excuse me, Im sorry, you havent said anything for about two and a half minutes, are you at all interested?
Rachel: I think you should definitely go out with this guy.
Carol: What that woman... did. I am not doin that. Its just gonna have to stay in, thats all, everything will be the same, itll just stay in.
{Transcriber's Note: Rachel has two friends that are not named, so I referred to them as Friend No. 1 and Friend No. 2.}